Second verse, same as the first. I have to warn you, yet again, that today’s post got so out of hand I CAN’T EVEN TELL YOU. I’m afraid even to read it over for spelling and punctuation. I fear my own rampant oddness will get the best of me, like two parallel universes (universi?) colliding. I’m scared. Please, hold me.
Yep… happy late afternoon on Friday, friendlies. Please, BRACE THYSELVES.
Ok, now, just so you guys know, when Hilton Pittman submitted this wedding to me, I think my exact words were “are you s****ing me Hilton Pittman” because that’s how amazeballs this wedding is.
Here we go, first order of business: we’re going on a cruise in September (I promise you we’re not 85; we happen to be a very young 78 thank you very much) and I have no idea what to wear on my body. I’m hoping you have suggestions, pretty please. I’m very last minute about things like this, and, since it’s a cruise, if I don’t get my ass in gear I’ll be stuck with the clothes on my back and 24/7 access to Royal Caribbean gift shop visors, available in all colors and sizes. The only thing I’ve gone out and purchased for the trip so far is tons of sunblock. Last time I went on a cruise it was my senior year of college (go Heels!), and one of my friends cooked herself the first day and looked like a lobster the rest of our trip. She truly looked like a lobster, I’m not being melodramatic or hyperbolic or another big word; she was red, it was weird, and we all felt bad for her, and also embarrassed to be nearby to her while out flirting at night. Yeah so cruise attire suggestions? I’ve got the sunblock so far, that’s it. (Addendum: we’ll be in a very warm climate situation. Thanks Katie for that heads up!)
Second order of business is for someone to tell this wedding to SHUT THE FRONT DOOR because the draft it is letting in right now is blowing me the F*** AWAY, SON. I mean, are you SERIOUS, wedding? How are you this magical and wondrous? What’s that? Planning and attention to detail? Oh… umm-ok yeah, that sounds right. Still, you are out of control and I would appreciate it you would let me know exactly what steps it will take to be just like you. No no no that’s not what I meant to say. I meant to say that nothing should be this pretty and get away with it. So it’s a good thing that the hella amazeballs Hilton Pittman of Hilton Pittman Photography submitted these image shenanigans to The Knotty Bride, so I could teach them a proper lesson.
… In adulation. Because holy eff. Holy effing eff. That ruffled clutch alone. I’m already planning out a series of wet dreams far into the future that are going to focus around that ruffled clutch. Ames will also be there. I wonder which color pastel sweater he’ll be wearing around his shoulders. I do hope it’s fuchsia, like in this wedding. He was probably at this wedding. But yeah, fuchsia’s a pretty color. Me, I’ll be wearing two pastel cardigans; one mint green, my favorite color among the greens, that’s the one that will be draped around my shoulders, and then I’ll have a teal cardigan tied around my waste. I think I’ll look nice. I’m sure Ames will look nice. He’ll have a lot of intelligent things to say about our attire and the ruffled clutch, I’m sure. But I do hope he won’t have that expression he had on his face when Ashley sent him home. That expression was *unique* in that it was reminiscent of when I’m going along doing something and then I’m completely SHOCKED. That expression is a lot like when I’m eating something I think is monk fish but it turns out to be a warm piece of poo. That expression is a lot like when I’m expecting to get off at 14th street Union Square but we turn into an express train ALL OF SUDDEN AND WITH NO PREVIOUS WARNING and I start to feel an internal apocalypse coming on because I’m no good with directions in my city. That expression Ames had is a lot like when I pick up Bambino to sit on the couch with us but then he stares me right in the face and simultaneously pees on the couch cushion and accidentally gets some of it on my pinky. Ames looked shocked when Ashley sent him home.
I hope Ames is doing alright. I watched some Bachelor Pad the other night and he seems ok. Which is to say he seems slightly out of his league regarding social interaction, but very much the most incredible catch there, if that makes any sense. He’s definitely the same color as everyone else in the room now. I’m definitely glad to see that everyone’s going to the same spray tanning facility, so that the orange effect is muted thanks to a lack of variety amongst the contestants.
I think this blog post is running away with itself. I think I need to reel it in. Oh and by the way, I’m really sorry to the amazingly beautiful Stephanie aka the bride of this wedding. Does all that up there, about your clutch, weird up the clutch for you now? I’m so sorry about that. … It’s a really beautiful clutch ok you already get that I’m gonna stop talking about your clutch now.
If it’s any consolation, your body looks amazing in that dress of yours and it makes me feel like I need to be up in the gym, just workin’ on my fitness.
It’s images like this that make me want to do 1000 squats and lunges per day. Not that I actually do them, or anything. But the desire is there.
Lovers, I’m gonna quit it with the words right now, because sometimes, weddings can just speak for themselves. And Alison kinda needs to shut it.
Here’s a brief rundown from Hilton, to whet your palate:
This wedding is the perfect mix of casual seaside vibe and glamour…a fête filled to the brim with loveliness and fabulous touches! The bride made a statement embellishing her hair with a fuschia orchid. We love her dramatic bouquet, mermaid style dress with its perfectly feminine ruffled sash and high-heels bedecked with a row of pale petals- she looked the epitome of a modern bride! The groom, effortlessly handsome, donned a seersucker suit and pink boutonniere. After trading “I do’s” in a seaside pier ceremony, the bride, groom and their guests noshed on hors d’oeuvres and sipped margaritas, dancing into the evening under a tented venue strung with colorful paper lanterns.
… not a peep out of me.
yup. that happened. all that up there happened. … WHAAAAAT? I KNOW.
And now, your Friday Edition of A Day in the Life of Bambino McPuppyPants…
In this episode, Bambino finds that even those things within reach, are actually not within reach… at alllll….
… by the way, am I allowed to let him taste a lemon ice cup? I’m no authority on puppy edibles.
Soooooooo… let’s talk. Did you love Ames as much as I love Ames? I think he’s brostess with the mostess. And holy f***balls how incredibly elegant and lovely and romantic is this wedding? Hilton Pittman blows my mind into smithereens.
Also, seriously, if you have any thoughts at all on what I should buy or bring with my on this cruise, please, pray tell. I’m dying here. I’m a terrible packer. Also, happy Friday peeps! I love your faces and wanna kiss ‘em all up all inappropriately.
xoxo! - Alison
Photography: Hilton Pittman Photography / Resort: Westin Key West Resort & Marina / Wedding Coordinator: Julie Shreck of Simply You Weddings / Dress: Gigi’s of Mequon Flowers: Mama Flowers / Hair + Makeup: Casa Salon Officiant: Rev. Steve Torrence / Linens+ Tent + Chairs: Key West Party Rentals / Band: Courtney Henry/Irie Band / Cupcakes: Cakes by Karol