¡OMG! THESE DRESSES + DEAR TKB “Do we have to invite *THEM* to our wedding?” [Bridal Market Coverage]

Happiest of Monday afternoons to you all!  This week is going to rule the school and sit at the popular kids’ table and get free cookies from the lunch lady just for being nice looking because I’ve got such coolness in store you don’t even KNOW.  Giveaway KILLERNESS, wedding KILLERNESS, Vera Wang KILLERNESS.  Just lots of stuff that for me falls under the title of killerness.  (It was enough already with the ALLCAPS.)  Ok but first off, did any of you catch the Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey interview, where Babs Walters ask Mariah if her husband Nick Cannon can be trusted, and Mariah went, “… sometimeshe’s a MAAAN, Barbara.”

WTF?

Seriously, why, why did she say that?  If she’s kidding, that’s kind of a weird inappropriate joke to make on national television, but if she’s not kidding, and she’s like SERIOUS and this is her passive aggressive way of dealing with her cheating husband, well that’s just like, the not best way to address a marital issue.  If I were Nick Cannon and it was just a baggage-riddled untrue answer, I’d be Teresa Gorga-level angry over her saying that on national television.  If there was a table present, I would have imagined attempting to flip it in my rage.  I’d have only imagined doing that, in my head, because only real housewives actually do that.  I really need to stop watching that show.  I need to leave that show unattended.

Anyway, whatever Mariah’s an odd duckling and always has been.  But she’s an odd duckling who will forever be my Hero,  because she’s an absolute Vision of Love, a Dreamlover, perhaps, who’ll Always Be My Baby and probably just needs to Shake It Off.  Santa Clause is Coming to Town.  Emotions.  All I Want for Christmas is You.

QUESTION FROM A READER

Dear TKB:

I know you sometimes field questions from brides-to-be about what to do in a sticky situation and I have a teensy sticky one that I need some help with. I am just finishing up our invites and the H2B and I are stuck on figuring out if we should invite two people.

Since it’s just two, it has nothing to do with the cost or anything like that, it has to do with their character. I don’t know how else to say this without making it sound like we hang around with deadbeats, but they are dirty idiots: mid-20′s, live at home with their parents and refuse to work, mooch off of everyone around them, literally lack a decent sense of hygiene (showed up to my college graduation/the day the boy proposed reeking of stink nasty and dressed in ripped clothing), etc. They are old friends of the boy’s from high school and we are inviting other people from their circle of friends.

Our other friends, with whom the boy hangs out regularly, do not care for them (due to their lifestyle and the fact that we all suspect they might be doing drugs–but not, like, “steal your gold fillings to buy crack” drugs, more like “we’re idiots who do pills” drugs–so they are quick to agree with us not inviting them. But since we are inviting friends who they hang out with regularly, we are in a pickle.

It’s so easy for others to agree with not inviting them, but these guys are the type of people who will ask what happened to their invitation and it will put us in a tough spot. Any ideas/help?

C.

Dear C,

Hopefully you haven’t sent out your invites yet, because I really want to answer this one and try to help out.  Based on what you wrote, it seems that no one cares for those pretty not-awesome people you are having a cow over.  How much does it suck, how the people you least want to invite are always the people who are most likely to find out/ask you or others about it and make a stink?  Life is so annoying like that.

At the end of the day, it’s YOUR wedding, and if you don’t want those people there for it, for whatever reason, why the heck bother inviting them.  If this was a question regarding whether or not to invite two well-meaning, non-drug-addicted, regularly showering members of society and you just didn’t really care for them but the people close to you – people whose opinions/desires matter to you – did, then I’d probably advise you to invite them.  But what you’ve described are a couple of unsavory lowlifes who live on the outskirts of society but who seem to be very chatty and keep up with the latest gossip and somehow retain a weird controlling clout over your head.  They sound slightly toxic…?  Personally, I wouldn’t much want the people you’ve described at my wedding.  And I DEFINITELY wouldn’t bother inviting them to it just so I didn’t have to deal with them asking why they weren’t invited to my wedding.

… ok, I’m turning it over to you guys now… what do you think?

Ok, nowwww for the rest of that fabulous new collection from Pronovias that I promised to share, straight outta this year’s Bridal Market!  Hope you love as much as I do!  Which one’s your favorite, by the way?

Dude.  Seriously?  I was not what you’d call a feather fanatic until I saw ↑ that dress above ↑ and this numba one stunna from Manuel Mota for Pronovias, below ↓

Esmalte?  I’m ESMELTING OVER HERE because of you.  The feathers are totally not overdone, arranged *just-so* and so yeah I’m clearly not good at describing this dress other than to say ship it to me yesterday, Pronovias.

EGAD, I’m losing my s*** over that dress up there!  I don’t really know why!  It’s an emotional thing, I guess.  Like most dress infatuations.  It’s like a clean, modern artist’s rendering of a dress.  I want it in mini doll size, on a doll.  For my mantle.  Just kidding sort of.  I would actually consider wearing feathers in my gown now.  YOU SEE THAT THIS IS A GAME CHANGER.

I’m kinda in love with seeing bunches of dress details all colliding with each other, so for me, the ends of fashion shows are the best part :)

Thanks again to everyone at Pronovias for having me last week, and thanks again to Tatiana and Grazia of Wedding Salon for putting on such a killer throwdown in midtown!  Also, thanks to the models for voicelessly reminding me with only their confident strut-a-tut-tut and enviable genetics that I need to think about investing in some more hair products, watch some informative and very necessary youtube makeup tutorials and just generally *try harder*.

Ok SO, my dear friends, I would love to know your thoughts about the following… that is, if you care to talk with me at all (by the way I truly love it when you do, whether it’s a little or a lot, I adore hearing from you)

1) Do you have any thoughts/advice regarding Miss C’s query?  It’s kind of an age-old toughie!

2) Any favorites from among this pile of intense loveliness?  Also, is there a gown that lives in your head, and you haven’t been able to track it down yet?  I’d love to hear what you guys are looking for in wedding dresses, too, if you want to share.

xoxo!  - Alison

Label(s): "DEAR TKB..." Advice Column, Color, White, {Fashion}

Love all of this...

14 comments

  1. Lena on October 24, 2011

    1. I’m not only in love with these gowns, but with the makeup-double, triple, quadruple wings?! YES, PLEASE!

    2. Give me more feathers! Is it odd that I suddenly want to bathe/cavort in feathers?

    3. Miss C’s in a pickle, but I think her concern is more about how to handle the fall out than to actually issue an invite. These guys make you (and it seems like plenty of other people) uncomfortable, and there’s no reason to make you feel that way on your big day. Why make yourself miserable so you can avoid telling someone a little white lie about head counts, huh?

    Reply
  2. Ruthanne on October 24, 2011

    A) no one likes these two guys
    B) including you and your future hubby
    C) it seems clear that you not only dont want them at your wedding, you nver want to hang out with them again. (with good reason)
    I would definitely not invite them. They arent your friends anymore. Lets look at some scenarios:
    1) “hey, we didnt get an invite to your wedding yet!”
    “…and?”
    “oh….never mind.”
    Crisis averted.
    2) “hey we didnt get an invite to your wedding yet!”
    “wow, you catch on quick!”
    “wait…does this mean were not invited?”
    “wow, you really ARE quick.”
    “….why not? You invited so and so!”
    “well, they actually bathe and are generally upstanding citizens. We cant say the same for you, and this IS a wedding…you probaby wouldnt want to come anyway. Youll be surrounded by people who wash their hair and have clean clothing.”
    Adding insult to injury…you’ll really nip that reltionship in the bud.
    3) let them call and ask why they werent invited…chances are, they might not ask if they arent such good friends with your boy anymore. If they do ask, just let ‘em know…we invited our good friends and friends we still hang out with, you guys didnt meet the criteria. Honesty is always a good policy, and if you lose their friendship….AWESOME! Theyre total idiots and drags that you dont want to see again! Win/win for you, either way they dont come to your wedding, and you wont see them ever again to boot!

    Reply
  3. Ruthanne on October 24, 2011

    Oh, and Lena is absolutely right…”why make yourself miserable so you can avoid telling someone a little white lie about head counts, huh?”
    Exactly. Ps. I <3 Pronovias

    Reply
  4. J. on October 24, 2011

    In answer to the question, I went through this for my wedding this year. Here’s what they need to figure out, do they want to be friends with these people? If they do, they need to invite them.
    If they’re ready to cut ties than don’t invite them. I made the call for my wedding not to invite because I had a friend who I felt had pushed me around our entire friendship. We finally got to the point where we hardly spoke and rarely saw each other, definitely not enough to warrant an invite. However I knew it would be noticed if I didn’t invite her. I decided not to because I didn’t want to be bullied into inviting someone to my wedding.
    Was it messy? Yes. It was and emotionally draining, it wasn’t a good experience. However, I feel better now. It sucked to go through, it was emotionally manipulative till the bitter end. BUT I now am out of a friendship that was unhealthy and I didn’t think about her the entire day of my wedding. She definitely would have made herself a center point for attention in some way if she’d been invited and her absence wasn’t noticed.
    So make the call if you want to keep them as friends. Don’t lie to yourself and say they should understand, you know they won’t from what you’ve written. BUT it’s ok to cut ties and not be forced to invite people you don’t want there. Just be honest about what you’re doing with yourself.

    Reply
  5. J. on October 24, 2011

    Oh and I tried the headcounts thing. It doesn’t work in this situation.

    Reply
  6. Sonia Sharma Events on October 24, 2011

    We couldn’t agree more that the feathers are to die for! Love this collection.

    Reply
  7. Ilana on October 24, 2011

    I’m sorry I can’t offer anything helpful to suggest to this scenario – I am going through sort of the same one – except not the non-bathing drug-induced part. I have a friend who I’ve grown apart from and have decided not to invite her to our destination wedding because we haven’t talked in over a year. We’ve just grown apart. But it’s really good to hear the validation from others that I have made the right choice.

    Reply
  8. Colleen {Soundtrack To I Do} on October 25, 2011

    Gorgeous dresses!! Fabulous Harry, I love the feathers.

    I agree with everyone on the non-inviting front. I think it’s time to cut ties. I’ve been there with friends… it’s no fun, but worth it in the end.

    Reply
  9. Alyssa on October 25, 2011

    Miss C – I agree with these ladies, definitely don’t invite them. This type of situation only comes up when you really don’t want to extend the invite and are looking for a less painful/awkward way to leave them off the list. While yes, it might be awkward at some point, it’s better to get it over with than wishing you hadn’t invited them when your day comes around. I personally feel like this is the one day we can be extremely picky and not care about group politics and all that. If I feel at all like I don’t want to invite someone, then I won’t. No one should judge you for who you invite on your wedding day. Is that cold of me?

    On the dresses – love love love as always, of course, but I have a bone to pick with dress designers in general that has to do with perpendicularly challenged brides like myself. PLEASE RE-PROPORTION DRESSES FOR SHORT PEOPLE.

    That is all.

    Reply
  10. Libby on October 25, 2011

    I think it’s hard to offer people invite advice. Every situation is different and every bride is different. You really have to do what you feel is best. I had to leave a few people off due to size limits, and it was not the best feeling.
    As for the dresses, I love the Esmalte! Can I have one, please!

    Reply
  11. bridal girl on October 25, 2011

    Wow beautiful collection! I love everyone of them. Thanks for sharing these gorgeous looking wedding gowns!

    Reply
  12. Christina on October 25, 2011

    I agree with everyone else. Don’t invite them unless you really value their friendship–which doesn’t really sound like the case here. Just because you’re inviting from the same circle of friends, doesn’t mean that you have to invite everyone in it! And when the two ask you why they didn’t get an invite, just be honest: you aren’t that close to them and their hygiene sucks!! (you’ll explain more eloquently that I just did, of course…) Yes, it will be awkward, emotional, and maybe even bitter (or not if they’re always popping pills!), but you two will feel better in the end. If you invite them and your worst nightmares come true, you will remember it for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. It’s one of the most magical days of your lives; you want to remember it that way!

    As for the dresses, I love the feathers. They are done so discreetly and elegantly. And I love the winged eye makeup even more. More feathers!

    Reply
  13. Janna on October 30, 2011

    the Barbados and Esmalte are my favorite gowns! I find it interesting that I hate birds in real life but love Owls and Penguins in movies/pictures/decor/ my favorite shirt and am in love with the #2 fascinator in the Emici Bridal giveaway! You have presented feathers in a way I can even adore them!

    as far as Miss C- It’s her and his day. If these 2 people are going to hinder it and possibly cause a problem that I would say no only do not extend the invite but also think about their place in this new phase of your lives. Are they the kind of people you’ll want at your house warming, Christmas party, babysitting your future kids….? It doesn’t sound like it and sometimes it’s best to know when a friendship is no longer so. Friends benefit from each other, give and take and depend on each other and the people described do not appear to be able to do that. Good luck!

    Reply
  14. iconiclook on November 10, 2011

    Pronovias is beyond perfection. They are amazing.

    Reply

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