BACHELOR RECAP: IOWA RED FLAG PRIMARIES | Crazy is the new black. And one of these girls kills things and eats balls. < I am quoting. You can’t make this s**t up.

Prologue: Happy Tuesday evening aka Bachelor Recap Night.  I trust my Bachelor-watching-readers have had the chance to watch the show?  I know, I feel like a ridiculous following yet another season, too.  It’s the nature of the beast; don’t be ashamed.  

Like many of you, I thought this season started next week, so I was pleasantly dismayed to find the premiere episode in my tv listings last night.  I pressed the record button, and proceeded to do anything other than watch The Bachelor with my time. 

Fast forward several hours to when I watched The Bachelor.  We begin.

“I AM BETTER NOW” MONTAGE

Still unattractive, Ben has returned to find love this season, and it’s clear he lucked out with Ashley rejecting him, because just look at this bevy of smart, low mainten– wait where did these whores come from.

Those are the– those women are the contestants?  Oh.  Well–oh. *worrisomely pulls at collar*

Accepting that ABC is not (no longer? was never?) casting for compatibility, let’s continue.

At the outset of the show, we see Ben’s purfactly executed rejection sequence from last season courtesy of Ashley, and then we find Ben, having filmed a sequence that shows him happy, happily doing wine-related things, and telling us the experience changed him as a person.  Reality shows tend to do that to people.  Ben says ”I never follow through in relationships.”  Well that’s a good start.  Let’s continue on with the show, which is clearly set up for romantic success, and not ratings.

We find out that Ben, deeply hurt by Ashley’s rejection, sadly retreated into the life of a rich person with a wealthy upbringing, and, trying to distract himself with anything he could find, dove headfirst into doing rich person things like building his winery with his best friends. We see Ben’s henleys are gone, replaced appropriately by neon orange everything, plaid farmer’s shirts and deep v’s.  I have nothing to say on the matter.  But this does make me miss Ames.

So, we’re ready to meet all the ladies who we are assuming are comfortable with moving to California since Ben is SO not going to move for anything/anyone.

Fast-forward to the lady bevy.  By the way – “25 “incredible” women,” Chrisharrison?

LIMO DELIVERY

AKA

WITH SO MUCH TO MOCK, ALISON’S TYPING FINGERS IGNITE WITH THE FURY OF A THOUSAND SUNS

Right off the bat, there are certain very apparent red flags that Ben should have picked up on.  Which Ben didn’t pick up on.  In no particular order, they were:

-a girl who sees tanning as a competitive sport and arrives with a full body complexion that’s akin to the racist Blackface performers of the vaudeville era, is going to be a handful, to put it lightly.  The dirtier-looking the fake tan, the dirtier-being her emotional past.

-girls who make dumb jokes and walk away thinking “nailed it.”

-girls who go on The Bachelor to find love.

MEET THE VAGINA-HAVING CONTESTANTS

(I cannot bring myself to call them “women,” sorry.)

PLEASE NOTE, and this is important: THIS YEAR MY MISSION IS TO BE SO AGGRESSIVE – BE, EEE, AGGRESSIVE – AT THESE LADIES THAT THE MERE THOUGHT OF WHAT I MAY WRITE ABOUT THEM IN RECAPS WILL LAUNCH AN INVOLUNTARY FEAR REACTION, CAUSING ALL GIRLS TO AVOID TRYING OUT FOR THE SHOW IN THE FUTURE.

AS I WAS SAYING, OUT COMES…

1. Rachel, 27…

… fashion sales rep from NYC – well, not anymore; she quit her job for this.  Red flag?  Typically, but not when you’re sex on a stick.  Also, she is stunning and too good for him in the face.  Nice touch with the red dress, and mentioning that your middle name is Rose.  Now he won’t forget to give you a rose, as was your plan.  Though it might be less your middle name, and more because he remembered how he wants to give you some dick.

2.  Erika, 23, law student, from Chitown - So, by Ashley Herbert standards, this girl’s name should be Erika, Esq. and her occupation Full Lawyer Status.  I don’t understand why they’re not listing her as a lawyer when they let Ashley be a full-blown dentist even though she was a student, but anyway it doesn’t matter she’s not going to win.  Mostly because she said “The verdict is in, and youuuu, are guilty….. (guilty of what, Erika) Guilty of being sexyyyAHHHAAHHAHAHHHA BUT YEAH NO, YOU DO, YOU LOOK VERY SEXY.” … is how she *recovered* from that joke fail.  Anyway, after she said that I was left wondering… this ‘joke,’ repeated over and over in her mind from the time she found out she was going to be on The Bachelor, to this moment right now, where quite literally her feet hit the pavement, at no time did she find it worth premeditatedly striking this joke from the record?  Or whatever jargon works there; I don’t go to law school.  Also, don’t these girls know that the first rule of fight club is you don’t involve the less exciting/less hilarious aspects of your profession in early conversation with a potential suitor? – Shawntel.

3.  Amber B. 23, Labor & Delivery Nurse from Port Coquitlam, Canada - ”My friends call me the baconator.
Her friends don’t call her that.
High energy and confident for some reason?  NOT ROSED.

4.  Elyse, 24, personal trainer from Chitown – Elyse says she’s gonna make him sweat a little bit.  Because she’s a personal trainer, no doubt.  And THEY MUST BE FORCING THEM TO SAY THIS STUFF RIGHT?

5.  Jenna, 27, (not really a) blogger from NYC – Jenna drinks wine very dramatically.
P.S. – walking into the mansion she said “oh god Jenna you RUINED IT.”  So can someone call for a heli-rescue before the next episode?  These are heli-rescue-level cries for help.  Let’s not let it get to actual heli-rescue level by allowing her to stay and compete AND IT’S TOO LATE, THE PRODUCERS MADE BEN KEEP HER.  Did I mention that she also said ”I should just die” when she got into the house?  Can we at least remove all sharp objects from the vicinity?  But heli-rescue is still my first choice.

…. and that’s all I’m going to say about Jenna.  Because I’m not interested in being the nail in the nail gun for this girls suicide attempt.

6.  Courtney, 28, model, Santa Monica, CA – Ben: ”that is aaaa PRETTY GURRRL.”  THE PENIS HAS DECIDED THAT SHE WILL MAKE IT FAR.

7.  Emily, 27, PhD Student, Chapel Hill - Epidemiology student.  Studies disease.  So she sanitized his hands (not weird at alllll), and freshened his breath (not at all weird either).  P.S. – did you catch it?  What she did there was another job-related joke fail for the group.  To be honest I do love this girl; she’s real, and she went to my alma mater so she’s a keeper.  Because I am biased, I will not be making any jokes about her.  Or she doesn’t provide any material and I couldn’t think of anything good to say about her.  It’s one of those.

8.  Samantha, 26, advertising account manager - ”I’m more than just a pageant girl…” but I like to walk into rooms sash-first because it’s all I have to offer.

9.  Casey S., 26, trading clerk, Leawood, Kansas - Nothing. To. Saaaaay.

You’ll remember we met Amber T., 29, a Critical Care Nurse from Waverly, NE in the field/her element earlier in the show.  She kills things and then eats their balls.  Amber is cute, and says things like “if everything works out, Ben will definitely be coming back to Nebraska for some deer steaks and beef nuts.
Having aged 30 years, we see Amber arrive with too high hair and makeup that did 100% of the aging and - and we could have predicted this when Ben’s reaction to Chrisharrison’s description of her game-hunting profession was “shoots… large… animals… ok” - by the end of the night she has become the girl who gets rejected, cries, then turns away from the camera forgetting she’s wearing a mic (a classic rejected bachelorette move) and whispers, “what did I do wrong???”  Sadly, she will be eating nuts without Ben tonight in her hotel room.  But she’ll have to wait until she gets home to eat cow balls.  #ohnoAlisondidn’t!  #ohyesIdid

NEXT BATCH OF CONTESTANTS!

10.  Holly, 34, Pharmaceutical Sales Rep, Kentucky - ”Kentucky is known for beautiful women and fast horses.”  Also, like Ben said, bourbon, but you didn’t know that because you are dumb.  SENT HOME.

11.  Jamie, 25, registered nurse, Dryden, NY - Aka, Ms. Rough Life.  Also, the only super normal one there.  CHEERING FOR HER THIS SEASON.

12.  Shira, actress, LA… AGELESS? - Shira withheld her age.  Which doesn’t seem fair.  Or healthy.  She must be reeeaaalllly worth it to the casting crew.
Or not.  SENT HOME.

13.  Blakeley (should be called Blankly), 34, VIP cocktail waitress, Charlotte, NC - VIP waitress.  That’s when the stripper works strictly in the champagne room… right?

By the way, quick question: assuming ABC does force them to deliver ridiculous job-related jokes; why doesn’t this apply to the VIP Waitress?  I assume because you can’t make hooker jokes on network television?

14.  Cheryl – old lady, for…

15.  Brittney, 26-yr-old young lady (and granddaughter to Cheryl), medical sales rep from somewhere I forget – impactless on me.

But I do have a note on Brittney vis-a-vis THE BACONATOR, who had me go from hating her when she said – “smelled a lot like grandma”… when grandma arrived, to feeling resplendent with kinship upon her saying – ” you live and you learn, right? Next time, sash; hat; grandma.”  I WANTED HER TO STAY, if for nothing more than her extreme wit and sarcasm contribution.  #boo #hiss #nothappyBen

KEEP ‘EM COMIN’!!!!!

16.  Nicki, dental hygienist, 26, Hurst, TX – with every girl, I had to pause the show to write down her info, and here was her expression when I paused:

I predicted *the eyes would have it* throughout the show, and I was right:

I mean until I was wrong.  Since Oh Canaaadaaa, above, got booted.  I actually miss her a lot already.  Not the eyes.  I do not miss those eyes.  But the sarcasm.  Where’s the witty snark going to come from now????!!!!

17.  Dianna, 30, non-profit director, San Gabriel, CA - ANOTHER WHITE DRESS WEARER.  No words, really.  Just thought she was 13.

18.  Jennifer, 18, accountant, Oklahoma City, OK – 1190 is the number of miles she traveled to be there; zero is the number of times she has been arrested; 54 is the number of dresses she tried on before picking the navy one; one is the number of times she’s been in love; 4 is the number of times I had to rewind what she was saying so I could write it down here to make a joke; 3 is the number of times I wished she would go inside already; 2 is the number of times I sighed audibly; 8 is the number of times I considered throwing the remote at the television screen; 80 is the number of times this specific joke will be thought of as a good idea when bloggers and writers watch the show.

More details: a ginger / accountant joke was made / it was lame / but I like her so we’ll see WAIT YOU TRIED ON 54 DRESSES????????!!!!!!!!!!

19.  Lyndsie J, 29, Internet entrepreneur, Scottsdale, AZ - I have discovered the first known case where the All Brits Are Hot rule does not apply.  I thought it was nearly failsafe.  I think if she wasn’t just, like, 1000000% dork 1000000% of the time, like she could dial it back a wee bit sometimes, then I wouldn’t be so anti-Lyndsie.  Because I get it; I have a slightly longer shaped head than the next girl, so it’s not her face (the reason most people might mock her).  It really is just her incessant dorkismo.  It’s like she’s dorking it up FTW.

20.  Anna, 25, student, Detroit, MI -

Anna does something aamaaaaaazing ohmygod so amaaazzing in that she… walks by him, without words?  ….. So what?  Ben: “that’s a bold move.”  ”gotta be some kind of first.”  Here, I know that everyone’s instinct was “B!TCH” when they saw her so I chose to be pro-Anna and give her her due credit.  She decided to let that hair and makeup speak for themselves.  When you have no speaking capabilities, I guess, is what’s going on here.  Doesn’t matter because HE BOOTED HER???????  This face:

…. booted.  By a dude.  Dudes don’t boot faces like this, throughout history.  And it’s not like he changed his mind the moment she SPOKE!  Because she didn’t speak.  What.  The F.

By the way, guess what?  I didn’t add any filters or adjust the brightness or anything with that image above (well aside from blow it up with verbiage).  That’s how en fuego she is.  Well, with makeup caking.

21.  Monica, 33, dental consultant, SLC, UT –  Monica said this upon meeting Ben: “Hi, I’m Monica.  I have a confession.  I… uhhh… I am bisexual no no no too soon miss my dog more than anything.”

22.  Jaclyn, 27, advertising acct mgr, Newton, MA – Her Title = the first girl to receive a hug attack from Ben because of his fear that she might try to go in for the kiss.  Something he clearly didn’t want.  BUT GOT A ROSE??

GETTING WORSE– I MEAN, MORE LADIES ARRIVE!!!!

23.  Shawn, 28, financial advisor, Phoenix, AZ – bad dress bad hair seems nice WENT HOME.

(Sorry I’m getting a little exhausted; 25 ladies and a grandma is a lot of ridicule to hurl.)

24.  Kacie B., 24, administrative Asst., Clarksville, TN - Nice short sparkly dress.  That’s kind of… it.  Actually, there’s this:

25.  Lindzie C., 27, biz development mgr, Seattle, WA – “I’m from Seattle, 26 years old” wait whuuuut?  That’s not what your thing said.  Whatever anyway, she won the first impression rose because of this:

That’s what crazy looks like when it’s on a horse.  By the way I wanted to nickname her “beautiful girl with an unfortunate excitement response” but that’s too long to keep up.

“Ohh that’s crazy!  Hell of an entrance.” – Ben’s remarks.  See, he said something like that with Anna, who got booted.  So it is abundantly clear that his words mean nothing.  In true The Bachelor form.  ABC execs: “WE CAN REBUILD HIM.”  And rebuild him, they did.  Into an even worse version than what we got last year.

By the way, ROSE CEREMONY HIGHLIGHTS:

1. Ben: “Monica.”

Jenna’s mind: “OH SHIT”

2. Jenna was hiding in plain sight before she joined the other girls for the ceremony.  The bathroom time *did not help* matters, with regard to her face and hair.

3. Ben likes needy, baggage-laden girls with lots of bag-bag-baggity-baggage in their baggage.  The higher the checked-luggage bill, the more in love Ben is.

4. Anna went home?

5. Jenna didn’t go home?

6. Where is Bentley?  I don’t understand, I just- I think I need to see him, one more time, just to completely get over him.  The way he left– I just– *sobs* I think, I think I NEED THAT.  For closure.  Where is Bentley, Chrisharrison?  Where are you hiding him?***

***The part of Ashley Herbert was played by Alison in tonight’s performance.

Ok, whew.  That was like A LOT.  Now it’s your turn to give me something to read… maybe?  Please?  :)  I’m sick of my own voice.  So, how terrible/dramatic was that premiere?  Or what were your favorite/least enjoyed moments from the show?  Anything stand out in general?  Please share your thoughts, ’cause I die to hear your feedback on this otherwise it feels like I’m talking to myself.  And I already talk to myself enough of the day.  This would make it reach 100%, aka clinically insane.

xoxo!  - Alison

Other recaps from this season:

The Bachelor Recaps: Ben: Episode 2

The Bachelor Recaps: Ben: Episode 3

The Bachelor Recaps: Ben: Episode 4

The Bachelor Recaps: Ben: Episode 5

The Bachelor Recaps: Ben: Episode 6 Part 1

The Bachelor Recaps: Ben: Episode 6 Part 2

Label(s): *Bachelor/ette Recaps

Love all of this...

29 comments

  1. Rhiannon Nicole {Hey Gorg} on January 3, 2012

    Oh my god. I just pulled a hammie laughing so hard. And absolutely I will not share my swanddling blankie. Jeez.

    Reply
  2. Jenna on January 3, 2012

    Ahhhh, now all is right again in the world.

    Also I obviously hate 27 year old Jenna for besmirching my name. With a fire of a thousand suns.

    Reply
  3. Candice Cossel on January 3, 2012

    OMGeeee I almost pee’d my pants I was laughing so hard. Actually considering watching this season so I can get even more laughs out of your commentary…hhmmmm…

    Reply
  4. Lena on January 3, 2012

    You’re amazing. Now I actually need to watch the episode with this along side, so I can feel like we’re really besties who watch the Bachelor together.

    PS-I was really hoping John knew the dental hygenist from Hurst. One town over, dammit, so why doesn’t he know her!?

    Reply
  5. coasterkim on January 3, 2012

    When the epidemiologist started rapping, I had to turn my TV off. It was just too much. Great recap!

    Reply
  6. Casey on January 3, 2012

    Hahahaha, SO many LOLs on this end. So many lols. It seems they are reeeeeally scraping the bottom of a weird, fame-hungry, emotionally unstable barrel for this lot of “vagina-havers.” Personally, I’m sad the Kansas girl couldn’t represent better. Totally blah, but secretly I’m hoping she’s too normal to earn any screen time??

    Reply
  7. Tara @ Dashing in Pearls on January 3, 2012

    I agree with EVERYTHING! All I could think when they showed the “This season, on the Bachelor…” was that it was really supposed to be a spoof on a horror film. So bad.

    Reply
  8. jacin {lovely little details} on January 3, 2012

    oh my GOD. hilarious.

    Reply
  9. Cathy on January 3, 2012

    I think you should put a warning at the beginning of all your future Bachelor Recaps stating that it would be wise to not be drinking any liquid of any sort while reading the recaps as that liquid is liable to be sprayed ALL OVER the computer screen due to laughter… or worse, it may cause just plain ol’ eye watering choking!! I agree with everything! I have never been able to watch an entire episode, I usually just flip back and forth, here and there because I can’t stand how ridiculous the women and men are and the over the top drama and the blatant staging and “planting” of characters. However, I don’t think Jenna is a plant, I think she’s naturally crazy (cue: scary “Psycho” shower scene music) I can only hope that the producers forced Ben into giving her a rose… there is no way he would choose her for real right? Seriously… right?!!

    Reply
  10. chandra ~ Oh Lovely Day on January 3, 2012

    I MISSED IT! I can’t believe I missed it. Thank sweet baby jesus that you delivered such a DEEEEEEtailed recap :) Really just makes me wish I had seen it though.

    oh, and I’ve got lots of swaddle blankies I can share. little one is WAY past the swaddling phase. In fact, I was the bomb swaddler – like perfect baby burrito swaddling. It’s a real talent.

    Reply
  11. Stephanie// Vintage Modern Wife on January 3, 2012

    totally agree with the baconator: Next time, sash; hat; grandma (check!) lol

    as for jennifer, yeah how the hell did she try on SO many dresses? i honestly don’t know any guy that would really want to know how many dresses you try on for a date.

    also, i barely even remembered anna except for being like “who the hell is this?” when it came to elimz time. so.not.memorable.

    kacie b is who i think will go pretty far. she’s adorable and seems genuinely sweet. we’ll see though!

    jenna though- ah, jenna- at first i tried to feel bad for her when that other chick kept talking crap about her to everyone else, but then i just couldn’t help but laugh at her. she had SO much drama and the fact that she bawled her eyes out in the bathroom (instead of just sucking it up and making things better) and then went to elimination with her hair and makeup all ugly. i, too, knew then that the producers were up to something when ben asked her to stay.

    can’t wait for next week’s recap. ya did good on this one! (as usual) ;)

    Reply
  12. Jessica on January 3, 2012

    Oh dear god!!! That made my Tuesday night. Oh honey you were bang on. These hoes… I mean girls… are probably (actually they are) the worst season of bachelorettes. It’s was like every time I picked a favorite… they were exiled off my favorite list the minute they said something. I think I ended up cheering for two… but I forget their names. Oopsies.
    This season isn’t even that great because Ben is nothing to fantasize about. Isn’t that half the reason we watch this ridiculous show every Monday night??
    Actually this season is a snooze. Ashley should have just picked Ben. They are both weird, annoying on their own level… therefore perfect for each other. I wanted her to pick him so JP could be the next bachelor. At least he looks good without his shirt. But I wanted Ames!! Let’s face it, JP is too good for Ashley… and Ben is too good (never thought I’d be saying that) for these “lovely ladies”.
    PS. This post wasn’t too mean. It’s just the truth. I will defs be reading along on Tuesdays.

    <3

    Reply
  13. Lauren - Southern Aisle on January 3, 2012

    This post is what I like to call “pee your pants funny”. Nicely done, lady. Nicely done!

    Reply
  14. Sara on January 4, 2012

    love your commentary!…. but you left out my favorite line…”maybe we can share a tampon sometime” -jenna

    Reply
  15. Heidi on January 4, 2012

    I am soooo glad you decided to blog again about this season and your recap was priceless. I chuckled out loud numourous times and loved the comments about the baconator because I live only 30mins from her and have several acquaintances who know her so it’s cool to see you comment about her, even if she didn’t make it.
    Can’t wait until next weeks post :)

    Reply
  16. Lyndi on January 4, 2012

    I love you! That is all.

    Reply
  17. Daisy on January 4, 2012

    You make the Bachelor watchable again. Seriously, love this recap ;)

    Reply
  18. Shana MacDonald on January 4, 2012

    I am seriously tearing up over here from laughing. I have to say I have started watching the bachelor again after reading your commentary last season and honestly with a grandma and a girl “missing her dog” or her brain for that matter how could a person miss it. I have been looking forward to reading this all day. Thank you for being you, I can’t wait until next week!

    Reply
  19. Hogger & Co. on January 4, 2012

    HAHAAHAHA, I loved everything about that post, but especially the missing of Bentley lol!
    Great recap. Jennatheblogger has got so much crazy going for her. Excited that she’s still there.

    Reply
  20. Janna (Sparkly Love) on January 4, 2012

    Here’s what I have to say about Anna: If you go on the Bachelor website, you can get bios of all the girls, which are actually not bios, just their answers to questions posed by ABC. In her “bio” they asked Anna: “What is the most outrageous thing you have ever done?” And this was her answer: “I jumped out of a plane at 15,000 feet and I loved every second of it. I went skydiving.” <- Did she think we didn't already know what skydiving was? Or that we may have been confused and thought that she was involved in a plane crash where she had to jump from 15,000 feet and somehow enjoyed the experience?? Maybe it's better she didn't speak on the show.

    Real question: Is it bad that as I watch I say things like "Oh Alison is gonna slam her for that tomorrow." ??? This post is so amazing I want to frame it and hang it in my room (as proof to the hubby that I'm not the only person hysterical laughing/hiding under my blanket I'm so embarrassed FOR these chicks/hating that I can't stop watching every moment of this show!) I'm cheering for Jamie too! I hope she makes it far (which means she probably won't).

    PS. I could be mistaken but I don't think Shawn went home. She's the momma right? I thought she was so cute with her little boy in the beginning and I'm pretty sure she got a rose.

    Reply
  21. Crystal on January 4, 2012

    Bahaha! That’s hilarious. I like Jaimie too. I watch the bachelor for comic relief and Jenna is terrifying.

    I look forward to following your recaps friend!

    Reply
  22. Desiree on January 4, 2012

    …wait wait..how are we need to talk more about monica looking for “new experiences” and about jenna and things suddenly going “black”. i love this show because i love making fun of this show- and that’s how i originally found your blog. thank you for your recaps! oh, and i heart chris harrison!

    Reply
  23. Brit on January 4, 2012

    Hahaha! Finally watched the episode to fully appreciate your insults. This recap makes me wish that I could watch this show with you every week. I’ll throw the remote at the TV for ya.

    #1 – I don’t think they cast anyone this year who I couldn’t say was the spitting image of someone from Brad’s season. The model chick = Michelle, Jenna = crazy Melissa, although I think Jenna has potential to surpass Mel, and of course at least 5 southern bells = Emily, though all of them combined don’t seem to add up to Em.

    #2 completely agree that walking right by Ben was an AMAZING move. thought for sure she would get a rose!! Already disappointed in Ben = in for a long season.

    #3 I miss Bentley too, if only he could fly all the way to Hong Kong so I can finally get closure.

    Reply
  24. libby on January 5, 2012

    I have no words. My brain went half dead watching that, but I dont really care. It’s worth it to get such a good laugh this morning. I’m not rooting for anyone, I hope all these lunatics end up on the bachelor pad.

    Reply
  25. Kristine {In Love, Engaged} on January 5, 2012

    When I think about this god-awful show, I’m actually GRATEFUL we’re too poor for cable. But I love your recaps. I can’t help but read them and laugh, smugly, to myself at my computer. Those poor girls. What in the world are they thinking?!

    Reply
  26. Colleen {Soundtrack To I Do} on January 6, 2012

    Oh how I love Bachelor/Bachelorette seasons of the year, for a few reasons, not the least of which being the pure joy of reading your recaps.

    I totally agree about the Baconator, and my FAVORITE part of the episode by far was the “hat, sash, grandma” comment. Other than that I’m mostly just disgusted with ABC for how low they’ve stooped this season.

    Oh. I also was like, “Whaaa??” when Anna went home. And then like, “But… she’s… so… hot…” I mean seriously Ben. I’m attracted to her. And I’m a straight girl. WTF?

    And I’m pretty sure Jenna is just a normal girl trying to promote her blog and become famous by being “the crazy one” who gets all the attention, and then after the show is over when she comes back for Women Tell All she’ll seem totally sane, and be like, “Oh, it was just the pressure of the show. I’m actually quite embarrassed that I acted like that. I wrote about it on my blog…” We’ll see if I’m right. Or she could be completely loony tunes. One or the other.

    And I actually really liked Ben in Ashley’s season… he seemed normal and cute. Now he seems lame. Bummer.

    Ok that’s all.

    Reply
  27. Cassandra Eldridge on January 6, 2012

    Seriously. I just don’t know how long I can tolerate Jenna. I just… I can’t do it.

    HOT. MESS. minus the hot.

    Reply
  28. El on January 9, 2012

    Oh Alison… you made me fall off the horse. I had begun my Bachelor/ette de-tox and then stumbled into your post of crazy-goodness. Then I had to go and watch the episode. Most of your observations we SO spot on. I was totally hoping Anna stayed, if only because she’s so darn hot. And the previews for the season!?! They. Are. CRAY-ZY-PANTS. Like, I think my head will literally explode from all the drama. I seriously think that nearly all the girls were crying at one point or another during the preview!

    Been reading your posts for a while, but haven’t gotten the guts until this point to post. Love reading your posts! And .. more Bambino!

    Reply
  29. Laura *You Stir Me* on January 10, 2012

    you just made a grown woman pee her pants. I love that you’ve taken on the Bachelor recaps again this season! And I’m glad we’re on the same team – Ben’s still unattractive and will most likely get rid of Sex on a Stick too soon. I had never watched this show until you started talking about it last season and now I watch it just so I can read your recaps:)

    Reply

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