BRIDESMAID LOVE + Where Are My Coitus Auditions, Bachelor Pad 2? | Plus, it’s all about baring your midriff on your wedding day, says one single soul on this Earth. Guess who? DON’T ALL ANSWER AT ONCE.

that’s a sneak peek from an upcoming feature I’m excited to share (I mean, obvs.; just look at it) but also don’t want to associate in full-feature-form with this smorgasbord of a blog post conversation today.  We have other fish to fry and/or lightly bake with low-fat gluten free cornflake crumbs, and all that starts….. now:

Happy early evening on Tuesday, my buddies my pals!  How you doin’ out there?  You good?  I trust that those of you out there who are waiting on this recap have had ample time to go ahead and watch it?  Waited ’til 8pm EST this time to take this live, just to be sure!  Because there are definitely slight spoilers ahead, F to the Y to the I.

Ok, SO!  I’m gonna start today with a quick question that I’m looking forward to getting your thumbs up or thumbs down on.  Your feedback to yesterday’s post was the bomb, and I think a whole lot of us got a whole lot out of it, which makes me break out in hives of itchy pleasure.  While the topic was a bit of a downer, your comments were so interesting and honest and real, and I loved every minute of what you had to say and share.  Now, the question: 

We’ve heard things from the perspective of the person receiving a proposal… now, would you be interested in hearing it from the one doing the proposing?  The stresses, the feelings involved, the whole experience and what the concept of *proposing* has become to those doing the work, in these modern times?  Please do sound off in the comments.  Moving on to our second round…

~ BACHELOR PAD: We Call High School “The Preseason” ~

You guys, I’m a little concerned that not everyone on Bachelor Pad is strictly ‘there to make friends’ this season.

Mike Staglione definitely is.  He’s effortlessly cuddly and honest.  Straight shooter that guy.  Holly, too.  And Gia.  In fact I see myself in Gia, except of course for the RETINA-SINGEING BEAUTY.  Gia wanted to win, but she wanted it to be by sending *bad/dishonest* contestants home.  And then she got backstabbed by her buddy – Grant, is it?  So she left the show, because homey don’t play that.  I feel you on that, Gia.  I feel you right here *points to chest where heart would be*.

But most everyone else on the show?  They all seem to be ‘there to win,’ and not ‘to make friends.’  Based on the frequency with which contestants tend to declare this on Bachelor-related shows, one should safely be able to assume that ‘making friends’ is what should be going on, and that ‘not’ being there to do that, is anti-the point of the show?  No?  Ok.  Anyway, Ashley Herrrberrrre was a charming little baggage-less beauty compared to what we’re dealing with on Bachelor Pad 2 this season.  Honestly, why do you make me watch this stuff?  What’s that?  I have a choice?  What’s that?  There’s the door, there’s another door over there, and I can leave whenever I want to?  Wait a second – who’s there… is that you, Chrisharrison?  I’m not Vienna – I’m not – you’re trying to talk to Vienna.  Right.  Ok – yeah, no it’s cool.  We cool.  Your hair looked very nice and coiffed and much fuller/filled with more matter on the show last night, by the way Chrisharrison.  Even when you willingly delivered the line “alright ladies, we’re about to start the third and final question… here comes the first contestant… your question: Who are you least attracted to?”  But just a note, Chrisharrison… I think you left out “now, pitch eggs at the backs of these girls’ heads.  No yeah, go ahead, do it.  Yeah, at any speed that feels comfortable to you.  No, yeah, mercilessly-fast is fine.  Mmm hmm.

You guys, one of the 13 times my heart broke during this episode was when heavily medicated Erica got shot in the a$$, arm, side-face and face-neck on the “Who are you least attracted to” question.  It was HORRIFIC to watch.

HORRIFIC.  I don’t care if they signed up for it.  Women simply do not deserve to be put through such horrible horribleness.



……………….. And then she said this:

“It’s hurtful that people are targeting me, especially when there’s someone like Ella who’s definitely way bigger than I am, and I don’t think she’s that pretty.”

And also this:

“I’m voting off Ella tonight.  Ella’s a good competitor for sure; she really needs the money, and would do anything to win, so I really wanna get rid of her.”

That’s talent!  It’s like magic, the way Erica can get everyone to turn on/be angry at her, all at once, across the entire country.  And at her most vulnerable time, no less!  No, I will not be making any parallels to politicians.


Where are the term papers and backpacks?  Are they just not filming the study group sessions?  Because so far this season is reminding me a lot of what high school was like for me.

Also, the hot tubs?  Where are they?  There was absolutely zero hot tub action last night.  Maybe I missed it?  If anything, ABC, I’ve come to expect my hot tub scenes and my Sex Try-outs (you may know them as Fantasy Suite Card dates), and I’ve come to expect them plentifully.  What gives?

~ And now, an ode to Ames Brown, The Man, The Myth, The Intellectual. ~

I love Ames Brown.  And it is hardly a result of his mind-blowing fashionableness alone.  His teeth are very straight.  His face has 17 different levels of “shocked.”  He’s the only one who looks awkward all the time because he is being filmed for a reality television show and so looks normal because THAT’S HOW YOU SHOULD LOOK IF YOU’RE ON REALITY TELEVISION AND GETTING FILMED ALL THE TIME FOR YOUR LAUGHABLENESS.  I know how much people love all caps, so you’re welcome, for that.  So yeah, these things about Ames are all. great. things.  But superficial things.  One cannot love for superficial things, amirite?  So, to share for a moment why this man is The Man, I have this to say…

Thank you, Ames, for – in the final throws of what felt like the most jam-packed-with-drama episode of any reality tv show we’ve ever seen, ever in our lives – for making me tear up by showing what good, kind and beautiful things that good, kind and honorable men are capable of when they truly believe that they have found love.  Even if it’s with Jackie.  Yes, maybe he’s got quite a lot of dollars, much more than what he stood to win on the show and so this is no true sacrifice; yes, maybe Jackie’s totally fine off, too; yes, maybe those pinkish red (reddish pink?) pants were an interesting choice; yes, maybe he did *have to think about it for a sec* before actually running after Jackie’s limo.  Yes, maybe all these things.  But in the end, our beloved Ames did the righteous thing, the valiant thing, the beautiful thing… and that is, create a tear-jerking final sequence to a highly emotional reality show, thus bringing us great television.  So thank you, for that.  We will collectively drape our tennis sweaters around our shoulders in salute, and wish you and Jackie all the luck and happiness in the world.

Oh, you guys broke up?  Shoot.  That is a BUMMER.  Ah well, pip pip, cheerio!

In other news, if you guessed “Tara Reid” as the answer to the mystery midriff barer in our title, congratulations, friend!  And by the way, I missed Brooke Burke when Tara replaced her on that late night E! show, too.  Totally changed the tone of that show.  It was classy porn that we could get away with watching when Brooke was the one hosting it, all classily.  When Tara took over it just became direct porn.  YEAHTHANKS, Tara.

Anyway, she got herself a husband, y’all! ↓ Oh and by the way, Tara just whispered a secret in my ear:

First rule of Classy Club is you don’t use the word “classy.”  I know, right, Tara?  Tara gets it.

Here’s the rundown Samantha from Life & Style sent us on the big event:

On Aug. 13, American Pie alum Tara Reid got engaged to Zack Kehayov — and then tied the knot the same day in Greece. Now Life & Style can exclusively reveal the first photo from the wedding! And the star is ecstatic about her marriage. “She can’t wait to get back to America and celebrate with her friends and family,” a friend of Tara’s tells Life & Style.

“I just got engaged!” the actress tweeted that day. Just hours later, Tara, 35, returned to Twitter to announce that she was a newlywed. “Just got married in Greece,” she tweeted. “I love being a wife.” And after much speculation about who Tara actually married, she announced on Twitter early this morning,  ”His name is Zack Kehayov.”

Tara recently ended her relationship with Danish businessman Michael Lillelund. She was previously engaged to Internet entrepreneur Michael Axtmann but called it off in April 2010. She was also engaged to The Voice host Carson Daly but split in June 2001. This is the first marriage for the American Reunion star.

As always, many thanks to Samantha for sending us that little inbox surprise.  And peeps, if you’d like to see more photos inside Tara Reid’s wedding, pick up the new issue of Life & Style, on newsstands Wednesday.

And now, my personal new favorite pic of ‘Bino.  I call this one, “jus loungin’ on ma bell.”  (Bell = belly in the Knotty household.  STOP LAUGHING AT US.)

That smile always makes everything better.  For us, anyway.

{New bit →} Spam Comment of the Day:

“I like this website presented and it has given me some sort of inspiration to have success for some reason, so thank you.”

Listen, anytime, guy.  For whatever reason.


So, thoughts?  Specifically about whether or not you’d be interested in reading a post written from the perspective of the person doing the marriage proposing.  And also, as always, kindly go ahead and spill your various musings on anything else I addressed in this here post.  You know I love it when you spill it on me.  EW, NOT LIKE THAT.

xoxo!  - Alison

Photography (sneak peek): Amber Fischer / Flowers: Sweet Pea & Lace, Boise, ID

Bachelor Pad images: taken by me

Label(s): Mr. McPuppyPants, {Celebrity Weddings}

Love all of this...


  1. Naomi on August 16, 2011

    I don’t know what to say…seriously…where do I begin. You need your own show…seriously! If you don’t get picked up by some TV show…they are stupid. Wouldn’t have to show your face just your hands typing, McPuppy Pants at your feet, and you talking. It would be a gangsta size hit! Really!

  2. Lena on August 16, 2011


    First, on proposing. I love it, and I think it’s epic and fantastic, but I also can’t help but think that I would completely screw it up. Or buy myself a ring and tell John that I was proposing to him by way of me, and he would hang his head and gouge out his eye. Or I would have to guess his approximate finger size, because unlike me he does not post his ring size on the fridge, in my calendar or as a phone reminder. Inevitably I’d guess wrong, and then we’d have this awkward ring that didn’t fit floating around for months. So while I think it’s enviable and awesome to say “Hey asshole, we live together so let’s throw a big party”, I just don’t know if I’m up to it. Those would be my exact words though.

    Now onto AMES. The awwwwwww heard round the world is what that sequence should have been called. The way he awkwardly waved, speechless in his happiness. The way she didn’t really move over enough in the limo to initially let him in, because she had no idea what was going on. The way they broke up, and apparently he did the dumping?!?? WTF, Ames?

    Of course I totally agree that his delightful awkwardness on camera is possibly his most appealing trait. No one should be able to make out and react to Gia leaving and Vienna crying and Kasey’s voice like you would react to the grocery store cashier.

    But now that Ames is presumably back in his native New York, can my future visit include finding him at said grocery store to watch him in his natural habitat? Am I the only person that just White Page-d Ames? No?

    Now, Tara Reid, please take a lesson from our darling Ames and put something on. Probably not in that reddish pink shade we were talking about earlier (were they Nantucket red in some weird lighting, or magenta?), but really, there is no reason, other than to brag that your stomach finally looks less creepy, to bare your midriff in your wedding photos. I’m sure your union to a complete stranger is all the more solid because of that belly baring top.

    And finally, Bambs. That smile is perfect, and exactly what I need right now.

    Did I tell you that after losing my wallet and replacing the smashed rear window on the company car today, then being denied a rental car because my “license” is actually a half sheet of paper with a black and white photocopy of my NJ drivers license on it that tomorrow I will be getting a CALIFORNIA drivers license. If I pass the test.

    What is the speed limit if you cannot see more than 400 ft past a railroad track?

  3. Abby {Super Burbs} on August 16, 2011

    ditto Lena.

    p.s. this is hilarious. The comment box is THE place to be!

  4. Alicia@Charitywedding on August 16, 2011

    Please explain to me why any one would want to marry Tara… I mean is Greece so far behind that it thinks American Pie is still a box office hit. Does he not realize that she is broke and wearing a BELLY SHIRT?! Red Flag Zack. Or that she has broken off 12 engagements already?! Let’s start a pool on how long this will last.

    And please. Watch a show that I can watch so that what I am sure is hilarious commentary, actually will make sense to me. Again, I only get NBC.

  5. Jennifer on August 16, 2011

    Yeah, the same guy on the Bachelor Pad kept getting hit too for that question! He seemed to laugh it off a little though. But the girls weren’t as good at throwing, he could have been hit at least 2 more times!

  6. Naomi on August 16, 2011

    I am back because I knew the hits would keep on coming and I was right. Lena and Alicia have me peeeing on the floor…seriously! If you met Alicia in person you would know why I am laughing!! OMG Lena & Alicia & Knotty epic…Abby and I would just laugh our butts of!!

  7. Janna (SparklyLove) on August 16, 2011

    Oh man, Ames and Jackie broke up already? That is disappointing. I had such high hopes for them. Anddddddd over it.

    I would like to hear the proposal stories from the other side. I almost ruined my own proposal by stressing, obsessing, and just generally freaking out about it. I think I’d feel a little better hearing how the guys really feel!

  8. Heidi on August 17, 2011

    First off the sneak peak is adorable and I can’t wait to see the rest, and to skip ahead I would love to hear the perspective from someone who is proposing :)

    Now for BP: I 100% feel the same way about Erica, and your little tid bit about oh Jackie and Ames breaking up = GOLDEN!!! His pants were ridiculous and he’s an odd duck. Once again love your recap, look forward to it every week, i seriously laugh out loud and my bf asks me what I’m reading, love it!!!

    All I can say about Tara is wtf? I’m sure it’ll last lol

  9. Rhiannon Nicole {Hey Gorg} on August 17, 2011

    Lena! You need to be an author. Longest comment eva haha love it! And the whole Ames think would have been adorable if they had stayed together, no? Who does that then breaks up afterwards? Sigh. Either way, he is adorable and I have to say I sort of like him. Oh andthe target thing on the back? Makes me so sad too. So degrading and silly. But then again that’s what reality tv is ALL about!

  10. Rhiannon Nicole {Hey Gorg} on August 17, 2011

    OH and did you see Hilary Duff is pregnant? Oy.

  11. Desiree on August 17, 2011

    i revel in finding fellow ames lovers! JP is some nice eye candy for sure, but ames really- you are amazing! i could go on and on about my love of ames and his robotic cuteness, his country club chic attire, and his heart melting smile. i got teary when he stopped the limo.! i was really happy to see him and jackie together- she’s seemingly normal and sweet and the kind of girl that my ames needs. sad about the break up.

    here’s a question- they keep showing clips for “if you would like to date the next bachelorette…” sooo- does that mean we get another bachelorette next? who will it be? emily? chantal? jen scheft?

    can you have an ames section every week?

    ok- yes, would love to read the proposers commentary!

  12. jacin {lovely little details} on August 17, 2011

    i may or may not have imitated ames holding up his hands in the air and then robotically running to the car, one foot in front of the other with straight legs, almost like a ken doll (you know, because he can’t bend his legs).

    and lena, i heard that awwww heard round the world from my apartment too!

  13. jacin {lovely little details} on August 17, 2011

    and PS lena you are hilarious

  14. Marty J. Christopher on August 17, 2011

    I did not guess Tara Reid, though I *should* have. Damn.

  15. invitation consultants on August 17, 2011

    wonderful bachelor pad commentary, as always :)

    can’t wait for the lovely (very large?) wedding you teased us with!

  16. Rachael on August 17, 2011

    I would love to hear a proposer’s point of view. I feel like there is so much pressure on the ones doing the proposing to do something MINDBLOWINGLY AMAZEBALLS. I’m curious how they feel.

    Also, how they feel when, say, they plan this whole night or whatever and something screws it up. Not in the “awful” way, just in the “wait this is different from exactly what I planned” way.

  17. Dessert Darling on August 17, 2011

    “His face has 17 different levels of shocked” I’m laughing so hard my fiance wants to know what they hey now.
    And um, I’m extremely jealous of the Gorgeous color scheme of that wedding in the top. Perfection. I feel like that was kind of what I was trying to go for, but didn’t quite pull off- we shall see in exactly one month!

  18. Diana Rush on August 19, 2011

    First, that bridal party is awesome & I can’t wait to see the full wedding. Second, I didn’t even know that show existed… and even though I love love, I hate what TV reality shows do to it! Lastly, Bam just looks like he needs some more cuddling, right?!


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