LETTER TO RYAN GOSLING + REAL LIFE ISSUES | Do the holidays test your relationship? Plus: Pinterest Finds, and a Classic Ryan Gosling Move.

Happy day, lovers.  Seeing as it’s evening-time, I’m feeling especially excited that you’re with me.  Thanks for sticking around for this HUGE POST that I, once again, put way too much effort into.  Anyway, it’s so lovely to have you back for a new week.  Tell me, how are you?  Did you have a good weekend?  How was dinner, since it’s pretty close to bed time at the moment.  More importantly, are you gearing up for another Thanksgiving?  It’s approximately five seconds away, just so you know.  By now you probably know where you’re celebrating it… right?  So, will it be at your own home?  Your family’s home?  Your partner’s family home?  Both homes; one for dinner, then mad rush to the other for dessert?  A restaurant equidistant between your respective places of birth?  A grassy knoll measured out beforehand to be exactly half-way in distance between your family and your partner’s family, so no one gets offended?

Ok, actually, I’ve gotta get something off my chest.  Bear with me?  I have a quick message for my Bizarro World BF Ryan Gosling before we get into today’s Real Life Relationship Issue…


Hey Ryan.  It was so cool the way you turned down that Sexiest Man Alive title People tried to give you recently.  And how you gave it to Bradley Cooper who dates famous women so he can stay in the headlines and land roles, a classic Ashton Kutcher move.  It bothered me at first, given how much we were all pulling for you.  Remember that time you broke up a fight over a painting right after what appeared to be a marathon bicep workout?  That was really cool of you.  It’s a unique talent, when a man can end a fight with only his arms and his charms.  Award-winning talent, some might say.  Also, I seem to remember you were in some movies this year – I think it was something like 17? of them? – and I can vouch for you being very toned in close to all of them.  You didn’t get naked in all of them so that’s why I can’t speak to each role, sorry.  You really should’ve gotten naked in all of them for the express purpose that I could be a reliable source for you.  And not because I want to see your abs of steel 24 hours a day.  I mean you’re not a piece of MEAT, right?!  But no really, why don’t you get naked all of the time?  I think it would go well.  But mainly so that I could 100% vouch for you, about the tonedness.  It’s ok though, I plan to rent your movies soon and re-view them as silent films, so I’m confident I’ll be able to ascertain your level of tonedness in all of them soon enough.  But back to that street fight — I saw that other video that interviewed you about that video in which your impossibly toned arms, typically reserved for activities such as caressing girls’ faces/shoulders for comfort, preparing dinner for your grandmother on weekends and, I can only imagine, saving baby goslings?  But yes, I saw that video interviewing you about the almost-slap-fight between artists your arms diffused, and how you were embarrassed about the attention it was garnering.  Cuh-lassic Ryan.  Cuh-lassic.  You’re so cute.  Which reminds me, and this is off topic, but can I just say your arms seem to be working really flawlessly in concert with your core and face?  Can I just say that?  I’ve watched that video at least 200 times and mostly by myself so I could really, like, focus.  Like, FOCUS.

Here, I’ve drawn up a diagram indicating specific areas of your body where, at least I believe, you achieved perfection, and therefore, why you deserve to be Sexiest Man Alive and also why I’m angry you didn’t take it.  Even though that’s just classic Ryan.  Please see below:

I think that sufficiently proves my point, yes?  Hey whoooaaaaWHOOAAAA hey left hand get back here!  Sorry Ryan my left hand seems to think you have a little something on your zipper, there.  Like a fuzzie.  Just wanted to, y’know, rub off that bad boy.  THE FUZZIE.  The invisible one that was on your zipper.  Anyways you’re welcome.  You can’t walk into a benefit to save whales looking like that!  Which is where I assume you’re going, after this?  A benefit to help animals and/or children?  What is the location of that benefit PRAY TELL?  

Look at me, rambling.  I’m such a silly!  Hahah, I really am; actually my Mom always calls me that!  OMG I JUST TALKED ABOUT MY MOM TO YOU.  I realize you don’t have all abs–ha ha ha!  Sorry!  I mean all day to listen to me ramble.  I bet you have other women– THINGS, things I mean things, to do.  Other things, that you have, to do, them.  What?  You’re busy laying women–THE GROUNDWORK, laying the groundwork, for your next floozy–FILM.  YOUR NEXT FILM.  AAAAAAHHHHH I’M SORRY!

Ryan here’s the thing.  If offered, I would have taken the award you passed off to Schmadley Pooper.  It would have been especially awkward and insulting for me seeing as I’m a woman, but still I would have taken it.  I have trouble saying no to people.  But you know what?  Actually accepting an award like that just shows how arrogant I am, as a person.  Seeing you reject it, and donate it to that other guy who sucks is just you being you.  Y’ know?  Just bein’ ol’ RyRy Gos.  Can I call you that?  … No?  OMG I’M SO SORRY.





This is going to sound bitchy, but I’m starting to hate the holidays.  I know it sounds terrible and unfestivelike, and I’m sorry.  It just seems to always spell FIGHTING for us as a couple.  Long story short, my family is in Northern CA, his is in Texas, we’re in GA and neither of us wants to give up visiting our families.  It sucks.  It feels like the only way either of us will be happy is if we magically find a million dollars and rent a private plane so we can do it all.  I hate to give up either of the holidays because certain different family members are present at different holidays!

Any help?


Dear V, and everyone else dealing with holiday drama:

So, Thanksgiving’s upon us!  And Christmas isn’t far off!  ’Tis the season of loving, giving… and of quarreling over where we’re gonna go as a couple for the holidays.  It’s a joyous, wonderful time of year, but it also can get a little difficult, especially for many young couples like yourselves (young in the sense of engaged, or dating – you didn’t get specific so I’m assuming one of those two) who haven’t yet established their own dwellings as Thanksgiving-Central, but instead have yearly family commitments that, well… that they aren’t used to having to compromise on.

Does this sound at all familiar to anyone?

If you and your sweetheart have a little trouble or hard feelings when it comes to where to go for the holidays, believe me, you’re not alone.  In fact, you’re in the majority.

I’m gonna keep it really real here.  It wasn’t always easy (who am I kidding, it still isn’t necessarily *easy*) for me and Honey to get our Thanksgivings and Christmases sorted in a way that’s entirely satisfying to both of us.  But that’s just life.  We feel thankful even to have two locations between which we’re torn every year.  And it’s always a discussion, and a compromise.  Compromise is the key word here.  And if you’re someone who can’t be satisfied if you’re not visiting your family home for every single holiday, well, then you’re setting yourself up for eternal unhappiness.  Not to mention, other unknown relationship issues that will undoubtedly develop.  There are definitely lots of people for whom it’s not difficult to split time, and decide who gets Christmas this year, and who gets Thanksgiving.  But for many more, it’s a tough decision that has unfortunate and – depending on your family members and their emotions – potentially hurtful consequences, no matter how hard you try to make everyone happy.

Fortunately, I’ve found that for the most part, all a couple really wants is everyone to be happy.  Sad thing is, it’s an impossible feat.  Honey and I learned the hard way that you can’t make everyone happy all of the time.  And that applies to him and to me, as well.

Here’s how we’ve dealt with it: year by year we worked through it.  Yeah we fought in the beginning, but that’s just because we strongly wanted to be with our respective families, and to please them/give them what they wanted, which was *us.*  But we soon figured out that you have to make sacrifices, that compromise is the only fair approach.  Not everyone’s going to be 100% happy, but if you’ve got a good chunk of what you want, and the other person has his/her good chunk… isn’t that a good way to go?

Realizing this allowed us to achieve more of a balance, and right now, the way we handle it is we do dinner one place, and dessert at the other.  It’s not ideal, but given the fact that our families are relatively near one another, we can’t find a more fair solution than that.

Your situation is challenging, given the sometimes-there-sometimes-not-there relatives you’re dealing with in this mathematical equation.  So ultimately, you and your fiance?/boyfriend? are just going to need to accept that sometimes you’re going to miss seeing those certain family members you mentioned who are present only at certain holidays.  And you know what?  IT DOES SUCK.  But it’s a shi**y fact of life.

The good news is that you’ll see them next year, right?  Plus, there’s always Skype.


Maddy of Inspired Bride pinned this F**KING REDONKULOUS GOLD CAKE that was pinned via Style Me Pretty and I wanna make sweet, sweet love to it.  Ok WOW now I’m no better than that commenter person who left that comment I told you guys about that I deleted that said “I want to have sex with that cake.”  Teaching moment, you guys.  I just learned a lesson that I taught myself.  Whoa.

Now.  That cake up there was pinned by Maddy, via a pin by someone named Yvette Inufio.  Before today, I didn’t know who she is.  But now I’m having a holy s*** moment because HOLY S***.  AMAZEBALLS.  A taste:

Well, turns out she has an Etsy shop.  Mind blown.  Such gorgeousness.

So, I’m not viscerally hating Lauren Conrad’s line for Kohl’s Holiday 2011, pinned from The Budget Babe.  Here are some picks I pulled for the holidays, if you wanna look fab without spending a buttload:

Lizzie & Isaiah pinned this KILLER DIY felt holly corsage from Martha Stewart.  And OMGIWANNABONEIT.

Paper Pastries pinned this cool new (or did I just not get the memo and it’s been going on for years?) trend in nails, which was shared on The Beauty Department.  And I wanna sleep with it.  But more so, I want to see it done on YOUR BRIDESMAIDS.  PUH-LEEEEAAAASSSSEEUUHH???!!!!

Random personal find – succulent escort cards.  Always a winner in my book.  But you already knew that.  Shot by Shira Z Photography.

Pinned by Katelyn Whitehead, these are wooden prop boards that read Thank You, for you to hold for the purposes of your adorable Thank You Notes to guests.  Yes, this is old hat.  But taking the photo in the silliest and simultaneously adorablelest way possible?  Priceless.  I mean, $29.95.

So, I’m curious….

1) How are you spending Thanksgiving?

2) As a couple, how did you come to a solution about the holidays?  Has it been easy?  Difficult?

3) Ryan Gosling.  Your thoughts just, like, in general, about him.

xoxo!  - Alison

Mini Thanksgiving Roundup: On Twitter right before this post went live I asked peeps to tweet me their own Thanksgiving related blog posts if they wanted them published heresville.  DexKnows Weddings shared this Mr & Mrs carved pumpkin, shot by Amber Stricklin Photography; she also sent this nautical- inspired wedding photo shoot she spotted on Valley & Co., which was shot by Limelife Photography.  And then there’s Wedding Lovely that included fave recipes for your Thanksgiving feast!  Good times.  Good times.  GTs.


Label(s): "DEAR TKB..." Advice Column, Oh, How PINteresting, Ryan Gosling, {Holiday}

Love all of this...


  1. amber fischer on November 21, 2011

    1) Spending Thanksgiving with my husband and littles at my parent’s house. After watching the parade while eating monkey bread, of course.

    2) Our solution has been simple – my in laws aren’t really all that into the holidays, and they live 10 hours away. My family, on the other hand, lives for holidays and lives 15 minutes away. And our families actually get along really well, so sometimes we get to celebrate certain holidays (including Thanksgiving) with both sets at my parent’s house.

    3) Okay Alison… don’t hate me… but I’m not sure I actually GET the Ryan Gosling thing. I know, I know – I’m like the only person in the world who doesn’t get it. Please don’t hate me. ( :

  2. Emily on November 22, 2011

    We will be spending Thanksgiving with my future in-laws and fam. My BFF happens to be married into the same fam so that helps tons.

    We flip flop thanksgiving and Easter but Christmas we make the rounds, lunch with one fam and dinner with the other. When you have a child it makes it way more difficult because no one really cares if you are there but the kid most definitely has to be there. It’s a busy day but a memorable one.

    And Mr. Gosling=yummylicious! Although as far as Ryan’s go I’m partial to Mr. Reynolds especially the half naked scene in The Proposal.

  3. Alison on November 22, 2011

    Ms Amber – How could I hate you for that? Just means more Gosling for me. ;)

    Emily – That’s such a lucky bonus to have your BFF in the family! Makes the holidays that much more wonderful. And fyi, my mom prefers Reynolds to Gosling as well. To each her own! :)

  4. Chandra ~ Oh Lovely Day on November 22, 2011

    I think you know how I feel about this post given the photo with the arrows and our favorite subject. Couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m really hoping to find a RyRyGos under my tree on Christmas morning. Like the real one, not just the life-sized cardboard one I have now…

  5. Nikki on November 22, 2011

    1. We will be spending Thanksgiving with my fiance’s best man and his parents. They call us their “fake kids” and have basically adopted us since both of our families are on the other side of the country.

    2. We live in CA and our parents are in FL which means tickets home are $$$. Last year was our first year living together and not going home for the holidays. We made a couple trips home throughout the year when it was more cost effective and then made our own holiday traditions. Second annual day after Thanksgiving means setting up the tree, watching Love Actually, listening to cheesy Christmas music and drinking Irish Coffee. Christmas is more of the same but with Chicken and Waffles for dinner!

    3. YUM. YUM. YUM.

  6. Alison on November 22, 2011

    Chandra – you know I would have had a fifth arrow in there, but until I’ve seen it with my own eyes (HOPE HOPE), I can’t assume it’s arrowable. ifyouknowwhatimean. andiknowyoudo.

    Nikki – I pretty much LOVE your creative solution to having happy holidays! May I join you for the Love Actually portion? ;) xx!

  7. libby on November 22, 2011

    My husband and I both have siblings that live far away….far, far away. So we go to which ever holiday they can make it to, and recently things have lined up nice. This year, both brothers are home at Thanksgiving. One has a new baby and one is on R&R from his deployment in Afghanistan. The holiday gods were not in our favor this year, how do we decide?!?! Well, we settled on Thanksgiving with the soldier (my family) and the rest of the weekend with my husband’s family, and we booked a trip to visit them over New Years, so thats like an extra holiday.
    How do I deal with this? Not very well. I’m a control freak and I hate waiting on our brothers to decide. I’m getting better, and taking it one holiday at a time helps, too. We try to attend, and travel to, smaller family parties as often as possible and it helps us get more time in with the fam we might miss at a major holiday.

  8. Alyssa on November 22, 2011

    1. Not doing a damn thing for Thanksgiving this year. Last couple of years have consisted of us trying to split the day between our two families -Mine is 10mins away, his which is an 1&45mins away (3+ if his Grandma hosts) This usually ends in us being very hungry, grumpy and tired after a long day of leaving my families house before TG dinner was ready (they are relatively late eaters when it comes to thanksgiving) and arriving at his families house after everything is said and done. This year we start a new tradition, Stay home and eat good food like every night.

    2. Not been too difficult for us. My birthday is Dec.25, so Mike says the day is mine to do with as I please, and since I will always choose to be with my family on my birthday, that is what we do. As a couple we are not the holiday celebrating type. Everyday is a good day to be happy and around people you love – that’s what we try for.

    3. Ryan? Yes Please.

  9. Alison on November 22, 2011

    Libby – PERFECT solution right there. Attending family parties throughout the year makes it so much easier for everyone to accept your absence at a certain holiday gathering, if your absence is necessary due to another commitment. What a great solution! I’m seriously loving the input everyone’s leaving in the comments; such killer ideas!

    Alyssa – That’s so true. Trying to please everyone can be incredibly taxing on the ones trying to do all the pleasing. It’s a tough situation, no matter how you slice it! I’m glad you guys are putting yourselves first this time around. Gotta know when to treat yourselves!!

  10. Shannon on November 22, 2011

    Oh, the holidays…never easy! The one thing we focus on, however, is that he and I are each other’s family, so whatever we do, we do it together. We do not have kids yet, but we are, in fact, still a family, and it’s important to us that wherever we are, whatever we decide, we’re together.

    This Thanksgiving, for instance, he has to work alllllll day. That sucks. But – instead of driving 3.5 hours home to my family and leaving him alone, I am staying home and cooking a shmorgasbord for the two of us to enjoy together. It’s how we roll. And it works for us! It’s our 5th year having a whacky Thanksgiving, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I will go home on Saturday and see my family, and stop in to see his parents. But we do what we can and make it work.

    Since our families live close to each other, it makes visits home for the Christmas equally easier AND more difficult. His parents’ house is more comfortable for us to sleep at, so I worry about hurting my family’s feelings since we end up spending more time with his folks. We bounce back and forth from house to house for 2 or 3 days and just do our best to make it to a dinner or present opening or dessert. Together. The two of us. As a family. :)

  11. Annie H on November 22, 2011

    Thanksgiving will be spent at my parents’ house. The future mominlaw has flown out to join us.

    We developed a taking turns for the holidays system. One year we spend with my family, the next we make the 22 hr car drive out to the South Dakota area. (talk about white Christmas, it snowed the entire time. My spoiled Maryland butt didn’t know what to do or how to drive with that much powder on the ground. Thankfully the boy does!)

    And oh Ryan Gosling…just. yes.

  12. Alison on November 22, 2011

    Shannon – That’s frikin’ beautiful. You and your man clearly have your priorities straight. It can be really hard to figure out that one has to be sure to put oneself first, and then everything will follow. I see you guys have that down to an art. :) On another very relevant note, isn’t it so interesting how it really can come down to a thing like the comfort of the bed you’ll be sleeping in? And the privacy of the bedroom? Funny. That definitely plays into things, I find!

    Annie H – 22 HOUR DRIVE TO SOUTH DAKOTA??!!!! I am feeling for you on that! We did a 12-15 hr drive, back and forth, along the east coast once and IT WAS HELL. I had to stop for the largest, strongest coffee Starbucks brews in order to make it back alive. I hope you get a good night’s sleep before you guys set out!!!!

  13. Amy on November 22, 2011

    We are heading to the Oregon Coast for some clam chowder and couple time. My fiance has two kiddos so we are taking a much needed break and having an early honeymoon in the rainy, kite flying, amazingness that is the coast.
    Holidays are best spent stress free and happy. We live for adventures so it just works well that we use our days off of work to do something random.

    And what to say about RyRy… I could just pack him in my suitcase and bring him with me everywhere. Delicious.

  14. Koru Kate ⎨Koru Wedding⎬ on November 22, 2011

    We’re still searching for the perfect holiday scenario. It seems we’ve attempted every option- one ridiculous year, he & our dog spent Christmas Eve with his family & I spent it with mine. A holiday without my guy AND dog still stings! This year, we’re trying to split the holidays between our families. Thanksgiving with his, Christmas Eve with his & Christmas with mine.

    P.S. I didn’t get the Ryan Gosling thing either. Then I saw Crazy Stupid Love last weekend & I’m with you, Gosling fans!

  15. Jenna on November 22, 2011

    We live in San Francisco and his family is in New Orleans and mine is in Vermont, so we don’t have the thanksgiving at one and christmas at the other option because it’s just too much money for flights. We’ve been together for 6 years and this will be the first Christmas we spent together. Neither of us has wanted to give up Christmas with our family and while it’s been sad not spending it together, we do spend every other holiday and day together and always make sure we’re together for new years. This year we’re spending it together because we got married in Vermont in September so it’s fair to spend Christmas with his family. I’m still going to be sad and miss my family a lot, but I’m ready to start spending them together.
    The bottom line to me is that you don’t have to spend Christmas together, you can spend it each with your family and that should be ok. It’s not ideal, but there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be around your parents and extended family for the holidays as long as you respect his wanting to do the same.

  16. Shulie [RobbinsBrothers] on November 22, 2011

    That golden cake.. ugh, it’s so lovely, I can’t look directly at it! It reminds me of some kind of golden goose egg.. so fairtytale-like!

    Dude. That grey polka dot dress by LC. I ALMOST BOUGHT THAT LAST WEEK. At the last minute, I felt like I shouldn’t be spending monies… but it looked sooo fab on me. LOL Would I be crazy if I just wore it around the store for a few hours?

    Anyway, regrading Thanksgiving, I’ll be spending it with Ryan Gosling. I’m a vegetarian, but I will take a bite out of THAT MEAT.

    Ok, let me gather myself, here. Seriousness: Boyfriend with his fam.. me with my fam. We’re not there… *yet*.

  17. Lena on November 22, 2011

    I’m laughing. I’m crying. I’m irritated by family. I’m pissed about those Pinterest thINspiration boards I accidentally start following and then start feeling deep, deep shame for my pudding lunch.

    Also, love Yvette, and wish she could make my life look like her photos.

    Then, there are my response to your holiday questions. Lucky for us, the “small” holidays are easy, since we live 3000 miles away from either parent. We won’t be joining you this year. Or any year for the next who knows how many, so it’s a good thing we cook and John knows how to carve a turkey.

    But the Christmas planning? Nightmare. Last year, I flew SFO-DFW-PHL-DFW-SFO, while John stayed at his parents house and skipped visiting my family altogether. I told him that wasn’t an option this year, so I bought SFO-PHL-PVD-ORD-DFW-SFO tickets in AUGUST so his mother couldn’t buy us SFO-DFW flights and hijack our plans. Sounds awesome, huh?

  18. Claire Martine on November 22, 2011

    Oh Ryan, you amazing me. Mid- Crazy Stupid Love I found out that my husband has a thing for Emma Stone so voila match made in heaven power couple!!

    I’m going to go ahead and count my amazing blessings. So far for the holidays we’ve decided against a “thanksgiving hike” with some concoction called thanksgiving sandwiches. Against the 2 hour [each way] drive into Orange County. And no to the five hour visit for just one side. No. No. Absolutely No.

    My mom decided to make my life easier and lower expectations by inviting us to her house for a quiet dinner of six. How wonderful! And mind you I’m not trying to brag- I’m simply appreciative that since we’re newlyweds and still settling in we have the benefit of narrowing our typical 5 holiday dinners down to 1.5 !!!

    Hopefully, Christmas is just as easy- fingers crossed!!!

  19. Nikki on November 24, 2011

    @Alison – absolutely, as long as you don’t mind me tearing up every 20 minutes or so ;)

  20. Katie on November 25, 2011

    I read this post a few days ago and was feeling pretty happy that we weren’t having this problem, but was I WRONG! I live aboard so because of a job a recently started I sadly decided to skip Thanksgiving. (Could I get any more American!!! The only thing more American than Thanksgiving is not taking vacations!) I made plans to go to the US in January after all the Christmas craziness, because I really prefer the more relaxed Brazilian Christmas with my husbands whole family. It’s perfect, everyone stays at his grandparents for the whole week after Christmas and we just eat, drink and work on our tans by the pool. So I thought it was decided and I’ve been really looking forward to it. Then on Thanksgiving (his first mistake) my husband tells me that he needs to travel for work during Christmas (to a place I’m not a huge fan of) and that I should go with him and his parents. WTF? I’m totally cool with hanging with his family on the holidays and now that’s not good enough? I died, and not in the good way.

    I’m going to compromise if necessary, but it’s going to be a struggle. :(

  21. Ilana on November 27, 2011

    It is so true how many of us live so ridiculously far from our families! This will be the 4th holiday season my FH and I will juggle families on opposite sides of the universe. His family is in North Carolina, my family is in California, and while our permanent home is in Wyoming, I have been living in Oklahoma for 2 years completing my masters degree. I am T-minus 2 days from being done and I can’t even explain how amazing it will be to move back home to Wyoming to live with my hunny-bunny and never leave him again.

    Due to graduating/moving we are not traveling for the holidays this year. We actually didn’t last year either, because we took a trip in October to Hawaii and couldn’t afford to fly to Hawaii in October, and then to opposite sides of the country in November and December. The first two years we spent Thanksgiving with one and Christmas with the other and the flip-flopped the following year, but it’s still a question about how we will manage in the future. I love Wyoming at Christmas and would love to not travel, but I”m sure our families are missing us.

    I really enjoy reading everyone’s discussion about their family travels for the holidays and I’m pretty happy we don’t have to think about it for another year.

  22. lizzie on November 30, 2011

    GAH! The ONE week I’m too swamped with work to check my reader, you throw us a sweet shout out. You are far too sweet!

  23. Nora Rose on November 30, 2011

    Our couple solution is to drive all over the place. Seriously. But we’ve been together for 5 years and this is our first year in our house. We spent Thanksgiving apart because I was travelling, which worked for us because he got to see his family and avoid my family craziness and I got see mine and enjoy the crazy number of people. For Christmas, we’re going to spend it together and then go to each parents house since they’re close enough. If we had to travel, we would probably just switch off. My grandma does that with all of her kids and I think it works pretty well as long as it’s fair!

  24. Bespoke Bride on March 3, 2012

    OH MY GOD Im actually laughing out loud. To myself. Alone. At my laptop.

    That letter to Ryan Gosling has literally made my day! No…scratch that, made my week! Its Hilarious!!! Absolutely BRILLIANT.

    Thankyou for your comical genius!

  25. Louise on September 9, 2012

    Lovely Ryan Gosling!!! That gold cake is amazing, i wouldn’t want to it, just look at the sparkle!

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