REAL WEDDING ISSUES | “When Mom Doesn’t Want You to Get Hitched” A True Life Story by Miss Rhi…

Happy Wednesday, darlings.  Today’s post is a little different from most, and I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts and reactions to what we’re doing today.  Because today, a gorgeous, smart, super real, super talented, and above all exceedingly cool and kind young lady is telling her story on TKB… and it’s kind of a big deal.

First, I imagine you’ll remember Rhi’s beyond lovely DIY wedding, which we featured back in April.  She pulled off that numba one stunna because Rhi, who has an event design company called Hey Gorgeous Events, is brilliant when it comes to innovation, attention to detail, and just generally knowing what it takes to achieve that wow factor we crave so much here when it comes to wedding design.  Here, take a quick look at a few of my favorite bits and pieces for a second… no it’s ok, I’ll wait…

Great stuff, right?  Don’t you just wanna eat her up?

And, even though she, like many, did her fair share of Monday morning quarterbacking after it was over… it still looked absolutely PER-FACT to me, and I’m pretty sure to all of you, too.  I mean every last nook and cranny of that thing was fanfreakintastic!

But nothing’s ever completely perfect.  That’s just not reality.

Wedding planning often turns out to be one of the most intense, consuming, exciting, obliterating, thrilling, relationship-testing AND relationship-building experiences of one’s life.  It’s an amazing thing, wedding planning.  I’m obviously a big fan. :)  Thing is, in this world of pretty pretty prettiness and shopping for the perfect dress and putting together the perfect guest list and just generally working to achieve one’s ideal, most memorable and most meaningful celebration of love – all of which are the coolest things EVER – there are more than a few upsetting stories along the way.  There’s no denying it.  Certainly not in all cases, but enough.  And many brides feel the pressure to hide these stories and bad days or even make believe they aren’t happening, and that’s likely because they’re rarely if ever discussed openly in the wedding world.  These stories can be embarrassing.  These stories can be difficult to admit, even to yourself.  But that doesn’t mean they can be ignored.  Which brings us to Rhi’s story…

So, without further adieu, here’s Rhi with Part I of her experience…

It only seemed fitting for me to write about this topic because it’s been brought to my attention that I’m so far from the norm on traditional life ‘stuff’. Don’t believe me? Well for example my last name, I didn’t change it and instead I still proudly rock my maiden digs. My bank account? Remains just that. Mine and mine only. And kids? I don’t think I’ll ever have em, I’m too into my space, myself and my life. I’m a control freak and I like to be different, I like to stand out instead of fitting in and I thrive on knowing I’m sort of a breed of my own. Which is why in 2008 at the age of 22, when I called home to tell my Mom I was newly engaged that I should have known she would be less than thrilled.

Mom and I go way back. We’ve been buds for almost 25 years now and although we don’t always see eye to eye we share many similar qualities like our relentless nature to know what we want when we want it, our ability to do good for others, our overly warm giving and caring hearts, our hip less frames, our soft mid sections, our problematic skin, our creative, innovative ways and our soft spot for carbs, sweets and chips. We both hate to work out. We both love baths. We both get teary eyed over the same shit. We’re related that’s for sure. But we’ve both lived two different lives. And as a result see experiences and value things quite differently.

I was born in 1986. Mom was only a month into her 21st year, working as a waitress with no near plans or money for college. And I’m cool with knowing I wasn’t a planned babe. Her and my Dad weren’t married yet. Dad was actually out for the long weekend in May that year that I was born, on a fishing trip with buddies. He missed the whole thing. We didn’t (like I can’t remember, ha) have a ton of money growing up, the three of us. We lived over a bakery at one point. Fresh bread smells drifted up into our little apartment. Mom made me a tiny little backyard in the parking lot out back with a blow up pool, potted tomatoes plants forming a makeshift fence for privacy. While we never lived lavishly, I always had food in my belly, a Mom and Dad who loved me (and would later get married), a roof over my head and life would go on and we would continually be blessed. I went to school, moved around a lot as a kid. Welcomed a bratty little brother into my world the Christmas before I turned eight. I went to camp. Had sleepovers. My Dad worked hard and still does to give us the life he believed we deserved. I became a national level gymnast. Broke curfew. Fought with the bratty little brother. Bought an ugly and way too expensive graduation dress. Went to school on a scholarship. Met my husband. Got engaged. And that’s when the world stopped spinning.

After a little pause on the phone that day on the beach I was given a “Well-that’s-exciting-news-and-how-do-you-feel-about-it?” kind of response from my Mom. Planning my next response in the most carefully executed manner wile trying not to be all “Rawr I wanna rip yo face off for not squealing like a girlfriend and being all excited for me,” was tough but somehow we mustered up enough respect for one another to get through the conversation with what felt like the verbal equivalent of a congratulatory handshake. And with that I frolicked off into the Anna Maria Island sun probably to make a sand castle or something. It wasn’t like we’d get married right away anyways, I convinced myself. So we didn’t. And we held off on planning our wedding. Because my Mom, the one person I love the most, wasn’t having it and that was cool. I was game for making her happy and doing what she thought was best. But ever so slightly the fine line between people pleasing and doing whatever I wanted and whatever I needed to be happy, became so blurred that things got really bad before they got anywhere close to being in the same zip code, of better.

xo, Rhi

In Rhiannon’s next installment, coming soon, she’ll continue her story, and hopes to “lend some insight to other brides who may be stumped or hurt or upset or frustrated that their Moms may not want a thing to do with their daughters wedding.”

And now, to lighten the mood a smidge… here’s a little picture present my girl Em of Gem Photo sent me yesterday, which caused me to experience cuteness-induced cardiac arrest and only additional looks at the photo relieved me of the attack.  I mean, the double chin alone

Em, he looks so much like what I imagine McPuppypants will look like as a grownpup it’s frightening.

So, what are your thoughts after reading Part I of Rhi’s story?  Can you identify in any way?  Were you fortunate enough to have everyone on board for your big day, with no real hiccups at all?  And do you have any ideas or experience in dealing with situations like this?

Rhi and I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

xoxo!

Hey Gorgeous Events is a member of Vendor Love.  To view this listing, click here.

Label(s): "DEAR TKB..." Advice Column, Real Life Issues, {Guest Bloggers}

Love all of this...

37 comments

  1. Claire on June 15, 2011

    A. I love Rhi. She is so smart and I love her sweet insights. She provides some of the best advice for real life wedding issues.
    B. Want to kiss that puppy calendar.

    Reply
  2. Kristin on June 15, 2011

    My story is a bit different, but similar emotions. The moment that I didn’t have with my mom was the “ahhh, I’ve found my wedding dress and you love it as much as I do and let’s all cry about it” moment.

    I blame Say Yes to the Dress.

    Reply
  3. Diana Rush on June 15, 2011

    I’m so happy that Rhi is sharing her story… I can’t tell you how many brides I meet with that experience the same thing & feel so alone in their circumstances. Wedding planning isn’t perfect…. but I think that this is the perfect forum to be open & share! Thank you Alison & Rhi!

    Reply
    • Tayna on December 19, 2012

      April White – Hey Jessica,Your post is amazing, so hnsoet, raw and beautiful. My heart ached for you and Paul as I read it. I’m praying for you today, for patience, love and trust in our Father. *And He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. Colossians 1:17April White

      Reply
  4. Sarah on June 15, 2011

    I love this feature already! First off, terrific writing, Rhi! And second, I so admire women like Rhi who aren’t afraid to be honest and let the world see it. I’m a ways away from getting engaged, but I could see my mom having a similar reaction when my time comes! Any tips I get in advance are welcome :)

    Reply
  5. Jennie on June 15, 2011

    I love Rhi… it’s great to see another bride that kept her last name, manages her own money and doesn’t want kids. We are few and far between. :) While my mom was ecstatic about my engagement, I know a lot of couples that have been through similar issues with parents and it’s a great topic!

    Reply
  6. Glamour and Grace on June 15, 2011

    I love Rhi and think her ability to be so honest and open on her blog and here is what sets her apart. Can’t wait to here more! And I think I was way too excited about the Anna Maria Island shout out! Yay for my home town!

    Reply
  7. Lanie on June 15, 2011

    Going through the same thing with my mother. She blames it on the fact she was never able to have a wedding and doesn’t know how she should act. I say…bs. Luckily I have an amazing soon-to-be husband who does have a mother who knows how to act and is excited for us! And my friends have been great…well most of them. Wedding planning has not been fun for me and truth..I’ll be happy for the day after. :) All that being said, her wedding is one of my all time favorites and I think I am excited enough for everyone! This is my dream and I am so lucky to have it. Some people cant see past their own lives and drama to be happy for loved ones and/or friends. WE should all come with instruction manuals. :)

    Reply
  8. Kristina J on June 15, 2011

    Thank you for this post on fthe not so pleasant side of wedding planning. Thank you Rhi for sharing this with us. My mom was so happy for us upon getting engaged. My dad on the other hand was not. (at first) My fiance did not ask my father to marry his daughter and that was very upsetting for him. When we told him, he said congrats and changed the subject to the Giants losing a football game earlier that afternoon. It made me very sad but I think he has now forgiven and is sorta excited for us :)

    Reply
  9. Christine on June 15, 2011

    I did not have the same experience. Actually, quite the opposite. By the time my fiance and I got engaged (a mere 8 months ago, today) we were “getting close to thirty” (we are 28 years old) and had already heard: “so when are you guys getting married?” ….”you’re running out of time” (whatever that means)…”Why hasn’t he proposed yet?”…etc.

    So when we got engaged, it was more like a bunch of “FINALY’s” and “YAY’s” all around.

    HOWEVER…while my story differs from Rhi’s…my younger brother’s does not. When my lil bro proposed to his girlfriend, they were 21 and 20 years old. His girlfriend’s (now wife’s) parents outright said “no, we do NOT give you our blessing to marry our daughter”…so when he disregarded their remarks, and proposed anyway, the first thing they said to her when she called was…”I can’t believe he went ahead and proposed to you when we told him “no”"…she never did get a “Congratulations”. On the same side…my family did give Congrats all around, but there were many who expressed that they felt my brother and his fiance were “much too young” and “what’s the hurry?”….

    I will add that my sister-in-law’s parents have only recently started to come around (they are still A-Holes tho) and accepted my brother. Also, my brother and his wife have been happily married for 4 years now.

    So, the lessen I learned from my brother’s story: you shouldn’t try to please other people. Follow your heart, because it’s your life and you’re the one that has to live it. I don’t know the end of Rhi’s story, but I do hope that she didn’t hold off her wedding for too long just to please her mother; though I know how hard it would have been to go against her mother’s wishes.

    Great story so far! Can’t wait to hear the rest. Thank you, Rhi, for sharing.

    Reply
  10. cindy on June 15, 2011

    i just love Rhi! and i totally relate. my mom and i are super close, but she fought me every step of the way…shooting down my ideas and doubting my “vision” so to speak. in the end she told me she didn’t think i would be able to pull it off, but was proud i did. which was kind of like backhanded validation (i was featured on wedding chicks even!)…i’m convinced that seeing her girl grow up caused those few months of temporary insanity.

    Reply
  11. Lena on June 15, 2011

    Hell, I think EVERYONE experiences this, whether it’s with their mom, their best friend, their unmarried mentor-getting married isn’t just stressful for the bride and groom. It can be tough on your whole community, and I’m so impressed and honored that Rhi shared her story.

    I have yet to plan a big ol’ honkin’ wedding for my 3,000 Greek family members, but already my mama and I butt heads. Sigh. I think it’s just part of the territory.

    Oh, and Rhi’s wedding? Totally makes my heart melt.

    Reply
  12. Jen on June 15, 2011

    Thank you so much for sharing this! Wedding planing can have such a facade of everything being so happy happiness, but I definitely went through several months of uncomfortableness between my mom and I after I got engaged, I always thought I was the only one!! We settled in the end and now it’s like it never happened, but I’m definitely curious for Part 2 of Rhi’s story.

    Reply
  13. rhi has such a a way with words, it is really impressive. sometimes i feel like an old lady (is 30 old?) in this young, hip world of bloggers and rhi is really paving the way, doing her thing, which is awesome. this is a great take on a situation i’m sure many come to face. nice work pretty ladies.

    Reply
  14. Kasandra on June 15, 2011

    I can definitely relate! My mom is my bff and always has been. She has always wanted me to get married and while she was very excited about me getting engaged, she has been less than thrilled with the whole wedding planning process. She shows very little, if any, interest. A lot of it though, I chalk to empty nest syndrome but it’s disappointing when the one person (aside from your fiance) you want vested in the planning, is well, apathetic.

    Reply
  15. Melina on June 15, 2011

    I feel close to this issue because I have a mom that was distant in the wedding planning process but made me feel guilty about not including her in things! I would try to include her but she never sought out to be included unless I pulled teeth to do it. To this day I struggle with this distant relationship with my mom wishing she would be more involved in my life. :( Thank you Rhi for sharing this issue, you are always an inspiration! Anxious to read the rest!

    Reply
  16. Em on June 15, 2011

    RHI – so proud of you!! Thanks for bringing us into the hard stuff. That’s where the real beauty is born.

    AL – I love what having a puppy has done to you. Glad I could brighten your day.

    HUGS.

    Reply
  17. Jeannine @ Small & Chic Home on June 15, 2011

    When I called my mother, ten minutes after we got engaged, she said “Lovely. When will it be?” I laughed it off then, but I’ve had to confront the fact that my prim and proper Irish mother is never going to squeal like a girlfriend over anything.

    I knew I had to manage my expectations, but I let myself create a different mother a few times and was in tears over it. I could only blame myself…I knew who she was and her background, but I still thought she’d suddenly change and be as bubbly and enthusiastic about, well, everything as I am.

    I can’t wait to see the next installment.

    Reply
  18. Lolly on June 15, 2011

    I cannot relate to this story, yet. My Mom is very supportive of my engagement and future wedding. However, even though my husband-to-be’s Mom is supportive of our plans, as soon as we tell her that her ex-husband (Adam’s father) whom she hasn’t seen in like 20 years is invited, she will probably FLIP out. That is something I am not looking forward to and a story I’m sure I’ll be sharing one day!

    Reply
  19. The Perfect Palette on June 15, 2011

    I didn’t have the momma drama, but i had major friend drama. To the point where I don’t talk to some of my bridesmaids. Sad stuff. But it’s true, weddings bring out the worst and best in people. Sorry your mom was less than supportive. xo, chrissy.

    Reply
  20. Brooke @ Bright Wishes on June 15, 2011

    oh my goodness, I love Rhi! This is so sweet and I didn’t know this about her. I’m glad she shared this with us!

    Reply
  21. Annie on June 15, 2011

    While, I can’t say that my parents aren’t happy for me and love my Finance, it has not be easy to plan this wedding. For starters, my parents are divorced and remarried – and don’t get a long. Plus my mother also likes to question my decisions to the point where I second guess myself…including my dress purchase. She thinks I spent too much, I said screw it and paid for that myself, so I could get what I wanted!

    And there’s also the fact that our engagement started out with a month of my dad (the lawyer with his own practice, who leases an Audi A4) saying that he didn’t have any money, but wanted to do the right thing. Thankfully he found some money and it’s all being split 4 ways (me, my mom & step-dad, my dad & step-mom, and my fiance’s parents).

    It still hasn’t been easy getting all the money together and with my fiance also living 1.5 hours away, we’ve had to cram all the planning and appointments into the weekends. But at least we’ll be living in the same place in 2 weeks. And getting married in less than 3 months! Oh, and my engagement will only have been about 10 months, I knew it wasn’t going to be easy and I really just rather get down to the planning and not have any extra time for my parents to drive me crazy! :-)

    PS… I loved this post and this is one of my fav wedding blogs.

    Reply
  22. Paloma on June 15, 2011

    I cannot wait to read the rest of Rhi’s story. Love how fearless and badass you are, Rhi.

    Reply
  23. Liz E. on June 15, 2011

    Rhi – thanks so much for sharing your story. I can’t wait to read the rest of it…despite the difficulties.

    I’ve had an interesting reaction from my mom. She has never been happy that I moved 10 hours away to be with my boyfriend (now Fiance) and although she was happy with the engagement, she definitely sees it as “my daughter will always live far away from me.” I constantly get the guilt trip on that whenever I see her (which is almost every 2 months, probably just as much as if we lived 1 hour apart!). I also get a lot of passive-aggressiveness toward the wedding planning. For example, when it came time to do the invites I decided the wording should be “Together with their parents…yaddayadda.” I did this because both of my divorced parents are helping with the wedding (to complicate matters, my dad AND his partner are contributing which would be wayyyy too many names on the invites…Mr. & Mrs. Soandso and Mr. Dad and Mr. Partner invite you to their daughter’s wedding – holy crap-ola…no thanks). She was very strange about this and it made things awkward. Blah – mental note, when my kid gets married: BE SUPPORTIVE!

    ps- bambino makes me want to post and blog about my puppy. We left our flip-cam on one day to check out his activities when alone…way too boring. haha!

    Reply
  24. Erin on June 15, 2011

    Already I can relate to her. I had a similiar conversation with my mother when I told her I was engaged the 1st time. Yup, you read that correct, the 1st time. I cringe sometimes even saying it. Long story short. I was 24, just graduating college, and life was sort of topsy turvey. I was trying to finish school, my father was dying, nothing was as it was supposed to be. My mother, secretly, hated my fiance, but kept quiet. She told me later that she was literally sick at the thought of the wedding. But yet, she literally powered through an entire 11 months of wedding planning. Although the entire planning process was painful, it was NOT a sappy Hollywood movie. Which despite just losing her husband, I still feel horrible that I put her through that circus. Until one day, 2 months before the wedding…as in the invites were out, dress in, vendors paid…I woke up…LITERALLY…and realized that not only was I not in love with my fiance but if I did go through with the wedding I’d be divorced by Christmas. So with that I mustered up the courage to call off the wedding. My fiance hated every fiber of my being for a good year, but I later heard he was relieved that I had the guts to call it off because he too realized there is no way we would work.
    I swore up and down I would make damn sure the next I was asked I knew down to my core it was right. And now 6 years later, I am planning a wedding to literally the LOVE OF MY LIFE! And my mom? Literally squealed (and she’s not the squealin’ type-o-gal) when I called to tell her. And this time around…the planning is as fun & exciting as I ever dreamt it to be.
    There is sadly a stigma in our society about these topics. That it shouldn’t be talked about, etc. But I’m proud of the decision I made, and I am so glad my mother let me figure out my mistakes on my own. After all, how else was I to learn?

    Reply
  25. Naomi on June 15, 2011

    Cannot wait to read part 2. Rhi and I have had a gazillion long late night and early morning talking marathons and she is an amazing woman. Although there is a huge difference in our age, we can laugh, talk, relate, and vent. Alison, what a great feature…you rock Knaughty for posting this. Many of us had our mom or dad or family moments in planning our wedding but it is the mom thing that gets us the most. Bravo ladies, bravo!

    Reply
  26. i have been engaged twice. my first fi, my parents didn’t like him so much. naturally when we got engaged (apparently the guy had asked my dad for permission to which my dad said no, but the guy still asked me anyway), my family wasn’t too happy/thrilled. it was tough, and i too decided to wait. fortunately for me (definitely different than rhi’s story) that guy and i broke up and i was destined to find my current FI. :)

    i’m glad rhi is sharing her story though. not everything is perfect and although it’s not easy to be totally honest in an online world that should be perfect, so her story is very refreshing. can’t wait to read the 2nd part!

    Reply
  27. Kim on June 15, 2011

    O I love hearing Rhi’s story, I am completely there right now and have been planning my wedding motherless for the last 8 months. My friends say my mom is jealous of all that I have since her marriage failed and she is yet to be truly happy. My mom went from someone I could confide in, to someone I hide from. I completely believed in the movie scene, her being ecstatic when I announced our engagement, tears of joy when I picked my dress… ha. I was so depressed with her reaction to everything we held off from doing anything wedding related for months. Its nice to know others share similar stories!! I’ve learned to include those who want to be included, and those who do not, leave them be. It will be them who will regret being so selfish in the long run! This is your special day and you only get one, you need to plan and execute it the way YOU want to :)

    Reply
  28. Andrea on June 15, 2011

    I feel like I just read my story and am SO relived I am not alone..my partner (yup, she’s a girl, I’m a girl..I still want a MAGICAL day!) just got engaged. I knew telling my mom wouldn’t be easy–she is doing better but it’s been 6 years since I came out and she still waits for Mr. Right.

    The conversations about our wedding day has gone from bad to worse. From “I just want you to be happy” to “Who do you expect to pay for this” to “I don’t think you should rent a venue, and you might want to start saving for your dress”.

    My mom and I are best friends. We are girly, shoe loving, chocolate eating, chick flick watching, girls. And my dreams of planning my day WITH her are slipping away. To top it off, my big brother just got engaged (like, yesterday) and the flood of excitement from my mom has been a little stab in the heart. I am THRILLED for him but crushed at the same time.

    So we are going to continue in our joy and love for one another–and I can only hope the next year is not a constant battle.

    Looking forward to the rest of this post–so much!

    Reply
  29. Jen on June 15, 2011

    I got a very similar response from not only my mom but my dad as well. My dad always told me that as long as I was happy and he treated me well that he would be happy for me too. Well when my fiancee and I announced our engagement at Thanksgiving all we got was, “Well, there’s a lot to talk about and consider.” I didn’t even get, “Are you happy about this?” (mainly because I so clearly was). I’ll admit that my fiancee is a little unconventional (he has two kids…and my parents love the by the by) but he treats me better than anyone ever has. I haven’t even been able to show off my ring to them because they seem so totally dead set against the idea that I feel like my showing off my ring would be like throwing it in their face. Needless to say that even though we were going to wait to start planning a wedding anyways it’s definitely a little more out of my mind because I can’t even get a, “That’s nice” out of them. I’ll admit my parents are old fashioned and kind of can’t think outside the box but it’s starting to drain on my excitement.

    I can’t wait to read how your story turns out and if there are any tips I can use to help get my family through this…..

    Reply
  30. Blair @ wild and precious on June 15, 2011

    Rhi- first I love you! Well done my dear blog friend. 2nd- although I don’t relate (I think we have chatted about this before) know how thrilled I am that you are sharing this with others. I am not at all surprised by the comments this post is receiving. You have a powerful voice and I am so glad that you use it. Xo. Can’t wait for part two.

    Reply
  31. Dina Marie on June 16, 2011

    My entire immediate family failed. My fiancé asked the permission of both parents ahead of time, and STILL had ridiculous reactions. It was awful. The worst if it was the brunt that came from my brother and future sister-in-law. He is getting married in sept, and we planned to get married in December because it would work well with our schedules. Well, after a month of making our lives hell and after publicly declaring us the most selfish humans alive for being engaged during “their time,” we pushed our date out another 7 months. Whatever. There’s peace again and people are happy. But really now, people. That was awful and I do not wish that on anyone.

    Reply
  32. Madison on June 16, 2011

    I really can’t wait until installement 2 because i already relate a lot. I’m independant, may go double barelled after marriage but def not giving up my maiden name and am def having my own bank account for life. I’m not against having kids, they’re just not at all on the agenda at the moment.

    I had been with my boyfriend for 5 years when we got engaged, lived together for 3 so it shouldnt have been any real surprise but i think the family were shocked because i’ve always been seen as someone who lets their head rule their heart, makes logical decisions and choosing to get married when young and having just left uni isnt really that logical.

    Their reactions were muted. We sat each set of parents down seperately and told them. They smiled and said ‘congratulations’ but not one of them stood up to give us a hug or anything like that and i have to say that hurt me for quite a while.

    However both parents have now warmed to the idea and are if anything, a little too involved in our wedding plans!

    Reply
  33. alicia@Charitywedding on June 17, 2011

    I love, love, love that Rhi talks so openly and eloquently about anything and everything that is on her mind. In a wedding blog world filled with perfect details, gorgeous photos, and amazing dresses, it is SO refreshing to hear the real life take on things, if anything to help out those other planning Brides that instantly get the feeling that their bumps along the way are abnormal. I didn’t have a situation like this, quite the opposite, as Kyle and I had been together for 7 LONG years and lived in sin for 3 of those, my mom was begging for a wedding. And I was cracking wise jokes any chance I got on his feet dragging. But we all have our issues and I love to see them revealed and most of all to see a happy ending!

    Reply
  34. Liesl on June 17, 2011

    I absolutely adore Rhiannon and something I loved about her blog when I stumbled upon it over a year ago was how open, honest and real she was while being too darn cute for words!

    I loved reading the first part to her story here on Knotty Bride and am looking forward to the other part! It is beyond refreshing to have someone express the not so great aspects of what most only share the wonderful, beautiful moments of, and for that, I want to thank her!

    So lovely all around!

    Liesl :)

    Reply
  35. kristophine on June 20, 2011

    It shouldn’t have surprised me that my parents weren’t excited about my engagement. My parents have both lived with their mental illnesses for a long time. I’ve got a master’s in psychology now (the old saw about people going into Psych to figure out their own issues: totally true) and I feel like I should be able to see through the illnesses to the effort and love they put into raising us, but it feels impossible.

    When my mother responded to my first published poem, my first finished novel, my grad school acceptance, my engagement–it was always an initial lack of enthusiasm promptly followed by something designed to make me feel bad: a reminder that it wasn’t a real literary magazine, that it wouldn’t ever get published, that I couldn’t pay for grad school, that my fiance would probably leave me.

    Yeah. Family is tough.

    Reply
  36. KrisD Mauga on July 14, 2011

    OMG- I luv every single moment captured! The details are fabulous!!!
    I feel for Rhi though and the battles of dealing with a (actually her own personal) mother-of-the-bride. Weddings can bring out the worst in all sorts… even moms.
    I think its so brave of you to express your real-life wedding so honestly! REFRESHING!
    Cheers to you!

    Reply

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