AMAZEBALLS DIY OUTDOOR WEDDING | Plus, Your Bachelor Pad Recap (OR, ‘How I Almost Vomited Four Times’) Also, caught with my pants down during that earthquake.

I have news.  I now know what an earthquake feels like, since, as many of you know, one just happened along what seems to be the entire eastern seaboard, including parts of Canada.  I’ve always wondered how I’d react in an earthquake situation, and I’m proud to say that I know the answer to that now.  That is where the pride ends, though.  Here’s what I did and thought as the eaaarth. mooooooved. undah-mah-feet:

What I did - remained still; looked Ames Shocked.

What I thought to myself - “Is someone… why is someone out there shaking my building?  Come on, whoaoooooooaaaaaaahhh who is shaking my building right nooooow????

… Bambo, you ok?  *looks at Bambo* *Bambo = snoring; Bambo seems over the earthquake, while it is currently happening to him*

… Is that furniture movement?  What kind of furniture movement in the apartments above and adjacent to mine could be causing such movement?  Ok, I need to get up and put some shorts on.”

And ↑ THAT ↑, my friends, is how a pro deals with a 5.8 earthquake.  Imma let that sink in for a moment so you guys can draw from my experience and response, and just really feel prepared when it one day happens to you.

BACHELOR PAD TWO RECAP TIME

Ok, NOW.  Kimberly Carlson submitted the loveliest, prettiest wedding to me recently, and I’m PSYCHED to whip it out.  But first, of course, your Bachelor Recap, lovers…

Because last night was so shenanigan-filled and retina-blanching, and because I like writing lists when there’s too much to cover without losing my mind, I present to you, my Bachelor Pad 2 recap list… and GO:

Lemme set the scene for the show: Everyone’s in a bathing suit.  Ok now that I’ve set the scene for the show, let’s begin…

  • Why didn’t anyone tell me that Kasey had the voice of an angel?
  • Thanks to this show, I’ve come to realize that I’m a very big fan of mens’ package close-up shots.  By “very big fan” I mean I can’t really stand this show anymore, beyond the little bit I’ve been able to stand this show.
  • Michelle Money seems very much the voice of reason on Bachelor Pad 2.  *Home Improvement Sitcom Grunt*
  • I don’t know what turned me on more about his singing; the way his head trembled with every held note, or the way it’s paired with his good looks.  I’m excited to see Kasey perform on The Muppet Show Tonight.  I’m sure he’s welcoming the opportunity to become more than the guy who has his arm up Kermit’s muppet anus.
  • There were many moments on the show where I had to watch through my scissorhands.  This is how I watch scary movies.  Face mostly covered by palm, with eye-slits created by the separation of the fore- and middle-fingers.  Occasionally the middle- and ring-fingers.
  • Watching and listening to Kasey singing caused me to dry heave, at the same time that I was screaming “nooooooooooooo” which was at same time that I was sitting very still, unable to move.  I used to experience sleep paralysis in college, but now I realize, finally, that it was just the boy band music my roommate played late at night.
  • I don’t like how obvious tiara’d Erica Rose is making it that she’s on prescription slow-release medication.
  • Tiara’d Erica Rose experiences remarkable bouts of Prozac-induced honesty release, which is likely a response to her slow-release medication.  Please note that these are not to be mocked; on the contrary, they are to be treasured, as the little emotionless truth gems they are.  For emotions destroy truth.  But Prozac destroys emotions.  However, paper destroys Prozac (it suffocates it – this is how it destroys rock).  Actually, rock destroys everything, and our childhood games are bulls**t.  Seriously who the f**k thought up Rock Paper Scissors.  No seriously I’m asking.
  • Prozac is really changing reality television.
  • When Jake Pavelka kissed Erica Rose, my body – I don’t – I really don’t know how to explain this to you – my body, it began to involuntarily spasm and simultaneously release deep, guttural yells and moans, that I refuse to discuss after this day.  I would like to leave it back there, back on Monday night.  So let’s just agree not to revisit it.  It’s best.  Hehe-heh-no, uhhh, no reason – hehehe – no reason to relive it, RIGHT??!
  • “I definitely have good lips.  That I maintain.  With getting injections every six months.” – honesty gem from Erica, brought to you by Prozac.
  • As Kasey slowly opened up a ring box gift for Vienna, Vienna growled “I don’t want it to be an engagement ring!”   Kasey then explains, it actually isn’t an engagement ring, but a promise ring.  Phew.  Awkward moment avoided!
  • I’m worried I’m the only one who found Bret Michaels’ appearance to be utterly laughable and 17 versions of awkward.
  • Am I the only one who found Bret Michaels’ appearance to be the above?
  • Bret Michaels deserved a better stage.  His kitchenette served only to literally cramp his style.  And by style, I mean why the f**k was Bret Michaels on Bachelor Pad 2.
  • Vienna was probably the inspiration for that Debbie Downer character on SNL back when Rachel Dratz(sp?) was on the show.
  • I miss the hot tub scenes from Rachel Dratz and Will Ferrell on SNL, in which they called themselves “lover.”
  • WHERE THE F**K ARE MY HOT TUB SCENES, BACHELOR PAD 2?!
  • Vienna needs to go.  I want her to meet with the makeup artist on set, have a sit-down lesson for an hour, maybe pick up some eye-makeup application tips, learn a bit about “Warm” and “Cool” colors, and which skin tones they pair best with, and then I want her to leave the show forever.  But I’m serious ABC, I really want you to let her hang out for about an hour, and get some one on one time with your senior makeup artist.
  • I miss Gia Allemand.
  • Is it true Gia Allemand is dating one of the producers?
  • I love endings where they drum roll for a long time and then cut to black right at the moment you’re going to hear the thing you’ve been waiting to hear for 2 hours.
  • Vienna really showed her garlic clove murdering skills last night.  I think I’d have fun with her on a camping trip; she could cook probably.  I bet she’d have a lot of not-entitled-sounding things to say.

AMAZEBALLS DIY WEDDING TIME

It’s time for this f**king amazeballs wedding, y’all.

This wedding excites me, because it’s changed my mind about something.  I really delight in moments like that, as I like to think of myself as someone who’s open to new experiences (shut up, Honey).  So, when Kimberly Carlson submitted today’s feature, I ’bout crapped my pants, from sheer previously-held-belief-shockage.  This wedding… it’s all pink and purple.  I usually HAAAAAATE all pink and purple.  But this wedding… it’s somehow DIFFERENT.  Somehow… UNBELIEVABLY CHIC AND ADORABLE AND ROMANTIC AND I’M GOING TO LOSE READERS IF I keep talking in caps.  Let’s stop that right now shall we.

Shauna and Robert did such a fantastic job with their wedding, and I truly adore this couple’s aesthetic.  Hope you guys enjoy it, too!

But first, here’s the rundown from our gorgeous bride:

My wedding day came together so wonderfully. It was great when my husband looked around at everything in awe, and then looked at me and told me how beautiful everything was. I knew at that point that all of the hard work and planning had paid off.

To make our wedding really special, we added a lot of DIY touches and decorations that held special significance in our relationship. We had two subtle themes to our wedding. One was music and the other was a key. We had special song lyrics on our save the dates and programs, played special songs at our ceremony, and our vows also had lots of song lyrics inserted throughout.. My husband plays guitar and sings and I also enjoy singing. Participating in the worship band at our old church was one thing that brought us together, so we wanted that to be a part of our wedding.

The other special things we portrayed throughout our wedding were keys. Because I’m a girl who likes to have things go according to a plan, I wouldn’t allow my then boyfriend to propose until I said it was okay. He joked that there was a window of opportunity for marriage and that it was closed and locked! So when I was ready, I wrapped up an antique key and attached my dad’s phone number to it, giving him a key to the window of opportunity and the key to my heart. So we had keys on our wedding website, invitations, place cards, and the original key on my bouquet.

So I’m now married to my best friend and had a truly magical day. My advice in planning a wedding would be to focus on the big picture. If you want to stress about the nitty gritty details, make sure that you’re doing it for you and your future husband and no one else, because in the end, that’s all that really matters.

*i die.*

Thoughts?  Bachelor Pad peeps, lemme hear your thoughts.  And if you’re not a Bachelor Pad watcher, I admire you.  We all admire you.  But also, I’d love to hear what you think of this killer wedding. :)

xoxo!  - Alison

Photography: Kimberly Carlson Photography / Wedding Planner, Decor, Table settings & Flowers: Genesis Master of Events / Dessert: Britni Gardner with Sweets by Britni / The Dress/dresses: Elegant Bride / The Brides shoes: Unlisted / The suits: Fresno Suit Outlet / The tie: JC Penney’s / Signs/Painted Letters: The groom and bride made themselves.

Label(s): Color, Pink, Purple, {Real Weddings}

Love all of this...

19 comments

  1. Marit on August 23, 2011

    Okay, so purple and pink usually makes me vomit. But this bride sure did pull it off. Amazing!

    Reply
  2. Bianca on August 23, 2011

    Oh my gosh!!!!! Your Bachelor Pad recap was perfection. Basically everything you said was my reaction and thought as well. The singing, oh the singing… A promise ring?…. A desperate need for eye makeup… Watching through scissor fingers!

    It’s like a bad car accident… You know you should look away, you want to look away, but you just can’t.

    Reply
  3. Didi on August 23, 2011

    pretty amazing how they chose purple and pink, and still made it look good! I understand why you were talking in all caps :P
    I love the ‘bride’ and ‘groom’ cards with the heart keyhole and the key! adorbs!

    Reply
  4. Jenna on August 23, 2011

    I am not a pink fan, but this wedding rocks. It’s so tailored around the couple it’s perfect. I also absolutely love her dress. I couldn’t/wouldn’t wear it (I would look absurd) but it’s so gorgeous and I’m so glad she wore it so I can see someone amazing in it :-)

    That said… I’m gonna put this out there and hope no one throw tomatoes… I’d like to vote no on the bachelor pad recaps. I don’t watch any of those shows, but I’ve loved reading your recaps because they’re so funny (and I save time!). However I feel like this is recapping the real world/road rules challenge version of the show and I’m starting to skim…

    Reply
  5. Winnie on August 23, 2011

    I KNEW ERICA LOOKED FAMILIAR!

    http://blog.vh1.com/2010-06-25/scandal-youre-cut-offs-erica-rose-has-eaten-fast-food-and-gasp-shopped-at-hm/

    Ugh. THAT was a horrible show. BP is palatable compared to You’re Cut Off. But I still can’t bring myself to watch it. I think I like the Bachelor/Bachelorette better since at least I can pretend they’re all there to find true love. ::snort:: On BP, they’re all there just to make each other look like jackasses, but pretend that it’s “all in the name of the game.”

    Also, in the vein of screwed up childhood games, I went YEARS before I found out “Hey, Cow!” wasn’t a game everybody played and it was just something my parents made up on a road trip to keep my siblings and I occupied. There are 4 of us kids, and we would split into pairs. One would be on one side of the car and the other pair would be on the other. Windows would be rolled down. And while one kid bellowed, “Hey! Cow! MOOOOOOOO!” The other one would keep count of how many cows . . .
    1) Looked up – 1 point
    2) Mooed back – 3 points

    For serious. Whoever had the post points, won. We would do this for hours, since Oregon has many many many dairy farms on the coast. I was 16 and on my first road trip with my friends when I found out this game? Totally screwballs.

    On a much more serious note, I love this wedding’s centerpieces. The bright pops of color stand out so much, that the simple centerpieces just bring it all together. Love love love. And that dress is killer.

    Reply
  6. Heidi on August 23, 2011

    I was just telling a friend of mine the other day that sometimes when couple’s pick their wedding colours, I don’t think they think of the big picture, and how too much of that sometimes god awful colour can be distracting, which is usually what I think of Pink, although I love purple the same probably goes for it too. But together this wedding is really nice, I am in LOVE with DIY wedding’s and can only hope that I will have enough motivation when I get married or a friend gets married to pull off something so creative and beautiful.
    Now to BP2 Recap – I’m honestly starting to find that I’m annoyed with the show more than anything else. I was super annoyed that I stayed up way too late to watch it considering it cut to black right after Chris Harrison said Kasey, grrrrr!!! Kasey and Vienna must leave the show immediately or I may start throwing fists at my TV.
    All of your bullet points made me LOL and once again I thoroughly enjoyed your post, and sent it to friends, also BP2 watchers, for them to enjoy as well!
    Until next week, well actually I read all your posts, but until next week for the BP2 recap :)

    Reply
  7. Lena on August 23, 2011

    I PEED MYSELF LAUGHING.

    Also, what was with that little glittering gavel Princess Erica Rose was holding during the elimination evening’s interview? She’s laying down the law, ya’ll…

    I’m delighted that I wasn’t the only person squirming during the Jake/Erica kiss-it was gruesome in a way I could not ever describe or reproduce. Or during Bret Michaels’ Every Rose Has Its Thorn, because there was nothing okay about that scene. The proximity, the obvious vocal strain, his “Congrats” just as they announced they were un-engaged…dear sweet mother of baby Jesus, it was comic gold. How does ABC do it?

    F*ck House is ruining me-I thought I was crying, but it turns out my liquified brain was dripping through my sinuses.

    Thank goodness for weddings! I too am not a big proponent of purple-pink, but damn did this wedding prove me wrong-it’s gorgeous! Oh, and that dress? Ridiculous. No one should look that bangin’ in a floor length gown.

    Reply
  8. Janna (SparklyLove) on August 23, 2011

    so many things! first, how hard did that color palate rock? umm i loved it! i also want one of those cupcakes right this second.

    also, did you not have the JOY of listening to kasey’s many performances on ali’s season? omg it was so horribly awkward. the second i realized he was gonna sing in this episode, i did the same thing i did on ali’s season… slide down under my throw blanket, pulled it up over my head and said repeatedly “oh god no… make it stop… i’m embarrassed for him!”

    there was another thing… let me scroll up {please hold} OH YES… lovahhhhhhhhh!! those skits were my favorito!

    that is all. ps. i hate vienna. but that is all. i really want a cupcake.

    Reply
  9. Candice Cossel on August 23, 2011

    Ok seriously how do you all STAND that show even enough to watch it through Scissor hands. It is so intolerable that even I can’t watch it. (That is saying a whole bunch right there.)

    Ok so…..don’t watch it anymore. It kills brain cells, and sex drives. And both are bad.

    Reply
  10. Leanna on August 23, 2011

    You say everything I’m thinking. I love it! Reading this post was the highlight of a long day. So funny. Love the recap, LOVE THE WEDDING, and love you! :)

    Pleeease don’t stop the recaps I look forward to them. :) And I’m so pinning those cupcakes and sign! So cute!

    Reply
  11. Our Wedding Hub on August 24, 2011

    Love those bride and groom cards. great picture

    Reply
  12. The Match Maven on August 24, 2011

    You are my bachelor pad soulmate. I guffawed aloud at my laptop, alone in my bathrobe this morning. I felt immediately compelled to write after reading about Vienna’s eye makeup. I’ve been complaining about that light grey smokey eye since the first day I ever saw it…what was that…two years ago now? *sigh* I guess she leaves her creativity to manipulating others and not her eye makeup palette.

    And the cut to black? Really, Bachelor Pad? What is this…The Sopranos?! gag. But I’ll be waiting for next week…and your recap!

    PS! Love the super-simple centerpieces with the pop of color. Perfect for the outdoor setting. I dig!

    Reply
  13. Ella on August 24, 2011

    GREAT recap. Dead on.

    I’m falling in love with this blog more and more every day- just thought you should know. Reality show mockery and inspiration while I plan the big ol I Do? I do not see how I need to visit any other blogs ever again. Except maybe for Style Me Pretty. But it’s TKB and SMP all the way to the finish line. :)

    Reply
  14. birdie to be on August 24, 2011

    This wedding is absolutely gorgeous! And hilarious recap on Bachelor Pad. I watched the first one, but haven’t gotten around to getting up to speed with #2.

    Reply
  15. Nicole on August 24, 2011

    this is one of my favorite weddings ever. i love it.

    Reply
  16. kj on August 25, 2011

    I have to agree, I love the use of purple in this wedding! Beautiful photos!

    Reply
  17. Stephanie on August 25, 2011

    Nail.on.head. This week’s bachelor pad 2 was beyond insane.

    PS I couldnt agree more about Vienna’s shitty eye makeup skills. She def needs to learn that taupey gray brown smeared over the entire lid is not a pretty look on her dumb face.

    Reply
  18. Victoria Salv on August 27, 2011

    I am with you. Casey is beyond words I get secondhand embarassment every single time he sings. How can you sit in the same room and smile while he’d doing it. So awful!

    Reply
  19. Mulberry on September 21, 2011

    Very very pretty :) awesome!!!

    Reply

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