DIY LOVE BIRDS VINTAGE WEDDING | Also, behold, why my position on The First Look Argument stands… | And, in unrelated celebrity news, how does his… fit into… HERS?

Oh, is it late afternoon already?  HAHAHAHAH, how interesting.  Time flies I guess when you’re mocking celebrities and arranging weddings.  Sigh.

Now, let it be known that I desperately wanted to title the tail end of this post “I like big d***s and I cannot lie,” but I thought it might, just might, be NSFW.  So I trashed it.  But it hurt to do it, so know that.  Speaking of hurting… 

I had all these plans and whatevs to blog about so many other things today, but then my homegirl Alicia of Charity Wedding had to go and attack my face and mind with what’s going on here:

And all hope for a sensible, non-difficult-sex-focused post was lost.  Alicia knows of my feelings regarding littlewomanbigman syndrome, and the internal harm I will forever fear it inflicts, but in case you’re new around these parts, here’s a link to a couple of past posts-gone-wild, specifically, my concerns regarding Hayden P’s SuperSizeMe lovelife, and the fact that I totally nailed how that was going to turn out and all.

First off, Shaq dating a girl named Nicole “Hoopz” Alexander=the jokes write themselves.  You all are pretty smart, I don’t need to go into detail why this is hysterical and terrifying (hysterrifying?).

I’ll just say that it hurts so much, mommy.  Just to look at it.  So much.  Mommy I need you here with me right now.  My eyes are retreating into my face and all they’ve seen is the *potential* this photo holds.

I can’t make this news the entire focus of this post, I just – I can’t, I can’t do it.  It hurts my vaginal walls even to continue writing about it.  Just please know that I am doing my best right now not to work on the many possible jokes born of the fact that her middle name (street name?  penname?  sea anemone?) is “Hoopz.”  You understand.

However, I WILL note that, after staring at Shaq’s adorable pocket-sized girlfriend, I’m starting to notice that she looks EXACTLY LIKE HAYDEN PAAHHHNETTIIIHHIERREEEE.  Spitting image.  Same hips, same face, same chest, same general look.  I want them to be friends so they can share stories of their x-rated versions of fat man little jacket.  Except, their stories are like, the reverse, of that?  Or something?  See, I need to let this pass.  We have a wedding to attend via this blog.  Let’s get there right now…


Today’s wedding, submitted by the fabulous Bryan and Mae, is absolutely lovely.  And by the way, the thing I almost love the most – if I’m allowed to be silly about it – is that their reception venue is called the “Goei Center” – I don’t know how it’s pronounced, so in my mind I went with “gooey center,” like the gooey yummy middle of an ever so slightly undercooked chocolate chip cookie.  I prefer them slightly undercooked.  FYI.  If you ever send me cookies.  Or a whore teacup, or something along those lines WHERE IS MY WHORE TEACUP WORLD.

Yeah, but so this wedding rumbles my heart a bit, mainly because of the utter simplicity of it.  Like I’ve said so many times before, we go lady gaga over highly detailed weddings here on TKB, but it’s also a fantastic delight to witness, on occasion, a wedding with a true sense of straightforward simplicity and focus on family and the couple’s personal story.  This is one such wedding.

Who am I kidding, all of the weddings on TKB focus on the right, meaningful stuff.  High detail or no detail.  But you guys are pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down here, right?  Ok, let’s get to it…

First, here are some words from our gorgeous bride about her day:

When we first got engaged we knew that we wanted our wedding to have 3 main elements;to tell our story, to honor our guests, and we wanted to have the best dance party ever.  Stories have always consumed my life from Herman Melville to my husband’s childhood to the chuppah of the Jewish tradition.  We loved intertwining the stories of the past with those of the present.  In respect to this passion we gave away used books as favors, and made our escort cards into library cards placed in catalogue drawers.  It turned out to be very eclectic, vintage, and at the same time very meaningful.  My dad and I have a very special relationship and didn’t want just a cheesy, bittersweet song to dance to.  We decided instead to get our groove on to “Whip Your Hair” by Willow Smith.  We got to show all the people we love that we share the same spirit.  It was both surprising to our guests and fun for my dad and I.  Andy and I got the party of our dreams– We didn’t want to leave!  Thanks to Bottom 40 DJ’s and Bryan and Mae, the guests had the most interactive reception with a goof booth and dance party that shook the floor boards.  To all you brides-to-be, make this about you and your future spouse.  Bring forth your story in creative and inspiring ways, and don’t be afraid to let go of control.


OmGOD, how good is this.  How good is all of this????!!!!!!  I heart first looks.  You?

I’m in love.  So simple.  So precious.  So *them* just as Abby wanted.  Of course, that IS the idea… amirite? :)

And now, your Bambino McPuppyPants fix…

He won’t stop doing this, you guys.  Why won’t he stop DOING THIS.

So, thoughts?  As always, say anything.  About anything.  But as always, just be sure to asterisk (*) those cuss words right out.  Thank ya kaandly!

xoxo!  - Alison

P.S. – We are announcing the winning couple of our Cameron Leung Photography Contest TOMORROW, y’all.  So yup, get pumped.  Also, if you’re one of the three finalist couples, kindly refrain from dying of an anticipation heart attack.  Please.  … k?

Photography: Bryan and Mae / Submitted via Two Bright Lights / Hair Stylist: Captivation / Caterer: The Catering Company / Floral Designer: Eastern Floral / Reception Venue: Goei Center / Cake Designer: Delicious Bakeshop / DJ: Bottom 40 / Shoes: Nina Shoes

Shaq and his new opening via Tosh.0

Label(s): Color, Green, {Real Weddings}

Love all of this...


  1. Alicia@Charitywedding on August 10, 2011

    I’ve been blog stalking all day for this post. First, what is your dog doing?! Is that a toy, around his neck? Second, You are right that she does look like Hayden! I was reading through the comments on the Shaq post and someone said “I find it disturbing that no one has noted that he is wearing jean shorts.” Ha, so true, so I am noting it. Because that huge wang can’t distract from bad fashion.

  2. Candace {} on August 10, 2011

    Not only does that picture conjure horrible pictures in my mind, Shaq is proudly displaying his man boobs in that black tank paired with JORTS. That picture couldn’t get any better.

    Well maybe it could if he was carrying Hoopz in a baby papoose.

  3. Jenna on August 10, 2011

    I can’t get past the Bambino photo. That’s my favorite photo of him yet, it’s amazing. I hope you put that toy up when he’s home along though!

  4. Leighann on August 10, 2011

    ohmygod the things you just made me think about! HIS HIPS ARE AT HER SHOULDERS! You don’t need much imagination for that! I need brain bleach stat! How many more times do I want to use an !? And holy crap you’re right… she does look like Hayden Panewhateverhernameis.

    RE: Bam and the toy… please don’t let him stop! It’s too cute. He looks so helpless which makes me love him even more.

  5. The picture of Shaq and Hoopz is so purely terrifying that I can’t even address it…so onto the wedding.

    I am definitely loving the bride’s dress…her bold shoes are wonderful! Something else that is so great are the card catalogue drawers to house the place cards! :) Gosh I love little details.

    Oh McPuppyPants…there is nothing like a good pyramid plush toy.

  6. Lena on August 10, 2011

    Oh my god, the daisies. The tiny woman who might look normal sized in a photo with similarly sized people, and Shaq who might look normal sized in a photo with similarly giant humans, both together look HORRIFYING. Oh my god, Bambs wearing that ridiculous chew toy as a head cage.

    But back to the daisies. AMAZING.

  7. Erica Ann Photography on August 10, 2011

    So cute! I love that the girls are in all black with awesome multi-colored shoes! The wedding is an awesome mix of old stuff and bright and shiny new stuff.

  8. Nora on August 10, 2011

    Uhh, her “Hoopz” fame is from when she was on Flavor of Love. She won. Let that sink in for a little bit…

  9. Kristine G. on August 10, 2011

    Aside from that TERRIFYING photo, I think this is some of the best advice from any bride yet: “Bring forth your story in creative and inspiring ways, and don’t be afraid to let go of control.” So good. So SO good. PS. I have to know–how does Bam get that thing OFF his head? Do you have to free him each. and. every. time?

  10. Jennifer on August 10, 2011

    Love the wedding dress shoes. Don’t know how she pulled green off, but Mae did!

  11. Kristen on August 10, 2011

    Yikes on the Shaq front…just…YIKES!

    Cute wedding, I love the hanging embroidery hoops.

    Me thinks Bambino is wearing the Cone of Silence and is a super secret agent.

  12. Kristina Juarbe on August 11, 2011

    Love the shoes and all the Green!

    And that Shaq picture is hilarious and scary.

  13. Footstone Photography on August 11, 2011

    LOVE how they incorporated different elements and color with the bridesmaids shoes. Looks lovely.

  14. Marie Summers on August 11, 2011

    Love her wedding flower bouquets! So simple and beautiful!

  15. invitation consultants on August 11, 2011

    love the shoe pictures!

  16. Timiry (Dora Grace) on August 11, 2011

    Hello? Buehler? No mention of it but the dress is the best! Any idea who made it?!?

  17. Once Upon Your Day -- Julia on August 11, 2011

    I love the first look idea. I was not to keen on it a whilea ago abut after seeing my couples pictures that do have it, they are soo sweet. Also, loved that the cupcakes were used as centrepieces.

  18. jenny (jennypickle designs) on August 11, 2011

    So I’ve been lurking around your blog for a while…spewed my coffee when I saw the Shaqinlove photo, but HAD to comment on this sweet wonderful wedding! …love the cake topper, the library cards, the cupcakes (oh man I want a cupcake!) But what really got me was the pure emotion I see in those first look pics. This is some masterful photography and just such a wonderful moment. Thanks for sharing!

  19. Colleen {Soundtrack To I Do} on August 12, 2011

    Ok… that is SO disturbing. If you compare it with regular sized human beings, it’s like an average adult holding the hand of an average 4-5 year old. It literally boggles my mind. Also, the wedding is lovely. I love the shoes and the first look photos – so sweet. And Bambino is ridiculous/amazing. That is all.

  20. kjdesignsolutions on August 15, 2011

    I love the colorful shoes. I also love it when there is some fun applied to a wedding. Great and funny photos!

  21. Marty J. Christopher on August 15, 2011

    Ummm…LOVE those shoes! What a great idea! Rainbow heels that are totally bitchin’. Brilliant!

  22. Nora on August 19, 2011

    Also just saw this… A whole slew of your favorite photos!

  23. Louis Vuitton Handbags on August 24, 2011


  24. Lindsey on October 28, 2011

    This wedding and the sentiment behind it are absolutely beautiful. This couple really knew what they wanted and they stuck to their guns in order to put on the celebration of their dreams! Congrats to them and their perfect day!

  25. Kelly on April 24, 2012

    Please don’t make fun of Giant + Small person relationships! My fiance is 6’10″ and I am 5’6″ and we were set up on a blind date by my friend who hadn’t seen his full height because he was sitting a they talked. We are super happy & cute & in love and he just happens to be almost 1.5 feet taller than me. Why should my FI have to date tall women because he’s tall?


Leave a comment