DEAR TKB: “He Wants to Invite His Ex-Girlfriend to Our Wedding.” | Plus, three of my FAVE things to use in a shoot.

two of my fave things are in these photos, but can you guess what the third is?  it’s not revealed up there…

Hey lovies!  Three – count ‘em, three! – photographer friends recently asked me to make sure I include some Bambino in their features, so I’m telling you, if you’ve been suffering without your Bam fix a bit, relax, he’s back.  I do want to warn you, though, that Bambino is en fuego today in aisle 4 of the Adorable Department.  He’s not performing as well in the Don’t Distract Mommy dep’t, but whatever it’s ok.  He’s just all running in his sleep, cooing, totally retaining his new partnered dancing trick he learned yesterday (solo is next – we’re both a little nervous), and just generally being a kind, loving individual.  Listen I’ll let the photo at the end of this post, which you’re going to scroll down to see right now, do the talking.

Ok, so today we’ve got a biggie, folks.  It’s a question sent in by a reader that I happened to bring up last week on Twitter, or was it two weeks ago?  Or yesterday.  I give up.  I have no idea, I’ve completely lost track of time.  I watched in excess of two hours not including commercials so literally two hours, meaning more than two full shows of reality television yesterday, so I don’t feel like a normal human being or like I’m capable of making a positive contribution to society.  My parents raised me betta than this!  Get yourself together, Alison.  Just because Rachel Zoe wants to hire a new assistant based on gender/looks and with no regard for experience in the field – none of that affects you, Alison.  It’s her life!  She can reject the qualified, deserving young woman who applied, even if it IS based on her unvoiced and invalid concerns of future betrayal on behalf of her husband and said young woman, if she wants to.  Stay out of it, Alison!  Let her live her life.  I need to forget about Rachel Zoe and dreams of how she’ll end up dressing her baby, and focus on the stuff I really care about.  Like beautiful shoots, and extremely difficult questions involving interpersonal relationships and emotions.  A-like a-so…

PART I ~ QUESTION FROM A READER

Zee question in question:

Hi Alison and everyone at TKB!  I’m hoping you can give me some advice, because I’m stuck for what to do.  Here’s my problemo (thank you in advance!):

I’m in a frustrating situation with my fiance right now that I feel somewhat ridiculous about, but worse, don’t know how to resolve without at least one of us being completely pissed off about the outcome, come our wedding day.  I can’t even begin to convey via email how frustrating this whole thing is, so I’ll spare you the depths of my emotional woes and just state the problem clearly and concisely.  Because if permitted, I really could go on for days about this.

My soon to be husband is an extremely kind, friendly, welcoming person.  I’d even call him a social butterfly, except that it sounds extremely weird to call my FH a butterfly, so I don’t call him that, but you catch my drift.  He loves people, and he has this habit of remaining friends with everyone, which isn’t necessarily a problem.  It’s one of the things I love about him.  HERE’s the problem: when I say everyone, I mean practically everyone he’s ever known.  And oh yes, this includes previous girlfriends.  He doesn’t go out for drinks with them on a regular basis or anything – he’s a good person and knows something like that would make me uncomfortable.  I don’t love that he’s still on speaking terms with his past flames though; it’s not something I get.  For me breaking up with someone means not keeping them on as friends in most cases.  But anyway we both have our own opinions and it’s worked just fine up until now.

He wants to invite one of his past girlfriends who he still keeps in touch with, TO OUR WEDDING.

Am I overreacting?  Obviously, emotions are high, I mean we’re planning a wedding for chrissakes.  And I don’t want to overreact.  But I don’t like it.  One bit.  He and this girl are friends, and she’s nice enough, but but I can’t help but keeping thinking to myself that I deserve to feel happy and completely at ease on my wedding day, and even if he thinks I’m being irrational shouldn’t he understand at least a little bit how I’m feeling?  I’m sighing out loud as I type this.  I wish this wasn’t even an issue.  Grrrr.  But it is, and I have to face it, it just sucks having to deal with at all.  I wish he just knew not to even want to invite her.  

Thanks for reading.  Here’s to hoping TKB can give me a push in the right direction. :)

-E.

Dear E,

Given your specific feelings and circumstances, you’re not overreacting.  This is REDONK.  An absolute no-go, she can’t come.  Like you said, you deserve to be happy and comfortable on your wedding day.  You deserve to feel that way on all days.  But especially this day.  On other days, maybe the ex can be involved on occasion, if this is something you’ve been fine with in the past.  (I don’t know if I could be fine with that, or understand why it needs to happen, but that’s me.)  But on your wedding day – HEELLLLLLLLL NO.  Why the heck does he need this ex-girlfriend around on your wedding day?  Answer is he doesn’t.  And assuming they’re level-headed people, I bet he and the ex won’t mind.  If they can’t understand your feelings, that’s a whole other bag of chips.

I think you just need to look at him and tell him how you feeeeel.  You wouldn’t believe the steps we can take in relationships, when we just tell one another how we’re feeling.

Also, guys can’t read minds.  It took me a good while to realize this.  It takes everyone good while.  But we all, hopefully, end up with that critical knowledge.  He can’t read your mind.  You really do need to spell it out for him.

 … I’m turning it over to you guys…. what do you think she should do?

 PART II ~ THREE FAVORITE THINGS

I like ginormous balloons.  I like punctuation.  I like furbabies.  This shoot is my perfect designer baby.

Thanks to Sarina Love Photography for submitting this lovely engagement inspiration!  Here’s the rundown before we jump in…

Lisa and Justin love their doggies Dolly and Buttons and wanted to incorporate them into their engagement session. We headed to a lovely trail inIrvine, CA with their babies and some fun and colorful balloons. With all the super styled shoots out there, it was nice to showcase an engagement session that was simple yet still showcases an array of angles, poses, and looks. It’s amazing how a few simple props like their dogs and balloons and beautiful light can really turn a simple engagement session into a really memorable and adorably cute session!!

Thanks, Sarina… hope you love, peeps!

And now, as promised, A Day in the Life of Bambino McPuppyPants…

Today’s installment: Bambino Learns to Comfort.

The more I look at my thumb in that picture the weirder it’s looking to me.  I NFI why my thumb is super hella at an angle in that top photo.  What is it doing??  Why the severe right angle???

Ok, SO!  Friendlies, do you have any thoughts on Miss E’s situation?  It’s a toughie.

And how ’bout this adorable and totally simple-rific engagement shoot situation??!!!! This session is kind of exactly what I’d want to do with Honey, for one of our gazillion engagement shoots.  The puppehs, the punctuation, the colors, the connection.  I die.  I positively DIE, right here, in my seat.  With Bambo sitting on my lap, witnessing the whole thing.  Yeah, that ol’ death-by-engagement-shoot way to go.  You know it.  I pity Bambo, though.  He’s going to have to explain to everyone what happened, seeing as he’s the last on the scene.  I hope the police don’t suspect him.  They always tend to do that, with the last person on the scene.

Aaaaaand I’m crazy.

xoxo!  - Alison

Photography: Sarina Love Photography

Label(s): "DEAR TKB..." Advice Column, {Love + Relationships}

Love all of this...

38 comments

  1. Dina on September 7, 2011

    I agree with A, HELL-TO-THE-NO!

    I just hope this isn’t a make it or break it thing; stand your ground!

    Reply
  2. Lena on September 7, 2011

    I have one of those! Those social butterfly sweethearts who literally makes girls fall in love with him in a manner of minutes and still chats with each and every one. My guess is that there are some who make poor E COMPLETELY F*CKING CRAZY (Hi Alison, do you read Knotty Bride? STOP TEXTING JOHN. No, not YOU Alison, other Alison. Ali) and others who don’t. I think there’s this magic combination of length of time elapsed, seriousness of relationship and current sexual preference that play a role here, or at least that’s true for me. So if it’s making you uncomfortable enough to write to TKB and freak out on Twitter, you’re probably dealing with the former, in which case this probably isn’t your first rodeo regarding her.

    So just say, this makes me uncomfortable, and I do not want her there. Assuming you haven’t already said that. And if you have, say it more loudly while crying. I’m mostly kidding. You could also try address all the envelopes yourself and leaving hers out. Or changing her address with the postal service. Or tell your sweet, darling fiancé that you do not want her there, and even though she is his friend, she is not yours.

    Looking forward to having this very conversation. Obviously, Alison isn’t coming. But TKB Alison just might.

    Reply
  3. Winnie on September 7, 2011

    Sigh. I’m in the last stretch of my long-ass boring office job and it warms the cochles of my heart to see such cute puppy pictures.

    Awwww, puppies.

    I’m with Alison on this one. NO EXES! Seriously, WHY do they need to be there? Is it to celebrate in this joyous occasion? If that’s the case, that’s why there’s an after-party, or lunch when you return from your honeymoon. I think the ONLY exception to this rule would be if that ex has a child with your fiance, which was not mentioned, so it shouldn’t be an issue. And even then, there are plenty of other people around who can watch your kid for one night. If you (and by you, i mean BOTH of you) aren’t friends with that ex, they don’t need to be there. I’m sure there are much more enlightened people who can pull this off, and good for them. I want to meet them.

    And then ask for the number of their dealer, cuz they MUST be high!

    On a serious note, I understand that he is social and wants to have people he cares about around him on what is also HIS special day. But if it really upsets you this much, then I feel he should be respectful of that. Isn’t there some sort of middle ground you two can come to? If you get weird vibes from her because you think she has designs on your man, that’s one thing. But if you can stand to tolerate her at an after party or day-after brunch, why not? That way she can help celebrate her friend’s marriage while not actually attending the wedding. If their relationship is really so platonic, then it shouldn’t bother her to respect the feelings of her buddy’s FUTURE WIFE. And if it does, oy. You’ve got bigger problems.

    Good luck.

    Reply
  4. Winnie on September 7, 2011

    Oh, I did forget two things. If she is now a lesbian, married, or in a committed relationship, LET IT GO if it’s going to to cause some sort of massive rift. Obviously she’s preoccupied and hello? YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED. No one’s going to the upstage the gorgeous lady in the big white dress.

    But if she’s single, slutty, a recent ex, or a jealous lush, then ho needs to go.

    Reply
  5. Lauren on September 7, 2011

    Oh h3ll no…..fifty million times no!! The stress it would cause on YOUR day …..err BOTH of you guys’ day (I’ve been watching too many of the episodes of monica’s wedding on FRIENDS. HEHE.)…..is never ending. If they both don’t understand that huge and most important reason of the “h3ll no,” then like Alison said…that’s a whole different Issue….I hope your FI is as understanding as he is friendly!! I couldnt Imagine spending all day worrying and analyzing looks between them and blah blah blah……not that you would need to (I’m not implying anything!!!) because I would assume you have the utmost trust In him since youre ready to spend your life with him…but It Is human nature to over think…or maybe its just me. Lol. Anyways…..good luck and I hope your day…dangit!!…..I mean your guys’ day is lovely!!! :)

    -Lauren

    Reply
  6. Claire Martine on September 7, 2011

    I would definitely recommend approaching this subject in a delicate manner. Men tend to be defensive if they think you’re putting baby in a corner. That’s right, no one puts baby in a corner.

    I have the social butterfly man as well. It’s great for get-togethers when I don’t want to be social. Unfortunately, not so great when I’m peeve’d at someone and he’s just loving their attention. It’s important to let him know why it makes you uncomfortable and that you aren’t inviting the ex-boyfriends to the wedding because that would be inappropriate. Also, remind him that maybe his family would be in an uncomfortable situation having to deal with an ex and the Mrs, quite possibly, at the same time.

    Just be glad that you’re unfortunate person is an ex that can be “not-invited”, and not a family member that “you’d be satan if you didn’t let him invite his witchy sister in law or family that don’t support your relationship”. Yeah… ::points to self:: I feel yo pain sista!

    Stick to your guns, but bottom bottom line, avoid conflict between the two of you because at the end of that tiring exhausting complicated day- It’s ONLY about you two. (See Alison, I learn the valuable lesson of what it’s really about, aren’tyouprouddddd?) If all else fails, go with Lena on this one and accidentally address it wrong and hope she doesn’t ask him directly.

    Reply
  7. Claire Martine on September 7, 2011

    OMG. “Ho needs to Go” <3 Winnie

    Reply
  8. Mindy on September 7, 2011

    This is kind of an interesting topic for me because I’m still friends with my ex, and his now wife is one of my very bestest friends. I was nervous about asking my fiance if we could invite them but turns out he is totally cool with it. Whew. I even asked him, like, six times before sending the STD just to be sure.

    But the poor reader’s situation … it’s extremely clear from her email that is NOT COOL with his ex at the wedding. And in my opinion this shouldn’t even need to argue her defense. The guest list should be a mutual decision! He should see how much it upsets her and let it go.

    And I loooove Sarina Love! She does tons of Disneyland weddings and they make me swoon.

    Reply
  9. Brancoprata on September 7, 2011

    This couple is so adorable! I love the props they used on the shoot!!

    Reply
  10. First of all…Alison, your posts are the highlight of my day (is that pathetic?) I seriously can’t get enough – you are one funny woman! And that puppy of yours is too much – I can’t take it!

    Now on to the ex question…I was actually in the same situation when I was getting married and b/c my husband is such a nice, fun-loving, honest guy, he initially didn’t think it would be a big deal at all to include an ex he still was in touch with on our guest list, but I, on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with it, especially b/c she was never particularly nice to me. I told him how I felt, he understood, she was history, and that was the end of it. I felt a little guilty afterward and thought that maybe I overreacted, but at the end of the day, I was 100% comfortable and happy that day and I doubt she missed being there.

    All in all, the most important thing is that you’re happy and comfortable on your day, and you shouldn’t feel bad for a second about not wanting her there – and I’m sure your hubby to be will understand and all will be happy.

    Good luck and congrats!

    Reply
  11. Elle on September 7, 2011

    My first question (which may seem irrelevant, but I feel is quite valid)
    1. How old are you and your sweetie?
    2. How long have they been broken up?

    I’m all for voicing your opinion, but sometimes we have a tendency to overreact when we are under the pressure of planning a wedding (in addition to all the other wonderful things we do on a regular basis).

    3. Why would his ex’s presence at your wedding cause you to fret? **The simple act of inviting her seems like their relationship is pretty straight forward to me.

    And on to the reason for the first question, looking at this objectively: I think to myself, when I was younger I would have had a huge issue with this. Mostly because you have less exes at that point in your life, but also because less time has lapsed between the point that we were once a couple and now just friends….

    With that all being said, if you have ever felt like she gave you the stink eye or was less than friendly – then I would address the issue and kindly request that you would like the wedding to remain ex free. If not, and you are past the early 20′s – I’d say, let it go and let him invite the (obviously platonic) ex!

    Reply
  12. Elle on September 7, 2011

    OH! And so happy about the revival of Bambino pictures… Although, I have to ask – Where the boobies being protected from the pooch or were you trying for modesty?

    I think we should all pool our pennies and send you a picture bib. *At the moment I’m unsure if they exist, but I’m thinking someone is crafty enough to come up with one that you could quickly snap on in all those “must not expose too much skin” picture moments.

    Reply
  13. emily on September 7, 2011

    Hang in there E and stand up for your feelings. The first fight my mom and I had over wedding planning was inviting my ex’s mom. Eventually I won. I’m sure she was neither surprised nor offended to not be invited, and neither will your fiance’s ex.

    Reply
  14. Alicia @CharityWedding on September 7, 2011

    There are some exceptions regarding exes… A. you dated prior to age 13. Totally okay, you really didn’t even know what dating was. B. The ex is a close family member. It haaaappens you know. Otherwise absolutely not. A wedding is about the COUPLE not one-sided, I think that even applies to random college friends or anyone really that isn’t jointly meaningful to the couple not including family. If someone is SUPER important to you, then they should be super important to your future spouse. A wedding isn’t a social gathering and I agree, she should feel comfortable and fabulous. Not worry about why the ex is making mean faces in all the photos that might pop up on Facebook.

    Alison is right… you have to s.p.e.l.l. it out. Guys don’t understand common sense sometimes. But don’t back down. It is your wedding and this is a completely reasonable thing to be upset about. I’m not completely sure why the ex would even want to go which is an entirely new issue. SOOO keep her out of your day.

    Reply
  15. Koru Kate on September 7, 2011

    When the ex ? was posed on Twitter, I felt like I was in the minority when I answered that I was on the fence about it. I don’t think it’s a universal “No” in every situation. But in this case, I’d say no, no, no- a million times no. The Bride does deserve to be happy & at ease on her wedding day!!! If inviting the ex infringes on that, it’s not worth it. Just be honest & tell him how you feel. I always approach my hubs by asking him to switch the situation, like how would he feel if I insisted on inviting an ex to the wedding that he didn’t want to be there. Usually, he sees the light. Good luck!

    Reply
  16. Chelsea on September 7, 2011

    You seem cool with their being friends, but that doesn’t mean you invite her out to dinner and a movie or game nights just because she and the FH still talk.

    Like Alison said, tell him, calmly, that it would make you uncomfortable and you want to be with people you feel comfortable around; close friends and family.

    If she’s the type of girl to never speak to him again over this then there are bigger issues; I she’s sane, she’ll understand.

    Reply
  17. Ayce on September 7, 2011

    I ran into a similar situation with my FH (just 17 days away from becoming my H!) because he sounds similar to the other FH. Anyway, it was a “no-go” in our world because I would feel uncomfortable (and she’s in a serious relationship)… and who wants to be uncomfy on her wedding day (shoes not included)! The situation she describes is one that no one wants to be in – but agree with TKB’s advice and the other posters! Good luck!!!!

    Reply
  18. Ashley on September 8, 2011

    I agree with some of the comments that the pressure of planning a wedding can cause us to overreact. Has anyone mentioned yet the obvious?? He’s marrying HER! Inviting the ex is like his way of saying “I’m comfortable knowing that this girl is an EX, but YOU are the woman I am marrying.” For me, I try to take sex out of it and say “I would not want to deprive him of inviting this person whom he considers a friend.”

    However, I realize that it’s causing tension though, and, Alison, if you are right in assuming that she hasn’t even brought it up to her FH yet, well then what’s with the communication problem?? I agree with you one million percent that how can she expect her fiance to KNOW that he shouldn’t even want to invite this girl?? It borders on immaturity on both sides. SHE needs to speak her feelings in an honest, unthreatening way, and HE needs to examine whether this girl is really a good enough friend to score an invite to their wedding.

    The same thing happened to me, but it was an ex of mine, and I made it very clear to my fiance that this ex is a fantastic friend to me that has been there through thick and thin since high school. Everything physical and emotional between us is over (emotional=relationship emotion, not friend emotion). My man is secure enough to know that I’m asking this ex as a friend, not as an ex. Who knows what a simple conversation might accomplish here?

    Reply
  19. Ashley on September 8, 2011

    BTdubs Alison, the straightness or curvaceousness of a thumb comes down to genetics. A straight thumb is a dominant trait, a curved thumb is recessive :) Yours is lovely though, nothing wrong with a little curviness!

    Reply
  20. Stormy on September 8, 2011

    NO. No no no no. There are lots of valid points about why you should allow her to come, why you should feel fine about it, why you should get over it, etc. The point is, you DON’T feel fine about it, you might not BE ABLE to get over it, and this is your WEDDING. Look – you deserve to get your way on this one. If it’s really that big of a deal to your FH to have her there, (and you can stomach it) compromise and send her a special invite – one that only lists the reception, and maybe states the time for said reception as later than everyone else’s does! Talk it out though, you guys will fix this up soon enough!

    Reply
  21. Ann on September 8, 2011

    Loving the e-session post with the pooches. Loving the pics of Bambino. And here’s my 2 cents on the ex’s!

    After reading what Miss E posted, I think it’s something she definitely needs to talk to her future hubby about. Totally agree with Alison and everyone on this one…it’s YOUR day and you should feel 110% comfortable and relaxed on the biggest day of your life. Her future hubby should be understanding of that fact (and so should the friendly ex). It’d be a different story if Miss E was good friends with the ex and felt comfortable with her being there! But sorry ex, the point goes to Miss E on this one.

    Reply
  22. gigi on September 8, 2011

    This is such a lovely shoot. The couple appears to be very comfortable with each other. Love the props.

    Reply
  23. gigi on September 8, 2011

    Also. LOVE Bambino!

    Reply
  24. Nora on September 8, 2011

    I definitely agree with Winnie’s second comment.

    If she is not available or a mostly normal person, I would say just let it go and invite her. I know if I brought this up with my BF, he would think of about 90% of my friends that he doesn’t 100% love or feel comfortable with and he could just as easily “disinvite” one of my friends that he doesn’t feel comfortable with or particularly love. Not every couple is BFF with each others friends and that’s ok. I just don’t think it’s fair to invite all of your friends and then disallow his friend. She could be his childhood BFF that he briefly dated and they’ve been friends forever and now she’s happily married and wants to be happy for him too. In my dream world. Some fights aren’t worth it and then it becomes a huge deal when it’s not.

    But “if she’s a ho, she’s got to go!” haha yes totally agree with that! If she is trying to get him back or they had some juicy past that is mad awkward, that’s an obvious no.

    Reply
  25. Kate on September 8, 2011

    I can honestly speak from experience on this subject! I have been the ex that went to the ex-boyfriends wedding. I went with my family, friends, and my bf (now fiance) who actually helped me break up with the ex bf. Towards the end of the night the groom asked me to dance. No big deal, until we got out to the dance floor and we were the only ones! It was so awkward, and I couldn’t help but think of what the bride thought when she walked in and saw us. We are all still friends, but there is and always will be that little bit of tension between me and the wife.
    Just remember, if she does end up coming, it is your day. Don’t let it stress you out, you are marrying him, not her. Chances are, if she even comes, that she feels just as uncomfortable with the whole situation!

    Reply
  26. Jenny ~SOSN on September 8, 2011

    Love this engagement shoot – the punctuation is so cute! As for the bride-to-be, she should definitely let her groom know that it is not ok to invite the ex. An ex is an ex for a reason. This is a huge day in their lives and a new step forward, bringing someone from the past like that to the wedding is just not right!

    Reply
  27. MyDeejay on September 8, 2011

    Maybe, just maybe, his intention in wanting to invite his ex is to show the ex how happy he is to have found “the one.” It could even be malicious (but sounds unlikely), as if he’s rubbing it in. But if it’s going to come at the expense of the bride’s happiness, not worth it.

    I think the biggest takeaway from this situation is that marriage is about give and take, and in any given situation, there is a likelihood that one party could end up ticked off, but that shouldn’t keep couples from communicating anyway. Consider this practice for the lifetime ahead… if the bride feels this way, she needs to speak up (rationally, patiently and reasonably, of course), no matter what she fears the outcome will be. It will be good practice for real issues that come up later!

    Reply
  28. Rachael on September 8, 2011

    I agree with a lot of the comments that there are certain situations where it might be totally okay to invite an ex that one of you is still friends with. Really, there’s only one situation that makes it NOT okay in my mind–and that’s *if either of you is uncomfortable with the idea.* Which is your situation, E, and it’s probably the more common situation when this question comes up.

    Reply
  29. Kris on September 8, 2011

    I agree with most of the comments here. Heck No! Anything that puts a strain on either of your happiness on Day 1 of the rest of your life needs to go.

    Please let us know the outcome!

    Bambino is just too cute for words. May I ask where you got him? I am simply in love with Frenchies.

    Reply
  30. Christina on September 8, 2011

    Inviting the ex all depends on the situation. I invited my ex–a good friend of mine since childhood–to my wedding because he’s just that: a good friend. He knew it, I knew, my husband (fiance at the time) knew it, so we were all comfortable with the idea. Lucky for me my man is confident enough to know that I’m not interested in anyone else but him. Plus, as Ashley said, I invited my ex to MY wedding–the ultimate declaration of “I’m over you.”

    I’m actually curious as to why the bride is uncomfortable if the ex attended the wedding? Does she give off a certain, I’m out to steal your man” vibe, or is she rude and mean to the bride? If the answer is no, then I don’t see why it would be such a big deal. Obviously, her fiance loves her and is committed to her; otherwise, he wouldn’t have asked her to marry him. I think part of it is being confident and trusting that your man loves you and only you. My husband certainly trusted me, so it wasn’t an issue for us.

    Plus, I think if you reverse the situation around in his defense, you would understand how he feels. Yes, he may be friends with all his exes, but he’s only inviting this one person, which means he could be “good” friends with her (I’m talking about a platonic friendship, here; no sex involved). So to not have one of his good friends at the wedding could be just as upsetting to him as it is to her for having the ex there.

    I think communication is key. He needs to explain why he feels the need to invite his ex, and she needs to state exactly what it is that’s bothering her.

    Reply
  31. Nicole on September 8, 2011

    haha “Ho needs to go” I will agree with that.
    It’s y’alls wedding day and she is not y’alls friend, only his. so forget it.

    Reply
  32. Karen on September 8, 2011

    Wow, I can’t BELIEVE he would even think that inviting an ex would be OK!! The bride’s comfort level is the most important thing and she has said no to this, he has to respect that. I wonder how he would feel if she wanted to invite one of her exes??

    Reply
  33. Dina on September 9, 2011

    For the record, I was invited by my ex to his wedding, and decided a week before the wedding not to go. (1) my ex was a weird person in general, (2) I did that to honor his now wife, (3) it was a sort of unresolved break-up (because, again, my ex was a weirdo who really wanted to get married).

    I don’t know if that helps, but it’s weird to watch your ex… The person you at one time thought was marriage material… Marry somebody else. There’s no way that it won’t be even a little weird. You do not want to be thinking about it on your day!

    Reply
  34. Libby {Follow the Wife} on September 9, 2011

    Every situation is different. But I stand my ground–she’s an EX for a reason! In this situation, the bride sounds uncomfortable and anxious. I agree with you, “This is REDONK. An absolute no-go, she can’t come.”

    Reply
  35. KedR on September 10, 2011

    Amazing photo-shoot. Loved the punctuations. Very creative.

    Reply
  36. Brooke (A Wedding Cake Blog) on September 17, 2011

    This is….hard. Because I’ve been in both situations. I’ve been the ex invited (didn’t go and took pleasure in writing the RSVP) and I am now extremely good friends with an ex myself. So…it really comes down to respect imo…like so many other things. If it bothers the bride, and the ex isn’t his best friend, then he should understand and back off. Bride – tell him. Alison is right. They sooooooo don’t read minds. And if the ex is a BFF? Then ya got bigger fish to fry. xo PS – LOVE me some giant balloons! Which kinda sounds wrong. :-)

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  37. MM on February 6, 2012

    Well past discussion time, but I’m a FH with two exes who I think are at least reasonable potential invitees. One I dated for a few years in college, and is now dating a good friend of mine (who is definitely invited). The other I didn’t date for as long, and I’m in a band with — everyone else in the band is definitely invited. FW wanted no exes, which we talked about for a while and I eventually agreed to. But, to me at least, these aren’t people I even think about in an “ex” context anymore, and excluding them for being exes only draws more attention to long-past relationships. Out of all of the women in the world, they should be the LEAST threatening, as confirmed members of the “people I don’t want to date” club.

    And all of these “bride’s comfort level is the most important thing and I know I’m right” type of reactions? Puh-lease! If you think such ultimatums are the way to build a lasting relationship with your FH, well, good luck to you.

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  38. mariama on July 4, 2013

    I don’t want no ex s on my wedding day around me period.

    Reply

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