↑ that’s how a *great* proposal can look. but it’s not how today’s story went…
For those of you not keeping track, today is Monday, the official ‘first’ day of a typical American work week. And it is currently late on Monday afternoon for me, on the east coast. Anyway, point is, happy Monday afternoon my beloveds!
Now, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but today – MONDAY – is also “National Relaxation Day.”
Because that just makes sense!
For some reason I woke up super tired this morning, and the annoying thing is I really don’t know why. I know it’s not mono; I got that out of the way my first year of college, because I take care of business like that. And I haven’t been through any forests lately, so it’s not Lyme. I’m actually just saying these things so no one comes out with suggesting I have mono or Lyme Disease. I don’t. Anyway, so this tired thing is not just like “oh man, I’m feeling pretty tired right now, need coffee” tired; I’m talking “I feel like I ran the perimeter of Australia yesterday and then ate a turkey all by myself, along with three bottles of wine, immediately after – I said AFTER, Child Services - birthing a child the natural way (at home, by bending over and pooping it out = this is how I imagine it happening). None of those things are things that have happened in my life. And the birthing part is the only thing in my future. I am *not* a marathon runner, nor do I ever plan to be. Don’t ask. Long story short, I ran track in highschool, and I was a sprinter, but our Super Aggressive coach forced everyone to participate in all types of races. I caught on to the baton races, but cross country + exercise-induced asthma do not a pukeless race make.
I’m going to attribute this odd and unfamiliar case of fatigue to the fact that my body’s just forcing this special tribute of a day upon my brainstem and ligaments, where all tribute days should be enforced. I’m sure the fatigue has nothing to do with my going to bed at 3:30am after reviewing nowhere near half of the more than 100 applications for Knotty Bloggistaship and then watching Family Guy on Cartoon Network. I’m sure that’s all unrelated.
Seriously, do we have a carbon monoxide leak in this apartment today? Or maybe someone’s trying to kill me?
Anyway, because I went to college, I was able to figure out that the best way to counteract my mental and physical fatigue is to put on this Meditation mix I’m listening to via Pandora. You are lucky I am not currently asleep.
Back to National Relaxation Day for just ONE MINUTE MORE: I think days that assert how you’re supposed to behave should come along with legal implications to corporations that do not abide by the rules set for these special days, or these *special days* should not assert themselves at all (or at least only in tax haven countries, where a few filed papers and an empty conference room are sufficient grounds for proving your company is based in Switzerland and therefore must only abide by the laws set there, which may or may not include this bulls*** Relaxation Day). Because I have a strong feeling that .001 percent of my friends who have office jobs are currently doing anything that even remotely resembles *relaxing* today. So National Relaxation Day is more a mockery of modern day civilized life, than a day everyone gets to celebrate. At this point I’ve worked myself up into HATING NATIONAL RELAXATION DAY’S GUTS, by proxy no less. Yeeesh. I’m too empathic, y’all. Anyway, I’ma blog through the fatigue y’all… because I have bowel movements and proposal disappointment to address. Bowel movements and proposal disappointments! ONWARDS. Here we go:
If nothing else, I think you guys know that the whole idea here on TKB can be whittled down to the fact that I do not purport to be the single girl in the universe who doesn’t go number two. This is essentially the blog’s unofficial mission statement. It’s of course not THE mission statement, because that would be *taking things a little too far*. But what it is, is it’s a great way to provide an understanding of what goes on here, in the World of Knotty.
I definitely cannot say the same about myself at a younger age. I mean obviously. I played my part in perpetuating the Girls Don’t Poop! myth way back when I was swimming around in the dating pool, and yup that even includes the early stages of dating my Mr. Right. (hi Honey! how much are you loving this post? this much? *arms spread apart the slightest bit, to indicate not at all*) Acting like you don’t poop is just this weird thing girls try to do. Sometimes unsuccessfully, because Mexican food is always gonna be the scissors to your paper in that unwinnable game of Rock Paper Scissors. And I honestly don’t know a single girl who hasn’t at one point in her life been that girl, who fakes it ’til she makes it. HAHAHAHAH literally. We just for some reason think that most guys want to think we don’t do the “gross things” they do. We think they don’t really want to know that we’re human. That icky things happen. It’s an unfortunate fact of feminine life, to believe you have to be perfect and pretty when you’re young. Soon, though, hopefully, you grow out of that. And hopefully, it’s sooner than later. Because guess what? EVERYBODY POOPS. We’re at least a good two centuries away from being able to beam our crap to another dimension. Yes I watched Family Guy last night at 3am where they beamed poop to another dimension. Shenanigans ensued. Best episode ever.
Why did I talk about poop for two whole paragraphs? Because I wanted to get you super ready for another thing that lots of people don’t talk about. And it’s in the area of marriage proposals.
Cheryl is a friend of mine. Some of you may know her as the lovely lady who goes by the name Bridal Rehab. Well, she shared a story with me recently, when I asked if there was anyone out there who wanted to share their disappointing proposal story on the blog. Here’s her story. She shares it not simply in an effort to bitch and moan. She shared it because this s*** just HAPPENS. It happens. It does. To a lot of women. It is not *crazy* to be disappointed by something like a proposal. After all, have you not built it up in your mind to be the most magical day ever? Something you want to look back upon with fond memories? While there are always exceptions, I don’t think it’s out of the realm of truths that many want it at least to be something special. But… it doesn’t always go down like that.
I present to you, Cheryl’s story…
If you want to know how to ruin your proposal, look no further, I will tell you how to do it. However, let’s start with some background before I move into how to ruin your proposal.
The hubs and I have always had a bad track record when it comes to romance. It’s not a strong suit of either of us and when we try, it always comes out with a resounding fail. Don’t think that it doesn’t stop us though from attempting to be romantic. In the end it always comes out to be an awesome story that we have learned to laugh at.
Case and point, when I gave him his promise ring (now wedding band). He had given me a promise ring, so I thought it would only be appropriate if I returned the favor by doing so. I picked out a lovely tungsten ring and came up with a fail proof plan… or so I thought. To save you a super long story, my plan involved taking a stroll down a beach at sunset, which was ruined by a decapitated seal that had washed up and crying children who were understandably upset by the seal with no face. Not to mention a pungent aroma that permeated the air. Needless to say it was more or less… yeah… it was at least indescribable.
After the whole promise ring fiasco, he vowed that the proposal would not mirror our un-romantic times. In a series of bullet points, I will show you what was warning signs for an un-romantic proposal.
Number 1: The cards are not the best this week. The week started off on a bad note for us. We share one car and on our way home one Monday night we had gotten into a car accident, which started the week off on a bad note. Upset that the right hand trunk area had been crunched in, I was distraught and moody for the rest of the week with all the running around that we had to do with the car, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel because it was Labor Day weekend.
Number 2: Unnecessary stress from visitors. That 3-day weekend brought us a visitor in the form of my brother and we ferried him around Las Vegas all weekend until he left on Monday morning. With our car being out of commission and work being stressful, it was definitely not as relaxing a weekend as we thought it would be.
Number 3: Arguing in the middle of the night is a no no. I think any rational person knows that starting a hostile conversation at midnight isn’t going to bring out the best response from either of you, so I would just avoid it period. However, in my crazy mind I couldn’t.
See, the thing was that the hubs and I had started planning the wedding before I had actually gotten the ring. I know, I know, don’t judge. It took us a long time to find the ring that we had wanted, so we thought what the hell. Let’s just start planning everything. On top of that, we had also just moved in together and we all know how much of a picnic it is the first couple of months. In hindsight, we should have probably waited to plan everything, once he had gotten the ring, instead of overloading all of eggs into one basket.
The next week we were going to drive down to San Diego to meet up with some vendors. Stressed out about the car and then the money situation, I stupidly brought it up as we were going to sleep that Sunday night. We fought relentlessly about money, the ring, etc. If it was something ridiculous, I probably brought it up in my sleeplessness.
Which brings me to number 4: don’t ever say anything you don’t mean. The reason is that you’re definitely going to be served a piping hot piece of humble pie. This is just common sense. However at 1:00 am, you could be lacking some of it.
After fighting about basically nothing, I blurt out in my rage “I don’t even want the stupid ring.” The argument came to a crushing halt and there was silence in the room. He got out of bed, open the door to the bedroom, brought in his backpack. Out of the backpack came the famed Tiffany blue box with a white ribbon tied perfectly on the top. He then said loudly “Here,” and walked to my side of the bed “I got you the ring already.” At this point, I had already slid down under the covers in embarrassment and guilt and found myself bawling my eyes out. As I lay under the covers, I knew I messed it up and there’s no going back. THIS WAS IT. This was what I had been waiting for. My impatience has finally hit a wall. I eventually emerged out of the covers to find him standing over me with a frustrated look over his face. “If you had just waited till next weekend, this would have happened where we would have been getting married.” Basically, a cliff overlooking the ocean in La Jolla but instead because of my impatience, I was getting this.
The rest is history and the reason that our proposal will be one of my biggest regrets. Which leads me to the last bullet…
Number 5: Be Patient. Things will work out, as they should. If you poke and prod it to happen on your schedule it will blow up in your face eventually. Sure, we joke about the proposal now, but the fact of the matter is that this was something that could have been avoided and I blame being caught up in all the hoopla that wedding planning can consume you into and the expectations that you think is suppose to happen. Not everything can be planned and some times go with it. I wish that I did. Learn from me and just go with it.
xoxo – Cheryl of Bridal Rehab
Now, here’s the question part…
Were you absolutely thrilled with the way your marriage proposal went down? Were you in any way disappointed, but possibly feeling guilty about feeling that way? On the flipside, do you feel that there’s undue pressure on men to perform up to the standards set by videos you see showing incredible proposals caught on film? Further, do you think that’s redonk, to be worrying about “undue pressure” on men with regard to proposals, because we have to take care of the child birth part? Do you think I’ve been watching way too many documentaries on the difficulties of child birth?
xoxo! - Alison
Images: Submitted by Alexa Stutts, of Alexa’s Photography / Nope, they aren’t of Cheryl of Bridal Rehab. But if you read this blog post, you should probably already be able to tell that.