WHEN A WEDDING IS CALLED OFF | Editor’s Notes on Love & Relationships | Planning Your Wedding Is Not >= Cultivating Your Love.

Well well well… would ya take a look at that.  It’s Wednesday evening already.  8PM EST, to be exact.  Yep, that’s what happens when… well, you’ll see in a second.  So yeah, other than teaching our inbox a hell of a lesson today, guess what we’ve been occupied with for MOST OF THIS MORNING AND AFTERNOON? 

↑ Sharrdy Christmas Ornament of Death | Sweet Baby Bambino McPuppyPants ↑

Yup.  That’s what’s left of a Christmas ornament on the left.  Mmmhmm, you’re right it’s July.  And yes again, that’s Bamela on the right, looking very GQ you might say on the outside.  But on the inside?  Turns out, french bulldogs and sharrdy ornaments don’t mix well, but on the other fate-tempting hand they DO make fast friends if someone decides to shatter an ornament on your front stoop and leave every bit of the mess for your puppy and other peoples’ puppies to lick up.  SIIIIIIIGH, nyc.  SIIIIIIIGH.

Fortunately, I have what I believe is solidly conclusive news that he didn’t ingest anything.  But.  OH. MY. BEJEEZUS. you guys.  I don’t even want to IMAGINE what could have been.  And it’s ok… we can laugh about it now.  He’s fine, thank goodness.  But yeah, welcome to my Wednesday morning and afternoon.

Ok.  Moving on, rapidly. … into another unrelated story… yeah, go me!

So, you guys remember how I put out a call for stellar planking photos for an Amazeballs Planking Photos: Wedding Edition post (I just made that name up, but I think it’s good, it works) in the imaginary near future?  Well, as I indicated on Le Twit earlier today, Katy Perry decided to ruin it for me.  Yay!  Kidding, boo.  Hiss.  This is just like the time she ruined that SNL episode for me, and all those awards shows and most songs.  Her only redeeming attribute at this point is the heavenly parade of melodic beauty we all know as Teenage Dream.  Because, I mean, come on.  You have to admit, that song is pretty wonderballs.

Ok, so like I said, Katy Perry has nothing to do with this post.  Zilch.  Because Katy Perry is, by all accounts, experiencing the bliss of a happy, loving relationship.  And that’s awesome, because it turns out that it’s actually not the easiest thing in the world to have a successful relationship.  Whoa!  Am I blowing your mind?  I know. ;)  And when you add *being a star* to the mix, well, things can get hairy.  Yeah, that’s how it’s spelled – ‘hairy.’  Surprising, right?  It surprised me, too.  I had to look it up real quick-like to make sure, because it felt like I was saying stardom causes accelerated hair growth when mixed with loving, committed relationships.  Anywhooooo I mention all of this relationshippy stuff because – and you might have heard this already, especially since I tweeted it the other day when the news broke… but for those who haven’t yet heard, everyone’s favorite reality tv star (you guys I’m completely joking; I HATED. HER.) Kristin Cavallari and her fiance, Jay Cutler, broke up.

Here’s the kicker: the wedding was set to happen in like a couple of seconds from now.  No, really.

And the guy called it off.

Yeah.

Ok, most of us have already heard this.  But here’s the thing: putting aside, for the sake of discussion, our less than positive feelings about this The Hills meangirl, this whole thing really got to me.

I decided to write about it today because I was planning to write on the topic anyhow, and then the lovely ladies of Life & Style shot me some lovely exclusive pics from their shoot with Kristin during which she TRIED ON WEDDING DRESSES (poor girl), so I figured today was the right day to address this topic… here, check her out:

Gown by Anne Bowen

Gown by Mon Cheri bridals

… But mind you, this post is hardly just about pretty pictures of Kristin in the wedding dresses she’ll never wear.  Not. at. all.

This post is about relationships.  About how so many people miss the signs… LONG PARENTHETICAL OFFSHOOT APPROACHING… (Case in point: I will never understand why Taylor Swift was pissed off enough at John Mayer for dumping her to go ahead and write a song about.   Why do I feel that way?  Because John Mayer had her duet with him on his “Half Of My Heart” song.  Yes, I love that song.  It’s excellent.  I hate myself for loving it, since Taylor’s right, John Mayer’s guilty of several counts of douchebaggery… but.  This song just feeeeeels like a sign for those involved.  Am I wrong?  I feel right, but then again, I feel right A LOT.  So set me straight if I need setting.)   YOU HAVE NOW REACHED THE END OF YOUR LONG PARENTHETICAL OFFSHOOT.  REMEMBER TO TAKE ALL OF YOUR BELONGINGS WITH YOU, AND ENJOY YOUR STAY.  … About how wedding planning, something that’s so incredibly fun and exciting and makes you feel on top of the world (when it isn’t beating the s*** out of you) is only half the battle when it comes to getting married.  You guys are seriously intelligent creatures, so I know you know exactly what I’m talking about. Wait, you know what I’m talking about, right?  Today’s been a crazy day – my dog almost died, y’all – so I’m barely holding on to what I know about syntax and punctuation right now.

Ok, here’s what L&S shared:

Just two days before Kristin Cavallari’s fiancé, Jay Cutler, broke off their engagement, she was glowing with excitement while trying on a series of wedding dresses at her exclusive Life & Style photo shoot.   The reality star looked dazzling in gowns by Anne Bowen and Mon Cheri Bridals as she gushed about her plans for a traditional wedding and her vision of walking down the aisle in a strapless gown.  “I want a romantic, mystical wedding, with lots of flowers,” she shared with Life & Style during the shoot at LA’s Mondrian Hotel on July 21.

An insider close to Kristin reveals that the real trouble began the very next day – on July 22 – when Jay asked her to fly back to Chicago with him the following morning.     “Kristin said she didn’t want to because she’s working on a new TV project and had a full day of shooting scheduled for Tuesday [July 26],” the insider explains. But Jay was angry about it and the argument escalated. “He told her that she needed to commit to him, and to move to Chicago,” the insider continues.  When it became clear that Kristin had no intention of giving up her career in entertainment, Jay broke up with her — returning to Chicago alone on July 23.     Starting a family was also an issue between the couple, who began dating last September. “Jay’s family was pushing Kristin to get pregnant immediately,” says the insider. “Kristin knows she’s too young for kids right now.”     Still, a friend close to Kristin tells Life & Style she was stunned and heartbroken after Jay called things off.  “Kristin really loved Jay. She is devastated.”

I’m going to assume that’s actually what went down.  I’m not focusing on that.  What I’m curious about is what you guys think of what’s behind closed doors when someone jilts his bride or her groom?  Do you think it really can be something that just *comes up* and is non-negotiable?  Or do you think it’s nearly always the case that, in plain terms, there were things bubbling up under the surface, and no one was willing to focus on or address those things… in time…?

It’s such a shame when issues that exist between couples get pushed to the back burner, or worse, not even recognized as worthy of addressing.  Planning a wedding, getting married and being married are not mutually exclusive.  Everything worthwhile takes attention.  Takes work.

Ok, that’s enough.  I’m dismounting from off of my soapbox now and passing it over to you.  Lemme know your thoughts.  Really, whatever you’re thinking or feel like saying.  You can even say, SHUT. UP. Alison.  But then of course I’ll just think you’re Ashley Herrrberrrrre and, well, that just won’t go that well.  I simply have too much ammo.  Anyways, let’s talk.

xoxo!  – Alison

Images provided to The Knotty Bride by Life & Style Magazine

P.S. – We love you so much it HURTS INSIDE, Bambi.  *kissin’ ya face*

Label(s): Mr. McPuppyPants, {Celebrity Weddings}, {Love + Relationships}

Love all of this...

22 comments

  1. Kristine G. on July 27, 2011

    Here are my thoughts on the matter {O mi gosh, condolences on Bambo and I’m so glad he’s OK! How terrifying!}. L&S says that Jay and Kristin started dating LAST September (as in, almost ONE year ago), correct? The facts {or semi-facts, whatever} also state that a fight ensued regarding her career and future in reality TV, his desire for her to move to Chicago, and their differing opinions on kids THIS July. Actually, just a couple of days ago. RIGHT BEFORE THEIR WEDDING.

    Come on now. You don’t have to study relationships for two years {yeah, I did} to see the red flags here. Career. Location. Kids. Those are kinda important topics, no? You think the pair would have hammered out those details during their engagement. And, I have to say, if they found that they COULDN’T, then they should have gone to counseling. If you can’t talk about the future, or about your expectations for your marriage/life together, and if you aren’t on the same page regarding your future life together, then you NEED NOT get married. It seriously baffles me when people think things will magically figure themselves out after the wedding. They will only get WORSE. And, by the way, you’re setting a VERY bad precedent of pushing things aside and not dealing with them. That precedent will land you in one of two places: divorce court or a therapist’s office {which may actually require harder work than the court}.

    Being from Chicago, I’m NOT a huge Cutler fan. I think he’s whiny and why can’t the guy EVER smile?! You get to play a game for a living! But maybe he actually has more sense than I thought. Ending an engagement is hard {I’m assuming he didn’t take it lightly}. Either way, he seemed to realize that whatever problems they had were not going to get better once they got married. And in so doing, he did them both a favor.

    Wow, that really got me pumped up! Don’t eeeven get me started. :)

    Reply
  2. Ok. As much as she annoyed the heck out of me on the Hills and as angry as it made me every time she yelled Steve-eenn…I don’t wish the pain of having your wedding called off days before it was scheduled on my worst enemy. Yes, that was one of the longest sentences ever.

    I do feel terribly for her and I am sure that it doesn’t help that every single entertainment show host is weighing in on ‘what went wrong’. The poor poor girl. As much as I hate to say it…you have to be able to look back after a ‘dumping’ like that and see warning signs that you totally over-looked. The discussion of career/family importance is a MAJOR part of deciding to marry someone. If those two things don’t mesh or neither person is willing to give…ladies and gents there is major trouble brewing.

    For Kristin’s sake…I hope that she eats her body weight, plus some in ice cream and avoids images of her in wedding gowns like the stinkin’ plague. Ugh…if for some reason if she reads this…girl get a tin of frosting and a spoon…if needed, dump some sprinkles in there too (the good crunchy ones that are fun shapes i.e. dinosaurs).

    P.S.- I am so sorry for the almost-tragedy that you experienced today…I hope that McPuppyPants is hanging in there…I am sure he will be enthralled with his rope in no time!

    Reply
  3. Alison on July 27, 2011

    Kristine G. – lol, don’t eeeeeven get me started – that’s awesome. I heart hilarious skit referencing. Woot! :) Right on with your comment, too. Right on!

    Courtney – omg, SO SAD, right? It’s so sad. I couldn’t even imagine it. But lots more people than we realize go through such things. Just not on the Hollywood stage. Poor girl. Poor *mean* girl, but still, poor girl. :|

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  4. Loe on July 27, 2011

    I’m glad Bambino is fine!!

    Also, as much as I love (re:dislike) her, I do feel bad for her (if that’s how it went down). I can’t imagine having everything all ready, especially if it’s something you’ve been looking forward to, and if she really love him, to have the rug pulled out from under your feet.

    I think it’s a reminder to just stop and reconnect often.

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  5. WrappedCouture on July 27, 2011

    First, allow me to say that I’m glad that your dog is ok!!

    As for the wedding being called off, in situations such as this, I never feel that it is something done “out of the blue”. In this particular relationship, the signs were there, her not wanting to move to Chicago, his family wanting her to have children right away, and her leaving the entertainment business. I think so many times people become enamored at the wedding that they forget about the marriage, which really should last a lifetime.

    My heart goes out to her as I’m sure she really is heartbroken, but she may very well see in the long run that it wasn’t meant to be.

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  6. Lena on July 27, 2011

    Jesus am I glad Bambi is alive.

    In my other thoughts are this engagement, which seemed only moderately doomed. Did I think they’d have a lifetime of reality TV happiness and football babies? No. But I also didn’t really think he’d call off a wedding that was clearly full steam ahead? No. But hell, why did Jesse James and Kat von Tats break off their engagement? I can’t help wondering if “engaged” is the new “dating”, since it seems so many celebs are rushing to tie the knot, and as with all things celebrity, us layfolk are bound to start to doing it, too.

    I think that when you start dating someone, you get to know them and you will naturally discover things that may or may not be deal breakers. Some people stop smoking because that’s a deal breaker, or in my case, I flipped John from a conservative Texan to a left-wingy liberal in what I believe to be record time, at least for personal conversions. But I knew what my deal breakers were, and I have to believe that anyone who pretends Kristin C is going to move to Chicago to be a housewife has been hit in the head too many times. But people delude themselves into believing all kinds of crazy nonsense about their partners, and I think it’s entirely possible to avoid stuff like getting your photo taken in 100 gorgeous wedding gowns only to face humiliation with one simple step: be honest.

    Talk about kids. Talk about money. Talk about house upkeep and how anal you are about dishes in the sink. Talk about religion, politics, where you want to live, how you want to live. And if you don’t really see eye to eye on that business, maybe it’s not the right thing. And that’s okay.

    PHEW. I guess I had a surprisingly large deal to say on this particular topic. Maybe it’s the Southern house guests-they’ve driven me to madness. Someone fetch me a slice of pecan pie.

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  7. Alison on July 27, 2011

    Loe – So true, what you said. It seems apparent that Kristin and Jay didn’t stop and reconnect, in any serious way at least, enough. Gotta iron out these details about life choices and wishes early the eff on!!! Good stuff, Loe, good stuff.

    Wrapped – I think you’re totally right. This is was definitely brewing like crazy.

    Lena – omg, I don’t even know what to say to your comment. Are you an apprentice to God above? Because you are OMNISCIENT, girl.

    Reply
  8. Nicole on July 27, 2011

    glad to hear little bambino is ok! is is still as cute as ever!

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  9. Cris on July 27, 2011

    These were all things that The Boy and I discussed DURING HIS PROPOSAL – not a few days before getting married.

    Priorities, y’all. Priorities.

    Reply
  10. Rachael on July 28, 2011

    These are things that my boyfriend and I discussed *very early on* in our relationship. “I want kids. Do you want kids? Okay, cool. Do you want to leave New England, or are you happy here? Yeah, good.” Etc. Basic things. What we wanted out of life and whether it was realistic for us to be together. I don’t know how people can ignore fundamental incompatibilities like that, or even worse, just NOT TALK about them. It’s sad that it happens, but I think a lot of marriages or engagements would work out better if people took a few friggin’ minutes to have that discussion earlier on. And of course, if there are things you disagree on, “Is that totally set in stone or is it something we could compromise about or negotiate or that you’re not as set on as you think?” Because maybe when you start dating someone, you don’t want kids, but a few months or years later you’ve reconsidered. Maybe you realize that as much as you love your home state, you love the person you’re with more.

    I don’t know. I don’t get how people can not talk about it. And I know people who DO talk about it, and realize they have fundamental differences that aren’t going to change, and KEEP TRYING to make it work. And they’re always miserable. It’s so sad. I suppose it’s better to call off a wedding than to spend years of your life trying to make something impossible work.

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  11. Alicia @CharityWedding on July 28, 2011

    First and foremost Jay is ridiculous. Clearly anyone who not only dates but actually is turned down by Brody Jenner has questionable intelligence and absolutely no ability to make good decisions. Kristen has no intention of quietly becoming a football wife. She has my television to corrupt. I hate to sound like Debby Downer but I have little to no faith in these quickie Hollywood engagements in general. Well I am skeptical of quickie engagements regardless of the peeps status but considering they are loaded and can buy a ginormous ring like its no big deal makes me even more skeptical. Most people at least have to take that investment into consideration first. Honestly I am just glad that these two called it off before they walked down the aisle. This isn’t devastating this is a wake up call and hopefully they both decide to answer it and grow up. Marriage is for life, not a stint to get a higher paycheck. Also I just wish I could have a reality show. But that is a whole different discussion.

    Oh and I am SO glad Bino is okay!

    Reply
  12. Kim C on July 28, 2011

    As a die hard Packer fan by birth, I’m pre-destined to think that any quarterback of the Chicago Bears is a d-bag…but Cutler takes the cake IMO. (On a parenthetical side note, thanks for letting us win the Super Bowl, Jay!) That being said…I don’t really follow reality tv and I don’t really know who Kristin is or what her on-screen or off-screen personality is like, but I’m with the other gals on here who are saying that these are definitely issues that should have been addressed pre-proposal. My boy and me are about to make some major changes (like moving across the state) that have been difficult for both of us, but we’re learning from that experience and growing together. If you let the hard times get to you, they will. If there isn’t a solid foundation, the building is bound to crumble…and I guess at least in this case there won’t be a costly divorce.

    Did she miss the signs? Probably. But if they were a couple who were committed to each other for real, maybe these differences could have been challenges in their relationship that ultimately made them stronger. I guess that’s the difference between (some) Hollywood couples and real life couples.

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  13. Elle on July 28, 2011

    I truly love that Kristen Cavallari and Jay Cutler were the impetus for this “calling off the wedding” discussion.

    Even though I find them both to be obnoxious and dull, their situation brings to light a somewhat taboo subject (in the wedding world, that is).

    I know lots of women that have gotten caught up in the excitement of a ring and engagement. So much so that the reality of marriage – of one person and all their idiosyncrasies – is pushed to a corner in their mind so they can focus on flowers, dresses, and pinwheels… I guess the best that can come from their breakup (God I can’t even believe I’m saying this) is that perhaps, other people headed to the altar might think twice. Sure, they should have talked about all of this stuff when they decided to get married in the first place, but lots of people don’t and maybe this mortifying situation will give one pause for a moment of reflection.

    *On a separate note*
    Do you think LC smiled, knowingly when she saw the latest headlines? (seriously punch me now).

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  14. Alison on July 28, 2011

    Elle – I totally thought about what LC’s reaction might have been, too. Great minds think alike…? ;) And yup, whether or not she’d admit it, she probably smirked a tiny bit. Kristin gave her hell in high school. Just the facts. :)

    But yeah, I feel sooooo bad for KC right now. How crazy is this??!!!! :) xx!

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  15. Elle on July 28, 2011

    And oh my god – I am glad that Bambino is OK. People are so careless! (or in this case super lazy and rude)

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  16. Mimi Tilton on July 28, 2011

    hmmm…. Never was a fan of The Hills (btw, when you try to Ctrl I it doesn’t italicize, it brings up your favorites…who knew!?) No one deserves to be unahppy. Even if they sorta do deserve it, Karma and the Southern Baptists’ demand we say ‘bless their little hearts.’ If I were her – I’d still go with the first fluffy dress – even for fun.

    I hayets people – probably not a good trait for a PR person, but whateves – Who leaves glass ANYTHING around? Somewhere Charlie Brown’s Tree is missing his festive…SAD.

    <<>> that Bamber-ILOVECHRISTMASSOMUCHIEATSIT-Pants is okay.

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  17. CharLena on July 29, 2011

    Oh, yuck! about the ornament and Bambela. I am SO glad Bamela is doing fine AND that is a VERY GQ pose. Very cute. I hope this was taken after the event, as an assurance since that pose yells I AM WELL, Mommy.

    How horrible for Kristin. I don’t watch the show and only vaguely know her name, but I do feel for her. Lots of you, my think I haven’t much sense, which may be right, but since I don’t know of her career, I hope you will forgive me. In any case, you are right it is hard to believe that their entire [less than a year] engagement, that children, love, and or career didn’t come up. Not even once? If he felt that strongly there should have been more than a bit of a clue on her part, taht the wedding was on shaky ground anyway. How does that happen? What would you possibly be talking about otherwise?
    Where to buy the house had to have come up at some point during their 10-month relationship. Com’on. Even if they were both skating on the thinnest of wedding bliss ice, to suddenly have ice not just crack but melt and you sink into despair and disrepair of your wedding is a harsh re-awakening.

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  18. Way, way, WAY better to call off an engagement than go through a divorce. That’s a bullet dodged right there. I’ve had several couples call off their weddings over the years and most of them have been right before the wedding. Why they wait until the last minute, I’ll never get. One broke up because the bride had cancer and the groom was no longer interested in her. NOT KIDDING. Another one, the groom had some “legal troubles” aka went on a grown up time out (is that delicate enough?) and the bride tried to stand by him but that crackled fast.

    One of the divorces I am aware of, I totally called it during the consultation. The bride, who worked for a restaurant *which shall remain nameless* which celebrates larges breasts and short shorts, started chatting while filling out the contract about how much her fiance wanted to have kids and that she just couldn’t imagine ruining her body to do that. They had a super sweet ceremony, but they were divorced over the kid thing within six months.

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  19. Why is McPuppy Pants such a freaking cute name?? U jsut want to squeeze the little pipsqueek everytime i see him!

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  20. Shannon on July 29, 2011

    Yay for Bam for being ok!

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  21. Dessert Darling on August 2, 2011

    True Love is making the choice to work on your relationship even when things get tough.

    Reply
  22. Sandy on August 6, 2011

    I have to agree with Dessert Darling. They would have found a way to make it work if it was really love. :-(

    Reply

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