REAL LIFE ISSUES | “When MIL = Manipulator-in-Law” By Miss S… The First Bloggista of Our In-Law Series!

Alison here.  Pretttttyyy pretty stoked about introducing this new series you’re about to experience, and to see it all coming together is nothing short of a dream come true.  I hear EVERY DAY from brides with in-law questions and issues, and this series was an inevitability.  

Now, I think we all know that there are lovely, kind, wonderful in-laws out there, as well as go-with-the-flow in-laws, and not-very-involved in-laws…. clearly, since in-laws are people, naturally they come in all shapes, sizes, and personalities.  And many make a bride’s transition from girlfriend to wife easy breezy beautiful – even delightful in many cases! – and for these types of in-laws we are beyond grateful.  They disprove the reigning stigma.  Trust me, great in-laws do exist!  

Unfortunately, they don’t exist in all cases.  Even more, they are hardly the exception to the rule.  

Now, without further adieu, I introduce you to Miss S, and her story…

Who am I?

I’m a hard working, chocolate-loving gal who met the love of her life in grad school. I never was the type of girl who daydreamed about her wedding – BUT I saw enough TV shows and heard enough stories to fear having a mean, evil mother-in-law. I promised myself at an early age that I would never, ever let myself marry a guy who had an evil mom…

Fast forward 15 years and here I am with, who I believe to be, the most manipulative mother-in-law on earth.  So much for sticking to my promises.

The problem is I didn’t realize how evil she was until after I got engaged.  I was happily engaged for exactly 7 days before my world crashed around me in ways I had never thought possible.

My mission is to share my story with the hope of helping my fellow ladies out there who are experiencing similar problems. It can be a depressing and heartbreaking time, but remember you are not alone and you can get through this. If I did, so can you!

And a little more about me - Things I love: chocolate, cabernet sauvignon, salsa dancing, eating good food with good company, traveling with my fiancé, the color whiteThings I hate: Obviously, Mean In-Laws

When MIL = Manipulator-in-Law

I used to describe my future mother-in-law as “controlling” and “overbearing.”  Then my fiancé and I met with a therapist who made me realize that she was more than that – she was a manipulator.  And thus, what I call a Manipulator-in-Law (“MIL”).

The art of manipulation is mysterious to those more simple-minded folks like me who would never even dream about purposely hurting others for selfish goals.  However, dealing with my MIL has helped me see what manipulation looks like in real life and how to wrangle yourself out of it, no matter how painful that process might be. A MIL not only makes you feel personally miserable, but can also ruin the relationship you have with your significant other. Trust me when I say it is important for the survival of your relationship and marriage to deal with the MIL before it is too late.

So you may ask, what does a Manipulator-in-law look like?

A MIL can take many different forms. Mine used the following two methods to manipulate my fiancé (1) money and (2) threats to hate me if my fiancé didn’t do as my MIL insisted. The most telling example of her manipulation is the story of my engagement ring. My fiancé used the money he had saved up throughout the years and sold some of his stock investments to buy me a beautiful engagement ring.  He spent months and months looking for the perfect rock for me.  Because his bank statements were being sent to my MIL’s home, my MIL found out how much he had spent on my rock… and was absolutely furious at how much he had spent. It is true that he spent way more than the typical rule of spending two or three-months of your annual salary because he based it on his future salary, not his current. Regardless, the point is that my fiancé spent his own money, not his parents so it shouldn’t matter.  However, my MIL insisted that the money in my fiancé’s bank account and stock investments were NOT his money for reasons that require an entirely separate blog post on how they used finances to control him.  My MIL told my fiancé that she would hate me more and more every time she saw me with that ring. Quite strange that she would hate ME, even though it was my fiancé who picked out the ring, but my MIL knew that my fiancé wanted her to like me so this was her way to manipulate him. She also threatened to not approve the engagement if my fiancé proposed with that ring.

My MIL told my fiancé that the only way she would approve the engagement would be under the following conditions: (1) my fiancé buys a SECOND less expensive ring at a price that my MIL sets, (2) my fiancé proposes to me with this second less expensive ring and (3) my fiancé hands over the FIRST nicer ring to my MIL.  My MIL said she would put the first nicer ring in a safe deposit box until she decided that my fiancé was making enough money to afford that ring, and at such time she would return the ring to my fiancé.  Crazy huh? Her plan especially makes no sense considering that the main reason she got mad in the first place was because my fiancé had spent a lot of money on the first ring! If she didn’t like how much money he spent, why in the world would she make my fiancé spend even MORE money to buy a second ring?  It doesn’t make any sense. My analysis is that it was more than about the money – she wanted to be in control of the entire proposal, and she could not stand the thought of my fiancé giving me such a nice ring and giving so much love to another woman. I joke that my fiancé is probably the only guy who had to buy two engagement rings to propose to one girl.

As crazy at this all sounds, my fiancé, a victim of her manipulation throughout the years, yielded to her demands in an effort to make sure she approved our engagement and continued to like me.  But he went along with the plan with an important twist – my fiancé gave me the first ring and gave my MIL the second one.  He was able to pull this off by buying a second ring that was on the large side but of lesser quality (and thus able to fit into the budget my MIL had set).  I’m surprised my MIL hasn’t gotten the ring she received appraised yet.  I can’t wait to see her flip out when she finds out that her little plan didn’t work.

And here’s the worst part – after my fiancé proposed, we called our respective parents to share the happy news.  My MIL asks me on the phone, and I quote, “Do you like the ring? My son spent so much time looking for it.” It makes me sick to my stomach that she would ask that question to my face after trying to manipulate the whole situation behind my back.

Looking back, it really amazes me that both my fiancé and I did not realize how manipulative my MIL was until I talked to my therapist.  We never thought about using that word “manipulator” to even describe her; we always just described her as overbearing.  I guess we were naïve about the whole situation.

So ladies, ask yourself, is your MIL simply overbearing or, in fact, manipulating you and your significant other? Remember, the first step to winning this battle is to recognize that you are in fact being manipulated.  And there’s no shame in admitting that you have been the victim of manipulation.  It’s not your fault that your MIL is so crazy.

So I’d love to hear from you all.  Have you had less than positive experiences with your in-laws?  … what has been your experience?

Thanks everyone, it’s so nice to share my story with all of you!

xoxo  - Miss S

Label(s): Popular *New*, Real Life Issues, The Bloggistas

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  1. H on January 16, 2014

    I am sick and tired of my MIL , my partner and I are not married , but we decided to plan to have a baby together…we were super happy together until the news of the baby…

    She used to live 600km away, now she lives 30km from us. and is making my life a living hell. She takes every single possible opportunity to see her grandchild, so much, I sometimes feel I don’t spend enough time with him. When I talk to her about it, she calls me selfish. And states that I see her son and grandchild every day, why can she not see them when she prefers…

    she interferes in EVERYTHING WE do…recently she went a little too far…and now flipped at her…now I realize the father of my son is truly a mommies boy…he does EVERYTHING she wants and she is so use to him saying yes and amen to her, he does not know how to say no….and even, when MIL and I have a fight, he takes her side EVERYTIME…

    I am a the point where I am seriously considering leaving him….moving out and I know I will be just peachy… rather alone with my children, than with him and his mommy …

    she also goes SO FAR to include her manipulative behaviour and get his brothers to join in , in getting more time with my partner and son…

    it is now to the point where I realize, he has to choose, us or them…and the worst is…it seems like he is choosing them ….and is argument is ” I only want one BIG happy family” which means he want EVERYONE to join together and just be happy… but life does not work that way…and to be honest, he sounds EXACLTY like the MIL…

    SO tired of this…I now want peace and happiness and MIL will always be tolerated by me, NOT provide me happiness, she is just TO much of a Mil…and her best strategy for manipulation is to ” KILL me with kindness”, but I see RIGHT through her strategy…. like packing a little sleepover bag, while agreeing she wont be sleeping over, and MAY ONLY visit for the day ,but when she comes over, she places the sleepover bag very strategically in front for all toe see. Just ” In case”..

    She turns VERYTHING she does, into n honest meaning full friendly, no harm done, meant it well act…meanwhile she is VERY WELL aware of what irritates me the most and she will CONTINUE doing that until I feel like screaming !

    I honestly, cannot handle my partners MIL baggage any longer, I want leave him, so he can go move in with her….she can be a wife for him, and by looking at his behaviour, the 2 of them are emotionally married…

    her opinion means more than mine, her way of doing this are ALWAY better, so I told him to go sleep with her…. :) and after the sent him and e-mail containing information of a treatment centre, of which I don’t need help for…just cause she felt like helping and feels I might have a problem, …I lost it…not even informing my family what she is planning, she just took it on herself to NOTIFY him that SHE believes I have a problem…

    how devious is THAT ? how LOW CAN you go ??? how much more manipulative CAN you be ?

    I got rid of her, told her if she ever contacted me, my mother or my daughter I will get outside help to deal with her…cause I think she requires mental help, further, if she wants to see her grandchild, she can speak to my partner, I want no contact with her….:) feels better now!

    • Kayla on March 9, 2014

      Hello, I can’t help but read your story and relate. I have a daughter with my boyfriend and we have another one on the way… Recently his grandmother bashed me on a birthday post I made for my cousin. Accusing me of being a racist and then his while fily jumped in. The funny this was out of respect for his didn’t say a thing, but the conversation seemed to continue regardless and awful this were said about me. My boyfriend seemed to feel really bad and said he was ashamed of his family for doing that, but I went through his messages to his family and he basically kissed his mothers ass and said I was in the wrong. I feel totally betrayed by him and feel that he is a coward… I to feel that she choices them over me all the time and they are also overbearing when it comes to my child… I feel like the females in his family try to take my place as mother… I guess my question to you is was it worth staying with him or is it better to leave ?

    • Denise on March 31, 2015

      I can relate to this 100% and I am very surprised I have tolerated it without snapping (so far) as I’m not the sort of person to take crap off anyone! I have warned my partner if it continues and he doesn’t put her straight I will have to, I literally can’t stand the woman and his sisters r just as bad, *one way ticket to as far away as possible please* :(

      • Kathy on September 7, 2015

        Ladies, having been in your situation for decades, those that say it will only get worse are right. A man that betrays you in one way will more likely than not betray you in other ways through the years. My husband has passed on leaving me with regrets and sadness and wondering how things might have been had I dealt with the situation differently. Run…..find a man that loves you enough to put you and your children first.

    • Jane on October 25, 2015

      My story is a long time one my husband and I have been married 20 happy years, but MIL has been trying to control our life since the beginning, first of all the in- laws are German
      Do I need to say more, I love the culture and country but not there close-minded perfectionism, that is what my MIL is anyway my husband is 100%American born and despite raised by his mother he isn’t a German man, he turned the opposite way after 20 yr old we didn’t meet for year’s later in fact through friends we met first, he was 31 and I 24 we hit it off he had a bad break up as I did and we were looking for something pleasant and fresh, not knowing what would happen with us continue dating his mother was on Germany for 3weeks afterwards I was his new girlfriend, everyone I met said have you met his mother yet, like Ugg a hard one she was, I didn’t know how to take her very much about looks I’m a girl next door look this is the 1990s so I guess I look like a young delta Burke and a bit like young Elizabeth Taylor not drop dead gorgeous by any means but a hour glass figure, she being thin would ask why your so busty no joke, I think she wanted to know if they were real, absolutely real my sisters we all have books father side, and fuller figure but not just that I was naive and so not ready for crazy, they paid for the wedding as a gift, I thought was sweet my mother was widow had no extra for a wedding, my fiance had some money but took his parents offer but string were attached of course none of friends could come to the reception too only the ceremony, so the 50 people were his parents friends old people and my family was about 18 people so who had the

      say now fast forward 20yrs this woman still manipulate my husband and wants to give us a anniversary party, and set it I insist on getting the cake myself I have certain ideas for that, she said we invite who I want it’s my party! I’m paying for it. No joke, it goes like this again, I said hey we don’t have to have it.
      Even though I want a party my girlfriend was going to host one for us but is in the process of moving so no place to have it, I meant hinges stressful panic attacks and headaches over it, and my husband can’t stand up and say anything we already sent out invitations so it’s what it is any help would be great.

    • Andra on January 11, 2016

      I can totally relate to your story, I think a lot of us have this problem. Where your significant other will ALWAYS be on your in-law’s side, no matter how unreasonable it is.

      It sickens me to my stomach that my husband never sides with me, and we can simply not have a civilized conversation when it’s about his family. I found out that my MIL told my own mother that she cannot accept that my husband moved out of her place… She didn’t want him to get married – not to me or anyone. To my face she “kills me with kindness” too, being as fake and manipulative and intrusive as can be.

      I cannot stand it, and I can’t tell him anything bad about her because he thinks I am mean and disrespectful.

    • Thelma on January 17, 2016

      Just feels like my feelings are experienced by another. In my life, the MIL is extremely cunning and manipulative who emotionally controls my husband. In the first week after my marriage, she fed me and my husband worm infested food and pretended not to have noticed it- while simultaneously kept aside fresh good food for her daughter and son-in-law.
      After 16 years, she still has a strong hold on my husband emotionally- if anything- stronger than ever. Her husband passed away 3 years back and she has become more dangerous than before- using her widowhood as a sympathy string. My husband could never keep a job, and has been jobless for last few years. I pay all the bills, work hard to keep a paycheck coming and then come home and do all the household work. Life in US is not easy as most people outside of US imagine it to be. Despite all this, the MIL has not concern or sympathy for her son or my struggles. Last year she successfully twisted my husbands arms to fund her trip to US (which is pretty expensive). To top it, she never looses a chance to makes him swipe his credit card to buy expensive toys (in dollars) for her filthy rich daughter’s kids.
      I do not know how much longer I can take this…probably I will slog to death and never realize anything in life. My job is my best friend…. Wish life would bring something good for least bring my husband to senses- remove the curtain that covers his eyes.

  2. Mark on January 28, 2014

    Hope it’s okay if I as a guy weigh in. I think my MIL can pretty much top anyone’s. She’s a “retired” (was actually fired but that’s another story) college professor, was still working when we got married. Fancies herself a liberal, free spirit, so decided from the beginning that I am too “uptight”. Took an immediate dislike to my parents, tried to make my wife think I had cold feet four days before the wedding because my wife couldn’t get a hold of me (I was in the emergency room and couldn’t use my cell phone), and was going around badmouthing my parents to the staff at the reception venue on the day of the wedding. Then wrote my mother a really mean and nasty note for no reason out of the blue the day after the wedding. And that was all during our courtship and wedding. In the ten years since, she has been horrible to us, but especially my wife, who has been a saint to put up with her as long as she has. She cuts my wife down all the time, about her career, makes false accusations about my wife’s character. She makes disparaging comments when my wife gains any weight at all, made comments like we bought too much house (we have a 1 story 2200 square foot house built in 1965), was furious that we didn’t buy ourselves a golden retriever, her favorite breed, and called the dachshund we bought “a worm”. She bought my wife’s son a Wii even though we had said we didn’t want a video game system in the house, she bought my wife’s then 9 year old son a dirt bike rated for 14 year olds and up when he was up visiting her, and then lied to us and said it was an electric scooter. She has told my wife’s then-13 year old son stories about catching my wife having sex with her boyfriend when she was 16, She told my wife’s then 13 year old son that she wanted to smoke marijuana with him, and when we nicely asked her not to do that, she flew into a rage and nearly hit me. Even though my wife and I totally stayed calm and said we just needed to set that boundary, a year later she accused us of “battering” her. Then SHE cut off contact with US. I think it was a melodramatic move to get my wife to come crawling back to her, but we decided that we were much happier without her in our lives, so we just let it go. Of course, after a year, she emailed me, and at first it seemed like she might sincerely want reconciliation, but it quickly became clear she just wanted more shots at my wife, wanted to talk about all the supposed wrongs my wife had done her (all completely made up in her insane mind) and wanted us to pay for her and my wife to go to therapy together so she could unload all of these lies with a therapist to “protect” her from my wife, who “intimidates” her.

    • Me Too on September 1, 2014

      Mark, thanks for sharing! I can relate to the negative comments at the wedding, flying into a rage when trying to set boundaries (with my son as well), and get this: my MIL now resorts to social media. Hang in there, stick together, and no man can separate what God has ordained.

    • DANG IT on September 10, 2014

      MY MIL is all of you guys stories combined. HE always takes her side, and never defends me even though, he knows that she is in the wrong. In front of him she is the most pleasant person to be around, when he is away she makes a complete 360 puts me down, tells me that she don’t want me with him. Tells me to change my career, I swear he should just marry her. She takes his money and moves it to her account, and spends it all and says she is monitoring his money. She tells us to get rid of our pitbull and get a yorkie because that is what she likes. What is sad he’s on my case now just to please that psychotic wench. She has his whole family looking at me like I am a piece of trash by telling lies on me to them. On holidays they wont even speak to me or try to get to know me based on what she has said about me. She is pissed off because I will not give her access to my account for her to take from and spend. He is nice and all but I really think I should end it because she is too much to deal with and he would be unwilling to move across the country.

  3. Jenna on January 29, 2014

    I’m pretty sure my mother AND father-in-law to be will put everyone’s story to shame….they’re absolutely crazy and I seriously think they need medical help. Close to one year ago my fiance proposed to me with an elaborate proposal, everything between us was great, things with his family were ok. We started planning the engagement party (keep in mind his family made it very clear that they wouldn’t be contributing a dime to anything, since my fiance supports them). The night of our engagement party my fiance picks me up and on the drive says to me, we have a problem… father would like you to put my sister as your MAID OF HONOR!!!!!!! To which I turned around and said, absolutely not, we have spoken about this from day one, it will be whoever I want it to be. His family pouted and looked sour the entire time during our engagement party, ruining my night and my fiance’s night. Granted my fiance told his father to but out and it’s none of his business who i choose to put. However, his father and mother then proceeded to threaten us to not come to the wedding. Things got so extremely bad that my fiance would come over every night in tears because his parents would not let this go. So i decided to take things into my own hands since this mama’s boy couldnt shut them down. I went over to their house and addressed his parents saying this is our wedding, our happines, and our life. Who i choose to have stand next to me on one of the most important days of my life is my decision and my decision only. His parents then turned to me and told me that if i dont do what they want, they will never allow this wedding to happen……his parents proceeded to also say that I’m the shit of the earth and told me to get the f#$% out of their house and never to dare to come back in. For months its been a complete nack and forth with his psychotic parents and my fiance. His mother has such a sick influence over him that he can’t tell her to back off…..he’s afraid of disappointing mommy.

    So my issue is, am I the crazy one for still sticking with him?????? our wedding is just a few months away and she’s managed to start another fight over something so stupid – thanks you cards. I mailed all the thank you cards for the engagement and she looked at my fiance and said, “am i not worthy of hand delivery, she’s marrying my son?” she cried and guilted him and of course my fiance fell right into her trap! Telling me that i disrespected him and his family.

    WTH do i do? Please help!

    • Lisa on January 29, 2014

      I feel for you, I do. However, if this is what is going on before the wedding, on your day, it will only get worse afterwards, especially when children are added to the mix, if you intend to have. Your in-laws will feel they have some claim and right to their wants and opinions worse than before.

      It’s a cycle that will not end and really, the only one that can end it is your future husband. He can complain all he wants about them but unless HE is the one putting his foot down and HE is the one asserting and sticking to boundaries, your opinions to them mean nothing because to them, you don’t matter. BUT their son does.

      When things became so bad with my psychotic and verbally abusive mother in law, I told my husband straight up, “we are family and it’s up to you to tell your mother, if she bans me, she bans us all”. If not, she has an extra bedroom he can stay in until he figures that out. So, he reaffirmed the boundaries much to her hate and temper tantrums.

      When two people get married, they become each other’s priorities and his parents do not come before you. If he is not realizing that now, then I’m sorry but from what I read, the outlook does not look good unless he stands up and grows a spine and tells his parents the real score, no if, ands or buts.

    • Annie on January 29, 2014

      Jenna…after 10 years, I still have issues with my MIL because I stood up to her. My husband still doesn’t. Everyone else is scared of her, so she controls them. Men don’t like to rock the boat, and your man is in an unhealthy pattern with his mom. It will get worse after marriage and kids. Moving far away helps, but it is not a cure. Read TOXIC IN-LAWS. Great book. Go to counseling with your man before the wedding so a counselor can explain his roles to you and his mom. Maybe it will help. Best wishes

    • Renee on February 7, 2014

      Dear Jenna, I went through something similar. As a matter of fact my MIL told my now husband that he had to ask her permission to get married. I was told what I am allowed to do at my wedding even what flowers I might have. Luckily for me my husband stood by me and not his mom. She went so far that we (my husband and I) don’t talk to her anymore and that was his choice. I cannot tell you what to do but can you live like this for the rest of your life. Your man needs to own up and stand behind you. Just remember a wedding ring might even worsen their behaviour. Good luck hun

      • Alyssa on February 25, 2014

        The others have stated it really well, Jenna. Things will most likely get worse after the wedding, but it can be bearable IF your fiancé stands behind you.

        We’ve dealt with pretty much non-stop BS since our marriage over 5 years ago. My father-in-law stole our wedding day; we had a 4.5-year mutual time-out for that one, and my husband supported me 100% throughout it. When we finally started working towards involving the family – primarily after our first child was born last year – my aunt-in-law went out of her way to support us. Everything was great until she became suffocatingly enmeshed in our lives just three (yes, three) months later, becoming hysterical every time we couldn’t follow her wishes. We pulled back; she threw tantrums and accused us of being mean, and spread lies to the rest of the family to portray us as the victimizers. (And she thinks this will encourage us to further develop our relationship with her!?) In a nutshell, everyone has always deferred to her wishes so that she doesn’t go crazy, and we’re the first in the family who has set limits with it. Our boundaries are simply unacceptable within the existing family dynamic.

        Despite all of this, my husband continues to support me and stand up to his family. I’m not saying it’s been easy for either of us – he never realized how boundary-stomping his family is, and I’m a people pleaser who can’t stand knowing that my very existence has caused turmoil. However, there’s no way that we could have survived as a couple without his backing me. Proceed with caution and ensure that you have your fiancé’s support in setting limits with your in-laws. Good luck and best wishes.

    • Alyssa on February 25, 2014

      The others have stated it really well, Jenna. Things will most likely get worse after the wedding, but it can be bearable IF your fiancé stands behind you.

      We’ve dealt with pretty much non-stop BS since our marriage over 5 years ago. My father-in-law stole our wedding day; we had a 4.5-year mutual time-out for that one, and my husband supported me 100% throughout it. When we finally started working towards involving the family – primarily after our first child was born last year – my aunt-in-law went out of her way to support us. Everything was great until she became suffocatingly enmeshed in our lives just three (yes, three) months later, becoming hysterical every time we couldn’t follow her wishes and demands. We pulled back; she threw tantrums and accused us of being mean, and spread lies to the rest of the family to portray us as the victimizers. (And she thinks this will encourage us to further develop our relationship with her!?) In a nutshell, everyone has always deferred to her wishes so that she doesn’t go crazy, and we’re the first in the family who has set limits with it. Our boundaries are simply unacceptable within the existing family dynamic.

      Despite all of this, the one thing that’s enabled me to get through it is the 100% support of my husband. I’m not saying it’s been easy for either of us – he never realized how boundary-stomping his family is, and I’m a people pleaser who can’t stand knowing that my very existence has caused turmoil. Proceed with caution and ensure that you have your fiancé’s support in setting limits with your in-laws; if not, you’re in for a lot more heartache. Good luck and best wishes.

    • helpless on April 1, 2014

      My partner and I have been together for 8 years. He’s loving and caring when his mom and brother are not around. He puts up a different persona in front of them..he becomes a MCP. His mom is very manipulative and greedy. She always uses her ‘widow’ card and cries crocodile tears in front of him. She’s always asking for money. My partner’s brother is weak and cannot take decisions. My partner’s brother is father of a son and a teenager while his wife is a neighbourhood watch and a never-worked in her life. While we worked hard and my partner always tells me that i do not contribute enough. I give more than half of my salary in the house. My partner tells me that his mother always comes first. Even if she’s wrong, she would be right. And instead of standing by me, when i am right, he joins with his mother for verbal abuse to me to make her happy. My partner is well-educated but I fail to understand how come he’s so cowardly. I am so emotionally close to my partner that I cannot imagine my life without him. But I know he would never stand by my truths while his stupid mom is around. I do know what to do. I have told him that I cannot take wrong things and I would speak up. He doesn’t like my saying that and threatens to leave me.

    • Beth on April 15, 2014

      Did you end up getting married? I am going through this exact thing right now and can barely put one foot in front of the other. I’m reading your post and it’s like reading my life story. It sounds like your future in laws are like mine, and one may suffer from borderline personality disorder. My future MIL has this which makes our lives miserable. I am considering calling off the wedding but don’t want to lose him. What did you do? Whatever you did, I hope you are OK.

      • Jenna on May 6, 2014

        Thanks for all the support and helpful advice everyone. Unfortunately, we didn’t end up getting married. I called off the wedding back in February right before my bridal shower all because her bridal shower invitation got mailed to her versus being hand delivered. I got to my breaking point after she insulted my mother (who passed away years ago) and my ex-fiance just sat there looking dumb founded and scared. It became VERY clear to me that he will NEVER be able to stand up to his parents. I decided to walk away….

        • Me Too on September 1, 2014

          You made the right decision. I’m sorry to hear.

    • Joanne on March 3, 2015

      Turn and run away from this relationship and don’t look back!
      Been there, done that!

    • Joanne on March 3, 2015

      Just saw your response. You definitely made the right decision. I have lived what you experienced for over 30 years. Except for my beautiful children, I would never have never married into this family. My story is long ,but I guarantee you would have been miserable.

    • (was) in mil hell on April 12, 2015

      My ‘mil’ is single and scared. My father in law is the same.They both took turns entering my relationship with their son; destroying it. It took every ounce of courage and energy from my love for him to build our marriage back up. Mil went to the mental ward of the hospital my husband was staying in, convinced the doctor’s and him that he would be fine mentally if I were out of the picture and signed him out taking him 1,490 miles away to her home without a word to me. His father simultaneously brought paperwork to the hospital having him sign all legal rights away to the FIL.And convinced him to sell our house and divorce me. You may wonder how a man can be”convinced”of these things when he truly does love his wife. That’s the book version. But it is possible. She is narcissistic and fills her emotional needs with her son.She fears me and my place in his life. His father is also a narcissist, and a gullible fool who thinks he is brilliant.They both need a book of their own to describe them perfectly so let’s not for now. I fought them as hard as I could to not divorce and not sell the home. I lost. Then took the money from the newly sold home, and used it to buy a vehicle and fly down to Florida to get my husband back from his mother. This took three excruciating month’s. I am now in FL, away from my eleven year old son, only now to see him during school breaks and living in a beautiful apartment with my husband who has had a complete turnaround. You see, he finally realized that his wife is number one, and that MIL needs to stay away from us both unless she can behave like a decent human being to us both. She lives right here in our complex, and yet we do not see or speak to her. She posted things online that are mean.I blocked her. He ignores her calls. He and I are happy at last. I wanted you to know that these stories are one worse than the other, but the problems not impossible to solve. When there is true love. But it’s a tough road and takes a lot of persistence. Nobody deserves this to happen to them. To the mils doing this to their families all I can say is, you aren’t alone and probably need counselling.You never did help your son or yourself while trying to manipulate everyone’s life, yours fell apart and became stagnant. You are still depressed, hopeless, and alone. You don’t deserve the love of your son if you don’t act like you love him and can’t love him if you can’t love yourself. Get help. And to all the women going through what I did, be strong. What I did to deal with this all may not be the answer anyone would go with but it was right for me. Follow your instinct about it. Do not engage with her.You are number one and you don’t need to convince him of it. He will figure it out. He needs to grow up. And with your loving support, he will. Have patience.-

  4. Beverley on February 9, 2014

    My MIL is takes the cake to all of these. This crazy lady has manipulated my husband and his brother forever. She had my husband arrested, charged and jailed for taking a pack of cigarettes at 14 and made him a ward of the court. He spent 6 months in a correctional facility where he was sexually assaulted by one of the attendants there and yes there was charges laid and she was a witness for the attendants side.(Attendant was found guilty) My husband at 15 got out of the facility and travelled across Canada working enough to eat. Being homeless in many cities. He did this for six years phoning her every once in a while asking if he could come home all she would do is send him $100 and tell him to stay where he was.
    I met him in a local truck stop in Saskatchewan where I got him a job and found him a place to live. After a couple of years he went and got his Class 1 licence to drive truck for a living. we eventually moved in together,
    4 years after we were living together his parents and brother show up on our doorstep. Nice as pie brought him his dirt bike from his childhood years. We have been together for 23 years and she has interfered continually throughout our lives. We bought a truck for his work, 2 months later the in laws show up with one of their logging trucks and told him to drive it for them, he did. We starved that season, she would never pay us, the next season she typed up a contract for him that we were buying the truck for $5000 a month. He did this for 4 years, we had 2 payments left and all of a sudden he was moving back to BC to run the truck here. We moved, she was pissed that I came along. They took the truck back over and left us high and dry with no job. A year later I bought the local store, a month later she was on our doorstep crying that they needed a diver, my husband dropped everything and went. We had a big argument over this and he moved out down to their house. 3 months later my husband rolled the truck and was banged up pretty good, he moved home to me that night and was unemployed. We did not speak to her for the next 2 years as the truck accident was apparently my fault. Don’t know why I was not even informed of it until 10 hours after it happened. She spread many rumors around our home town , that I took with a grain of salt.
    In the meantime she started picking on my sister in law who was losing her 17 year old son to cancer, telling her shit that it was cause he wasn’t her husbands son. MIL took their tractor and tried knocking the mobile home off of its foundation with my sister in law and their 2 children in it. My brother in law got some balls and moved his family and home away from their property after 13 years of living there. he also went and got another job and cut the apron strings totally.
    In July of last year we went and bought our own logging truck, we were finally getting ahead of the game. In September, our creek washed out and destroyed our house leaving us homeless, MIL offered to sell us their house so we had a place to live, my husband jumped right on it, I was very skeptical but went along with it. We moved in October 1/2013. I painted the whole house, MIL still hadn’t moved all her stuff out and started showing up at midnight work in the office, than at 6 am for coffee. I had not unpacked much as it was all in the garage. Then she changed her mind , she wanted her house back, I said NO. She went ballistic when my husband agreed with me. She punched him in the face twice, threw my shit all over, took pictures of my stuff still packed. We left the house and called the police as she was going beserk. We went back to house when police arrived and she had us locked out. The cops told her we had the right to be there, then told us we should find another place to sleep for the night to let her cool down.
    We decided we were not going to stay there cause she was nuts. we found another place, bought new furniture, moved the next day with police escort to remove our stuff.
    Now she is trying to find out who our landlord is trying to stir up shit. I beat her at her own game though, I was up front with the landlord and told them everything. MIL is just pissed cause I put a stop payment on all the postdated payment checks for their house. She is fucking LOCO. Thanks for listening to my tale of woe and no we have had no contact with the crazy bitch.

  5. SaraSota on February 12, 2014

    I am not sure if I am overreacting or am playing the fool here or just flat out a weak pile of poo (which I have never been before I met these evil people and had children with their son). I believe I have not only a manipulative mother in law, but father in law also (Their son and I are not married, but they’re still in laws I guess). SOOOO what does a woman do, that has two children with a man, when the Pa MIL tells her…”You’re just not what we wanted, and maybe you’re just not the right fit for this family”. And Ma MIL tells me I need “hormone therapy” after my last child (he’s almost 11 months now). BUT while I was pregnant…we lived in their cabin, while we were trying to finish our house, which was 50 ft away and the boyfriend had to be over there every night and I had to listen to their crap and negativity…EVERY night. So no, I didn’t need “hormone therapy” but some kind of therapy!! Like a sharp object in my temple! I can’t even tell you how low and small I feel every time I am around them…They are perfect and Ma MIL is the best cook, the best mother, the hardest worker, the best at everything…and they both remind me of it. ALL THE TIME! The boyfriend and them are in biz together and I am very hesitant to work with them because of all the resentment already. It will only be worse I feel. Plus, we live close to them as we are all on the same property. But if I want “us, our family that we have created” to survive I need to put in some’s our bread and butter. But I am extremely reluctant. I can only fake it so much…until I break. Which I think I am already broken. I am emotionally drained, a huge ball of anxiety and I am supposed to be strong and happy, at least for my children. The first time I even mentioned how crazy his parents make me and requested a little space from them…he accused me of wanting him to “disown them”. I would NEVER ask anyone to do that. WHAT DO I DO? Any advice would be helpful. I may end up going to a therapist just because I don’t want my life to end up in shambles because of two crappy people. I would like to think I am strong enough to overcome this, but it’s sucking the life right out of me. And it’s not only unhealthy for me but for my babies. And THEY are the most important aspect of this whole scenario…but the MILs just want to control them too. Because they did such a wonderful job with their two boys. Ha! ITS SICK! HELP!

  6. Zendaya on February 13, 2014

    Hmmmm I feel so glad to have come across this blog and be able to share what I am feeling. My fiancé and I are getting married in two months. From the start, I have told him what kind of wedding I wanted and that I wanted something simple and intimate. However once we started planning the wedding he got on and on about involving his family and about how they are already complaining that I am not involving them. I left the food to his mother as I believed that was a very important part of the wedding. My parents are the easy going type and really don’t mind what we do. They are happy with whatever we decide and also as the groom is paying for the entire wedding they have given him the onus to have it the way he wants. I have been very understanding but what really sent me off the edge is that he called me this morning after he and I had agreed on the wording for the invitations and already sent them out for printing and just handed the phone to his mother who proceeded to say she needs to see the invitations and they need to be hosted by the parents. I specifically told my fiancé that I did not want that kind of invitation. After his mom finished he got back on the phone and said “I told you to involve my mom in the invitation and get her input” I almost screamed. I am sooo annoyed and upset with the whole thing I have just told them to go ahead and do what they want. I know my fiancé is the ultimate mama’s boy but I was willing to put up with it for the sake of love. I know he will never change. Her opinion is the best, he wants to move next door when we are married becaude he doesn’t want to leave his mother and I know that she comes first before me. It really bothers me but the day I tried to talk to him about it he went off and told me point blank that I cannot tell him how to relate with his family and his family comes first before anyone. He is very loving and caring but this is the only thing that scares me. He is a divorcee and from the things he has told me it seemd his ex wife had issues with the mother but he has never gone into detail. I want to be with him but I am very afraid of what the future holds. I am getting cold feet but with two months away from the wedding I CANNOT call it off. Please helpppp.

    • Loni on February 13, 2014

      You can always call the wedding off up until you say I do. If you are ok with never being your future husbands priority and never having a say in your marriage then he is the man for you. It’s hard to imagine that sometimes love isn’t enough. Don’t be afraid to say you need more time, that your not ready to make this very serious commitment. Please don’t walk down that aisle with reservations my friend did and was divorced in six months. You want to be able to walk down the aisle knowing the man at the end is your future and he really has your back and you are the most important woman in his life. Good Luck and don’t be afraid to say hold on.

    • Lisa on February 16, 2014

      Actually, you can call it off…more importantly it sounds like you should. Once you are married, you become his family…his top priority and if he is already saying you won’t be then it sounds like he should be marrying his mother, not you. Apparently, he is an ex-husband for a reason and divorces don’t come cheap. It’s better to call it off beforehand than go through the wedding as an uncertain bride and end up divorced.

    • Kayla on March 9, 2014

      I would call off the wedding for now… It doesn’t sound like it’s going to get better anytime soon… You fiancé should be sticking up for you and by your side… It’s your special day not his mothers… But unfortunately from my experience momma boys are the worsed… Hope all works out for you though

    • Liz on March 12, 2014

      I’m so sorry you are dealing with such a difficult situation. I’m sure your fiance can be a very nice and loving man (why else would you be marrying him?). I know it seems impossible, but unless things have changed drastically since you posted, I think you should very seriously consider postponing the wedding. Like a PP said, perhaps your fiance divorced for a reason. If your fiance’s ex had the same kind of issues you’re dealing with and his refusal to put her first was what lead to the divorce, he’s already said and shown that he doesn’t have a problem picking his mom over his wife and I would expect him to do it again, and again, and again, and again into the future. What about once you want kids (if you do)? Are you going to be ok with your fiance and his mom raising them and you having no say? What about vacations? Are you going to be ok with going on vacation wherever the two of them decide you will go? What about money? Are you going to be ok with his mom deciding how to spend your money without you getting any say? All of this for the rest of your life?! The list could go on. You are very wise to be terrified of marrying this man the way things are now. That is not cold feet, that is your smart little inner voice telling you what I think you already know if you were to be truly honest with yourself.

      Have you tried going to couples counselling with your fiance to deal with this? Has he shown any effort to work with you on this issue? You deserve sooooo much more than a marriage where you know that you will never come first! That is a divorce waiting to happen. You are worth more than that. You deserve someone who is going to love you and cherish you before all others (including his mom!).

  7. Andrea on February 13, 2014

    It’s nice to hear, I am not the only woman dealing with a MIL like so….To just explain what Ive been going through, here it is..Me and my Husband have been together for 6 years. We now have a 7 month old boy.

    Throughout my whole pregnancy I involved my MIL with everything. She came to every doctors appointment for baby, joined me in going to stores to prepare for baby, was in the room and saw me give birth to baby.
    Before she found out I was pregnant though-we were not on the best terms. This is because her and her son (my husband) used to have a relationship in which if me and him had an arguement, she was always right there….them two, putting my back against the wall in a corner by myself with nothing to defend myself…she encouraged him to treat me the way he did….
    Anyways, so when she found out I was pregnant she wrote me a letter stating she’s not happy im pregnant but there is nothing she can do, so I felt bad and tried to involve her in everything.
    So, now…7 months after my sons birth, we are living with my MIL, father in law, and my husbands two younger sisters. My husband pays rent, I buy the groceries. I do all the dirty work for his sisters that my MIL should be doing. As well as taking care of my son, and being a Nanny (I bring my son) 5 days a week. She always feels the need to say myself and my husband are raising our son wrong, and just butt in and be overbearing. Last night, my husband and I brought our son to the mall and he was laying in his stroller on his stomach and was smiling, facing forward, having a blast….while we kept close eye on him, holding his hand. He was safe. My husband shared this with my MIL and she said “You really want to be those kind of parents?” WTF? So my husband says….”He was fine mom we were watching him! I was next to him, why do you always have to bash everything I say?” She stormed upstairs said nothing and broke things upstairs, slammed doors…I couldn’t tell you why she got so mad…
    We’ve been trying to move as well, because she is too much and we viewed a home yesterday and I told her over the phone it had a stand up shower with no bath and she says “Ew”…Well its all we can afford and I was a little upset, it was insulting.
    So today she has the nerve to email my husband and say that “You guys ave brought nothing to the table” Im so offended. I WANT TO MOVE OUT ASAP

  8. Kat on February 15, 2014

    I have the worst MIL possible. She knows which string of my husband’s to pull and uses emotional blackmail on him, like crying and talking in a sad voice.
    The last straw was when my dad passed on. She did not call me up to offer condolenses, and neither did she come see me at the prayer meeting. She straight went and sat on the chairs. My husband and me have two children. At my dad’s prayer meeting, my husband’s uncle was crrying my daughter and I went 7 got my daughter fromm him. My in-laws turned this whole thing around and told my husband that they felt insulted because of what I did. Do I need anybody’s permission to carry my own daughter from anybody’s arms when I want? They cried to my husband and my husband on the other hand fought with me because of his parents. He should have instead stood by my side and told his parents that I am going through a hard time and they should let it go.
    Now he wants to bring his parents over (they live in another country) to visit for about 3 months and I am not happy about it.
    The time we visited my in-laws my MIL made my daughter sit on her lap and my husbands neighbor was pushing my daughter down on MIL’s lap. They did not let my daughter get up & go even after she told them she wanted to get up & that they were hurting her.
    Am I crazy for not wanting my in-laws to come over? My husband is still a momma’s boy and doesn’t have the spine to tell his parents to their face that they are wrong sometimes. He has no backbone when it comes to his parents. My MIL is very manipulative, she tells my husband that she wants us both to be happy but then does things quite the opposite and makes my husband think I am the bad person.

    Any suggestions on how to deal with her will be welcomed with open arms. I feel a lil better after putting all this down here!

    • Lisa on February 16, 2014

      Well, it’s your house too and no, I would not let them stay and if they do I would set up very clear boundaries and stick to them. Your husband should be backing you up not his parents.

      • Kayla on March 10, 2014

        I wouldn’t let them stay. That is awful to force your daughter like that…

    • Lilysmum on May 19, 2014

      I am very surprised you allowed that to happen,if you love your daughter as much as you claim and want to protect your family from these horrid people. If my MIL and some random neighbour were playing ‘Pin the Grandchild on the Grandma’ right there in front of me,there wouldn’t be enough force in the world to stop me snatching my child straight up,and slapping the adults up the face for daring to hurt my baby!!! It is YOUR job to protect her,she can’t do it herself. If its gotten to the point where they are physically hurting your offspring,then screw your husbands feelings – they would NEVER see my children again!!!

  9. Tara on February 17, 2014

    Getting married this Saturday, 22nd, in Gatlinberg, TN. Destination wedding! We knew we were going to get married somewhere out of state for a long time (been together 6.5 years) and finally decided.

    His mother (also my boss!) is what I would call, A.D.D., Bipolar, and everyone around suffers from her chronic procrastination. I mean she is late to everything, no matter how important it is, church, family gatherings, work, funerals, weddings, everyone is always waiting AT LEAST 30 minutes after time to eat for her to bring her dish, and a lot of the time we don’t even wait and when she brings it, no one will eat it because they are full. Yesterday, no lie, she arrived 40 minutes late to the church service. At work, since she is the boss, she believes she can come in whatever time she wants. She comes in usually around lunch, and makes herself look busy by jumping on the computer to play solitaire. But everyone thinks she is such a hard worker. I absolutely cannot stand this woman. As soon as I finish school in April, NEW JOB HERE I COME!

    Anyhow, addressing current issues… Since we announced we are getting married in Gatlinberg, she has been obsessed with the whole situation. First of all, it was only supposed to be me and him. As soon as she found out she immediately called family and said “come to the wedding!” Ok, so I wanted quiet privacy in the mountains but I can handle family too. Every time she tries to speak with me about the wedding, she is just down right condescending. Everything she does and thinks should be worshiped like we worship God. She did not like us having our wedding in Gatlinberg. My fiance told her from the start, if she didn’t want to go, she didn’t have to. HAH! But that went in one ear and out the other. So every time we have a conversation, she says, you need to have the wedding here (home). Yesterday, one week from the wedding, she told me this again. Really?? I always have a comment but I’m nice and I just let her say what she wants so she feels accomplished. I will not argue or try to tell her my opinion because it is simply useless and a waste of my breath. She don’t care what anyone wants and she is determined to show her level of control. No one can tell her anything. NO ONE! You can’t talk to this woman! But she is “so smart” and “such a good planner” BS! Clueless people! Yesterday when she wanted to talk about the wedding, first she gave me a gift. It seems to me that she buys me gifts so I will allow her to have her way. I won’t! I do things my way, weather she likes it or not, and my fiancé is NOT a momma’s boy. He don’t listen to her, he just proceeds with our plans like she never said “I’m going to do this”. Yesterday during our conversation we played 21 questions… I mean really. She said, “I want to make sure everything is in order”. She never has any order to her life or anything! She asked, “What are ‘we’ doing about plates and napkins and things?” I said I am going to get those today. She said well, I will get them. I said “no one volunteered you” she said “I know, I’m getting them.” She wants to show everyone her money and how much better everything will be when she is involved. For the shower she said “I want to get you something expensive that no one else would get you.”
    Its just little things like this all the time, showing her control, ADD, chronic procrastination, and bipolar when it kicks in. I see the bipolar at work. Is there a blog on manipulative in-law bosses??? That’s a whole different story.

    I know this isn’t top notch psycho in-law, but I just thought I would share. I mean, she seems to be a good person if she would just stay in her house and out of people’s business.

    Any advice? I think she just need to be diagnosed or admitted but that won’t happen for a long time. I believe I have outstanding patience for things like this because I see everyone else blow up and I just take deep breaths and remain calm. But one day I’m afraid I will explode, I will develop heart problems, and/or have a full head of gray before I’m 40.

  10. B on February 17, 2014

    She’s isn’t my MIL yet, but someday.

    For over 5 years I have dealt with her disrespecting my boundaries… I have asked her multiple times to refrain from making accusations, making assumptions and saying untrue & overly critical comments about who I am and my life. I feel attacked and harassed. It’s very uncomfortable being around her.

    My boyfriend won’t talk to his mom because he says he doesn’t want to be in the middle which is completely fine with me, as I do put him there. Many times she tells on me for expressing how I feel on a few things I feel strongly about. He also says and I have that his mom and I are both capable adults to work out our own problems.

    I always see and hear her saying she don’t like drama, but these things start drama and negative vibes.

    I have also asked her to refrain from giving advice and opinion about who I am and my life. I do know what’s best for me and my life more than anyone. If I want advice or opinions, I will ask for them. I am very happy with who I am and my life. Thanks to my wonderful family, especially my parents who raised me very well and to life so far for teaching me valuable lessons to make me learn and grow as well.

    She has expressed to me that she finds conflicts as drama and negativity. I view conflicts as good tool to build stronger relationships/friendships and improve oneself.

    Whenever things have gotten miscommunicated with her rather it’s text form, over the phone or in person I have done my best to either clear up by expressing what I mean in a calm manner on the things I feel strongly about, or asking questions to better understand something, or leave whatever be that isn’t worth it.

    I take my responsibilities for my actions and words with anyone and anything. So, some of this is my fault because I should have sticked to my comfortable level in sharing less and keep clear on my boundaries in the very beginning. But, I shouldn’t be the only taking responsibilities for these situations between her and myself.

    I wish she would view some things from my view. I know I have view a few things from her view. I realize you are concerned for your son and trying to help.. but when in my opinion some of her ridiculous untrue comments about me are unnecessery and inappropraite, but I feel she shouldn’t worry as I have my drama job finally, I am on the right track to finish my college to obtain my BA in Early Childhood to own my own preschool someday, I treat her son very well, and I balance her son out yet have some similar personality traits. I feel she should be happy that I make she son happy and leave my life alone finally after 5 years and work on her own life.

    I feel I have tried for 5 years to build a positive friendship with her. I have been nothing, but respectful, kind, honest, patient, understanding, and considerate her or anyone for that matter. I have looked at things from her view, because I’m an open minded individual towards some things. I have included her in things just like she has to me. I have invited her and the rest of his family to do things with me or with my boyfriend and I. I have cooked many dinners for her like she have for us. I have asked if something is needed for a family get together. I have genuinely supported and cared when her mother passed away and when her father isn’t doing well as well as other stuff. I have gotten to know her likes, dislikes, etc.

    My boyfriend isn’t super close with his family as I guess from what he’s told me is his mom isn’t like this with him.

    I know I can’t change her or control her. But I feel she’s trying to control and change me into her expecations she wants for a DIL.

    • B on February 17, 2014

      She always twists everything I say too. :/

      • B on February 17, 2014

        It’s like she’s “Queen” and I need to bow down to her and she does NO wrong, and places ALL blame on me.

        I don’t get my boyfriend in the middle I mean. Sorry I was typing fast.

        I am not the victim and don’t play the card as I have tried and tried and I take responsibilities for my stuff. But she makes me want to drink every single time I am around her!

        • B on February 18, 2014

          She can be a good person to others, but I wish she was too me a little bit more like get rid of the assumptions, accusations, saying untrue comments about me and my life and less opinions/advice give… I see and say good stuff about her like he likes, etc.

  11. B on February 17, 2014

    It’s like she’s “Queen” and I need to bow down to her and she does NO wrong, and places ALL blame on me.

    • Sandy on July 13, 2014

      I think we have the same MIL, haha. I wish I could give her a good smack sometimes, she makes me so mad. Standing in solidarity with you, 100%. Hang in there.

  12. JayJay on February 18, 2014

    My husband and I have been married for 8 months and together for 8 years. In the beginning I was really close to his mom. Over the years I had reason to believe that she had stolen a large financial settlement awarded to my husband years before I was ever in the picture. She was his power of attorney at the time and my husband suffered a TBI and has little memory of the events following his accident. There is no way to prove this of course. Ends just don’t meet. When I met my husband he lived in a house he was flipping with his parents. It was completely bare. Just a toilet, studs, no heat and blankets on the floor. I felt sorry for him. Years later they bought more income properties and he began working for his mother full time. He is the most humble, giving man I have ever met and he basically worked for peanuts. He thought it was what needed to be done to build the business. He lived in one of the “apartments.” It had no running water. Not even a kitchen or a bathroom. His mother would dictate what needed to be done everyday and even though they had everything purchased to put a bathroom and kitchen in it was never a priority. The other properties and shops were more important. My husband worked 10-12 hours a day everyday for years! I was livid and was just out of college and couldn’t believe a mother was okay with her son living like this even if he was. She made it so he was completely dependent on her for everything! It hurt our relationship and we broke up for a while because I couldn’t be with someone who would let himself be taken advantage of like that. We did eventually get back together and I had a great job. I started home hunting and when his mother found out I was looking 30 minutes away from her she informed me that wouldn’t do. Her son needed to be close to her. I did purchase a home, my husband moved in, quit the family business and makes twice what I make because he is incredibly intelligent and hardworking. We got married and have a son. He is officially out from her thumb but now I am paying for it. She has done and said subtlety manipulative things to me. She is the master of coming across seemingly sweet while manipulating the crap out of you. She will tell me my husband’s 80 year old grandmother isn’t cooking a huge family dinner then call and say where are you in front of everyone. Of course she says in front of everyone she didn’t tell me that. She knocks me out of the way when changing my son’s diaper and tells me I’m not doing it right. Her newest thing is to crash my honeymoon! My husband and I had our son before we got married and skipped the dream reception we both always wanted. We decided to treat ourselves and rent a beach house. We have never been on a weeks vacation the entire time we have been together. We thought this will be our honeymoon/first little family vacay with our son. I told her out of excitement our plans and never anticipated she would invite herself. What was I thinking? She asked if we wanted her to come and watch our son. I told her no thank you but that is a nice offer but we weren’t planning on needing a babysitter. She pushes the issue again: “I can get a hotel room and babysit.” No thank you that is not necessary. This is our HONEYMOON. We are looking forward to just spending time together with our son on our first vacation as a couple well…… ever. She came over my house today and pressed the issue again and says she will only come for a day. I tell her again no thank you. We just want it to be our honeymoon. Then she presses me for the exact date to which I ignore. Presses me even more. I look at her and say the 20 or the 27th. She says what day Friday, Saturday? I say it is the 20th a Saturday. Now she is just going to rent a beach house the same time. I asked my husband to call her and tell her not to do this but she won’t answer. I asked him to nip this in the bud days ago and he wouldn’t. I fear tomorrow will be too late. She will book. Looks like we will be canceling our honeymoon.

    • Lisa on February 19, 2014

      I’m sure you’re smacking yourself over the head for giving her the information in the first place and won’t ever make that mistake again. But all isn’t lost. Is it possible you can arrange to go somewhere else at the same time and never let her know? Of course, she will be livid when she gets to the beach house and realizes you went somewhere else but hey, you’re not obligated to tell her anything and you had already made it clear you didn’t want her presence. Just a thought and good luck. Unfortunately I am experienced with having a MIL that tries to sink in the tentacles of control every chance she gets. Unfortunately for her, I’m very stubborn and have no issue with telling her what’s what.

      • fed up on September 30, 2014

        When my husband and I started dating his mom (my MIL now) was never really in the picture, we would only see her in family parties and she would just have a fake smile and say hi, then ignore us for the night, and that went on for a while, I was ok with that since I figured she just had he own life and didn’t want to intrude in our life. So we got married, that’s when a little bit of drama started. She cried to my fiance then and told her she is losing her son, and while he reassured her just to think of it as gaining a DIL, she refused to believe it. I also should tell you that I did everything I can to get along with this horrible woman.
        Wedding passed and we barely talk to her because it was her choice, when I was pregnant to our first son, my husband decided to tell her the good news, and she was not excited at all, all she said was that she was too young to be a grandmother. She was 55 at that time. So the entire time I was pregnant, she did not keep in touch with us or check in on us. The day the baby was born, she came to the hospital and stayed there the entire night and any visitors that came, she wouldn’t even let them hold my baby. I barely held my baby for the first 3 days. Because she was there from morning til night. and my husband was just so overjoyed that she was there, that I didn’t have the heart to tell him that she was getting to be too much. She would come to my house 3 times a week for very long periods of times for the 1st year. I would cry by myself just being fed up., but we finally put some distance as she was getting too much and was gossiping about anything and everything, including bashing my husband to me. Now she is upset and is bashing me. Since she wants to patch things up, she is messaging my husband playing the innocent role. I don’t think I can handle another round of dram. What do I do?

  13. Karin on February 25, 2014

    Well, I’ve been married now for over 20 years. My father-in-law was verablly abusive ( as was my husband) and my ML came across as a saint. I had seen some severely manipulative behaviors in my husband, which he addressed and has stopped, and I could never figure out where they came from until my FL died. She had been pulling the strings for years through him…who knew? Now, I see my ML has been the master manipulator with whole time. She played me against her own daughter for years with flattery and fake words. I served her like a trained dog because I felt so sorry for her.” Meals, gifts, holidays, lunches out etc. “You are more of a daughter to me than my own daughter”. Which wasn’t true, her duaghter had long ago gotten sick of the manipulation.

    She’ll say nice things to your face and horrible mean things behind your back, depending on her needs that day. She is the mean queen bee of the retirement home and it is her mission to rule it with her manipulations and cruel remarks about other residents. It is her show, 100% of the time and the world MUST revolve around her. BUT, when you meet her she comes across as a very sweet, charming little old lady! She will never state what she really wants or how she really feels, but constantly manipulates people with fake emergencies, fake emotions and lies. she competes with me for my husbands effections and states that people often mistake her handsome son as her husband! EWE! She’ll make lunch plans with me for her birthday and then cancel them with a lie and manipulate her friend into taking her to lunch because her daughter-in-law doesn’t care about her. Seriously, she does this and really well. And the response is always…Oh…porr ML.

    Then, she’ll call me with a fake emergency and I take her to the doctor, like I am her personal driver, even though she just used me to manipulate her friends. There is nothing wrong with her, at all, and I’ve been manipulated to spending time with her. If I don’t do something the way she likes it, rather than simply telling me, she says, Oh, so and so does this for me and she never did it this way ( which is the way I was doing it)….” Yuck!

    I finally, 100% lost trust in her when she asked me to help her designate her jewelry before she dies, she’s as healthy as a horse and she wanted to know what my daughter and I wanted…which was NOTHING! I put her off for over a year and then she manipulated my husband into begging me to meet with her. I did. She spread her jewelry out on her bed and asked me what I wanted. I felt ill and told her, not a thing. I asked her to start with her own daughter and she told me her daughter would never wear any of it. I picked up a number of things for her daughter, and she just shrugged her shoulders. After making lists for hours she kept asking me what piece would make me happy. There were just a few pieces left and I told her to pick, but she said she wanted me to be happy. Stupid me, tired of the game, I picked up a piece her husband and I had picked out for her before he died. She immediately grabbed it from my hand with an indignant snarl and stated that this was for her one and only daughter. I was embarased and then she said, “I never got my mother’s jewelry because the person who was suppose to give to me kept it for herself.” I was confused and then I saw that the whole episode was a ruse she used to shame me and to make sure things were given away according to her wishes, which is all I ever wanted in the first place. I think her jewelry is ugly and I’d never wear it. Then she gave me back all the jewelry I had given her over the years, kindly, but with a snicker that none of it was her taste. I left feeling foolish and then she wrote me a letter, stating I didn’t deserve anything becase she had given me her one and only son. (the son who is NOW a good man, but who was verbally and emotionally abusive when I got him)

    Moral of the story, sometimes manipulative ML’s are sneaky. If you have an ML that seems to favor you over her own daughter, BEWARE. Don’t give her your heart. If she is full of flattery, be careful. Do what need to be done for her as the mother of your husband, but never, I mean never, trust her with your heart, because it isn’t about being loved with folks who manipulate, but about their being loved, or even just them getting the attention they crave and the power of being able to manipulate.

    Lastly, she has told me repeatedly that she likes to ‘mess’ with people, because she can, and it amuses her. She mainulates me because at the end of the day, my heart desires to love my fellow man, not because I’m good or perfect, but because life is short and painful, why inflict harm when you could give a blessing? But, not every one deserves our hearts or our love, especially manipulative ML’s!

    • Janee on July 24, 2014

      Oh wow… pretty much just described my mother. It’s really tough growing up with this type of person, so I can understand why the daughter has had enough. The fact that most people don’t see that side of her can be very frustrating. If you are a child and no one believes you when you ask for help, it’s crushing.
      My mother is mentally ill in my opinion. She’s been telling me all my life that the youngest daughter must take care of the parents (that’s me). I could write a book on the things she has done to me and my family.
      For my health and my families well being, I have cut all ties with my mother.
      My MIL is OCD Perfectionist. Every thing in her life had to be perfect and she was not content until she married a doctor. She had wanted to marry a doctor from childhood. All of her children are so afraid of her wrath and they have terrible guilt if they feel they have disappointed her in any way.
      My husband works 6 days a week / 12-14 hours a day, but she gets mad at him if he doesn’t go to see her at least every other week. She has Alzheimer now. I think this makes her easier to deal with most of the time.
      Spending time with my in laws has always been uncomfortable. They are all judgmental and critical, but they are the type that do it behind your back. My relatives are the same way. Whoever isn’t around at the time will be bad mouthed. It makes me so uncomfortable, I usually drink alcohol. My husband gets uptight as well because everything and everyone has to be perfect or else you suffer her wrath.
      I’m trying to figure out what amount of contact would be best for our family. I would love to go out of town for a least one holiday a year, but since my MIL has Alzheimer now I feel that would be selfish of me to do. I know eventually we won’t have to spend as much time around them, but I would just really like to eliminate unhealthy relationships from my life altogether. :)

      • Janee on July 24, 2014

        Forgot to add…
        FIL is a doctor and MIL’s second husband. My husband’s father committed suicide after MIL left him for Dr. and took everything. She also made her children sign over their inheritance from their father. She did not need the money whatsoever, since she had inherited a 7 figure sum from her parents not to mention her new husbands future income. Sick and selfish in my opinion. Thankfully my husband has more of his father’s traits, but his brother and sister have my MIL’s traits.

  14. Kellie on February 26, 2014

    I am both glad and sad to read all these comments. Sad because none of us should have to go through this (and by God will it make sure we are all GOOD MILs some day!), but glad because I can see that I am not the only one experiencing such psycho behaviour.

    Mine also went batshit crazy after our engagement, but I should have seen it coming since I had watched her close friendships collapse by way of her manipulation and sabotage.

    She became strangely close with my fiance’s highschool girlfriend (to the point they were doing lunch together – something they never did prior to our engagement and something she had and has never done with me).

    She always seemed to be comparing herself to me – I got the sense I was an unwitting competitor in her game of who was thinner, prettier, more popular or better dressed. Not to mention the toxicity of her shallowness – always commenting on other womens’ appearance or her disbelief that I would go to the grocery store sans makeup or in sweat pants! There also seemed to be some sick competition in her own mind for her son’s (my fiance) affection. She even took a seat on the sofa that I had vacated for a visit to the bathroom, just so she could sit next to my fiance and caress his head/neck/ear. It was a sickening spectacle. Of course, he didn’t flinch. In my experience, the boys rarely see whats happening before their eyes and often turn it around to be their wife’s/fiance’s issue.

    In planning our wedding, I tried to involve her as much as possible. She didn’t come to any of the dress fittings or shopping days I arranged, and then when asked by a family member, had the cheek to say “why would I be involved? I’m just the mother of the groom” in a way that implied I had excluded her. She resorts to martyrdom all the time: when we moved into our house, my folks helped with the move. She later claimed she ‘couldn’t get time off work’ (which I know is not true). It’s almost as if she deliberately sits things out so that people can then feel sorry for her that she missed out.

    Fast foward 5 years and I thought everything was going well. Sure, I thought she had issues, but I dealt with them in my own time and tried not to let them affect our relationship too much (which is hard for me as I am very outspoken and honest!) After many episodes of the silnet treatment, by husband had finally had enough (finally!). He decided to give her a taste of her own medicine.

    Turns out, she had bottled up years of resentment. She hated me. Hated my outgoing personality; my ability to speak my mind; my strength and intelligence. She hated that I was closer to my parents than I was to her (to this point – she said she felt the “inferior parents” because I am close with my folks and we went on a week-long holiday with them. Hypocritcial given the favourtism my husband’s brother gets, but thats another story!). I am highly-strung and must be changed before I ruin her son’s life.

    Needless to say, we did not respond kindly, but responded in kind. She did not expect the retaliation and I dare say she regrets starting that battle. It has been 10 months since we saw or spoke my inlaws, yet she continues the game via social media and family members. I have to laugh, as it is she who will miss out as we are expecting our first child. I cannot help but be sad for my child that it will have only one set of grnadparents, but perhaps it is better not to expose children to such a toxic environment.

    To be continued I guess…

    • Virginia on March 2, 2014


      The wedding plans feels similar to my experience. My MIL complained I wasn’t including her. Yet we had only been engaged for a week or 2, nothing had happened. Then when I asked her to get her nails done with me, no response. When I asked her to go shoe and dress shopping, she went out and bought her dress the very next day. So she had an excuse for not going. It is a loose-loose situation sometimes.

      I wish they would sometimes see how we are trying to hard to be good DILs. I think the problem is we expect them to be more friendly to us and then it isn’t and are feelings get hurt.

    • L. on March 3, 2015

      Your story sounds almost word for word like my own story with my MIL. My mother in law feels that her sons can do no wrong and that whatever poor judgement they make must be the wife’s fault. She says hateful things and then plays innocent in front of her son’s. Over the years, I have let this woman sabotage any self respect that I had for myself. I let her hurt me deeply, emotionally, and mentally. I was very angry and sad that this woman never loved me enough or respected me and my marriage with her son. Our one bond is that we share a love for her son and my daughters (her granddaughters). I wanted anything to sit with her and have lunch or be able to ask for her advice, but she took it as I was immature or didn’t have control over my household and was letting my husband do it all. She would write emails to her family telling them all these assumptions and lies about our personal life, which over the years turned his mothers side of the family against me. They are all women, but one. When I had cancer she came to stay with us “so that she could help.” When my husband left for work, she went to the bars, leaving me to take care of my girls a day after surgery and getting home. I had to call my grandmother who picked the girls and I up and took us home with her. My MIL told my husband she thought I was out with my friends.
      For years, when the girls were babies we made the decision for me to stay home with them and raise them as we would want them to be raised. I watched my husband go through college, and go through a couple of jobs, and when he was done and the girls were older, it would be my turn to get a education and a decent job. She told everyone that she could that I was worthless, nothing, and that I faked being sick, as well as that I was lazy and took all of my husbands hard earned cash to pay for my college. This was all lies! My family paid for my way, meaning that my father who passed away had left me some inheritance so that I could use it for college and a downpayment for our first home. I did have jobs when my husband was home with the children and two jobs when he was laid off from work. I followed him to the state that his parents lived in and all I got was disrespect. His sister in law would not speak to me, even though I had been in that family for years longer than she has been, and his brother treated me like I was a doormat. They would buy my husband things that were expensive and take him places but the children and I had to sit around the house with his mother when we visited, while she gossiped about everyone.
      The last straw was when my husband lost his father and went through a midlife crisis. He turned his boiled up anger onto me and our daughters. We were to blame for his outcome of his life and why his life was so unfair. He blamed me for everything. He called his mom and she tried to control and had been controlling our finances for years without my knowledge. If he bought anything she would have disapproval, etc, and we would hear about it, and so would the whole family. How we raised our children became her business, as well as my weight, my education, my family whom she cut down at a regular basis, and the way we took care of our home with our rules. Anything was fair game to her. I thought it was me, until I went to see a therapist. The therapist said it was his mother and that he never outgrew her and grew up. She had warped him and he was the problem and he probably truly is angry at himself and his mother, but he turned his hatred onto me because I am the closest to him. His mother even went as far as to telling my children awful lies about me to manipulate them into moving 1600 miles where she lived (it didn’t work). This isn’t even half of the stuff she did to us.
      Fast forward a year later, without saying anything to my husband he was made aware of her games and who she really is with her manipulation. He now barely speaks to her, so who has she tried to turn to? Me… I sternly told her she has her place in our family and there are boundaries that should never be crossed and that she has crossed almost every single one. That she is no longer going to attack me or hurt me. I told her I felt sorry for her because I have come to realize that it was her all along who needs the help, and she must feel miserable having to worry about everyone else’s lives and telling everyone else’s business. I told her she no longer has the chains around me or my heart, and I will no longer tolerate her disrespect toward me. She could say anything she wants to , but in the end people like her will not get away with what they have destroyed. That I never wanted anything but love and respect and when she asked what I wanted for Christmas, well money couldn’t buy what I always wanted, and I desired nothing from her.
      That day, my husband gained a new respect for me, and now he is able to open up to me about what he feels about his mother and the manipulations he has always felt with her.

  15. Virginia on March 2, 2014

    I am about to be married and honestly, I have had cold feet because of my soon to be mother in law. First of all, she is single. She is divorced, her ex has moved on with another lady.

    It all started with little things. Like she never has every really asked about me. Has never asked what I do for a living, how my pets are doing, where I came from. She has never asked anything about me. I have given her gifts, just to never see them again. And if a gift is from both me and my fiance she looks straight at him and says thanks to him. Not me.

    She also refers to my unborn children as HER grandchildren. How she already expects them to come over and play, etc.

    One time she asked me if I like my fiance’s Dad, her ex. I said yes, he seemed nice. She answer, in an evil way. “Well now, but you will see. You don’t know but you will see.”

    She has also just plan out told me “I know more then you.” Drives me crazy.

    She constantly bothers me about how I take care of my animals! I have said nice things, like I got it, but she will intervene at any cost. When I tell her I feel tension and if there was something I could do to ease it she says everything is fine.

    If I send her an email she will jump to conclusions and it becomes obvious she doesn’t even bother to read my emails.

    Now with the wedding planning. Ugh. 2 weeks in and she is already crying to my fiance that I am excluding her. Ummm…we hadn’t even started yet! Then instead of asking me how it’s going or if I was looking at dresses she just talks about her dress. Then when we showed her the ring, it was my fiance’s ring. She would look at him and say “I like your ring”, never anything to me. I might as well not be in the picture, she just sees it as a tool.

    She also told us it was stupid to invite my sister and her husband to our rehearsal dinner. Excuse me, my sister is the matron of honor and she is my sister! But my fiance’s sister is invited.

    She also goes out of her way to tell my fiance how I am wrong. How I am manipulative and throw a fit. I try to see things from her point of view, but I just don’t see any justification for how she is treating me.

    My fiance and I were going insane. So we made this rule. Every time she did something that drove us crazy we would do something for each other. Like cook dinner for each other or go out to eat or buy a present for one another. :) Makes it less stressful.

  16. Christina on March 7, 2014

    Yikes. So happy I found this. I feel like a bad person for having issues with my MIL.
    I dont get stressed but she is making me NOT want to have a wedding. She continues to tell people she does not approve of us and she may or may not come to the wedding! Who does that. Similar to you she has been checking his bank statements ect as his bill still make it to her house. I dont know what to do.. If she doesnt RSVP I feel fine not ordering her a plate! But what if she shows up! grrr Im lost and having a hard time with how sneaky she has been. Calling all the time asking him to call it off. Its just RUDE and CRAZY

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  18. Jeb2020 on March 18, 2014

    I’m so glad I found this blog, atleast I know Im not alone. Heres my story:

    My fiance and I have known each other for 9years, we have been a couple for 4 of those 9 years, we have been engaged for 2 years. Our wedding is just two months away, something we are both very excited about. My fiance comes from a close knit family, particularly to his mums family. His mum has three sisters and a brother. The brother (fiances uncle) is not so close to the rest of the family fand after getting to know the rest of the family I am not surprised why!) . But his aunts, grandparents and mum are very close, to a certain extent, over involved in each others lives. His grandparents were very active in his in his upbringing and he was close to his cousins. Initially, everyone was very nice to me, but shortly after our engagement I noticed their attitudes towards me changed. His aunt would get upset if he took me out instead of hanging out with her daughters (his cousins). She also accused me of breaking up his ex girlfriend (who it turna out ahe prefered over me) and him ( which is not true). After a year of mild bickering things exploded when his aunt called him and accused me of sleeping with another man. This ofcourse was not true, but I was still furious that she would make such an accusation against me. After this, my fiance gave her a chance to apologise and maybe meet up and discuss all the problems, but she refused to meet. So he told his folks that he will have nothing to do with the aunt and that she was not welcome at the wedding (she obviously was not happy for us and tried to cause a rift between us). Since then things have gotton ugly, The rest of the family have sided with this one aunt (“co-incidently” she pays for a lot of things for everyone else like holidays, fancy clothes etc) I have been publicly insulted on social media (called things like “a fat pig” by his aunt), his grandparents refuse to acknowledge me, and the other aunts have shunned me. Interesting to note is that it was my fiance who took the decision to cut the toxic aunt out, but it became clear that they blamed me for it. The worst came when my MIL, who pretended to support my fiance and me, one day flipped out. She started emotionally blackmailing him, saying things like he was not “allowed” to uninvite her, that his grandparents raised him and that they want the aunt at the wedding and for their sake he should go back on his decision. The MIL called me and blamed my parents for her sisters behaviour. She told me I will never be half the woman she is and basically accused me of causing my fiance stress. Again, she refuses to acknowledge that her son made the decision to cut out the crazy aunt, She blames me, my parents, everyone else! She also accused my parents for having the whole wedding their way. This is not true since my fiance and I made every deciaion together. Also, In our culture the girls family hosts the grooms family on the wedding day, the groom essentially comes as a guest, and my parents are paying for the entire wedding, so I dont see what her problem is. Fortunely my fiance has stood by me for the most part. He has not gone back in his decision yet despite his mothers emotional blackmailing, I do however feel that at some point in the future he needs to set some boundaries, which he seems reluctant to do now because he doesnt want to aggrevate the situation so close to the wedding. If we as a couple decide someone is toxic and that we don’t need to interact with them (the crazy aunt) then I think his mother needs to respect our decison. This whole issue has caused immense strain on our realtionship, we love each other but he also gets roped into his mothers sad stories at every turn! Does anyone have any advise on how to deal with this furthur?

    • Lisa on March 18, 2014

      Well, the time to set boundaries is now, not later. It’s also one thing to set them but another to stick to them. Don’t get caught drawing lines in the sand only to erase them and draw another one further back…that’s how you end up falling off the edge. No, set them and stick to them from the get go. Also, it’s your future husband’s family. He’s the one that has to speak up and set the boundaries and he is the one that has to stick with them. He should always make you his priority not his aunt.

  19. DIL on March 21, 2014

    I am so happy I found this blog, knowing that I am not alone, and that I am not crazy for feeling this way. Here is my story, the “short” version:
    I met my now husband 6yrs ago, and have been married for about 7months. The troubles with my MIL started a couple around the time we started planning our wedding, a month or so after getting engaged abput 2 yrs ago. My MIL and I had a good relationship before, we even went on vacations together. I had a good relationship with my SIL too, although sometimes rocky because she is a handful to be nice. The first signs of trouble was when my H and I decided to have a wedding without children present. My MIL got very upset saying that his younger cousins (the 8 and 9) should be allowed to come. We refused, saying it was our wishes. Then started all the comments. The food wasnt any good, the flowers were ugly, the color scheme was awful, the rings were to expensive, the venue wasn’t nice etc etc etc. I tried to include her, without making my husband and I unhappy. I even made his sister one of my ridesmaids to make them feel more involved (thinking that was the problem, them feeling left out). I kept thinking everything would work itself out in the end, and tried not to make a fuss about how upset she and my SIL were making me. They both ruined my bachelorette party, my SIL by getting really drunk and making a scene, my MIL by badmouthing my friends and family and encouraging my SIL to act badly. I decided not to make a scene about that either, even though it hurt. A week before the wedding I told my SIL (or rather my husband told) that she had to be supportive or not be in the wedding (I had already bought her dress and flowers) and you can guess what happened. My MIL took her side (as always). The day before the wedding we arranged a dinner at the hotel where a lot of the people from out of town were staying and my FIL and MIL came, my FIL was happy and talked to the other guests, my MIL barely said two words, besides complaining about the food. She then left without saying goodbye to anyone except my husband and me(not even my parents!) and left my running to the bathroom in tears about how awful she had been. The day of the wedding she just had a frown on her face the whole day, complaining about the food (we even had a special meal made for her since she didn’t approve of the menu) and saying stuff like “there is only one Mrs X (my new last name) and that is me” and writing in the guestbook that “there was only one good thing about the wedding, her son”. She ruined all the pictures that had her in them, when we were doing portraits she replied to the photographer that “she was going to smile over her dead body”. There are about 100 more things I could add to this list, but I don’t have the energy. Anyway my husband did actually stand up to here about a month after the wedding, saying that he and I were upset about what had happened, and she just denied everything, trying to say that we were the ones who made her upset (without clarifying). Long story short my husband said the we needed a break from her and my SIL so that they could think about what has happened, still no thoughts. He has gotten a few messages saying he should be ashamed and that he is missing everything with them. My FIL who is a great person has just “sided” with his wife and daughter (he actually said those words to me) and I don’t see an end to this. I really don’t understand why they would do this and it makes my crazy. I wish I could go ack in time and just put my foot down from the start and not think things would go away. Probably wouldnt change the current situation, but I maybe our day wouldnt have been as bad.

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  21. Shae on March 30, 2014

    My mother in law is pretty strange. Her biggest issue is “overstepping” her way into my husband and mys life. My husband is an only child. My mother in law is obsessed with him. she even went as far as to mark my birth control shot dates to see the doc in her calander up until a year or 2 ago, among other personal dates for him or I. When we got married she wanted to help. But her help consisted of, if she paid then that meant she picked it out. Whether that be the place of the reception, which photographer we used, what food we got, etc. SO, we opted out on that deal and said wed handle it ourselves. ANYWAY….after that she sat us down and said look…..since we cant help then we want to pay for your honeymoon. SHE chose where we went, what hotel we stayed at, the dates in which we stayed AND added that her and her husband would be joining us same time same hotel. HA! I shot that one down real quick. She boo hooed for awhile but ultimatley still paid and sent us. ALONE. like a honeymoon should be! THE most recent thing was for xmas…..weve needed and wanted new furniture for a long time. Well we were informed by the MIL that wed be getting a special delivery for xmas. My husband ended up upsetting his motherso she canceled the delivery and we just got giftcards for xmas. Which was great. BUT recently found out that she had chosen furniture for us (living room) and was having that delivered. What I dont get Iis WHAT in her messed up mind made her think that chossing my husband and my furniture was ok? She never even asked us what type or color we would like….nothing. I am very greatful that she was willing to foot the bill. But I would have wanted to pick out furniture that would be in my own home. SHE just doesnt understand these things……she once told me that I didnt tell my husband we were expecting our baby “the right way” since it was over the phone……I just dont know what in the world her issue is. ONE minute her and I are able to laugh and talk for hours and the next……shes overstepping beyond belief! Someone help me figure this women out! please help…..

    • S on April 15, 2015

      You need to stop taking monetary gifts from this woman. Trust me on this, she is using the money to control. The quicker you cut off this avenue of interference, the better.

  22. Fips on April 2, 2014

    Hi guys,
    I so can relate to the evil MIL stories. For about 14 years I tried to figure out what I did wrong or what I needed to do to make things better with me and the MIL. Similar stories to all of the above.

    Then, I bumped into this book and the lights went on:
    In Sheep’s Clothing, Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People by George Simon, PhD.

    I finally understand and have actual practical tools to manage MIL’s behavior. It is still not easy because I am emotionally involved and worry about her behavior when I see her, but at least I can see clearly now and am practicing how to manage her. I am getting there :-)

  23. man and a van on April 6, 2014

    Why don’t we help local businesses by hiring a local ‘man and
    a van’ to transport our bulky packing cases.

  24. Ann on April 8, 2014

    Hey my MIL is beyond manipulative and crazy me and my husband have been married for a year now and she makes us miserable she tries to treat him like a baby when he’s a grown man now, my husband and I both have told her she needs to quit being so obsessive with him but she just tries to make him feel guilty and puts a pity party on so she can try and control him.He loves his mom but he loves me also but it seems like no matter what we do if we tell her nicely,bluntly or what it don’t go through her head and she said she won’t change her ways.She calls 20 times in a row some days and when I try to have a conversation with her all she talks about his my husband and literally she asked me “Is he pooping good today?! ” I mean I don’t follow him in the bathroom and see what color it is or whatever. I mean she doesn’t understand how we feel about her annoying us 24/7, trying to control my husband,& her just wanting him to move back in with her.She also tries to make me mad on purpose by doing certain things that are literally crazy.My husband feels that he has to choose between my mil or me and I don’t want him to choose its just she won’t stop.So please any advice

  25. jessica on April 13, 2014

    Hello, I Just want to thank Dr khakani for the great thing he has been doing for people in our country and things he has done for me,After my huband of 6years of marriage left me for another woman all because i could not give him a child,i hated myself and almost committed suicide because i truly loved my husband with all my heart. Due to this i even lost my job,Because i was always drinking and crying because i truly loved my husband with all my heart,So then i was listening to radio one faithful day and i heard someone talking about Dr khakani on radio, How generous and trustworthy the man is, How Dr khakani helped her in bringing back her ex within 24hours,i was like i need to get in touch with this man,i got a pen and wrote Dr khakani’s number and email,So I decided to give him a call and told him how people talk about him online, I believed this man was real due to the way he spoke to me on the phone. Then he told me not to worry and he said he knows i have lost my job i was shocked and i told him yes,He said everything would be sorted out within 48hours,So i was very happy when i had that good news,Truly within 48hours i got a call from my husband saying he is very sorry for what he has done to me, he came to me in tears to forgive him which i did,As i was giving my husband a sweet cuddle i got a call from the company i worked telling me to resume work by monday,i was so happy please friend Dr khakani his truly a trusted man that cast real spell and a man to believe in. Dr khakani has made a good name here in our country. Please contact him on his private mail khakanibestsolutioncentre12@gmail . com or cell phone (+234)8176363653

    • MC on June 16, 2014

      Hi jessica,
      If its True and if he is a Reliable spell caster then why is not answering my call , i had paid this man a lot , I trusted him like GOD, but now they are not reply me and responding my call. the shipment company they have given for the PARCEL, they are not replying me, its a weeks time but no answer from his , is this the way he is Treating to his clients. I had paid him more then $600. now he is forcing me to give him a Doubt.

      • Mimi on April 21, 2015


        Sorry to say but I believe you were scammed out of your money!!

  26. Dolly on April 16, 2014

    I can totally relate to some or all of these stories here. I am currently going through a situation with my MIL. I have been engaged for a year and a half and finally set a date and started planning our wedding. We got the surprise of our lives when my fiancés parents offered to pay for the wedding. We were delighted, but somewhere in my gut, I Knew that someday that can come bite me back in the rear. Well, we have been planning for 3 months, we are getting married in October of this year, and I have to say that its been a living hell! My MIL wants to be included in everything and every time I seem to make a choice its something she doesn’t like. She is having a fit for the flowers, she is having a fit because i wanted to have flower girls and doesn’t think i need too. she is having a fit about the colors that I’m choosing. she is having a fit with the DJ, that there shouldn’t be too “much” modern music played and he can’t be too loud. When we don’t include her and just pass her a bill she flips out, starts manipulating my fiancé behind my back and throwing in his face that they are paying for the wedding, so they have a say. I’m sorry but they got married 45years ago and had their time. Now when their son is getting married, its not even what he wants. They are inviting so much people that our invitation list doubled and now she wants to dissect our list because we have too many people. This is causing so much tension in our relationship that we want to call it quits and get married our way. We want an intimate wedding with a few of our closest family and friends. My own mother starts crying hysterically because she thinks I have no dignity, that this woman is humiliating me and my fiancé. the problem is that i know she’s right. it’s so hard because my fiance stands up to her but it doesn’t help, he is so used to her tantrums that he rather walk away. I guess i have to figure this out before I say I do!

    • Lisa on April 16, 2014


      There is one absolute way you can stop this madness and take back the control over your own wedding day and that is for you and your fiance to tell her, thanks but no thanks, that you have decided because of her actions that you will pay for your own wedding. And that’s it. I’m assuming the invites didn’t go out yet. If you have to make adjustments for your budget then do so, otherwise this is not only going to ruin your day and you will not look back on it with any fondness but it’s also going to follow you into your marriage with other things.

  27. jlvn11 on April 17, 2014

    My MIL is definitely a manipulator. You can’t even have a rational conversation with the woman. Her mind she does no wrong. My husband showed her the door a year ago and she still runs her mouth to anyone that will listen and say how she wishes we never got married BC we have such a horrible marriage. This woman knows nothing about our marriage she wasn’t even invited to our wedding BC she told my husband she would just make it too our next one. We also have a 1 year old together. My husband has a son with his ex wife and she just adores my step son but never even makes an attempt to know our daughter but my husband’s ex wife just had a baby and she refers to that baby as her new grand baby and tells everyone how excited she is about it. She wouldn’t even come to the hospital when our daughter was born and my husband used to beg her to come see her.. I don’t know what else to do other than not having anything to do with her.

    • jlvn11 on April 17, 2014

      Make it to HIS next wedding*

  28. EC on April 18, 2014

    We’re pretty convinced my fiance’s mother has borderline personality disorder. She’s also been emotionally and verbally abusive; also pretends she hasn’t done anything wrong and acts confused when we try to have a conversation about how she’s hurt us. The great thing we have going for us is that we live far away from her. Any tips? Thank you for posting!

  29. Elle on April 18, 2014

    Okay, I will jot down in point form some of the nasty things or manipulative things my MIL has done; before I go any further I must tell you that we moved in with MIL about a year ago & rent out our place to try & get ahead so we can provide better for our family (we have 1 son who will be 1 in 2 weeks & a daughter on the way due in late June). I was only a few weeks pregnant when we moved in the MIL. My hubbys brother had lived there all his life (36 years) & his wife 5 years at the house & the first grandchild for 1st 3 years of his life. The Bro in law (BIL) is the 1st born & my in laws are Italian & his wife is Macedonian (just to help set the scene lol). No offence intended, just pointing out cultures are extremely different.

    * When I was told I was reproductively challenged, I came home & broke down to my MIL & SIL because they were the 1st people I saw afterwards & was emotional already about the news. So they knew my hubby & I were starting to try & had met a roadblock on the way. So because they didn’t want me to give the 1st girl in the family my SIL started trying asap to give my MIL the 1st girl. They already had a boy (first grandchild). They were also the first to be married out of the 3 sons my MIL has. MIL was only girl amongst 3 brothers & had 3 sons & wanted a girl more than anything. At an extended family meal (Easter or Christmas), my MIL said, “Oh I don’t want girls. I don’t want anyone to give me a girl unless its (named my SIL)” & rubbed her stomach warmly & had a smug smile on her face. But, I didn’t quite know what I was dealing with at that time, it was still early days so although I thought it was unnecessary, I shrugged it off.

    * I was due in 3 days & had copped a lot of ostrazising throughout my pregnancy & it wasn’t long after I had just packed my bag & left & a scene & family divide occurred as a result of my MIL spreading a very creative version to the family & telling us another. As a result, my BIL & SIL weren’t talking to us & we were excluded from family affairs & events of fun family pics were posted on Facebook to boast & rub in our faces. My hubby & BIL were like best mates & we were told by MIL that they feel upset because they feel unwelcome when they come over they feel like they cant just help themselves to food etc or like they cant come around anymore. Then my hubby receives a nasty text message from his brother (my BIL) saying, How dare we treat MIL with such disrespect after all shes done for us (& proceded to rattle off things to rub our nose in it) & then referred to me as , “its all yours & your wifes fault. he continued to point fingers & tell us off for having a nerve to treat MIL so horribly. To our horror, we were just gobsmacked & thought what on earth has been said for them to say those things & go off at us & we literally had no idea what he was talking about & why he was saying those things. My hubby & I put 2 & 2 together & realised somethings off here so we decided to confront MIL, at first she just played the woe is me & would cry crocodile tears & say, “all I ever try to do is keep this family together” etc. So, for a while that worked & we would just bite our tongue & think everythings ok & carry on with family affairs per normal, however everything was different & has never been the same. Things just got worse slowly & the separation between my BIL & SIL & us was growing. They seemed to get very competitive with us over everything; weight loss, training, who can run longer & who can lift heavier, who got better presents from MIL & FIL (they are divorced & don’t get along well). Whos kids are doing better or are loved more by the family, who gets more attention from family & friends. Who can throw a better kids party or who came & rsvp’d to their party & not ours etc. Extremely [petty & childish things, but over a period of time, starts to wear you down & you become sceptical of their motives when they talk about something. Its terrible how it affects you mentally. It became such a battle in my mind & emotionally to try & move past things & get over it & not let those small thingsbother me. But, in time it has worn me down & I feel like an empty shell of myself & have lost a sense of innocence in that I am surrounded by evil & cunning & manipulative ways that I too think sinister in the way that I think immmediatel, what are they up to, what is the hidden nasty comment in what they say, what are their true motives behind everything they say & do…its think negatively automatically thinking that they are up to no good. Its taxing on me & my nature & my marriage. Im getting off track now, because im getting swept up in the whole emotions of it all, but what I was going to say is that I was due in days & my hubby came home from the pub a little intoxicated but happy & fine & she was just in a foul mood & started picking on him, trying to get a rise out of him by saying hurtful things to bruise his ego or hurt him. She realised she wasn’t getting to him (he has thicker skin than I) & he would just retort in a manner that suggested he wasn’t phased with her comments, but then she hit the lowest of all lows & said, “Oh so you know that’s your baby do you?” I was sitting beside him at the time & was shocked so I didn’t know how to take the comment so I just got up & walked away. To me that an insult to my husband suggesting your wifes a slut & the baby isn’t yours & insult to me saying that I am a slut & sleep around on my husband that who knows who the father is…later when she was confronted she claimed it was a joke because my hubby seemed so smug & cocky that she had to knock him down.

    * Im on my 2nd pregnancy & my son is 1 in 2 weeks. I work full time & raise him & maintain the house & do everything a wife & mother does. My MIL has had several family outings with family & we haven’t been invited, but its continually rubbed in our faces & its never done intentionally, they are all just massive coincidences. She has had family dinners at the home we live in & pay the bill for & do the shopping etc & has not informed us of or invited us to. The other weekend, my other BIL (middle child) & his wife & kid were down 2 weekends in a row & the last time we saw them everyone knew to bring easter eggs for the kids except us, so everyone got eggs except my son. Sorry, that’s not entirely true, my son got an egg…that my MIL had bought a few weeks before for the kids because they were on sale. They aren’t easter eggs , just chocolate shaped animals & so my son got that instead so he wouldn’t feel left out. So, even if I cant stand somebody, I would never leave them out (especially family) & I would never be so childish as to leave their children out because theyre my nieces & nephews whom I adore & children are innocent. I was upset for my son, but thankfully hes too young to understand.
    Dueing the time the family are around, I am made to feel left out all the time, they would take all the kids to play together in a different room & my son would be playing with 1 other cousin & then my MIL would pick that cousin up & take them to the other room where everyone is & say, “Come play with your cousins” & leave Caleb & I. She would put them all the cousins in the bath (3) & my son & I would be in our room & can hear her so clearly laughing with BIL & kids saying, take a photo & look at them all the cousins together (knowing my son wasn’t there with them). My hubby raised this with MIl & she somehow would just make out like we were being paranoid or silly & jealous & if that was her in my shoes, she would’ve just picked up my son & force him in the bath with the cousins etc. telling me that she knows exactly what she was doing. The bathroom is so tiny & my BIL was in there too so there was no need to be so loud & explain every detail in such a loud voice, especially when she doesn’t talk like that normally. So I believe it was made for our benefit to feel again, excluded.

    * My hubby & I like to do family things on the weekend, so we decided to go down the coast for the day for lunch on the beach & walk etc & visit some scenery. My MIL was off so we asked if she had plans, she said no so we invited her. She said no because she wants to clean the house etc. We told her where we intended on going, but when we headed out we changed our minds & went elsewhere & had a good day. Turns out later when we returned home that MIL arranged with BIL & SIL & kids & suggest they go to the very same place we were going to go originally & how they had such a lovely day together etc yet never bothered to ring us to see if we wanted to have lunch together. But out of all the places they decided to go where they though we would be thinking that we would probably bump into them & see them all out together & again feel like we aren’t part of the family. She was asked why didn’t she call us & she said because she thought we wanted to spend the day as a family together, yet they felt the need to come to the same place to give us that time away?!

    * My MIL said my son is the “cutest & best looking out of all the grandkids, but that must mean hes going to be ugly when he gets older”.

    * I gained a lot of weight with my 1st pregnancy & was going through a deep depression throughout & afterwards because of all the drama. So when my son was born my hubby & I said to MIL that we want to try & eat clean etc so can you please not buy any junk food for the house or if you do, hide it for yourself. My hubby told her 3 times & me, once. Guess what she’d buy & bring home? all my favourite foods…coincidence??

    * Every time I bumped into MIL friends or other family would come over, they seemed cold & aloof with me, but had never been on previous times when times were good, so I thought it very odd. my MILs colleagues said to me, “Oh I don’t know how she does it, works all day, comes home cooks & cleans & looks after (my) son & then gets up & does everything day in day out.” & she (MIL colleague) hasn’t been nice to me since & my MIL makes excuses for me not to attend her store.

    * One time we were out for dinner with close family & we left a little earlier than everyone else & we were new parents & so it took a little longer to pack the car back up & baby in car seat etc. As such, it was dark & the family were exiting the restaurant & they didn’t see us because we parked on the street, while they were leaving they were all saying, “Are you going to be ok? Will you be alright going home with them. Come stay with us etc etc.. They sounded very concerned for her & everyone was offering for her to stay with them. Hubby & I thought this was weird & then it clicked, what on earth has she been saying to them now to make them think she was unsafe in the house with us. This woman is unbelievable!

    * When people are around my MIL puts on a massive show & makes out she runs around like a headless chook for my hubby & I & how she looks after my son all the time & how she is forever cleaning the house & doing shopping & cooking & just needs a break. I just keep my mouth shut, mainly because its been my personality for years so its a natural response where I don’t like to put people on show & show them up or embarrass them, because Id hate it if it happened to me. So I just shut my mouth when I shouldn’t, but by the time I think of something, its too late lol im a little delayed with responses because I feel like im constantly in disbelieve or shocked by what she says or does. lol Anyway, the truth is this; I raise my son & look after him because im a very proud person & hate asking for help & I clean & cook & shop because I told my hubby that when we move in we don’t want to give your mother any excuse or reason to bithc & moan about us behind our backs to others, so we pull our weight & then some. But, I guess it didn’t matter in the end anyway, shes cunning & clever lie that.

    * I don’t trust anyone who talks so openly about people so close to them & she talks about everyone but smiles to their face & goes out of their way to feel so welcome & close. Shes the smiling assassin!

    * She is not right in the head & I fear she is a little like the movie, “The hand that rocks the cradle” with my son. She constantly is saying how my son looks just like his father (funnily enough…considering that she said that previous nasty comment about him not being the daddy), anyways so she keeps saying to everyone & how he doesn’t look anything like me etc… I just let her have that because I think, if she believed he resembled me at all, I fear she wouldn’t be as warm to him as she is so I just shrug it off & it doesn’t really bother me. But, what bothers me is that she tries her darndest to bother me by saying it all the time & rub it in as if it does, but im proud & happy that he looks like my hubby. But she said to me after a while of many attempts to bother me with how he looks like (hubby) & nothing like me, she said, ” You know he reminds me so much of (hubby) that I think hes mine & I even say to him, “come to mummy”. I get up to get my son in the morning & find him in bed with my MIL. She gets so happy when I go to get him from her & he shakes his head & pulls back & doesn’t want to come to me & tells everyone how he never wants to come to me & always wants to stay with her etc. I have somewhat of a routine that my son sort of developed himself & I adapted around that. So when I returned to work & MIL watches him 1 day with my niece, she ignores everything I do & said he likes & does her own thing & then dare tells the next door neighbour (who is life long friend of family) when she watches him 1 day, she tells her not to follow my instructions & do it her (MIL) way. Saying things like don’t feed him the yoghurt because he hates it & gives him a rash. what times to give bottles & feed him meat & veggies at lunch & what cream to use on his face for his eczema instead of the one that we want them to use, so he was getting nappy cream & all sorts of different mix a day, nothing was consistent & his rash was getting worse, but it was because of how I washed his clothes or because of the food I fed him. Also apparently the formula was giving him the rash, yet he had since he was born & the rash developed when he was about 4-5 months. He started having yoghurt around then too but all of a sudden when he was 9 months he was allergic to yoghurt too. Then he was allergic to grapes.

    * She is now ostracising me because my son I have a relationship with her ex husband (FIL) & has told the family that FIL is influencing me & we spend all our time together bitching about her & the family & how she feels that he is trying to turn his daughter in laws against her & buy our favour because he takes us out for lunch occasionally. Pathetic right! The poor bloke got blamed for us inviting her ex SIL (who she cant stand) to my hubbys & sons combined birthday party. Because of that she was determined to make us feel left out & admits that she will do everything to seek revenge against FIL etc. Shes bitter & twisted people & what used to throw me off for so long is because she can be the nicest person to your face & she will be generous with gifts & offering help etc but, heres the catch…that’s what also prevents people from thinking that shes anything but sweet & nice & generous so she fools people this way & I was one of them for so long until I became the target of her wrath. She gets jealous & envious of others quite quickly & fears not being needed ro wanted & because I show more independence than my SIL & my hubby relies more on me than her, she cant stand that we are competent & independent & not reliant upon her & it drives her crazy, so she goes out of her way to prove points to us just by being nasty or not including us with family affairs etc or going above & beyond for SIL & BIL & then both of them rub it in our faces to try & get a reaction.

    * Im heavily pregnant with 2nd & my MIL & SIL are at it as usual because my FIL took me & my son out somewhere nice for lunch but he only took them to a café, so since then my MIL & her boyfriend have taken my SIL & BIL out to a beautiful seafood restaurant & also had all night & all the next day to talk about their plans to do the mothers day fun run/charity walk together, but when I returned later in the afternoon to a family celebration they decided at that very moment to discuss their plans to do it together & how they can all have a picnic afterwards, not once asking if I was interested (I can still walk – im 30 weeks), I at the very least can attend the picnic, but nothing was said to either me or my hubby. I had done this fun run with them 2 years ago & we haven’t been able to since SIL & I were pregnant. They go to ikea together & toalk about it in front of me & not invite me but when I have something on with my hubbys mates girlfriends/wives im asked immediately why wasn’t SIL invited. Its never ending, I could sit here all day & tell you guys about this rubbish lol

    * We bought a new car & she was jealous & annoyed that SIL & BIL didn’t have something nicer before us so she has tried to throw my sons dirty pooey nappy at it & also laughed when it hailed because she thought it was damaged.

    * I know when im on her shit list because she hides my photos. they all miraculously are covered (just my face) & any framed ones are put down.

    * She told me that she visited a spiritualist that said this baby is going to be trouble & not good she wont be as good as my son & will give me grief & shes going to have colic.

    * My hubby had confronted her on one occasion & she satrated yelling at him saying, “that’s not you talking, its HER” & wouldn’t have a bar of what he was trying to say putting it down to me being behind it. I came down stairs to confront her about it because in actual fact I told my husband to not say a word because I would get the blame & it would make things more difficult for me here with your family. When I asked her does she have a problem with me & if she was blaming me for my hubby confronting her she denied everything & said no, I never said that. I couldn’t believe my ears, yet again I was surprised by this woman..when will I ever learn?! So shes a compulsive liar & fabricates stories to suit her & manipulates situations & conversations & people & is so cunning that it goes unnoticed…unless you’re on the receiving end!

    Ive gotta jet now, but I feel a little better having ranted & raved about it, even if I didn’t cover everything. Its terrible feeling isolated around people who are supposed to be my family. Its been really hard &thanks for having this blog, I don’t feel so alone on this as though I was crazy or something…

    • Daisy on July 2, 2015

      Wow you’ve put up with a ton of crazy, but u are not alone! My past comments are in this blog if you’d like to read them (a whole crazy family of in laws, but MIL takes most of the cake), but I just wanted to say that I LOVE the bit about the ‘Smiling Assassin’!!! Just awesome!!! And so true for me! Be strong, don’t get personal and never let them get u down, cause they will keep in their mental records and use it later as ammo (especially when you need a shoulder). Stay true to yourself and know who you are, cause they can never take that away from you!

  30. Rachelle on May 2, 2014

    Omg I think I may a MIL!
    We are not engaged but we have talked about it and his parents are aware. With that said we live with them for the simple reason we do not want to rent we want to buy a house. I moved in with them in October and I am going nuts… I pay rent $100.00 a month, plus “chores”, and now not only do we get a extremely long list of things to get done it is expected to ask what more needs to be done. Both of them told my boyfriend that we are lazy and do nothing. Mind you his mother does not work and she is in her 60′s and a RN! She doesn’t work because her husband is a million air and she is a lazy ass, but ask her and she says it’s because of my diseases… Now there was a huge fight (she will not say a word to me when there is a problem with me) between her and my boyfriend because I have a clothing rack the I hang dry my expensive clothing on and she practically said to me it’s a tacky but I sugar coated it I quote ” this is starting to look like a purterician house!” Because I placed it on the deck to dry in the fresh air! Now when I tell my boyfriend I can’t take it, his response is how do you think I feel they are my own parents and they treat me the same! We do not use a damn thing of theirs except water and some electric! I have no idea what to do bc my boyfriend is a full time student and I am in nursing school we can’t afford a place to live on our own… I can go home to my moms but he tells me it would be the end of us… I love him and don’t want that but I have no clue what to do please some one help!!!!

    Btw we are (26 that’s me) and (33 that’s him).


    • Maria on May 13, 2014

      His mother is putting you through stuff and he is giving you the ultimatum. Go back home to your mother. Spoken from experience, it is not worth your peace of mind, and if he loves you and really wants to be with you, then he will respect your decision. Trust me you will be filled with lots of resentment and that won’t be good for your relationship.

  31. Ana Lopez-Cordell on May 10, 2014

    My fiance’s Mom is horrible. She keeps pushing him to do everything in her perfect little world. For example, he just graduated and got his bachelor’s degree. That very same night, she said and I quote, “So, I guess we better push back the wedding so he can get his Master’s degree now.” My fiance only wanted a bachelor’s degree to give his resume a little more oomph and now she wants him to do a Master’s?! And to postpone the wedding?! Not on my watch! Also, she so graciously decided to pay for my schooling for me to get a degree if I want it but again she wants me to postpone the wedding because they think we can’t handle the stress of school and being married. WHO SAYS I’M GOING TO SCHOOL RIGHT AFTER BEING MARRIED?! I CAN’T WAIT FOR A YEAR TO SETTLE IN! It’s just so frustrating because she has all these small demands and she keeps saying she wants to not show up to the wedding because of whatever. At this point, I’m just like fine whatever. Don’t show up to your only son’s wedding because you don’t like the fact I don’t have a college degree and in your little warped world that means I can’t marry your son. What do I do? Because she is going to continue being like this no matter what I do because I am very different from what she imagined her son marrying if she even imagined him being married at all. Well, at least my fiance has told her that he has his own life and he is perfectly happy with a bachelor’s and marrying someone whom he loves no matter their educational background. I’ll just be happy once the wedding is over and I don’t have to speak to her unless we’re getting dinner together or something for the holidays. Because we are moving too far away from her so she can’t be bothered to spend the time and money to drive 15 mins up to his apartment. But she wants him to come down to her house just to work out together or do something incredibly easy for her. Good thing he said no!

  32. Mary on May 12, 2014

    My MIL takes no responsibility for herself or her teenage daughter and 2 dogs. She lost the house my fiance was renting for her then moved in with her friends – did nothing to get herself a new place and now a month and a half before our wedding she is homeless and has moved into our living room. Her dogs pee all over and dig up our yard. We have a small 2 bed 1 bath house and already have a guest in town for the month (best man/brother in law). Now we have 5 people in a 1 bedroom during the most stressful time of our lives. the only time my fiance and I fight it is about his mom. We got into such a huge fight over this we are contemplating calling off the wedding.

  33. Samuel on May 12, 2014

    My parents in law are nice people but they are actually m- fu…kers. They act polite but they truly are cruel. They act like they are the most giving people, but they are the most selfish people I’ve seen. They criticise everyone, and believe they are the smartest people in the world. My mother in law starts her conversation with a no…I wanna kill that bitch.
    Mother in law:
    She dresses like the queen of England but stingy as hell. She will never admit she is controlling and I have never heard her say sorry. The bitch accused my wife that she stole her money from her purse ($400) that she found out in her own purse later, made my wife cry and broke her heart. Then she tried to bribe my wife by buying her things which she didn’t buy.

    My wife grew up being criticised all her life by these so called parents. So much that it killed her spirit, she has low self-confidence and low self respect. Every time my wife called them on the phone , she used to end up in tears. They used to attack her physically when she was little, the father beat her until she was bleeding on the nose, dragged her by the pony tail, and my wife just told me, that motherfucker sexually molested her from the age 7. My wife had A.D.D but does that make a child bad? It’s up to the parents to give love and support to that kid, not fucking hit them or molest them. My wife has serious confidence issues and she breaks up ino tears easily, she was recently diagnosed with depression.
    The day my wife told me that she was molested as a child, we were driving to her parents house to pick up our little daughter. I couldn’t drive there fast enough to pick up my child. We got there and they figured something was wrong and started asking what have we done wrong. What were we supposed to say that you molested my wife when she was a child, we kept quite just to keep the family from breaking because we had our little girl to think about. It started a big verbal fight between my wife and them which involved my wife crying and telling them to fuck off.

    We decided to leave the country to my parents overseas but kept quite about it because they would try to stop us and it would get messy.i should have punched the shit out of them but as always I odd the sensible thing and left, because the mother wouldn’t stop asking to have my little daughter for sleepovers at their place. No fucking way … Send my daughter to a molesters house? We left the Fucking country.
    So.. They gave us a hard time because we were flying business class, my wife’s grandmother upgraded us, and she hates their guts too. The parents told us it was stupid flying business class and the grandmother should have never spent that much money. They flew to see us afterwards and guess what? They flew the freaking business class.. They said they had ” free points ” . If you are so against business class then save your fucking points and fly economy..WTF.

    They came bearing gifts and bribes, not a single fucking thing for me ( surprise ).They arrived with their fake smiles. Now they are telling us how to do our finances, telling us where we should send our child to school, do this do that, hello motherfuckers you lost that right long time ago when you attacked and molested a child and the mother didn’t do anything about it. They fight themselves but attack as a pack, what weirdos.
    I did the right thing, when they were here, welcomed them, helped them, did all the right things and so did my wife. My angel wife has forgiven them and we hugged them goodbye, but…. Nothing can cure us from the trauma they have caused us..we don’t want to… But We hate them.

    • Lilysmum on May 21, 2014

      Dear Samuel, my heart melted when I read your post. What a wonderfully protective dad you are. If only all children were half as lucky. What your inlaws did to your poor wife is a nauseating Sin in anyones’s eyes,and you did completely the right thing by snatching your precious little one straight out of their sickening grasp. You have my 100% respect for even allowing these people to ever set foot through the door again. I highly doubt I could be as mature!

  34. Kayla on May 18, 2014

    My fiance and I have been together for almost 9 years, recently proposing to me within this last year. Since we have been together I never quite understood his relationship with his mother. They were always very distant. She was always very withdrawn. The rest of his family, aunt’s, uncles, cousins all have included us and it had come very apparent through the years that his aunt has been the “mother” figure to him. Throughout our relationship we have always picked up the pieces for his mom when things were hard. Her husband left her, she lost her house to foreclosure and has dealt with my finances sister and her drug addiction. We were always there, giving her money, finding her a new house, moving her in and I took on the role of being her daughter almost. My fiance was her golden child and we both understand she has her demons but recently I have been the brunt of her meltdown. On mother’s day she would not respond to my finances calls or texts. I then texted her a happy mother’s day and that I miss her and love her. As if it’s not hard enough for her son to watch me and my mom on mother’s day she took it upon herself to watch my fb. The next day I got a text message that I am taking her children away from her and a lousy text message when I was being fake on fb wasn’t going tho cut it. She was obsessed that I sent my fiances aun a happy mother’s day message on fb. She has told my fiance too choose between me or her. My fiance, being sane and noticing that I have been an angel to his family immediately came to my defense but she has said things to me and to him that can not be ignored. I was raised to always respect someons mother, esp his. My family and his are worried that she has gone off the deep end. I don’t know what to do. During attack I did not entertain it. I keep to myself in fear I will come across disrespectful. How do you handle someone so cold and dismissive? I can’t wrap my head around writing her off but my fiance has had it and seems he is ok with it. The person I am can’t accept that. I need my mom, how can he not need his? Any suggestions?

  35. Lola on May 29, 2014

    Hello ladies, I’m in the same boat. I’ve been engaged for almost more than a year. My ML jus really likes to push my buttons. Through out the whole wedding planning she has had several stupid comments and attacks towards me and my family. I come from a very close family unit ANd she hates that. She is so nosy she wants to know everything we do at all times. My fiancée can’t buy me something nice cuz then he has to buy it for her. Not only that she has ruined every little moment with my mom. I was obligated to show her my dress after she threw a tantrum because she didn’t go with. I’m not her daughter and she’s not paying for my wedding. I’m scared of getting married now out of fear she will control my moments like becoming a mother, which she clearly doesn’t do very well help!!!!!

  36. Amanda Cleverley on June 26, 2014

    Please help! My MIL has pushed me to breaking point. My Fiance and I have been together for 8 years, we have two gorgeous children and I cant take it anymore. Although I love my partner more than anything im considering ending it because shes destroying myself and my family. She is pure evil. My friends even leave when she turns up because they cant stand to be in the same room as her. Although she would go to the ends of the earth for her friends she just walks all over us. She has finally got what she has wanted and caused a huge rift between myself and my brother in law. (Divide and conquer) Please help me. I don’t know what to do. Even typing this up has made me physically ill.
    Over the past eight years I can list hundreds of things this woman has done but let me give you a short example. My partner and I were going away for a week and asked MIL to look after my girls (she has looked after my eldest 3!!! times and shes 5!) She said it was fine so we saved, saved, saved to go away, first holiday ever. Everything was payed for, all confirmed (including constant confirmations from MIL). Four days before we were going she rang me and decided it would be to hard on herself and my father in law and no longer will do it. My Mum (who works full time) was sitting next to me and heard the whole thing. I was understandably devastated. When my partner got home I was in tears and told him what had happened. He rang her, and her exact words were “I never said that darling, I honestly have no idea what she is talking about”. My Partner told me we I got it wrong. . . ! ! ! and that’s just one teeny, tiny little experience ive had with her, Not even the worst! But a good example of what im up against. She is horrible to my Children but acts like Nan of the year infront of everybody else. Cutting her out of our lives isn’t an option as my Partner is controlled by her. He’s a 1000 times better than he was (hence get the Brother in law involved) but im only a shell of the strong, independent woman I once was. I have no fight left. Please help.

  37. Veronica on June 27, 2014

    Hello all. I have a MIL and MSIL(Manipulative sister in law). My and my fiance have been dating for 7 years and are getting married later in the year. Just a little background to explain, my MIL, when we started dating, cheated on my fiances father and ran off with her lover and got married. She still to this day is hated by everyone in her family because she swears that she did nothing wrong and refuses to take the blame whatsoever. She has no relationship with her daughter (my fiance’s half sister) and her granddaughter. She will intentionally give my finace a ton of my when we go see her, I’m assuming because of her guilt. She is caterering our wedding to help with our costs for my family. Last week she went to visit our venue and told me that she has never met a place that was so difficult to work with and she said that she would never do a job there again but she will be nice for me. Which makes me feel like crap since she is telling me how horrible they are but she willing to deal with it for me. She lets you know when she is going out of her way for someone.

    My MSIL and my MIL do not speak at all and have no relationship which makes it hard during the whole wedding planning process since my SIL is my matron of honor. She has done absolutely everything and anything for me without me asking and she is the type of person that money is not a problem. She is throwing me this huge bridal shower(which I told her was way over the top) and is even paying for half of our honeymoon. I have told her every chance I have how much I appreciate everything she has done for us and how thankful I am. Here lately, my SIL has made it clear that she is the one paying for everything and throws it in my face whenever she can. Her and my maid of honor are helping to create my shower. I have known my maid of honor since 2nd grade so she is practicially like my own sister. My SIL has been bashing my maid of honor because she doesn’t have the money to add to the shower but she has been trying to put together all the decorations and games. Every time I hear from my SIL she claims that my maid of honor is not communicating with her which I know is not the case, and then claims that my maid of honor acts like she doesn’t care because she is the one not footing any of the bill for the shower. It then hit an all time high yesterday. On this past Tuesday, my MOH was with me at lunch when my dad called asking me to go talk to the ppl at the vinyard (where we are having my bridal shower) about wine and champagne for the wedding. So we went and my MOH took pictures to send later to my SIL. The next day she sent the pictures to my SIL letting her know we went and then my SIL yesterday says it hurt her feelings that we didn’t tell her we went and is still blaming all this on the fact that my MOH is not paying for everything and she is doing this all out of the goodness of her heart. I have been an absolute mess.

    Thankfully my fiance has been very supportive and knows how crazy his family is and has tried to help when he can and when I allow him. I am always terrified to make things worse since I am extremely a people pleaser. I just don’t know how the rest of the time leading up to the bridal shower and wedding is going to go. Any advice is much appreciated! =(

  38. Sean on July 1, 2014

    Ugh….. I’m sitting here in the middle of the night, 12:34 a.m., can’t sleep, going through emotional turmoil over what i said to my wife, and having to wonder why my mother in law, MIl, as you like to call them, is still here living with us. I can say i know the answer to shedding the in laws to their appropiate place, and it is responsibility. You must both fall in love with responsbility and exude it through your pores around your manipulitive In laws to shed them to their proper place in life, their own lives and not yours. It seems dependency can be the gateway irresponsible in laws use as their gateway into their childrens lives, but who am i to say, i am an offender of my own theories, my lack of gravitating strongly to responsibility at key social moments has lead me to where i am today, two beautiful twins, a boy and a girl, a thoughtful kind good natured 14 year old, a Mother In Law with questionable motives, an ailing father in law who is a good old english chap struggling to walk, a beautiful caring wife. So you can detect I write in pain, and you are pushing the B.S. Button right now, aren’t you?? I have to keep asking myself, what am i doing wrong here, to get to In Laws out of the house, and all three of them to stop drinking 2 to 4 bottles of wine per night, in front of my / our, three year olds, no less! I am blamed for yelling and upset, which in fairness i have done, so i am owning that, and curtailing that and sucking it up when i want to burst out, instead, just talk. We the children have to break the legacies we were bestowed groing up with our parents, and rid the legacies that are toxic to relationships, so as to carrying on with and bestow the ways that are healthy to marriage, you have to fight for your right to a healthy marriage and do not set yourself up that you are going to kick it off in Alice and Wonderland and live happily ever after, thats just an oxymoronic pose played out covered laughter from Californian Producers, (the evil breed), my MIL manipulates from Guilt, she plays the perfect doding MIL, cooking all the meals, watching the babies during our working hours, at the price of interfereing in our lives and circumstances, transfering her legacy onto our kids, and raising them as if her own, with only us to blame. I’m in pain. My wife gets drunk every night, i’m lost? I trade options, and have been making good money and i also work around the yard, i can do both, and make equal share, and looking forward, i think i will be making way more, but that remains to be counted after acomplished. My wife has always had her mum take care of household while she worked. So i’m to blame, if i want change, then i have to change first, to bring about change. I live in pain, either way, there will always be pain, accept it and chose the pain most worth while, and live as a family of your own, and kick the in laws out!

  39. Shayna on July 8, 2014

    Hello! I am a newlywed, married on June 14, and am happily married to my high school sweetheart. Even though I have only had in-laws for a few weeks, it has technically been much longer. My husband and I had a daughter 2 years ago when all of the problems started. When we found out we were having a girl my in-laws asked my husband if he was “ok with that.” I found that offensive but brushed it off. When my daughter arrived my in-laws became very upset with my choice to bottle feed my daughter as they don’t agree with it. It was best for me for various reasons. A few months went by and then she started acting as if my daughter was hers. She started explaining to me what my daughter liked/disliked. I eventually noticed her saying offensive comments that made me upset when it was just us or when nobody could hear. Many times I left their house crying on the way home. I seeked counseling a few months ago and discovered that no I am not crazy and that she has issues herself. It is not easy to be put down all of the time and to just let it go. She never acknowledged me at my bridal shower or even talked to me on my wedding day. I was hurt. I could never be as rude to someone as she is to me. After the honeymoon, she started complaining to my husband that he wasn’t helping at their house like she wanted. Many other things happened that day that made me upset, but I dropped it as I was so happy to finally be married and had just gotten back from the honeymoon…I didn’t want to start out like this. I thought things would get better after the wedding but it is 10x worse. An incident happened Monday which lead my husband to call his father and explain that he didn’t appreciate how I was treated. His father doesn’t believe me and basically laughed it off. I am still very upset and I can’t tolerate the manipulation any longer. I will have to face her eventually, but I am not ready to forgive her yet. At what point is enough, enough?

  40. v on July 10, 2014

    I read your story and I cannot help but to shake my head in agreement to everything you are saying including what other people are posting.

    I am not married but we were on the road to getting engaged. He had asked me what kind of rings that I liked and enjoyed.

    At first to my bf’s mother I was polite and very nice biting my tounge everything I may have felt slightly offended by something she was saying toward me. I even invited her on a roadtrip with me thinking we could get some “mother daughter bonding.” THAT WAS A MISTAKE. The moment we are alone with each other it seems as though this is her opportunity to really just lay it out there. Talking bad about everyone in her family, being miserable, talking over me. The drive got to the point where in 6 hours I may have spoken 4 words to her because she would not let me speak.

    We eventually made it to our destination which was my families house. We were staying at my dad and sisters house. My dad is paritally deaf which is important to tell you. My dad takes my boyfriends mother on a tour and while that was happening I help prepare dinner and was asked to go get my father for dinner. I had to say TWICE dad, dinner is ready! Which she may have thought was rude but unappropriately told me she was going to SMACK ME. I walk away then spoke with her saying I did not appreciate you speaking to me like that. The rest of the trip was uncomfortable. She even had the audacity to say I said her son was stupid in front of my family. Which did not happen. It has been a battle ever since we got home from this trip. The trip I thought would make us closer has torn us apart. Not only do I feel like my BF is not really understanding my point of view but he seems to really not make it clear to her what she has done wrong. Now we are not on speaking terms and my bf just seem distant from each other. Please tell me if I should have allowed this woman to talk down to me and be rude to me or if I should have continued to bite my tounge? Please tell me why she would lie to her son about what happened. I am at wits end. Please help.

  41. Joan on July 13, 2014

    :,( I have just canceled my wedding over a week ago. MIL destroyed everything. I couldn’t bare it anymore. He chose her over me.

    • Annah on November 24, 2014

      Hi Joan
      I am sorry to hear this Would you mind getting in contact?

      This has just happened to me and just after 4 months after we got engaged.
      Our wedding plans was so stressed with her demands and changing things that my fiancé literally had a nervous breakdown. He ended up in trauma because he had panic attacks.

      So Thursday past because he has been so sick- monster came to sleep over. I threw such a tantrum because why does she need to stay over (we don’t live with each other). Friday I was not allowed there- Saturday when I arrived – he stopped me at the door and said there will be no wedding and that he cant stand me controlling his life. He wanted the ring back and the keys I had to his place.

      I was so shocked, he just cancelled our wedding and only because she was not getting what she wanted.

      I am sorry, but I hate her guts and think he is a useless for not standing up for me. He told her of every little argument we had- she was like his lawyer sitting next to him guiding him in it all while he just sat there and shook his head.

      I feel sad, we had a really good relationship and all we wanted was to be together. But he was not man enough to stand up to her.

      I don’t know what will happen next- but as much as I love him, I don’t need this drama.

  42. julianna on July 15, 2014

    Hey guys, I am so sorry to hear about your stories/nightmares with your in laws. I guess honestly, I am a little relieved to know I am not alone with having ridiculously insecure, overbearing, controlling in laws. For my wedding I had a small personal garden wedding in mind….well, that turned into a huge Italian circus with people freaking out and throwing huge fits over everything from the “Italian wedding soup” to how my husbands obnoxious, malicious, selfish sister HAD to be a bridesmaid. If I said a thing about how I was feeling that did not align exactly with what they wanted, I was brushed off as being “oversensitive”. I was also told that since they were “Italian” they just HAD to have everything this and that way or else they would just be mad at me for the rest of my life, and it was just better for me to not say anything till after the wedding was over because they were just too stressed out. I wish I would have stood up for myself a little more and didn’t just let if all happen, but I was so overwhelmed, that I was paralyzed, and I was afraid to “inconvenience” them with my wishes. My husband, still a child in many ways, also yielded to mommy and daddy like a sapling in a hurricane. They became different people when it came to the wedding, and that scared me. The only thing that kept me from walking out the door on everything was his grandmother. She physically would not let me leave. Bless her heart.
    To this day, I feel so much remorse for how the “Italians” treated me during the wedding. Thank goodness, after we got married, we moved across the country. That has definitely helped with giving us a little space, but GOD…I now have some major trust issues. There has been talk of moving back, and I would love to see my family more, but that idea terrifies me, because just like they took over the wedding, I feel like they would try to take over our lives. God forbid we have kids. I am probably getting my tubes tied….screw that crap.
    Anyways, I am trying to figure out why in laws go so nuts…
    Lots of parent drown their personal issues in their children. They depend on their children to fill their emotional needs whether it be a need for control, affirmation, whatever…When that child goes on to start a new family, the in law sees the situation as them losing their emotional crutch that they have put so much stake in for so long. They just can’t let go, and they have to compensate for that by acting out. This is certainly no excuse, but If I could do everything all over again, I would have put ALL wedding planning on hold till my husband and I were on the same page with setting boundaries, and having his support in compromising. You need to figure out just how far you will allow your limits to budge (if at all) before you get married. You need to figure out if he is going to be man enough to support you and the well-being of his own family, and not just let his parents run the show. Test him out. If he can’t stand up to them and set healthy boundaries, RUN LIKE THE WIND. He isn’t ready. This will save you lots of misery down the road, and who knows, maybe he will man up and change his ways down the road when he realizes that you are serious about not just dieing to yourself and yielding to everyone else all the time. If he can prove that, great, but don’t walk down that isle till he can do that. Same for guys. It even says in the bible that “A man shall leave his parents and cleave to his wife.” It applies to both men and women. You HAVE to be able to communicate and set boundaries, and if they can’t handle it, its not worth the misery. Set yourself free.

  43. S on July 31, 2014

    The first sixteen years my husband and I were married, I did everything I could to ‘go along and get along’ after seeing very quickly (within weeks) after our wedding what I was up against. I didn’t find out during the wedding preparations like many of you did, because we planned our own wedding, kept it very low key, and made it a surprise. Had we done it the traditional way, I’m sure I would have discovered my MIL’s true nature much sooner. The problem with a truly manipulative mother-in-law is that no matter what you do, it will never be enough. Do not put off dealing with the situation. I shortchanged time with my own family, sacrificed friendships, moved cross country and to some extent, sacrificed my own health in order to try to please my in-laws and not create waves. My advice to anyone who reads this is: if you aren’t yet married and you know what your MIL is like, make sure you and your fiance, partner, have a plan for dealing with her. If your partner isn’t on board now and shows no sign that s/he is even willing to assess the situation, I can tell you it is a very rocky road ahead. If your partner isn’t willing to see the situation for what it is, my advice is to move on, as difficult as that may be. If s/he seems willing to honestly assess the situation, my advice is to seek out an excellent counselor. Not just any counselor, an excellent counselor. Ask around, google, etc. You’ll find one. It’s so important that you and your partner be on the same page about what boundaries to set (I didn’t set any at first), who is going to deliver the message that the boundaries are being erected and who will enforce them (because they WILL be tested). I love my husband with every fiber of my being, but I can honestly say if I knew then what I was going to have to go through, I don’t know if I would have married him. After sixteen years of doing all I could to ‘go along to get along’, my MIL blew up at me over where we were going to spend a holiday. After all those years of crap (I won’t elaborate, you all have lived it), I decided enough was enough. DH (dear husband), was pretty annoyed by this point too, although he bends over backwards to try to please her – to the point that I was taking second fiddle. We went to counseling (some with MIL, FIL and us and some with just us, and some with just her, and some with just her and her husband), where we remain today. DH is slowing realizing that his mother has some serious issues and is probably not going to change. He is getting ready to have a conversation with her, letting her know that the crap needs to stop, otherwise he will have to limit the time he spends with her. As of right now, I spend no time with them, but he and our kids do. I hope this works, because I don’t know how much more I can take. But I don’t want to be a middle-aged woman starting over again with nothing (I’ve been a stay at home mom since the kids were born) and I don’t believe in divorce. So, to all of you who are at the beginning of the road, please, please, please, don’t bury your head in the sand and don’t allow your partner to bury his/her head in the sand. Even though it will likely be SO difficult, deal with it now so you can move on if necessary. The books ‘Toxic In-Laws’, and “A Wife’s Guide to In-Laws’ are both excellent and helpful resources.

  44. Winchester on August 1, 2014

    I loved finding this blog because I now realize that I’m not crazy and that my MIL is way out of line.

    When I first got with my bf he had a one year old son from a previous relationship and was living with his parents because he was adjusting to being a single parent. About a year into our relationship I ended up not being able to stay in my apartment and my bf and I decided to buy a house together so until we found a house I lived at his parents. We moved into the basement. That’s when it all began.

    I was in the process of doing some online schooling while I was living there and wasnt working much in order to finish it. My MIL would never let me sit down. All she did was order me around and make me clean her house constantly. She would have me run to the store for her 3-5 times a day because she didnt want to get out of her pjs. When my bf would be home she would never ask him to do anything. It was just me all day everyday. I barely had time to do my school. I didnt mind pulling my weight around the house but there has to be some limits.

    When she realized how serious my bf and I were she would say things to me when my bf wasnt around that he doesnt want to have any more kids and that she doesnt want anymore grandkids and everytime I would tell her that my bf and I already discussed it and that is something in our future; yet she would say it to me almost everyday. One day she had the nerve to ask me if I was on birth control. Out of shock I answered and I wasnt at the time not that its any of her business and she proceeded to make me a doctors appointment to get on birth control. She was really beginning to put a damper on my realationship with my bf. He and I would fight about how controlling and overbearing she was. I always told him that if we break up he could thank his mother because I couldnt handle her anymore. Luckily we finally found a house and no longer live with her but it didnt end there.

    She is so obsessed with my bf’s son it’s ridiculous. We live out in the country and if we have to drive to town for anything we have to stop there if we have my bf’s son. And its not just a quick visit, she wont let us leave for hours. All she does is my his son tell her how much he loves her more than anyone else its weird. He also just turned six and when he would go stay the night at her house she would take a bath with him up until like 8 months ago. Even when my bf told her years ago and several times not to she would still take a bath with him. She doesnt listen to anyone. All she does is feed my bf’s son candy and let him sit on the computer all day so he will actually want to go over there. Even when my bf tells her not to give him anymore candy or no more junk food she doesnt listen and does it anyways

    We bought a camper last year and remodeled the inside. The day we finished the camper she went out and bought herself one and then told me how we are going to camp next to eachother all summer. When my bf finally had to tell her we are not spending the summer with her maybe a weekend or two she threw a fit and then cried and still tries to ask me all the time about it.

    This woman is driving me insane and what I just wrote isnt even close to a quarter of the things she does but if I tried to write everything it would take me years. I would just like some help on how to get my bf to put his foot down more and actually stick to it and how to be around my MIL without wanting to punch her.

  45. JintINTJ on August 2, 2014

    To cut a long story short, my MIL tries to get me in trouble to my husband. She would make up crazy shit, but I have been getting smarter. She is struggling to wrap me up as I also fight back quietly. I will not manipulate my husband, but I will unmask his mother.

  46. Floss on September 1, 2014

    I am so glad I found this tonight! My MIL is driving me crazy and I thought I was going to have to see a shrink soon!! So glad to have read it. Sorry that we all have to be surrounded by these crazy women!
    Good luck to all

  47. Sarah on September 1, 2014

    My MIL went off on my parents and insulted both them and my family. All because they asked her if she would be willing to pay half or 70/30 in the wedding. We just got engaged and she already ruined any relationship she could have had with my parents or even me for that matter. She said hurtful things about me and my family and she thinks all she was doing was speaking the truth. My parents don’t want her involved in the wedding at all now and don’t want her even there because she has such a sour attitude about everything. Its just a terrible mess. I really can’t stand my MIL. Hoping it will get better with time. If not I don’t want her anywhere near me! So happy my wedding started this way. Not. she is such a controlling bitch.

  48. fedup on September 2, 2014

    I thought I was the lucky one in a million, I loved my MIL! She was so nice, funny, easy going, and loving…….and then I had her FIRST grandchild. She was in the delivery room with me, but I never told her to look!! UNCOMFORTABLE!! Let me tell you crazy came out of the closet. Our first night home from the hospital she stayed the night at OUR home, to top it off she stayed the second night as well. Yes, I am to blame a bit, I allowed it. I know a few things about kids, I have 7 siblings, and I’m the oldest girl. My parents were often gone and I took care of them, and am in a way still taking care of them. Now my child is 14 months old and she (MIL)has reached her peak with belittling my husband and I as to accusing me of working over night shifts because I want to, I hate these hours and miss my child more than she will ever know. I recently came back to work full time and am the last hire so I get the crappy hours due to shift bids by seniority. She can not seem to wrap her head around this and now insists that I’m working this job so I can give my family (sister) money. She is right in a way, I work to give my family (husband and daughter) better things in life. I love them and want the best for them. My husband also works, he works for his fathers company. Yep, that’s part of this problem and working on resolving it now. It has gotten to the point when my daughter wants me instead of her she makes rude comments suggesting that my child doesn’t want me because I’m her mom but due to other factors. I have recently found a child care provider to watch my child rather than her while I get some rest during the day. When I told her she stated, Abi (my daughter) doesn’t need to go to daycare but she also didn’t offer to watch her while I slept, I guess I should just stay up 24/7. She tries to drive my husband and I apart by saying suggestively bad things about me, luckily my husband is a very smart man and can see through her attempts and talks to me about them. SHe is constantly trying to compare us to her sister in law who is close to my husband in age, who has 2 elder children with her husband and 1 with another man, her and her husband are still together and do not take the best care of their kids, they drink a lot, and smoke a lot around the kids and they, the adults are the priority in their lives not the children. Abi is the priority in our lives and we take very good care of her. I can honestly say there is not much my child does not have, she may be a little spoiled but its because we both work very hard to make her happy and I thought that is what parents do for their children. My husband and I are new parents and do appreciate the help and opinions she has provided but its time she backs off and lets take the reigns. I want to confront her but don’t want to let her get a rise out of me that would let her think she bothered me. How do I do this effectively without being just as bad she is?

  49. Mary on September 7, 2014

    I am so happy I found this site. Although I see a therapist is never enough for me to say that this is not fair. I have a crazy ML , and literally crazy. She is depressed and also has OCD and she leaves with us. She will throw clothes out when we go somewhere bc she touched people she washes her hands for like 30 min.She moved in when she was 57 years old and never worked or did anything around the house. At that time my kids were very young too and I had to go to work,, leave work at lunch time make lunch for her and go back to work. And I did this for almost 14 years. She was never happy with me, she didn’t like what I cooked and say words about me that I cant write them here. Now I have come to my senses. I wont come home to only cook for her she can do it herself. I was never appreciated, even from my own husband. She is very sick mentally and her son my husband wont accepted it. She fell and broke her arm and stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks( the best of my life) bc she never goes anywhere and her 2 daughters are like 10 min away from us. Anyway she came home and refused help from anyone even the nurse we hired to care for her. I got mad and told my husband ,, thats it I am not any s..t for her ever. She was supposed to go back for follow up after 1 week and she refused. I wont talk to her I try to hide from so she wont talk to me. She only talks or be nice to me when she needs something. I have been in hell just bc of her and my husband doesn’t understand how manipulative she is. I cant take it anymore she needs to move out of our lives. And I don’t feel guilty anymore. I almost killed myself few months back. I was in rehab and thank God came to my senses. She is not my responsibility, she is is a grown women and she Can take care of herself.

  50. Jenn on September 24, 2014

    My husband recently cheated and his mom has always believed that he can do no wrong…so what does she do? She blames ME for him cheating! Because obviously he had no other options, right? She says I was too harsh and bossy with him and would not allow him to be the MAN of the house. Well, excuse me, but if you want that title then you must first and foremost ACT like a man!….not a childish boy who can’t control his impulses. I believe there are very few in-laws out there who will ever be truly loved by their child’s partner…I’m just glad I don’t have any children so I will never be that “crazy MIL” to anyone!

  51. Tashi on September 26, 2014

    So my question is, what did your thereapist say about HIM (your husband/fiance) setting boudaries. Beacause as much as she is manipulative, he is letting her manipulate him. And trust me, if boundaries are not set now marriage and kids will not be easy. I’m curious becaues I need to ensure my husband sets boundaries and I am not sure how to go about doing this. He is very close to his parents. And my MIL treats him like gold but is awful to me. So he does not see her like I see her.

  52. candice on September 29, 2014

    Been married for almost 3 years,living under the same roof with my inlaws,due to to plenty debts my husband made helping his family ,building them beautiful home nd tking his sisters to bst colleges ,in order fr them to b able one day tke care of themselves nd their parent as well.when I marry my humble husband ws still at school ,yet I find it very difficult at times after moving in with them,I was compared to his sisters abt evrything I hve they must MIL she’s so bossy no one tells her anything even my father inlaws cannot stand her they she so bossing everyone lives around husband does everthing for them including my sister inlaws with their kids.some them working yet they demand him to fund their transport cost to work,he must help with fees fr their children at school,all the authority been given to them my MIL they get everything they want its their brother regardless that m in the picture now,we should b working on building Our future,buying our own house nd etc….
    Whenever she want money once my husband put reason can’t help dat he’s able to help ,m alwys the reason nd victim to b cald names by her nd my sisters inlaws.At frst dey deprived me to b with my family coz m married to her son,I must nt b close to anyone .when we not home she search our bedroom,at time will find her nasty traditional stuff sprinkled on our bedroom floor / wall.I told my husband I cannot stand MIL anymore,in everything she has to me ,I never returnd any evil rather than forgiving her and turning the blind eye on her evil acts tward me nd her son.Early ths year I ws admited to ICU after she attacked me,It ws on sunday when I received bad news I lost my late cousin wife,we were very close she’s was like my biological sister to me.nxt following day I asked my husband to drive with me to meet the family ,when I cum bck. MIL attacked with words”I shuldnt drag her son into my family business,my loss its not theirs nd so much more hurting words”I nver say a word coz of the Goliaths she is,on dat very same week I ws russhed to Hospital where they find that I’ll almost died of heart attack . Few days later she shwd at hospital pretended she’s worried unfortunatly I wanted nuthing to do with her,after I recovered she would mentioned hw she wish I would hve died .I don’t knw wht to do anymore.any help will be much appriciated

    • familiar territory on February 17, 2015

      Sorry to hear what you are going through, I know its tough, as I have been through a lot with my mother in law also and the way she has treated me and my family.
      In the end I chose not to speak with her anymore because of her disgusting behaviour. My husband still speaks to her, I know she is influencing my husband a lot but I am glad I am away from her she is toxic! in regards to your situation I think you should not live with her and move away as it seems as though she has her own interests and that of her family at heart and don’t give a damn about you, just using you. I strongly suggest you try and move away from this as your health is more important than anything. Also try and talk with your husband and see what his take on things but it does seem like your husband may be afraid to stand up to her. If I were in your shoes I will not put up with this any longer you and your husband needs to work towards a life of your own were you both are happy. Remember the main thing is your health and happiness. I hope I was not out of line with some of the things I have said and only you can decide what’s the best thing to do in this situation. All I know is that cutting any ties with my mother in law has taken a huge weight off my shoulders and I feel much happier.

  53. Paige on October 3, 2014

    I am planning a wedding right now and my future mother in law has completely taken over. We got engaged in Paris and she seems to think I want eiffel tower statues all around the venue even after I told her several times no because it doesn’t go with the vintage theme I’m going with. She is helping us quite a bit but my fiancé forgot to mention her ridiculous requests if she gives us this money.
    1. She gets to do a candy bar with colored popcorn (something she knows I don’t want)
    2. We must listen and at least try all her “Pinterest ideas”.
    3. I cannot buy any decorations (even with MY OWN money) without first consulting her.
    4. I will use the flowers she choses and NO baby’s breath (even though she knew I wanted baby’s breath bouquets for the bridesmaids).
    She even has a key to our house! We live an hour away and she will still randomly show up and tell me what a mess our house is or try to tell me what kind of decorating we should do. Keep in mind, all her ideas come from Pinterest. If Pinterest crashed and never came back, my life would be so much easier. She then likes to say things like “oh no we are not ready for babies yet.” Even though I am. The worst part is my fiancé just tells me to “let her live in her fantasy world where she thinks she is the boss” but I cannot handle her bossiness and overbearing psychotic obsession with our relationship.

    • Annah on November 24, 2014

      Paige!! oh my word! I had exactly the same experience. Well my “ex monster in law” got it right to break off our engagement and just after 4 months after we got engaged.
      Our wedding plans was so stressed with her demands and changing things that my fiancé literally had a nervous breakdown. He ended up in trauma because he had panic attacks.

      So Thursday past because he has been so sick- monster came to sleep over. I threw such a tantrum because why does she need to stay over (we don’t live with each other). Friday I was not allowed there- Saturday when I arrived – he stopped me at the door and said there will be no wedding and that he cant stand me controlling his life. He wanted the ring back and the keys I had to his place.

      I was so shocked, he just cancelled our wedding and only because she was not getting what she wanted.

      I am sorry, but I hate her guts and think he is a useless for not standing up to me. He told her of every little argument we had- she was like his lawyer sitting next to him guiding him in it all.

      I feel sad, we had a really good relationship and all we wanted was to be together. But he was not man enough to stand up to her.

      I don’t know what will happen next- but as much as I love him, I don’t need this drama.

  54. Steph on November 7, 2014

    Wow …..some MIL’s are so crazy!!!
    My husband and I are in the first year of marriage now and I have just about lost my mind over my MIL and my husbands sister (SIL).
    Coming from a dis functional family with a terrible father daughter relationship – I have spent my while life trying to prove to people around me that I’m really not the bad daughter/person my dad keeps saying I am behind my back, so when i started dating my now husband, I bent over backwards to fit into his mother and sisters way of life!!
    But I have reached the end of my patience now and considered moving to another country to let them have my husband back,it’s that bad!
    I think I started to break this year when I started getting comments from my SIL about how when we first moved in together my MIL was upset and said it was morally incorrect, she then went on to say that she is getting IVF and my hubby and I are to contribute to her child’s expenses throughout it’s life.
    They expect us to visit at their house (SIL still lives with parents) everyday and if we don’t, they kick up a stink and lay on the guilt!
    Now after some stories I read here, my inlaws are definitly not as bad as others, but it frustrates me that the two of them constantly dictate our life and relationship. They are also never happy or encouraging of our future and were even angry that we went away on a long honeymoon.
    They both at separate times tell me how we are to all start a business together and imply hubby and I have no plans for our future but to fit in with them and what suits them.
    How are we meant to have a family, if we are tied into their plans and have to work to support my SIL child?
    My MIL sometimes tells me to do stuff that my SIL is to lazy to do, and when i say no, she goes to my hubby behind my back and tells him to set me straight,
    My hubby an my relationship is changing because I won’t stop him seeing his family, but I won’t be controlled by them anymore, he works out of town majority of the year, so I don’t get to see him every day, and now with me standing my ground, I see him even less every year! And the thing that gets me most, is that the place he works at for 6 months of the year is the same place his parents work at – meaning he spends more time with his mother during the year than his wife.
    It just hurts me that they are changing our relationship and they don’t care, they just want what they want, regardless if it breaks us!

  55. K on November 10, 2014

    I am engaged to a man who has full custody of his two children. We have begun to move in together when my future mother in law came storming over demanding I return her children. No, she didn’t say grandchildren. She calls them her children and insist that they call her mom since she takes care of them the most. No one else can do what she does, not me or her son. I am too busy with my job, so I can’t possibly take care of her “children.” Now, I am a teacher in New York City, so I don’t necessarily have a 9-5 job, but because my work can come home with me, I am considered “unfit.”

  56. Amanda on December 2, 2014

    Only took me 20+ years to finally cut my MIL and SIL out of my life. I now agree to see them one day a year – on Christmas. No phone calls, emails, texts or contacts returned. I’ve watched them treat my husband so poorly, comment about his appearance, weight, IQ, etc. and make passive agressive comments towards me. They play us like a wrestling match – one comes in the ring, then goes out and tags the other. Final straw was watching SIL flirt not only with her brother, but then our teenage son! Now things are much more stress free, they only understand this boundary and my husband no longer feels guilty that he must be the dutiful son and brother. When people ask me how my MIL is doing? I say, “unfortunately, she’s still breathing.”

    • Rather Not Say on December 16, 2014

      WOW! First and foremost, thank you for proving to me that I’m not alone in this. I am actually not yet married but am having MIL issues! I really started to think, am I crazy?!? I will be getting married in March 2015, she and I used to have a fabulous relationship. I even considered her the be like a best friend. Once we were engaged, thing started changing. She lived with my fiancé, did not work or contribute to the household bills. When I left for work ,she’d be asleep, when I came home from work, she’d be asleep. She claimed to be this wonderful wife and woman, but is divorced and single. Long story short, my fiancé and I agreed that he would no longer be providing for his adult mother that was capable of working and providing for herself. She received the cut off date about 7 months in advance and waited until the last minute to act. On the cut off date, she still hadn’t made arrangements, causing her some of her services to be disconnected. She then sent me an email accusing me of being a manipulator, undeserving of her son as my husband and blah blah blah… I don’t know if it’s a bad thing to be ok with never having a relationship with here again, but that’s where I am. I have forgiven her for her foolishness. My fiancé however, is having a bi of a time working through the fact that she’s blaming him and guilting him. He’s doing great getting through it. At this point we are unsure if she’ll even be attending the wedding. Moving on…

  57. Rather Not Say on December 16, 2014

    WOW! First and foremost, thank you for proving to me that I’m not alone in this. I am actually not yet married but am having MIL issues! I really started to think, am I crazy?!? I will be getting married in March 2015, she and I used to have a fabulous relationship. I even considered her the be like a best friend. Once we were engaged, thing started changing. She lived with my fiancé, did not work or contribute to the household bills. When I left for work ,she’d be asleep, when I came home from work, she’d be asleep. She claimed to be this wonderful wife and woman, but is divorced and single. Long story short, my fiancé and I agreed that he would no longer be providing for his adult mother that was capable of working and providing for herself. She received the cut off date about 7 months in advance and waited until the last minute to act. On the cut off date, she still hadn’t made arrangements, causing her some of her services to be disconnected. She then sent me an email accusing me of being a manipulator, undeserving of her son as my husband and blah blah blah… I don’t know if it’s a bad thing to be ok with never having a relationship with here again, but that’s where I am. I have forgiven her for her foolishness. My fiancé however, is having a bi of a time working through the fact that she’s blaming him and guilting him. He’s doing great getting through it. At this point we are unsure if she’ll even be attending the wedding. Moving on…

  58. Irritated on December 22, 2014

    While my MIL does not compare to a lot of the ones here, she is driving me nuts. She calls her son sometimes 10 times a day. His company went on strike a few months ago so we got behind on bills. I took a second job, he got a seasonal job. Now all she talks about everyday is bills and money and we need to do this with our money and that. And I need to work here or there. We are pretty much caught up on everything now. His parents did help out with two bills a few months ago. our car crapped out and we are looking for a new one. I guess we aren’t allowed to get one without his parents approval. They aren’t paying the car payment. She stops in unannounced and won’t leave. I have been late for work because of her. She tries to make us feel guilty to get her own way. She has even cried before when she didn’t get what she wanted on her birthday. She goes and tells his brother and his girlfriend everything about us and vice versa. She won’t get a job herself, but has no problem telling me what I need to do about jobs. She hears what she wants to then repeats things that are not true. If we have problems, her whole family knows about it. I am expected to spend Christmas Eve, Christmas morning and Christmas night with my husbands family. I don’t do it and she told me once that I should not be able to get out of not going to Christmas nights with them. I never go and it makes her so mad. I feel worse for his brother. He lives a few minutes away from her and she goes down there 5-8 times a day. All hours of the day and night. She just walks into his house and goes through his stuff and takes over. His girlfriend can’t stand her either. I told her to run, but she didn’t listen. I will never have kids because I know it would get much much worse. My husbands nephew doesn’t get to spend much time with his mom on holidays because the MIL wants him at all their family functions. We planned a vacation a few years ago, well she planned one at the same time and got mad that we didn’t cancel our plans to go on their vacation. She will invite herself out to dinner with us, she will show up if she knows we are having people over, they show up if we go camping with friends. We can’t do anything without her being there. And if she’s not invited, she whines and tries to make him feel bad about not asking her to go. If I’m making dinner and she calls and asks us to go to her house for dinner, she wants us to quit cooking and go to her house. I used to always do New Years Day dinner with my sister, then the MIL started doing it (to be in control) and of course we had to go there. That didn’t last long though. I don’t give in to her like he does and it does not help. I don’t fall for her crap and she still keeps doing the same crap. It’s little irritating things, but it happens so much that I’m going to explode. I think it’s time to move away and get my life back!

  59. thought i was crazy on January 10, 2015

    Wow After reading all these im glad to hear im not in this alone!!!
    so here it goes We live with my MIL I have two children from a previous marriage. My MIL had a tumor in her brain almost four years ago (we were not together at this time )and my fiancé took care of her and helped her relearn everything right down to eating and walking NO ONE else in her family would help with doing this and never understood as to why …
    so while dating I thought it was awesome that fiancé took care of his mom through the rough time of the tumor and took care of her and thought it was also cool that he had a good relationship with her he would complain now and then about her but nothing that would make me think she was controlling and overbearing …Since taking care of her she has made a 100% recovery !Fast forward to moving in with MIL..
    two weeks after we moved in with MIL she started treating my youngest daughter who is 12 differently then my daughter that is 14 she always says nice thing to my 14 year old but when it comes to my 12 year old she constantly puts her down. Also I had noticed different things almost immediately she constantly brings up money (everyday in fact) and says she cant afford everything keep in mind we pay rent. she also went to the extreme of marking food I do SEPERATE grocery shopping for my girls. whatever she buys she marks with her name we even sometimes have to make separate meals. If my fiancé do make dinner together she always makes some kind of remark to put me down under her breath so he cant hear it. I brought this up with my fiancé and he finally said something to her and she was ok for about 2 weeks then it started again . I complained some more and when he said something again she took it a step farther and put on the water works. he then backed down and said she is old and set in her ways ! She’s 65 for crying out loud that’s not old! And now if I say anything to my fiancé he defends her !next was the tv my girls are not allowed to record anything on the dvr I know this sounds petty but when they only want to record one show it shouldn’t be a big deal. did I mention that my MIL is retired does not have ANY friends also wouldn’t be friends with a nice lady she had met because she wasn’t retired yet . Also my MIL does NO cleaning ever before we moved in my fiancé would do it all for her !!! now that im there i even do her laundry for her ! she does not leave the house by herself she makes my fiancé take her places and hates when we go with ! I notice more and more things every day especially with my fiancé I never realized how bad she as manipulated and controlled him through the years. with all that being said my 14 year old daughter came to me the other day and said mom did you ever see the movie monster in law I was like yeah who hasn’t she said doesn’t that remind you of mamaw ? THAT’s when everything clicked now ive been looking back and realizing more and more every singe day to the point I really don’t know what to do a this point I don’t bring anything up to my fiancé because im not sure how to at this point ! she even goes as far as if I put stuff away she comes when im not home or paying attention and moves stuff around that I have just put away !Im really at my whits end with it all and so are my girls they even made up words to talk about her that only they know what they mean. I love my fiancé and so do my girls but how do i deal with it and not go absolutely insane ?Oh and not to jump around but going back to the beginning of her other family members wouldn’t help her in her time of need I recently found out her only daughter wants nothing to do with her she says she did nothing wrong and its all her daughters fault but I found out that she threatened to call social services on her daughter about 5 years ago because she thought her husband was drinking to much . she has not talked to her daughter since . her daughter even has her blocked by mail as well ! I also found out her daughter and her husband are doing well and so are their 2 kids . I get the feeling she was trying to control her daughter as well and she wasn’t having any of it .

    • VDawn on February 17, 2015

      I hope you don’t mind me responding, but I did go through a similar situation with my Mil. The best thing for you to do is leave. The situation that you are in is not ideal to say the least and it is not very fair for your children, as they may not feel happy and content in the environment that they are living in and could really start to affect them.

      Like I said I was in a similar situation my husband and I lived with my mother in law for 3 years, I don’t know how I managed to live with her for that long. I did not realise how bad she was until we moved in with her. At the time my husband and I had 2 kids, she tried to take over and act as though she was the kids mother as she did not work she stayed home and cooked all the kids meals what she thought they should be eating, and went out of her way to do things she would tell me and my husband to go out and she would look after the kids I thought she was just being really nice not realising she was trying to manipulate us. After a while she was controlling everything it seemed to reach this point so swiftly. She was very manipulative and conniving and easily turned on the water works or threatening us when things did not go her way. To cut a long story short I told my husband we had to move and I said if he didn’t want to come with me I was going with the kids. I had to put my foot down as this was a very horrible and tense situation to be in. I did not feel like I was at home and felt like I was walking on egg shells all the time. Anyway my husband agreed and we moved out she never thought we would leave when we did she tried everything in her power to get my husband to stay (pretending to be sick and frail) threatening us etc. Moving out was the best thing we could have done staying would not have been healthy for the kids or us.

      I don’t know what your situation is but I would strongly recommend you leave as soon as you can, you should talk with your husband and see what he says about it.

  60. JJM on January 11, 2015

    I have never seen this problem. I wondered if anyone else had it.

    Before we got married, my husband made me promise to arrange a reception in Hawaii for his family. When I said yes to this, I didn’t realize how much it was really for his family and only his family. Right at the start I began by asking friends and family how much lead time would they need to be able to arrange time to be in Hawaii. We got a range from 1 year to six months. After we made a list of people to invite, I gave my husband a clear deadline (we got married on the mainland before hand). Not only did he not give me a single address, he blamed his mother and father. I extended the deadline three times. My husband and in-laws did not give me a single address.

    By the third deadline, I was pretty sure that most of the people on my list wouldn’t be able to make it and handed over all the arrangements to my husband and his family. My husband’s father still refused to give addresses to my husband.

    So they chose the venue and who got invited. They even decided on menu items that I couldn’t eat because they didn’t take my dietary requirements seriously until AFTER my FIL came to stay for a month and made me horribly sick by feeding me something he made. I am allergic to alcohol. He made me something with port cheese. Guess what port cheese has in it? I couldn’t tell it was port cheese because the concoction had red jam slathered on top.

    When my husband could not give me a single address after eight months, I turned to him and told him that he needed therapy. His response has always been that WE need therapy. Um…asking for addresses should not be a reason to argue. It is not a matter of opinion.

    Search as I might, I have never found anyone who has had this problem of total refusal to get a single address. I feel this is controlling to say the least.

    For the last four years, I have asked my in-laws when they come to our state which is a couple times a year, sometimes separately because they are divorced but friendly and often come together, to meet my mother. They have not made the effort and I have not told my mother this. They did have time to go down to the same city to visit their relatives there so distance really isn’t the issue.

    Meeting the in-laws and getting addresses seem to trivial to me, that it seems silly to argue about them. On the other hand, I don’t really want to plan anything with people who can’t extend me and my side of the family with common courtesies.

    Anyone else have in-laws that totally refused to give out addresses? Does anyone think this is normal?

  61. SMGC on February 3, 2015

    Reading some of the stories I am getting so much comfort that I am not the only one dealing with a nightmare mother in law. Our wedding is 9 weeks ago and I just wish the whole thing was over. In the 8 years I have know my fiancé there have been several we have nearly parted due to his witch of a mother. I find it hard to express how much I don’t like the woman.
    In 2007 when we met everything was fine it, my fiancé spent a lot of time in my house letting out the odd comment that his mother was hard to deal with. I had always found her fun easy going generous and I thought I had landed on my feet.
    Then we had a episode one morning in my fiancé’s home we were having breakfast she gets up and my fiancé made a comment about the house and her untidiness. She went mental screamed the house down screamed at me for not backing her up and I walked out and left my fiancé to deal with it. Then I receive the most rile text ,message which I didn’t reply too. His sister (whom is every inch of her mother) then gets involved and started texting me as to why I hadn’t replied and I had no respect. At this stage I was 2-3 years with my fiancé and we were young. I really thought about ending it but I loved him and he begged me not to punish him for there behaviour. This went on for months I kept my distance and 5 years later its still the same. Her own sisters have no time for her, she has big notions and thinks she should be treated like royalty. My parents bare her but see how she effects me.
    Anything I do isn’t good enough, I’m not romantic enough, I don’t know how to plan a wedding, I don’t involve her enough the list goes on. I don’t get it directly but its comes through my fiancé and what I read or have read in emails and text messages. Like some of the other commenters I too was forced to have my fiancé’s only sister even though I only have one brother who is left out of the wedding party. There is no end to there annoyance. My mother who is very easy going picked her wedding outfit last weekend. When my fiancé told his mother it turns out she has already got hers and its very similar in colour to my mums choice. secondly its a floor length gown in a blush pink/ivory. She would always be the type to steal the lime light in a outfit that could pass for a wedding dress. But to be honest she will look more stupid then I will.
    I know this is only the start of it. It will get worse when we have children or if we don’t have children asap. She feels I am too career orientated and she is jealous to her core. My fiancé’s father is deceased and non of his family speak to her which is sad for my fiancé as he would be more like them. She demands money from my fiancé for extravagant holiday. She doesn’t work or wouldn’t be very well off but if we go to the moon she will have to go to Mars and she will expect her family to pay for it. I could go on and on and on. I know I have no patience at the moment but its hard to get through this when everything we do is criticised. She

  62. Morgan D. on February 5, 2015

    My problem is with my step mother in law. Yes, she is my FIL’s 3rd wife. She was in my husbands life as he was in his late teens early 20′s (he is now 38). She is a very sneaky kind of manipulator. She’s calculated. She does things ever so slightly so that the men don’t notice much but I sure do. She has this controlling power over not only my FIL but my husband as well. Too keep a story short, she befriended me when my husband and I were just dating and then as soon as we got serious her like for me turned to hate. She has made up things and events in her head that she thinks have happened and has been telling them to herself for so long she believes them. I’ve asked for 12 years for one of them to talk to her and explain that she can’t act this way towards me. She can’t be so disrespectful and get away with it. Yet, no one does. My FIL claims he has but there has been no change and my husband doesn’t like confrontation so he says very little….until last year. He finally made himself clear to his father and they didn’t talk for about a week. When they finally did talk I had hoped things would start to get better but they didn’t. It’s almost like she got into his head and now here are more rules with them then ever. I feel so alone. My husband only gets angrier when I bring this subject up and as much as he says he doesn’t like how she is acting, he doesn’t stand up for me. He doesnt have my back. It’s even gotten to the point that my FIL doesn’t even check in with me with things regarding my husband and is now taking him away for his birthday. My husband doesn’t find anything wrong with this but I do. So I now don’t get to spend my husbands birthday with him! I’m so lost. I don’t know what to do and no one seems to stand up to her. I think what I need to do is just cut off all communication with myself, with our kids but I don’t think my husband will do that so then I’ll be all alone there too. If anyone has any advice, I’d love to hear it. This woman is destroying my marriage.

  63. Vanessa on February 17, 2015

    When I found out how my MIL really was, when she started showing her true colours I was so shocked by her behaviour. Honestly I had never seen a person act in such a way. One example telling us she was going to come and stay with me and my husband for 6 months (we live in different countries) and we would be the ones to pay for her visa, plane fares, pocket money when she arrived and anything else she may need whilst she was with us! when we let her down gently telling her that we could not do it as we could not afford it we had just had our 1st born child plus we had our own finances to take care of. She started feigning serious illnesses which she made miraculous recoveries from, trying to make us feel guilty for saying no to her request. Her requests started to get too demanding she wanted money from us to help pay her bills “as she does not know what she is going to do to pay them” (Her husband works and is in good health and pays all the household bills), “I needs new shoes as all of my shoes are damaged”, “I am going to a special event and I need a new dress” (she has a massive closet with dresses in different styles and colours plus her husband buys her things). She always comments on how old she is and she is going to die soon she refers to herself as being elderly (she is in her early 60′s and is in generally good health). When I do not give in to her unreasonable demands she starts sulking and does not talk for a while or just has a temper tantrum by turning nasty and saying horrible things such as I am mean or greedy. I have not spoken to my MIL in two and a half years because of her unreasonable behaviour. I did not want to take such a drastic decision but I tried with her and she was not calming down instead she was getting worse and I did not want to feel depressed after having a conversation with her or her end up ruining my marriage. My husband still speaks with her which I don’t expect him not to. But I am a bit upset with him that he did not put her in her place, each time I tried to explain how her behaviour was affecting me he would deny that her behaviour was bad and turn it on me as if I were the trouble maker. Even though I wish things could have been different such as my MIL and I having a good relationship I do not regret the decision I have made and feel much happier for it.

    • Going NUTS on March 1, 2015

      I say kill her with kindness, play her game but play it better! This is what she wants to happen, to divide your husband and you….Don’t let her win at her game. Do not say one negative thing to your husband. BUT you do not have to be a part of her life either, let the silence on your end drive her nuts. When and if your husband questions you about his mom, such as why don’t you like her, etc…Just say I don’t dislike your mom I just don’t like how she treats me at times so I am choosing to have some space, but I don’t want to take you away from her, that is your mom. Make him feel like you are on his side and not bashing his mom. Save that for on here or friends…

  64. Hurt on February 24, 2015

    My boyfriend and I are together 10 months now. Before we got into a relationship we were just friends. I hanged out at his place with his mom father and brother. I started going to his place really often since he always begged me to come. Everything was great. We eventually started dating and things were fine. I spent most of my time at his house when I noticed that his family was very “family oriented”. I was just trying to be nice since I realized that his family valued family time (at least that’s what I thought until I realized that my MIL just wants him to be home spending timme with her and the rest of the family. It hurt soo much when I realized that since I thought that she enjoyed my company when really she was using me keep him at home with them all the time).
    His brother is also another story by itself. The first Christmas i spent with them was last year. And his family is always talking about how great their Christmases are and so they kinda roped me in to spend most of the days during my Christmas holidays with them. Well boy was I in for a supprise!!!! On Christmas night his father halfway gave his brother a beatdown, his brother ran away and came back the next morning (the both of them were drunk as hell), after his brother ran away Christmas night his father went looking for him, meanwhile his mother is there panicking about what will happen if his father finds his brother and the next morning everyone is smiling and acting like nothing never happened.
    On Christmas eve, his mom asked me if i wanted to spend the night (crazy for someone to ask right. And whats even crazier is if he spends a night by me she would “be so worried” and call his phone like every half hour to ask what he’s doing). Anywayys, I told her that I couldn’t spend the night because it would look bad and she said that she would have loved for me to spend the night but its ok. However my boyfriend spent new years eve into new years at church with me and she was pissed even though we dropped him straight home from church and his mom and grandmom couldn’t stop calling his phone while we were in church even though he told them that he was going to church with me.
    On our 8 month annerversary I went over to his house, dressed up all nice, so that we could spend time. That was a waste of time. We only got to spend 2 hrs and for the rest of the day i just lay there half naked in his room waiting for him to finishing helping his mom. I mom asked me to come and bake a cake on new years day (she was really just trying to get me to come over on new years day because most of there family members would be there and she wanted her son home). Anywayys I said I would bake the cake. on new years day i didn’t go over to his place because his brother acted like a total idiot and I wasn’t feeling comfortable going there anymore. Nevertheless I told them that i really needed to do the laundry and my bf came by me instead. I don’t know if that’s why she called him to bake a cake knowing that we planned to spend time since it was our annerversary. That night i was supposed to spend the night but I couldn’t bear with the thought that she would that. She’s diabetic for God’s sake…she can’t even eat cake…why couldn’t she just wait till the day after and I would’ve made it. And what I couldnt understand is…doesn’t he have a brain??… why didn’t he just tell her he would do it tomorrow?? Instead I laid half naked on a bed whole day and he says “but i was checking in on you”. I just hate it…she’s nosey, talkes too much and I feel like I have to compete with her (which is plain just weird).
    I got so sick and tired of his brother that I told him that whenever I come over don’t talk to me. After that his mom and dad started moving cold with me. When they realized that moving cold wouldn’t make me talk to the brother they tried to move normal again but by that time I had already seen though them and had emotionally detached from them and when they saw that I still wasn’t really paying attention to them (well acting like I wasn’t) they started back moving cold. After I told his bother not to talk to me she waited until my boyfriend left the kitchen a day when I was helping her out and then told me, I don’t want you to get offended or take it personally but ever since brad got a girlfriend he and his brother can’t get along and they’re always quarrelling and if it continues she’s going to go away and never come back and she wants to see how they would cope without her and living with their father alone. Then she started with her cockodile tears and telling me about some story about when she was beaten when she was younger by her step dad and her mom didn’t do anything(which had nothing to do with what we were talking about…but because it works on her son she thought it would work on me). I love my boyfriend so much and I don’t think I could live without him but his parents and brother are sooo deceitful (she went around telling everyone that her son never wants to be home…which is a lie because he is always home since I used to go by him most of the time and he never really came by me that much…now I hardly go to there house and whenever he is at my house she calls nearly every half hour to ask him what he’s doing…and she love to make everyone feel guilty even though they’re doing nothing wrong) I don’t think I can ever see myself having a peaceful relationship with them and my bf I don’t know…like he’s afraid to talk to them…I was just gonna stop going over to their house but I don’t wanna make my boyfriend feel bad…I don’t know what to do!!!!

    • Going NUTS on March 1, 2015

      Sorry this is for you, I accidently posted to the wrong person…I say kill her with kindness, play her game but play it better! This is what she wants to happen, to divide your husband and you….Don’t let her win at her game. Do not say one negative thing to your husband. BUT you do not have to be a part of her life either, let the silence on your end drive her nuts. When and if your husband questions you about his mom, such as why don’t you like her, etc…Just say I don’t dislike your mom I just don’t like how she treats me at times so I am choosing to have some space, but I don’t want to take you away from her, that is your mom. Make him feel like you are on his side and not bashing his mom. Save that for on here or friends…

  65. Going NUTS on March 1, 2015

    Okay I have been dealing with a real beauty myself. When my husband and I first started dating this comment should have been my first red flag. He mentioned that he appreciated how understanding I was about his mom wanting him to take her places all the time because most women in his past didn’t like it. From the get go for every trip we took looking back his mom planned a trip with him. Was I ever invited along, NOPE….When company came to town was I invited out to dinner too, NOPE…She did however write him a letter early in our relationship telling him that she wanted him to split time between us, and that every other weekend she wanted him to take her on drives, or out to breakfast etc….One time his sister called me and told me her mom was crying because my boyfriend choose coming over to my house instead of helping her with some things she needed done. His sister sees through the mom, but he is blinded by guilt. Another time my now husband and I were waiting in line overnight to get a Wii for my kids for Christmas…His mom made a point to call me and casually mention that he had said that he did not want to be doing the all night thing and then casually turned the conversation into how he regreted the break up of his first marriage. After my husband proposed we were at his moms house and she cornered me in the bathroom and told me I didn’t have to marry her son. Then went on to tell me that he got cold feet with his first marriage and tried to back out. This was a total lie because I spoke to the first wife and questioned him about this and they both denied it. I told his sister what had happened and she told me not to take it personal, that mom never really wants him with anyone…Right before the wedding she called me for a lunch date and said she wanted to talk to me about something. I pressed her what it was about. She said I just wanted to talk to you about some things with (I will call him Nick) …That Nick keeps his side of the bed so messy and he is not the clean freak he pretends to be. I declined the whole lunch date, NO THANKS. Since we have been married she calls the house no less than 8 times per day over silly stuff as to why is that fire engine going down the street, or did you see the weather, or will you wake me up at 8:00, are you kidding do you not have an alarm clock????? She is so needy and emotionally dependent on her son that my mom got involved and tried to befriend her to take some of the pressure off. This women has a list of chores for my husband and was calling him over about every other day for something. I finally drew a boundary very nicely I might add and asked her if she could make a once a week list for him and I would make sure he did it. She tried to worm out of it…Well the next week my mom called and said ELLEN has told her I didn’t want my husband doing things for her anymore. HOW CAN YOU TWIST A REQUEST INTO BEING A VICTIM????? Soon after the women went into the hospital from a kidney infection and almost died. I did have sorrow for her at that time and sat there and held her hand and prayed for her. She was moved into a rehabilitation unit until they felt she could pass all the tests to show she was able to do all the things she could do before going in. WELL we all knew in my family that when she got home the neediness would be ten fold. All of a sudden my husband had to go over everyday to open small water bottles. When he solved that problem and started opening a lot at once she moved on to the next thing. Now he has to go over everyday to put eye drops in her eyes…I was feeling it on this end so I kindly asked her again during a conversation that she needed something could you please request it after three when my kids get out of school. That way he could swing by as he is coming home and not interrupt our work schedule. Well when I got home my husband said his mom called him crying and said I made her feel like a burden. There is so much more but I have vented!!

  66. Val on March 30, 2015

    Where do I begin?! It all started when the MIL walked in to an argument me and my husband were having in our own home. She had shown up unannounced and proceeded to kick ME out of MY OWN HOME. My husband still frustrated at me LET HER KICK ME OUT OF MY OWN HOME. I apologized to her that she had to walk in on us arguing which looking back now I realize I had no reason to be apologizing to this woman. She continued to tell me “you can be sorry all you want.” Mind you she had no idea why we were arguing. I went to my mothers home that night being kicked out of my own home. Me and my husband didn’t see each other for 2 weeks after that. I was unbelievably upset. My husband came back to me after the 2 weeks and apologized to me, only to find out the whole time his mother was trying to convince him that I was manipulating and abusive and to leave me. Having no prior problems with me, walking in on one fight branded me abusive and manipulating in her eyes. Obviously my husband knowing me wasn’t buying anything his mother said. During the time me and my husband were separated she had also texted my friends and told them I was manipulative and abusive and how her and her husband never liked me. Even going as far as LYING and saying I had pushed my husband down the stairs! Never has physical, mental, or emotional abuse ever been in my marriage! Of course again, knowing me, my friends didn’t buy it. Once my husband had told his mother him and I were continuing our marriage she had told him she did not respect his decision and that she would not condone a relationship where he was being abused. My husband is very upset as his mother has been ignoring him. Needless to say I feel very helpless and wronged.

  67. MICHELLE on April 13, 2015

    I started dating my boyfriend a little over a year ago, we had mutual friends and hung out a few times, and ended up liking eachothers company more so then i thought or had planned on.. he lived with his mom! .. he already had a daughter with one woman at the time, i loved her more than anything…after a few months of him and i being together he proposed and little after that we found out him and i were going to have a baby…he then left me for his first daughters mom.. why you ask?! because he started working night shift (little did i know i was already pregnant at this time) his mom would always fill his head with lies, stating that i was cheating on him because i would always leave late hours of the night. (which i did, but it was to get away from his mother and i would go to a friends or drive around town until i knew she was asleep.) when he left me i didnt have or want any contact with him but im a small girl to begin with and when i got pregnant with our daughter i only gained about 30 lbs so until i was aobut 8 months pregnant i didnt look pregnant at all.. so his mom was telling him i was faking the entire pregnancy (which shes dumb for trying to say bc he was in the bathroom, watched me take it and seen it was positive.) told him he needed to get a dna test before me and her grandchild were allowed at her house….(which we did!! 99.99% it was his daughter) and the times ive brought her over there, she not once acknowledges her, doesnt text him or i to ask how shes doing, nothing…she told everyone in the family since he moved in with me and FINALLY moved out of her house, that i was using him and i was a bad mom.. this that and the other..they have a joint banking account she monitors all the time..shes just the worst most manipulating woman i ahve ever met! all while she tells everyone in his family i use him.. shes 50 some years old.. doesnt have a job…lives off foodstamps, disability, and money her other son and my boyfriend pay her from time to time to babysit their kids.. ugh! i just wanna go off on her and tell her how much of a conniving b****h she is.

  68. CB on April 28, 2015

    I have to vent as well. My fiance is such a people pleaser, especially when it comes to his mom (thankfully however he is starting to realize his mom is very controlling). They used to be really close then all of a sudden. NOTHING. She never calls, nor returns calls. They used to talk atleast once a day, now it’s once a month….
    One day…we figured it out. My engagement ring was his grandmother’s engagement ring (MIL Mom). I made a VERY small change to it, removed the box that was around the main diamond. She is pissed and missing out on our whole engagement and wedding process OVER NOTHING. Keep in mind his grandmother gave it to him DIRECTLY to give to ME. She had the audacity to have her husband (my fiances stepfather) call my fiance to ask for the “box” of the ring back because “It would mean a lot to your mother”. #annoyed….

  69. GJ on June 2, 2015

    I’ve been married for almost 20 years & one would think my relationship with my MIL would have improved. Well, my FIL was right about his ex when he said in the beginning of my marriage to his son, “You can’t change the nature of the beast” & “You know she will never like you because in her eyes you ‘stole’ her son away.”
    From interfering with how we raise our two boys, to rearranging furniture in our house when she used to babysit, to never acknowledging me as her DIL when introducing me to strangers ( after introducing her son and grandkids she would say, ” and this is….” often her voice would trail off uncomfortably to where I would end up introducing myself), to coming over unannounced & staying later than the average guest should. Obviously too much to mention but after all these years I’ve come to realize that her pattern of behavior has a lot to do with her own insecurities & anxiety & not a result of me as a person. When my husband & I got married she was going through a divorce (a whole different story but shouldn’t be surprising considering her emotional makeup). She also has rheumatoid arthritis & takes a cocktail of medications (Did I mention she likes to mix alcohol with her meds if an opportunity presented itself?) On top of all this, she is a natural alpha dog- type personality who is very opinionated, judge mental and proud. She cannot maintain long term friendships & often gives in to anger when other people cross her the wrong way. There were times when she has caused a significant amount of strain in our marriage to where I wanted out.
    Having some insight on her behavior sure doesn’t make my life any easier but it has helped me to cope by avoiding her or limiting my contact with her when necessary. Talking to her doesn’t work- some people are just stuck in their ways. I’ve just learned to basically ‘deal with it’ & know that spending my valuable time with people who value me is more important than trying to gain approval from a MIL who only wants you to be as miserable as she is.

    • ALC on June 8, 2015

      GJ – I feel your pain. My mother-in-law is also a miserable person. She has been through a lot in the last few years including illness which has led her to be dependent on and, we suspect, addicted to prescription drugs. When she’s not wandering around in a drug-induced haze she does everything she can to remind everyone how horrible her life is and tell stories about all the awful things that have ever happened to her. She has driven a wedge between her family and my father-in-law’s family and she is absolutely miserable to everyone except her own sisters (when she speaks to them she magically becomes a happy, normal human being). I love your reminder to spend time with people who value you and add value to your life – when I’m around my MIL there is a constant cloud of negativity, but she has made me examine my own behavior and I try to be MORE positive when she is around. It helps me to ignore her attempts to bring everyone down. I am also fortunate that my husband recognizes how toxic she is and he is on my side always. This woman tried as hard as she could to hold him back and belittle him – he says a lot that he is so glad he found my family, we have shown him what a loving family is like.

  70. Stressy on June 15, 2015

    Hi, it is amazing reading through these stories, I thought I had the worst MIL but there seems to be even worse ones about!
    Here’s my story, since my husband and I became engaged the little digs at me started. I became pregnant soon after the engagement and it was unplanned, but my MIL believes to this day, (20+ years on) that I got pregnant on purpose to trap her son. She even asked me this very question on my wedding day! She constantly puts me down with little digs such as, “I worked when I had children, I didn’t sit about at home like you do”, (even though she had her mother to watch the little ones whereas she would never babysit for us, never mind watch them whilst I worked). The in laws helped us move house, (well came to nosey) and I was pregnant at the time and she made comments such as, “why bother hanging those jeans up, they will never fit you again”, etc and this is what it has been like all the time. She always said these nasty things out of earshot of my husband though.
    My husband had a very miserable childhood, his parents divorced when he was small and when his mother got a new chap my husband was told to call his father by his first name and the new chap ‘Dad’ since he didn’t need two fathers, despite his real father regularly seeing him. He never spoke to his mother and step father and always felt domineered by his mother, she would turn everything around to be about her and she still does that now. If you challenge her about anything she says or does that’s upsetting, somehow she becomes the victim and everyone is upsetting her. She had a holiday booked when I gave birth and apparently I did that on purpose!! She tries to convince everyone what a great mother and grandmother she is, yet she barely knows our children and only comes over a few times a year to get something to talk about to her friends and even then, it’s only on her way to or from somewhere she happens to be going to anyway.
    She appears very dutiful in that she remembers birthdays etc, but only a card posted out, she wouldn’t dream of bobbing over to see her grandchild or phone them etc. One time we forgot her birthday because we had a lot on at that time and the flood gates opened about how badly she was thought of and treated. how she can’t have been a good Mother and she can’t understand why her son would forget his own mother’s birthday etc. the emotional blackmailing went on and on for weeks!
    She is just a nightmare, I cannot understand why she wants no connection with her own grandchildren but then tries to manipulate everything, the in laws even copy everything that we have or do, but obviously better or more expensive shall we say! It is so bizarre, our counsellor, when we hit a rough spot said that we would never be able to figure the MIL out, she is just self obsessed and manipulative and want’s everyone to put her first and adore her, which is very true.
    So now after a huge ding dong, we don’t even speak to either of them and it suits me fine. I do feel sorry for my husband though, it literally took him 15 years to realise that she didn’t care a hoot about his children, she just needed their info to gossip about to friends or to make herself look like a doting grandparent, he made excuses up for her all the time and it broke his heart when realisation finally set in.

  71. gitika on July 18, 2015

    my father in law is having 3 extramarital affairs n situation is becoming worse n worse .My husband is under depression .They use abuse language n my mother in law is with him.Don’t know what to do n how to tackle with the situation. At present me n my husband r running a coaching center. I can’t anybody as it will affect my work .Tell me some way to get out from this situation or I will go mad

  72. Francesca on July 28, 2015

    Thank goodness for this post and all the comments here! It is so nice to know I’m not alone dealing with MIL craziness!
    My future MIL (the wedding is in several months) was a wonderful, pleasant person at the beginning of our relationship but it seems like the more serious we got, the worse she got and once we got engaged the crazy just poured out! I made the mistake of accepting their offer to pay for most of our (small, intimate, DIY, non-fancy) wedding because my family is dirt poor, and it has been nonstop since then. Despite the fact that we are only inviting our closest friends and family and my cousins aren’t even invited, she insisted on inviting 5 COUPLES of her friends who I’ve never met and my fiancé doesn’t even like. I gave in because she they are paying for it and she said those friends usually throw a bridal shower for each woman’s kid or their fiancée and she would feel weird if they weren’t invited to the wedding itself. Then, she asked if I could fly home (to a different continent from where we live) for the shower. I said I wasn’t sure and I’d have to look at my finances and get back to her. Somehow she took that as a no and told all her friends I didn’t want to come to a shower, and when I tried to clarify she said it was too late and that they would all be busy on the month that I could come (this is 5 months prior, btw.) she made me feel like I was begging for charity, wen I was only asking because she had said she wanted to. She insists on being included in planning, but completely fails to do anything and everything we agree on her doing. We lost the rental company we wanted because she said she’d contact them and never did, she was unhappy with my menu selections so she said she’d call the caterer to tell her what SHE wanted on the menu and never did (luckily the caterer called me when she got another request for our date so we didn’t lose that vendor too!).
    The crowning moment, and what prompted me to google search “mother of groom actin crazy before the wedding” and end up on this site, was an email I received from her today. It was forwarded to me, originally she sent it to her friends, thanking them for the “shower in ______ and Francesca’s honor.” THE STRANGERS WHO WILL BE AT MY WEDDING THREW THE MOTHER OF THE GROOM A SHOWER IN OUR HONOR AND DIDN’T INVITE US TO IT!!! What the ****? Who throws a shower for the mother of the groom? Who throws a shower I honor of a bride but doesn’t invite her to it? Who thinks that’s okay after I specifically told her I was willing to fly over? Clearly the whole “shower” thing is more about a bunch of self-absorbed mothers celebrating themselves, they just use the bridal shower title to justify it.
    Thank goodness my family is having a bridal shower that I’m actually invited to, so I’m looking forward to that at least.
    So yeah, that’s my story. I hope that once the weddjng is over she goes back to normal but all of this has made me worry what it will be like when we have kids!

  73. Christine on August 12, 2015

    So Here we go time to vent and hopefully get some suggestions…. My MIL to be is crazy lol always has been. She has made it very clear for the 6 year my fiancé and I have been together that she is not my biggest fan…. really I don’t care that much I’m not fond of her either… but we can remain cordial as my fiancé and I have clearly stated that I’m not going anywhere and she will have to deal.
    But now we are getting married!!!
    So being that we have a strained relationship I am hesitant to let her in on our big day at all but out of respect for my husband to be I have to let her in. So we decided we would give her small task in the beginning to see how she does with that then if she is good then let her in more. first thing was she wants to make our cake. finance and I don’t care about having a cake at all really so we say ok, but it will have to be one we want and she does not have free rain. she agrees… I send her a picture of the cake I want as well of the fun cake topper I found and purchased now that we are having a cake. the response we get (through my fiancé of course she wouldn’t dare think of me as the main planner of my own wedding lol) is that it is tacky and DISGUSTING!!! yep those are the words she used. as well engagement party she wants to do the food…. fine by me again I don’t really care she’s good at food so fine do it. when asking about details we mentioned our party colour theme again tacky and disgusting. and she is “offering” more telling us that she will bring decorations etc that are more appropriate and demanding photos of the venue so she can decide how to set up tables and such….. my fiancé has told her that wee don’t need any of this and thanks but no thanks but in a passive aggressive way as he does. I just don’t know how to go on with out calling her up and blowing a gasket. she likes to use money as a threat. saying well she is financially do this so she should be aware of all the details (when we never asked her to contribute anything ever she’s always volunteered). just crazy. we are a month away from the engagement party and a year from our wedding I want to sort her out before she ruins [planning a wedding for me all together!! what do I do??

    • Jenny on August 15, 2015

      If this is a dream believe me i don’t wish to wake up,After 10years of relationship with my lover Tom Walker, he just decided to have a divorce with me because he was having an affair with another lady and the lady told him to break up with me so she can come and take my position. when Tom told me that he was no longer interested that he is tired of me i was like after 10years now you are tired of me so the next thing was a letter from the lawyer saying Tom said he needs a divorce when i saw the letter, tears rushed out of my eye. i composed my self and said wow this world has turned round against me.So i decided to try all my possible best until one day when i was listen to the radio where i saw people giving testimony how there divorce was cancelled within 24 hours i was like this is same problem am having, i just heard people testifying in the name of this great man called Prophet Abbas for what he has done for them, how he has helped them to bring back there lover. i waited for the problem to finish and they dropped Prophet Abbas cell number and email,Immediately i sent an email and gave Prophet Abbas a call and shared my problem with him he just told me not to worry that he assures me that Tom will tell the lawyer to cancel the divorce within 24 hours, all i need to do was follow his instruction for some terms .what Prophet Abbas said came to past. Within 24 hours there was a call from tom crying that he his just coming from the lawyers office that he does not need a divorce anymore that he wants me back home that he his sending that lady away. when he said that i was so happy, now Tom came home brought all document and told the lawyer that he his willing everything to me and that he wants me to be the right owner of everything he owns i was so happy,I bless the day i heard of Prophet Abbas, knowing him was never a regret.i wish i could say all he did for me but i am very grateful for his help to my family. please clean your tears, Prophet Abbas is here to solve your problem you can contact him on prophetabbas @ hotmail . com

  74. JMP on August 25, 2015

    I had known prior to my engagement that my now fiance’s mother was overbearing. She is Italian (as am I) and has three sons and a husband with absolutely no backbone.

    Fairly regularly, my fiance and I would be guilt-tripped into coming over for dinner, going on vacation with them, or attending a family event. We have had several blow out fights and I can honestly say 95% of them have been about how his mother guilt trips him and ends up getting her way.

    There was once a time where my fiance said no to something, she pestered him and he gave in. He walked away from the table and with a smirk on her face she looked at me and said, “Well, that was easy”.

    After we got engaged, the guilt trips and overbearing traits hit a high. Most recently, my fiance’s recently divorced cousin asked if he could have a plus 1 (some girl he met at a bar 3 weeks ago) to our wedding. We told him we were currently maxed out, but that we would wait for RSVP’s to come in and reassess our final numbers. The cousin called to complain to his father (my MIL’s brother) and sh*t hit the fan. Over the course of 2 weeks, my fiance had tried to hold strong; talking to his mother for a total of over 3 hours trying to make her understand why we had said no. Last night, my MIL sent my FIL to our home with a direct order to “fix it”. When he went home to tell her we hadn’t changed our minds and were still waiting for RSVPs, she said my fiance and I were dead to her, that she wouldn’t come to our wedding and that she wanted a divorce from my FIL because he didn’t remedy the situation to her liking. Her mother (crazy Italian nonna) was crying about it because “she didn’t want to die with her family being ripped apart”. Give me a f***ing break.

    This b**** is so incredibly disrespectful to the decision my fiance and I had made together and manipulative. I’m honestly fearful to become a part of their family. I hate being guilt tripped, black mailed and disrespected. What happens when something bigger in life happens?! Is she going to pull the “I’m going to kill myself card”?

    My fiance tried to defy her, but the idea of his family being mad at him kills him. How can I make him see that it’s all just a ruse to get what they want?

    • Beth on September 3, 2015

      Well i would like to say ive sat down and read all of the comments all day into the night and this post started in 2014 wow mil really suck and mine is aweful this is my second big relationship which i thought he loved me but second guessing that at the moment!my mil is a boss at big company so she thinks she runs everything!Were not married were engaged 8 years now .everything was good in the beginning we have two kids and i have one from the first one anyway he hide her passive aggersiveness from all started when my oldest was having issues and tryed to fit in my mil called him names made him feel bad .i was mad but kept away as much as possible .Then my son got sick and ened up in hospital he has a mental illness i dont drive and asked to get a ride to the hospital they laughed my mil laughed and said he only has anose bleed he just causing problems again.As that was happening are house we rented had mold and we had to move out. We moved with her and sence they wouldnt drive me to my son i went to my mothers for ride.Well my so ended up with skitsophnia and i had to help him he come home to my mothers Well my mil said i coulnt come back to her house if we want to live togeather he had to move out!my mil stated acting as my kids mother i begged to come back all i got was no! my mil on the first day of my younged kindergarden got my son dress even though i was there i was helping my daughter for amin than she told everyone i never took interest in my s0ons first day i was so mad but i tryed to stay calm be nice andnot insult her even though by now i waned to punch her i couldnt handle my husband not sticking up to him its been three years now my mil now has both her sons and my kids.shes been married 3 times and divorsed i cant win!Im allowed to come two weeks out of the minth summer been better they come to alot but my mil justed on my 12 yr old treating her badly my huband takes her side calls me crazy everthings about me my daughter wants to move with me now because her drunk uncle they deny any things wrong only i make big deal of nothing my mil is a controling bitch and i should leave my husband but i love him my mil pays car insurence bills why would he move out i feel trapped so hurt and cant believe my mil can look her self in the mirror she never asked about my other son my dughter told her last night your not my mother your my granmother and of course sha came to us ans said how dare she talked to me like that, im done but my husband kisses her ass they should get married my mil had two kids by the time she was15 so i think mentally that she thinks shes the wife i dont know how to do it any more ive been more than nice and patient!

  75. Beth on September 3, 2015

    Sorry for the misspelling i also forgot to say weve been togeather 16 yrs and my oldest so has moved out and doing great so im left with no kids! Its been really hard to keep it togeather and i have been in counciling for 3 yrs my mil is starting to call my daughter a lyer and i tryed so hard for this too work done nothing to my mil shes just mean she lyes about everything changing my daughters words telling me when i mentioned my brother inlaws drinking that i over react and my daughter is so fed up i would let her live with me but my moms losing her house and i cant afford it so im stuck . and talking to my mil like talking in riddles omg please anyone rading pray for mr never in a million years ever after surving a ausive relationship and having my other kids getting engaged did i ever think this could happen thank god i was taught the right way

  76. Anony on September 18, 2015

    I need some words of encouragement from anyone who has that kind of mil. Here’s my story.. About a couple years ago the mil said to me “I like that I can get *SO* mad and he takes it out on you not me”. Wtf?! I lost all respect for her after that. Being that we(so and two perfect kids) live with the mil and fil I just kept the relationship emotionally unattached yet still being civil but cautious when dealing with her. It took me a while to see that she is very manipulative and evil. I have to say I have a terrible poker face and I am not very good hiding my feelings. So needless to say she caught on to me. She now has all her family members too not like me. They ignore me when I’m around and if I am acknowledged then it’s short. Which they aren’t really much of a thought to me because little do they know I get the last laugh. I say that because I have heard her say very awfully mean things about them all. Back to the mil.. She has made herself the victim and me look like the b***h. My so even will yell at me because the mil told him something that never happened. I am at wits end with her but I feel like she’s winning this battle and I may consider divorce. My so has told me he will never choose me over his mom which I would never never do that to anyone. I love my mom so much and I have two little ones that I will never come between a mother and child. The messed up thing about so is that he talks bad about her too but the few little times I did he became furious. So I am now left to deal with all these mixed emotions and feelings alone. I have no one to talk to about what I have to deal with and it really is taking a toll on me. I would love to talk to a therapist but can’t. I know moving out is the best thing and we are very soon. Yay! But now she has been saying she is taking the spare bedroom in our new house and she will be over every night for dinner :/ I feel like she’s out to take my happiness away from me. Dealing with the mil has made me angry at myself because I can’t get myself to cope with her crazy ways. I am a very easygoing, calm person and I use to be good at not letting other people affect me in a negative way. That was until she outed herself that she’s pretty much out to cause tension in my marriage and I hate to say she’s doing a good job at it.
    Sorry that I’m all over the place with my writing. I really would love to hear any thoughts and/or suggestions whether it’s sincere or not on your honest opinion of my situation. There so much more to my story but I have to stop somewhere before it gets way too long. So thanks in advance for reading my rant :)

    • Jacqueline on September 24, 2015

      After reading your post I can relate. It’s hard when there’s a double standard and your partner can bitch about his mom but you can’t. But in a way I agree. I understand how frustrating it is and how much you want to get it out but bitching to him about her is probably the worst thing you can do. He will feel like you’re attacking his mom, even if you’re right. A therapist is a great idea, there are even some university programs that offer therapy session for very low cost. At least that way you can get it out. Writing you post is a start.

      Whatever you do you can’t let her win. Don’t let her get between you and your partner. Its your marriage not hers. He’s with you for a reason! No matter what she does or what she says, you are in control of your own life.

      If you could find a way to spend less time with her it would help, but that is something you will have to negotiate with your partner. Maybe letting him know that you need some time with him for the sake of your marriage and that his mother is still welcome but just not every night as its overwhelming might be a good way to approach it.

      And don’t show her that she’s getting to you. Act like you don’t care. If she says something negative, deflect. If you’re at a family function and people are ignoring you, insert yourself in the conversation. You’re aloud to have your piece… you’re their family too. Be pleasant and don’t show resentment or negativity. And as much as it kills you, just fake it! This will allow you to balance the power a little more.

      I’m sorry I can’t be of more help… but I have found that this has helped me! I even took up kick boxing before my pregnancy to get out my aggression. Just hang in there, I know its impossible and there’s many of us that understand and feel the same way! Good luck!

  77. Jacqueline on September 24, 2015

    WOW! I look at all these posts and honestly I feel better. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one as silly as that sounds. I have the mother in law from hell who I is a manipulator, a liar, dramatizer, control freak, judge, ex obsessed, and down right just not like anyone I have ever met.

    I must admit, I’m usually good in tough situations but this woman has exhausted everything I know about conflict resolution and even basic customs.

    I’m 7 months pregnant and have been with my guy a year and a half. We’re both very excited and she was too except for the fact that she spends her time putting past issues with her other daughter in laws on me. I actually got into a fight with her yesterday, which for me is weird because I’m not a fighter. I’m easy going and can usually go with the flow. But everytime I tried to stear the conversation in a more positive direction or let her know I’m not interested in fighting she would start screaming at me and dramatizing the smallest details. In her eyes I cannot do anything right. I kept my calm and never yelled back because its not my nature and I’m just completely against that. But the things she said were hurtful, untrue and really below the belt. By the time I got home I was crying in my boyfriends arms telling him what happened and letting him know I’m done for a while. I don’t want to talk or see her for a bit. It’s too upsetting. I even had to call my sister in law who lives exactly what I do, to calm me down. I still just don’t understand how women like this get away with their behaviour. You’d think you’d want to get close to woman who is with your son and is having a child with him. Not alienate her. If it were up to me I would have no more contact with her and cut her out of my life because people like that are a poison, but I’m a family oriented person and for better or for worse she is my boyfriends mom and my soon to be born son’s grandmother. I need to find a way to live with her. I just never thought I would be in this situation or have to deal with such a horrible person. It breaks my heart.

    For years she has manipulated my boyfriend by controlling his bank account, doing his taxes, taking charge of all his bills, she shops with his ex for the child they have together and spends all his money. She encourages the ex to spend more then she should because he can afford. She even has the gaul to call me and tell me that I… not him I owe her money because she had to pay for something for her grandson. I just told her to take it up with my boyfriend and that it wasn’t my place… which I don’t feel it is. THe one positive thing I did was make an agreement with my bf and have him talk to his ex and have her agree that in the future is she needs something for their son she is to call and talk to him first and they can agree on the amount before she goes out. And there is no more racking up bills with my mother in law that are exorbident and have no paper trail. She’s a French Quebec single mom who is protective of her three boys… to the point of taking away any independence they could hope to have. I’m frustrated with her and I don’t know how to live with someone like this. Her intentions are not good and I’m scared for my son to be. I’ve seen the damage she does and I want to protect my son from that at all cost.

    How to people like this exist!!!

  78. Evie on September 27, 2015

    Hey everyone! :) My boyfriend and I have been together for over 2 years, and began our relationship after being good friends for several years. We get on really well and love each other more than anything. I haven’t experienced any conflict with his mum, and she’s always been lovely to my face, but I’m scared that she isn’t as nice as she seems. She and my boyfriend’s dad divorced over a year ago and ever since she has been extremely clingy and needy with my boyfriend (who is her eldest son) – constantly needing him to take care of his younger siblings, getting him to do loads of jobs around the house etc. This has caused my boyfriend to have to cancel plans with me because he’s really kind and will do anything for his mum and family. Even so he always puts me first and makes sure that he sees me as much as possible, and he never fails to be sweet and loyal to me.

    I just can’t help getting angry with his mum when she takes advantage of his kind nature and guilt trips him into doing what she wants. It feels like she’s trying to fill the gap left by her ex husband with my boyfriend, who seems to have to act more like a father to his younger siblings than an older brother. I love my boyfriend even more for stepping up, but I do not want him to be taken advantage of. My boyfriend and I are both on gap years working and saving up money before we move to the same University next year and get a flat together which I’m really excited for! I’m hoping that when we move in together in a new city next year he’ll finally be able to relax and have the freedom he deserves.

    I’m just worried that in the meantime his parents are putting too much worry and pressure on him – e.g it’s his birthday next month and he wants to us to go for a meal with his family (his mum, dad and younger siblings) but he’s totally stressed out about whether his parents will get on or not and so doesn’t know whether or not to invite them both, which I don’t think is fair on him at all. Both his mum and dad have been extremely welcoming and lovely to me, however I feel that they unfairly expect way too much of my boyfriend and while he loves them both and will do anything for them, they don’t seem to be capable of putting their spiteful feelings for each other aside for a few hours for their son’s birthday which I think is just plain selfish.

    I’m getting really tired of my boyfriend’s mum and dad putting him in the middle and forcing him to be messenger between them, rather than talk together like adults. Earlier this year when my boyfriend and I were both about to sit our exams and needed to revise his mum was seriously a nightmare – making him babysit his siblings so she could go out with her friends on numerous occasions and getting him to do every job she could think of – including cleaning HER car because she couldn’t be bothered! She refuses to let my boyfriend’s dad stay at the house and look after their children – meaning that she constantly relies on my boyfriend to care for them! Loads of times my boyfriend and I have had plans together and we’ve had to cancel and both babysit his siblings instead, which I don’t mind as I love his younger brothers and sisters – but at the end of the day we’re not their parents.

    I can’t help feeling that his mum is jealous of how happy and in love my boyfriend and I are, as she doesn’t seem at all supportive of us moving away next year. I’ve noticed her looking very sour-faced and moody whenever my boyfriend hugs and kisses me, and whenever I phone him and he’s at his mum’s house she constantly interrupts our conversations and seems to want him to hang up on me to do some imaginary ‘job’ she needs him to do!

    She has even come into our room without knocking in the past as she has no boundaries, which I’m happy to say my boyfriend had a word with her about and she hasn’t done it since! Luckily we normally spend time together at my home where my parents are completely respectful of our privacy and love my boyfriend! :) My boyfriend has never said a bad word about his mum or dad and never complains about having to do so many jobs or always looking after his siblings, he always thinks about other people but never about himself. I understand it must be difficult for his parents since their divorce but I can’t help thinking they’re both childish and selfish! My boyfriend pays rent, does all the jobs around the house and cares for his siblings but gets next to no thanks for it!

    My boyfriend and I couldn’t be happier together and often talk about the future and how we’d love to get married someday. I’m just worried that his mum and dad’s behaviour may get much worse over time and I don’t want my boyfriend being caught between them. He’s a strong and capable man, but his mum and dad’s actions have even reduced him to tears in the past which I will not tolerate! To be honest I can’t wait for us to move next year and my boyfriend agrees saying we only have to wait until next year and then things will be better, it’s just the time in between that I’m worried about! I’m terrified I’m going to lose it with his parents and have a go at them, I just want them to grow up and stop relying on my boyfriend to sort out their problems! Any advice would be greatly appreciated! :) xxxx

  79. Gabriella on September 28, 2015

    It’s so good to come across a site to share my stress since I have no one to talk to. My MIL is a total manipulator of my husband and I just stand by while she drives us apart. The trouble is we live in her house and my husband is not willing to leave, since she will be all alone then. She manipulates him by saying how lonely she is when we are at work. Sometimes when i want to go somewhere, she prevents him from joining me making false statements. I have heard so many times her bashing me with my husband when she thought I couldn’t hear. The sad part is my husband tries only to change the subject instead of defending me. I have now gradually got to a point where I do things on my own and live in thae house like a boarder. I do not have children but I am so stressed out that I have even stopped going for fertility treatment. Her wicked words are always in my head and I can’t concentrate on anything else. I have tried many times to be friends with her. But she has wierd mood swings that one day she is fine and the next day morning she is totally grumpy. After stressing about those mood swings I decided I am going to just ignore her and talk only when spoken to. Now her latest complaint is that I only talk with my husband and not her. I am worried about my marriage due to my stress level and my husband’s lack of support and him not understanding that we are being emotionally manipulated.

    • Brittany on September 29, 2015

      Have you explained to him that you would never let anyone talk about him the way he allows her to talk about you? Put it back on him and let him realize he should stand up for you. If he really is a mama’s boy and is willing to take her side over yours, maybe take a little vacation to a friend’s or family member’s to take a breath and let him know you would love to be his wife, but that means he has to honor you by defending you even against his mother. Maybe the short absence will give him a taste of what it is like without you and he will be lonely with just his mother to keep him warm… I wish you well!

  80. Stephanie on September 28, 2015

    Well, I must say there is a lot of problems and I know the feeling. It looks good at first and then everything just turns into hell. I have been married 6 months now and my daughter is soon to be 7 months old. During my pregnancy my MIL has always been there helping me, encouraging me etc. Mostly because my pregnancy was complicated. My now husband and I have been living with her in her home for almost a year and things were ok…. At least untill i made my baby. After birth was drama, I live it today. She literally tries to own my child. My daughter was 3 months premature and after a month in ICU and barely a week home my MIL gave my child cake… Like seriously…who does that sh*t??? After that she insisted that I get a job, which I ended up doing with persuasion from my husband. I was working seven days a week from 8-9 without my child. my day off I wanted to be with her but my MIL made it an issue that I “lock away the child in my room with me whole day” or that shedoesn’t get to see her child. When i explained myself she said that if I am so tired she would take the baby at nights too, like when would i have time with my child then? My husband does not see any of it as a problem. I hear my MIL on the phone talking that she is tired because she has a baby to take care of day and night and then telling my husband to leave the baby with her. Now my daughter can’t sit up on hr own but she is forcing my husband to put her in a walker. anything she says he does, like a perfect son, and it gets to me. Other than over involving herself and dictating how to live life and take care of my child she reaches to the point of using her son against me. She does her own thing during the day and in front me, but when he is home she doesn’t knowing that if I complain to him I would look as though I’m causing trouble. This has been going on until her husband as my so ccalled significant other if I have a split personality..LIKE WHAT THE HELL???? I have reached the breaking point and it keeps causing arguments in my marriage till the thought of leaing her house is not an answer. why? Because she does not want him to leave…and she keeps telling me this over and over like a horror movie…LIKE MY GOD PLEASE!!!! We have attempted to leave on several occasions but have been stopped due to her begging him not too. I know she does not like me but in front of everyone she is this saint that says “You are not my daughter in law but my daughter because I accept you” I swear I will trip the net time she messes with me…..

    • Brittany on September 29, 2015

      Oh you have no idea how much I understand your predicament! I feel for you I really do, but take it from someone who snapped at their MIL, it is best to keep your calm. I know it is easier said than done, but the second you give in to her and say what you really feel, she will use it against you to play the victim. Your best bet is to get your husband on your side somehow. Tell him you can’t stay there forever because you are not children and you want to be the wife he deserves. Explain, you cannot do so when having his mother as the main lady of the house. Put all the pieces together to get out of there and present him with the way out. She is poison and if you stay for too long, you can kiss your marriage goodbye. I wish you well!

      • Stephanie on October 11, 2015

        truthfully I’m trying but he still does not see the real issue that is happening before his eyes. Like today infront of him she called herself mommy for the baby when i told him about it he laughed like nothing is wrong. The sad part is the baby i trying to talk so with MIL doing this habitually the baby will call her mommy and not me. I reached a breaking point with him and he still has a blind eye over the matter. Sometimes his reaction makes me feel like I’m crazy! He definitely is no help right now because he refuses to see truth. He started back with his promises of leaving next year…something I’m about used to hearing right now…since last year I’ve been given a time that we would leave and it never happens. All in all I feel like I’m failing as a mother and a wife…I have no control.

  81. Jessica on September 29, 2015

    My in laws are not so bad. However, there is one thing I can not stand. They smoke pot constantly. My mother in law always says her body hurts and that she needs a smoke. The only problem is she hasn’t educated herself or my father in law, how pot can be harmful to your body. She has gone through with drawal periods where she claims her body hurts more than ever. I know this because she had invited us over frequently during a period of time and couldnt smell it in the house.
    Another problem is that they smoked it in their house when my husband was a kid and when my sister in law was a kid. My sister in law has many psychological issues, bi-polar, anxiety, depression, and i think multiple personality disorder. As she got into high school she realized what that smell actually was, weed.
    My husband and his sister got into a car crash 3 years ago almost 4. And his sister is claiming her leg still hurts from it and she cant sleep at night. She hadn’t gone to see a doctor about her anxiety or depression, instead she goes to a medical marijuana clinic in Ann arbor. I’ve looked up side effects of weed and my actual sister is a doctor to and it is known to make anxiety worse and worsen depression. I explained this to my husband and he doesn’t seem to care that this will harm his sister. Some how my sister in law has obtained a med card, I do not know how because I thought doctors had to recommend medical marijuana. I also know her boyfriend smokes it too.
    But before all of this my sister in law has lived at home on and off, she is 22 years old now, flunked out of college. While she was living at home she would be in her room watching netflix all day smoking weed in her room. I don’y think my mother and father in law knew though because they are use to the smell. She has broken many of her smart phones my in laws have purchased for her and they still keep buying her phones. She had a tantrum last year where she was yelling and kicking and hitting my mother in law, her mom. MY father in law had to hold her down so she wouldn’t hurt anyone. It’s just a huge mess. The smell of that stuff bothers me, it smells nasty, i feel sick when ever i step in their house and not to mention i want to have a family one day. I am going to have to confront them to make sure they don’t smoke when my baby is around and if they want to babysit at their house they can’t because they will have to air out their house days prior to babysitting and I don’t know if i can trust my mother in law to babysit at my house with out smoking weed. A baby’s brain development is so important and i don’t get how they thought and think smoking weed illegally infront of their kids while raising their kids and condoning it is okay. They could have helped my sister in law instead they just let her be and make poor decisions in their house.
    Not to mention my sister in law came to me because she wanted me to help her and take her to see a therapist for her anxiety depression, i said i would and i was happy to. she canceled on me 40 min before the appointment which was in the evening. I had to cancel plans to take her and she didn’t care.
    My in laws are nice people and mean well but I hate the smell of weed and don’t think its good to smoke it and I just don’t know how to tell them I don’t want to come over because it smells. I have talked to my husband about it and he just says then don’t go over. I feel my husband doesn’t understand where I am coming from because he grew up with pot as a kid, he thinks its a norm. Luckily, my husband doesn’t smoke and I told him he won’t ever. Its like all of the information is here of why it is harmful but no one seems to take an interest. I am in the outside uncomfortable wanting to spend time with them but its not like they considering my feelings. That when i step in its harming me and I want a choice and not be forced.
    And my husband wants to host christmas this year at our house and a few of his aunts smoke and his in laws and now my 22 year old sister in law has a med card. Its like, I am going to have to tell alll of these people to not smoke on my property and risk them not liking me.. They aren’t considerate for those who don’t smoke. This may not seem like a huge issue but I don’t know what else to do.
    Any advice for me would be great, I don’t want to offend them and have them think I’m entitled or anything. I just don’t know how to tell them and then have everything change for the worse and then them not approve of me anymore.

  82. Bec on October 26, 2015

    My heart aches for all of you…i was searching for help for a friend and found this thread, and i want to being up the term Borderline Personality Disorder. BPD is a diagnosis that many or most of these MILs fit, from my experience, and i highly encourage you to seek a therapist who specializes in BPD, and meet with them first by yourself and then with your fiance… It will provably save your relationship, as well as give you the tools to survive in the family.

    My cousin is BPD, my friend’s future MIL, and my other friend’s ex. The book “Stop Walking on Eggshells” is amazing, and recommended by clinical specialists for non-BPD family members.

    My friend’s MIL routinely verbally abuses her son and husband, is foul-mouthed and inappropriate, highly manipulative, “splits” where she remembers situations and conversations differently from others, gambles and doesn’t work but complains about money, leaves rambling voice mails ama emails that vascillate between disowning him and pleading for love and forgiveness… There’s more, and worse, but i want to protect her anonymity.

    Anyway, there IS help, and your partner likely doesn’t know he’s netting manipulated to suck sign extent. If he often says “it’s just easier to go skiing and keep the peace”, no, it’s not… You can have a relationship AND stop the manipulation – you funny have to choose!

    Good luck to you all…

  83. Bec on October 26, 2015

    I hate autocorrect… The last paragraph should read, … Your partner likely doesn’t know he’s being manipulated to such an extent. If he often says, “it’s just easier to go along and keep the peace,” no, it’s not. You can have a relationship AND stop the manipulation – you don’t have to choose!

  84. C on December 15, 2015

    OMG Toxic in laws…. yep. I have been married a little under a year now and ever since I met my husband, they have made my life a living hell. The basically tried to ruin our marriage and did everything they could to be unpleasant. Calling me fat and calling my husband a gold digger. It was the most hurtful experience of my life and I have never been exposed to such hatred from adults. They did not speak to us for 8 months after teh wedding except twice complaining that i wasn’t writing my thank you ntoes fast enough adn they didn’t get any cake. My husband couldn’t even find his mom at the wedding for the mother son dance. They are cray cray. Everything about them is dark. I have since grown much more faithful and close to God. I realized I could not face this alone and needed a Jesus. So that’s a good thing! It has actually achieved the opposite effect as they had wished- my husband and i are stronger and closer than ever. We have learned how to communicate and be patient and loving with each other. I know this issue will never go away but my husband and I have the power to control how we react—- best reaction is no reaction. Crazy people love to start things and if you don’t give them ammo, they can’t shoot!

  85. Gabby on December 21, 2015

    That’s just awful. My mother in law never liked me and it always hurt my feelings. She will ignore me when I talk to her and my husband has to literally repeat every word I say right after me for her to hear me. She does not make eye contact with me when I talk to her, but I look at her and can see her rolling her eyes about what I say (the few times she is listening). She constantly references my husband’s ex girlfriends and she is friends with a few of them on Facebook. She talks about how great and wonderful they are. But she doesn’t really know them well and a couple of them are major crack cocaine addicts, but of course they are still better to her than me. She will even talk about how successful one of them is as a Starbucks barista and I’m a teacher, but I’m not good enough because I’m not from her small town. Everytime we visit her in her small town, we run into local girls that went to high school with my husband and we have friendly chats with them. As soon as the girl(s) are out of sight, my MIL will look straight at my husband as if I’m not there and start talking about them being gorgeous and how wonderful they are. But she doesn’t say it in a friendly way, it’s like she is telling my husband that he needs to be with them and not me. It’s something that you would have to be there to understand. She is very passive aggressive and indirect. It took years of her passive aggressive behavior for us to pick up on her patterns and realize that she always talks to my husband about various single girls.

    She has two daughters who are both married but one is in the process of divorce because he had been cheating on her for 6+ years with prostitutes in Iowa. But guess what? My MIL will praise him on what a good father he is and how he is a better parent than me. WTF. I didn’t ever cheat on my husband, but I’m the evil one. I guess if I saw a prostitute almost daily then maybe she’d like me too. By the way, she never has tried to get to know me and just has her judgmental opinions about me. When she wants to know something about me, like what foods I like to eat, she asks her cheating son in law about it. It’s so creepy, I’ve met the guy a handful of times, yet she asks him about my preferences instead of just asking me.

    She has told my husband to leave me before and has told me this last year that I could leave him if I wanted to after I mistakenly confided in her about a marital problem a couple months back. My fault, I learned my lesson. I thought she would be a normal person and offer help, I didn’t know she would tell us to end our marriage. We’ve been married almost 12 years, so I don’t find it likely that we will ever get divorced. We like to solve our problems and become stronger through the years. In fact, many of our problems were a direct result of her rude comments she would make to my husband about me when I wasn’t around. My husband and I would argue and I would ask him what the heck happened to make him so upset with me. He would finally admit what his mom told him and he’d end up feeling bad for listening to her. She is manipulative with him that way. She’ll talk about me when I’m in the room like I’m not there. its always critical of me. She makes passive aggressive comments and when I tell her something was hurtful, she turns it around and plays the victim. She tells me I’m overreacting or she didn’t mean it that way even though everyone around knows she did mean it the mean way. Then there are time where she flat out calls me names and makes fun of me. If I confront her about her direct comments, she says she was just joking. She criticizes me and when I defend myself, she tunes me out. She literally does not listen to me. There have been times when I was in the middle of talking to her when she picks up her phone and calls someone else to talk to. I’m left sitting there in mid sentence and shocked that she could do that. She will talk to everyone in a room except for me and then if anyone else talks to me she interrupts and takes over because she doesn’t want anyone to talk to me. When someone pays me a compliment, she tells the person something to criticize me to take away the compliment. It’s for every single tiny thing! If someone says I have a nice smile, she says it’s only because I had braces. If someone compliments my hair, she tells them I spent a lot of money at the salon (which I don’t, I get a haircut once a year). By the way, she has only ever given me one compliment ever since I’ve known her! It was when my son was born. She told me I did good and that’s all. The only compliment I’ve ever received from her!!! I have a good memory too, so I can tell you every conversation I’ve ever had with her.

    Currently, we are visiting her for the holidays, but this is the last straw. I can’t take it anymore. I have a lot of friends in this small town and a lot of the residents like me as I’ve built some great friendships. When we arrived, my MIL picked us up from the airport and I went in to hug her after she hugged my husband, but she looked at me and then turned away from me. I looked like an idiot with open arms ready to hug her and I felt stupid. I eventually just hugged her anyway and acted like it was nothing. But I’m in my first trimester of pregnancy and my emotions kicked in and I cried all night for it. The following morning I told her good morning which she said back, but she didn’t say anything else to me the rest of the day and I just felt so hurt because I try so hard to get her to like me, but she could care less for me. It just really hurts. So I confided in a friend about the hug incident and what her opinion was. That’s when everything came in. My friend would’ve never told me otherwise, because she felt it unnecessary to hurt my feelings. But she had gotten upset about my MIL and that I’m still nice to my MIL. She told me that my MIL had been criticizing my parenting skills around town for not having my baby on a schedule when he was 4 months old and that I never change my babies diapers. There were other girls there who each chimed in about how everyone in town knows my MIL doesn’t like me and it’s no secret. They told me to stay strong and to start standing up for myself. They said I need to stop her everyone she says something negative to me and make sure she doesn’t get away with it because it will go on forever if I allow it. I took their advice and started the next day intent on not letting a single negative comment slip by. So here’s why I’m officially ending my relationship with her after this visit:

    Today started with her trampling through the house as loudly as possible, slamming doors, blasting the volume on the tv, making huffy puffy upset sounds to show her anger, pouring dog food next to my head, etc. I was sleeping on the couch because I’m having bad morning sickness and it’s helpful for me to not sleep on the stinky bedsheets that smell like mildew (I forgot to mention she is a hoarder and her house smells disgusting and looks just as bad). Anyways, she got more and more upset because I was not moving from the couch and was not bothered one bit by all her noise. I am used to sleeping in noisy situations and I’m fine just lying there and can go back to sleep easily. Haha to her for her failed attempt. Anyhow, she left for church and when she came back, she slammed the doors and screamed as loudly as she could,”time to get up!” In a super irritated angry voice. I know it upsets her that we slip in when we visit, but we live on opposite coasts and the jet lag is hard on us so we fall asleep at 2 AM and wake up at 11 AM when we are here (our time that’s 8 AM and we are on vacation, so why get up that early if we fell asleep late). After that my husband leaves to get antifreeze for the car. That’s when she finally starts to talk to me. When no one else is around so there are no witnesses. She starts going in on me about my sons allergies. He is only 16 months old. She prints me a 20 page list of things I can and can’t feed my child because he severely allergic to dairy. She told me to stop reading the labels at the grocery store and to use her list as reference. I told her no matter what I will always read the labels on food because the ingredients can change and I’m not going to memorize all the foods in the grocery store. She told me that she is an expert on allergies and I need to listen to her and only get things from that list! She insisted that my child’s reactions were all foods that I was feeding him because I didn’t know they had dairy in them. I told her, that there was never a time that I didn’t know where his reaction came from. He has had about 8 reactions and we know exactly what caused it each time. The first 5 reactions were from before he was allergy tested and the 3 times after were from accidental exposures of people feeding my son things like garlic bread. We are very careful now and make sure to let all our friends know so that no more accidental feedings happen. My MIL does not believe me of course and keeps saying that my child has reactions all the time that I don’t know about from the food I’m feeding him. Like she can see what happens 3,000 miles away. It was getting ridiculous and she was starting to raise her voice to me. Then she goes and grabs some food we give him where it says on the label that it may contain milk. I hadn’t even given him that food, but she insisted he was having a reaction to that. he never ate it, but according to her, he was having an allergic reaction to it right then and there. I couldn’t believe this was happening. She went on and on about it and how she was an expert and I know nothing about my son’s allergies. She finally yelled at me, ” I’m not arguing with you!” I was dumbfounded. My husband came back and she stopped. I told my husband what happened, but he left again to fix the car some more. I was like “oh crap, I’m alone with her again.” My son has had a cold the past couple of days (I guess that’s what she thinks is the allergic reaction) and she told me I need to take him to the hospital. I told her that under the age of two they don’t prescribe any medication and they don’t do anything for a cold. Then she started looking up emergency rooms in the area and said we need to take him ASAP. I told her that we’ve taken him with a cold that was ten times worse and we were just told to keep him hydrated and to use a humidifier, saline solution, and a bulb syringe for excess music. It’s basic easy stuff, but his cold wasn’t even bad enough to need that. He could still breathe through his nose. He had a sore throat from coughing and she proceeded to fill his water cup with ice cold water from the fridge. I told her it was too cold for his sore throat and that it hurts him, but she shoved it in his face and he pushed her back because he hates cold water and I know (because I’m his mom) that it hurt his throat. She then proceeded to berate me for not keeping my son hydrated and that I was endangering him. I also didn’t let him drink the water because it came from the extremely moldy brita water pitcher in her fridge. I only found out it was moldy because I drank it and almost threw up from the disgusting taste and then I looked at it. All of it is covered in mold! Anyways, I had bought gallons of filtered water from the store to give him instead and he drank it just fine. Then I went to sit with my son on the rocking chair where he proceeded to rest his head on me, but was still coughing profusely. My MIL came and yanked him from my arms even though I was trying to hold on to him. She started talking to my son like I wasn’t there. She was telling him how she would be the one to take care of him and make him feel better. What a B****! Then she told him she was going to take him outside. I asked her to cover him up because it was 49 degrees outside. She snapped at me and told me that she was just going to stand at the door with him and acted like I was crazy for thinking she would take him outside. Then my husband came back and she told him we need to let him play on the grass outside in the fresh air to get better. She is crazy because he needed rest to get better, not to play in 40 degree weather. But she knows way better than me apparently. I told my husband again of the exchange and he started getting frustrated by it all. He said things to back me up, like we don’t need to go to the emergency room, etc. As soon as he was out the door again. I walked into the kitchen following my son as he walked. She picks him up and he starts fussing because he didn’t want to be picked up, but she then starts telling him (as if I’m not there again) that he has a wonderful daddy that takes great care of him. It was her passive aggressive way of saying mommy doesn’t take care of you. She then proceeded to start saying it almost yelling, “don’t worry daddy will take care of you!” She said it about 30 times in a row and when I said I take care of him too, she kept saying it louder and louder to drown out my voice. This was the last straw for me. You do not judge me and make me out to be a bad mom! I tried to get him back because her loudness made him start crying, but she kept turning him away from me so I couldn’t have him. She proceeded to yank him extremely hard from my arms 3 more times throughout the day like a psycho. I told to my husband and it made us argue for a few minutes. My husband left me crying by myself in the room and he went out to talk to his mom. She was humming happily to herself and that’s when my husband came back to me and told me his mom is extremely happy now because we were arguing. That’s when my husband apologized to me and told me he too was frustrated with his mom but took it out on me. The rest of the day she didn’t talk to me and when I tried talking with my husband in he car, she blasted the radio as loudly as possible so she couldn’t hear my voice anymore. It was hilarious when we drove where there was no reception and she was frantically trying to find something that didn’t have static. I never saw someone so crazy over trying to find a radio station. We all drove together to another relative’s house where she proceeded to talk about my husband and I like weren’t there. She would say things like, “I don’t know if they want to go to church on Christmas,” when we were right there and she could’ve just asked us. It was like that the rest of the night. She finally went to bed without saying a word to us.

    I was polite and quiet for so many years about her behavior no matter how nasty she was to me. I took all her criticisms with a smile, but not anymore. I had enough and I’m through with her. I told my husband the next time I’m coming to see her is for her funeral and to watch her get put in the ground. I would never have had such an evil thought before, but now I do and I hate myself for it. I hate that someone could’ve been so cruel and negative towards me for years and that there was nothing I could do about it for so long.

    Unfortunately, she has a lot of random acquaintances in town. They all like her because she does a lot of volunteer work which of course is one of the few good things she does. She doesn’t let anyone get close enough to her to actually know how she truly is. I know for a fact she goes around badmouthing me to them, but they don’t realize that she does the same about them. One of her closest “friends” had confided in her that their family was losing their house. So of course my evil MIL told us how upset she was for her “friend” to burden her with such knowledge. She said her “friend” should tell her own mother and that she should have never been burdened with such knowledge. That’s my MIL’s typical behavior of playing the victim when someone else is going through a hard time. The few people who do know her talk about how evil she is to them when all they try to do is help her. Like she can’t stand her neighbors on her street because they all know the truth about her. It’s ironic, but the neighbors on the street are the ones who come and seek me out to see if they can support me when they see me depressed around my MIL. They tell me they know she doesn’t like me, but they love me. It is really kind of them and I love them too. However, if she sees me with them she always finds a way to exact her revenge on them and me. It’s creepy, but it would take too long to tell each situation. I’m joining the daughter in law sisterhood and I may publish the stories on there. Lol.

    Almost two years ago, my father in law passed away and I was devastated. He was such a wonderful man. I wish he was still here. He was the only one that made it okay when we visited. He was kind and caring. He always took my side if my husband and I had an argument (when my husband used to be an alcoholic and all our fights were about his drunk behavior). My MIL always thought I was horrible for arguing with my husband when he got in fights, drove drunk, got arrested for drunk in public, etc. but it was my father in law who knew that it was a serious situation and he helped us with it. He knew that it was important for me to get my husband, his son, to stop drinking. Because people who care help!! Anyways, my MIL always tells me of people who loved my father in law and she makes sure to make it sound like I never loved him or cared for him at all. This is completely untrue. I was devastated when he died and cried for days about it. I sometimes still talk to him like he can hear me because I miss him so much. She tried to turn my husband against me because I couldn’t go to the funeral (I was working full time and was in my 3rd trimester of pregnancy). It was too stressful for me to leave work and I’d lost a baby during pregnancy before. I regret not going, but I sat in our garden and looked up to heaven talking to him the whole time. When my husband came back from the funeral he was extremely angry with me for no reason and I found out later it was because of things his mom had said about me again. She won again!

    Ok last thing. She is on her phone, kindle, or computer constantly. We can’t be anywhere without her being on Facebook or Pinterest. We went to the beach and she didn’t even go to the water, she just stayed with her phone the whole time on the towel. Anyways, after today’s ordeal, I texted my sister in law for support and told her everything that happened. It was a lot of texting back and forth, so my MIL posted on FB a meme about moms needing to get off their phones and needing to pay attention to their kids. I never text people and today was the day that I had to. It was the only thing keeping me sane. I’m never on my phone that much and I try to keep it out of the same room as me so that I can avoid it altogether. So of course my hypocrite MIL posts that about me. What a B****!

    I afraid of staying here any longer. We have two more weeks before we leave and this is only the 3rd day. I’m terrified of what she’ll say next time I’m alone with her. I’m not leaving my 16month old with her alone. Plus she has an aggressive dog that has bitten multiple people because it came from a shelter and it was an abused pitbull/terrier mix. My son loves dogs and approaches them, so in afraid he will get bit.

    Rant over. Sorry if it was too much. I just had to get it out. There are worse things that happened, but I can’t publicly speak about them… yet. Like she treats one of her on daughters a million times worse than me.

  86. Anne on December 23, 2015

    I feel like you are all my people. LOL My mil is crazy. She’s diagnosed bipolar, manic depressive, and narcissistic. When I and my husband got married, he flat out told me he would not invite his mother. He hadn’t spoken to her in 6 years. I was pregnant, stupid, and couldn’t phantom not speaking to my mother for that long so I told him to try and bury the hatchet for the baby’s sake. I kick myself every damn day for that.

    She has made my life hell since our child was born. Everything must be about her. Nothing I do is right. She has screamed obscenities at me, insulted me and my family, has told my daughter that she (mil) is the only one who loves her. Once when I was planning to take the kid out of state to visit my family, MIL took it upon herself to tell her every bad thing that could ever happen; kidnapping, assault, TSA, and the best one-telling her that our seats could mixed up and she will have to sit by herself for the whole trip. She was 6 at the time. I couldn’t convince her to fly for another 4 years.

    She undermines me on everything and refuses to listen to me when I ask her to not do something like give the kid soda, telling me that soda is fine and better for her than Gatorade or juice. She also gets unreasonable when I don’t do what she wants me to do. Like give my child anti-depressants because she had a fear of thunderstorms, or talk to the dr about admisnistering HGH because she didn’t think the kid was growing fast enough, or even taking the kid to a therapist because she wasn’t potty trained by 1 yr. She actually screamed at me once “YOU NEVER DO WHAT I SAY” which is pretty much the base of our relationship.

    Whenever I go to leave her house and take the kid with me after an argument she used to grab the kid and ran from the room crying that her baby wasn’t leaving her. She doesn’t do that anymore because the kid is much bigger and my husband told her the next time she prevented me or him from leaving with our child we would call the cops.

    I have never been able to go to my mom’s for any holidays because the first few times I broached it I was so shocked by her nastiness it literally scared me to ever say anything again. She hates my mother and I don’t know why. My mom sees our kid 2-3 times a year. She leaves a few states away. Even when my mom comes a few days, if it falls on a day mil usually sees the kid, she has a fit if the kid doesn’t want to come over. The sad part is most of her own family doesn’t have much to do with her anymore. She has just about burned every bridge-including alienating her other son and his wife. Since we live near her, she clings to us more than ever.

    We have been called ungrateful for not putting her first. For not asking her opinion on everything from major things to minor issues. She texts us when she’s upset and is just plain nasty. Of course, once she’s spilled her bile, she acts like nothing is wrong and if you’re upset, then your the one causing all the problems. In fact, the other day my husband called to wish her a happy birthday. She said thanks like nothing was wrong then sent a long ranting ugly text about how we are keeping her grandaughter from her, how much we hate her, how mean and horrible we are, how the family agrees with how horrible we are, etc…Then called back and asked if he was coming over with the kid. Like nothing had happened.

    She buys expensive gifts you don’t ask for only to hold them over your head forever. You have to say thank you at least once a month or you’re an ingrate. Then she bitches about the price-commenting we are breaking her. She constantly is telling the kid that she will take back stuff she’s given her if she doesn’t shape up. Shape up is code for do exactly what I say. Luckily the kid is much older now and sees what mil is like and though she tries to maintain the peace, she refuses to go over there as much anymore as my mil interrogates and harasses her about her friends, grades, and what we are doing.

    She recently bought us a VERY expensive gift that the kid had mentioned in passing we were thinking of getting when we came into some extra money. When she asked me about it I was firm that we would be getting a small inexpensive one when we could afford it because I know what she is like. So what happens? She goes home, buys he biggest most expensive one she can find, and then texted OUR CHILD about it the next day. We said we didn’t want it but it fell on deaf ears. When it was time to set it up, she sent FIL over and TOLD us where to put it even after we repeatedly told them it wouldn’t fit there. Of course, I was supposed to rearrange my entire living room to accommodate it. So after they left, we moved it. (and still had to toss out a piece of furniture for it to fit so now we have nowhere to sit in family room) That meant another fight because to them we only moved it to piss them off.

    We have set boundaries and flat out told her to knock it off but nothing works. She backs off for awhile, tells the family how horrible we are, tries to pick a few fights, then calls all loving like nothing ever happened.

    This last fiasco has me seriously considering moving. MIL bought tickets for the kid after I EXPLICITLY told the kid no, we couldn’t afford them. So she buys them and I and the kid go. We go with friends and had a blast. Said friend posts on facebook what a fab time she had with us. I reply in kind. 3 words. Had fabulous time. While I was replying to friend’s post, I was also writing an email to mil about the concert too, of course, thank her again and tell her the kid would be contacting her after school because she wanted to tell her all about it. Before I even get a paragraph into the email, I get 4 huge long nasty texts telling me the post sounds like the friend bought the tickets (it didn’t) and how dare I thank friend before her (I didn’t) and then a bunch of nonsense after that. She was basically mad because I didn’t reply to post that mil bought the tickets so everyone would know. So, to make sure this didn’t happen again, I told friend not to tag me in posts anymore (MIL is blocked on my fb acct but is on the kid’s). Friend asked what happened and after hearing about it decided blocking her was a better option. Within 4 hrs, MIL is texting and accusing me of turning people against her (she doesn’t know my friend and doesn’t like her daughter who is friends with my kid) and running my mouth about family issues. Why? Because she was once again stalking the kid’s facebook acct and noticed all pictures and posts from friend and friend’s daughter was gone. How she even noticed I have no idea. People drop me all the time on FB and I rarely notice. Maybe I was wrong but Im so tired of being blamed for every damn thing that pees in her cornflakes. I figure if she can’t see them, then she has no reason to get upset. Nope. Now she’s upset because she can’t see them.

    She actually cancelled thanksgiving on us for that then got angry because instead of kissing her arse and begging for forgiveness, we said ok and had our own dinner which was utterly delightful. No passive aggressive comments. No bullying. No conflict.

    Believe it or not, I would love to reach some sort of impasse with my mil. The constant fighting and having to walk on eggshells is killing me. But she will never give up her crown or her preceived status as the queen of the family. Any deviation is a declaration of war.

    Thanks you all for letting me rant. I have waited YEARS to get that off my chest.

  87. Renee on December 24, 2015

    I have read thru everyone’s mil experience and I just have so many questions. I have been with my husband for 7years married almost 1. My mil was so sweet at first but then she had some surgeries and I thought of maybe it’s hormone imbalance and medical related when she started acting crazy. At the time me and my husband was staying with her helping out cause she had these surgeries and I bathed her and done everything I could then one day I catch her leaving with her drug addict brother and I find out she is buying pills off the street cause she got addicted to them from the surgery. Now I have a son and at that time he was still a baby and I told my husband no..hell no you get us a place or I’m gone.. her lazy daughter who lives in the house to can take care of her. So he did. She use to love her grandson and always want everything to do with him but she started pushing everyone away and treating my husband like crap trying to pull pity parties on him. This woman is insane! My father died and she Came to his funeral and while I’m sitting there crying she goes you need to take me home I don’t feel eyes wide and I’m in shock she then states she wants to go now and it was time to line the cars up and go to the burial gardens. I was torn up I missed part of his service. The crazy part of all of this is she manipulates my husband trying to make him feel bad. Telling him I’m evil and Satan spawn and she was his mother and he needed to take her side. She turned his whole family against me. They make fun of me cause I’m overweight and tell him he can do better. Even at our wedding his family told him they would pay him money to go. For the last couple years I’ve dealt with her crazy ..always asking for money and stating she gave birth to him and he owed her and needed to own up. She would drive to our house on E aND force his hand. And not one time talk to her grandson..I’m always fighting back standing my ground against her and she hates it. fast forward to now and she is still addicted, she uses people for money and cries faking the whole situation and man she is good!!! I’m the only one she don’t pull a wool over. She never calls or texts unless she wants somthing and never asks about her granbaby. She doesn’t talk to her son . Here’s my delema… he misses the old her the mother she was. Now he loves my family and they love him. My mom tries so hard to make him feel special and always loved a motherly way. But he misses his mom. She on the other hand won’t ever call and when she does its always criticism and bullshit. Always crying trying to swoon him into her grips! This woman hasn’t had a damn thing to do with us and days before Christmas she wants to watch my son open his gifts. She said she don’t have money to buy nothing but she wants to watch him open gifts. Now I may be selfish but I don’t want her there. She has nothing to do with her son or grandson. I really hate this woman she is vile and crazy! She steals pills from an old woman. She threatens to calls child people on me and says aweful things to my husband. Threatens to come woop my ass and I told her if she felt froggie to bring it cause id love to deck her! But recently it’s now about God and how I’m satan. She told my husband to read his bibe and pray he will be able to still go to heaven under his circumstances. ………. really..
    I feel like I’m going crazy but I’m so torn. I want hy husband’s happiness so badly he’s so sad his mother is the Crack as bitch that she is.but I can’t take much more of this.I’m so emotionally and physically and mentally in love with my husband but I can’t ask him to choose. I want to and be like it’s her or us..but I can’t his sadden face breaks the deepest part of my heart. I truly hate this woman for the pain she causes the love of my life..what should I do.. I love him but I love my son and I need to protect him no matter what. His 6 and he knows that’s his grandmother never comes around she makes false promises to him and make him sad to but if it comes down to it I will do what I have to for my son..but a life without my husband scares me. The way my husband is acting lately has me nervous. He’s like she’s my mom maybe she will change. She is making effort by coming that’s got to mean for somthing.
    ..I ask myself…would he choose me or mending the bond with his crazy mom. He’s stood by me I opened his eyes to every lie and trick she has he’s always believed In me and I wouldnt lie or try to force them away from eachother but….ahh this woman drives me crazy.
    So torn….

  88. liz on January 3, 2016

    Okay, so I came across this page after doing a search on Google about horrible “mother in laws” I honest to God think I have to have gotten involved with the man with the worst family on the planet.. and I honestly don’t know how much more I can take. Allow me to explain: I have now been with this man for 5+ years. In the span of time his mother has: tried to fight me, showed up on another instance eyes buldging out of her head threatening to kill me, accused me of cheating on him, had neighbors take pictures of every car that pulled in my driveway, called my job and told my boss lies in an attempt to get me fired, tried to press false charges against my boyfriend(ya know her own son) and tried to have him arrested, said she wanted nothing to do with our f-ing kids, said that kid wasn’t her grandchild, constantly says horrible untrue things about us, stolen from me too many times to count, posted all sorts of slander online about the both of us.. and I could keep going on… No she’s not on drugs and no she doesn’t drink…. Just a sad mental human does one even begin to deal with this sort of “human being” just an awful awful person.. please if anyone had any idea please let me know.. I constantly live in fear of what she’s going to do next to try and ruin my life.. after all she’s literally made it her life’s mission. And I swear I’ve done nothing to deserve it but fall in love with her son..

  89. Gabby on January 20, 2016

    I wrote on 12-21-15. After much discussion with other family members, we came to the conclusion that my mother in law has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I recommend you all look up mothers with narcissistic personality disorder. Make sure to look it up for mothers because the symptoms of men are different. Basically, there is absolutely no way to get this kind of person to like you no matter what you do or how hard you try. Some of the major symptoms of Narcissitic personality disorder in mothers are:

    1)lack of empathy for others. They are selfish and only care about their own needs so they won’t try to have any empathy for your feelings
    2)lies about you
    3)never cares to get to know you as a person
    4)usually has one child she favors (the golden child) and a child that she constantly criticizes (scapegoat). She will do this to her grandchildren too. She controls the conversations and pits her own children against each other who end up not talking to one another as adults
    5)tries to ruin the relationships of her children (friendships, marriages, etc)
    6)will act in a poor manner towards you, but will lie to others and say that you were the one who acted the way they did. They reverse the role of victim. So even though you are the victim, they will lie about you and say that you are the villain and they are the victim.
    7)is jealous of others
    8)will treat family members poorly but act like a completely different person to outsiders. So when you tell anyone about the emotional abuse, it’s hard for them to understand because they have only seen her “nice” side.
    9)wI’ll get other family members to treat you badly because of her lies about you. And the other family member won’t like you even though they never talk to you or have never seen you act badly. They just believe the evil mother because it’s her word against yours anyway.
    10) she crafts her lies and manipulation a so well that others won’t see it and you’ll be made to feel like your crazy
    11) there’s no way to cure her of this. She sees problems with everyone in the whole world, but will never see a problem with herself.

    The only way to free yourself is to limit exposure or completely cut her out of your life. It can be hard to do if your spouse doesn’t recognize the problem. Also, they will turn your own children against you if given the chance. Mine already speaks badly about me to my toddler son while I’m still in the room. It’s sick! Luckily my husband knows how disrespectful his mom is to me and he has been trying to avoid contact with her since he was a teenager.

    Since my last post, I feel the need to update some of my interactions with my mother in law. She ended up telling other people lies about me that I was feeding my son foods he was allergic to, that I’m lazy and don’t do anything, that I disrespect her and am rude to her, etc. She is a liar because I’m only extremely nice to her and bite my tongue every time she makes nasty remarks to me. She literally told other people that the evil things she said to me were things that I said to her.

    I had been trying my hardest to have a decent relationship with her. I’d been sending her weekly updates about my some along with pictures. I contacted her much more than my husband. But she never calls us. She calls about once a year and then complains that we never call her even though we used to call weekly before we finally got fed up. Anyways, I recently found out that she had been forwarding my pictures to one of her daughters so that they can make fun of me for them. She would say I was a “sad person” for only taking staged pics of my some and never taking natural setting ones (not true and even if it was, why the hell would she call me a “sad person” for it). She would lie and tell my sister in law that a pic I took at the park was the first time I went to the park with him and that he doesn’t know how to use the equipment because he was afraid of the slide (the slide was for big kids and there was a huge drop at the bottom so I wasn’t going to let my baby fall. Also I take my kid o the park all the time, but she doesn’t believe me unless I give her photographic proof each time). She acts like I don’t ever take my kid anywhere and keeps telling me I need to take him to the library and need to join MOPS groups for my kid to learn to socialize. But does she ever ask me what I do with my son? Of course not! She just assumes I do nothing even though the last year I took him to Disneyland once a week (we live close and have passes), have play dates with all my friends, take him to the park weekly, take him to the zoo monthly, take him to the beach all summer long, etc. she just assumes I do nothing with him and then tells people I do absolutely nothing. . She tells my sister in law that I make my husband depressed, that I fight with him and that I throw a fit every time I don’t get my way. She says I need therapy and that I’m a pothead. Of course she lies about all of it!!! It’s sick!!! And she talks crap about my parents too who have only been nice to her. They have her $500 for her husbands funeral, but she still talks crap about them and says they flaunt their money in front of her. My family isn’t even rich, they’re just middle class and wanted to be nice to her because they love my husband and want to help his family. If my husband tells her something she doesn’t like, she tells my sister in law that I was the one who said it instead to make me look bad and her son to look innocent.

    That’s not even the worst stuff she’s done. shes getting more and more crazy towards me everytime. I’m afraid of her now. The last time I saw her she kept snatching my some out of my arms even though he was crying and screaming for his mommy then she would tell him how she was going to take care of him and how daddy was going to take care of him too. It was creepy like she wants it to be only her, my husband, and my toddler with me out of the picture. Then she would sing to him loudly about how they are the only ones who take care of my done and everyone I tried to say that I take care of my son too, she would get louder and turn from me. When I finally left to cry, she started giggling to herself like a maniac and was very pleased with how upset I was. It’s so freaking creepy!! She also knew I was pregnant in my first trimester and had horrible morning sickness (all day sickness for me) and acted like I was horrible person for laying on the couch and trying not to throw up. As any pregnant woman, I had aversions to food because of smells and one day she got extremely offended and left the house because I went to throw up after trying to ventilate the kitchen from the strong smell of food cooking. She was upset that I opened the windows myself instead of telling her to. She also kept making fun of me for eating bland foods like eggo waffles. Sorry I was trying not to throw up and that was one of the few foods that kept me from puking all over the place!!! That reminds me, her fridge is completely packed with foods and many of them were rotten. She left a pot of soup in the sink for a week and it was stinking up the house because it was already fermenting and it was bubbling all by itself. She is a hoarder and her house smells and it filled with junk to the point of some rooms being so full that you can barely open the door. But she says I’m a lazy person who doesn’t do anything even though my house is spotless and so clean you could eat off the floor.

    Anyways, I need to stop for now. I know my post was random and seemingly out of order, but I’m tired and just felt like venting a little. Thanks for listening!

  90. N on February 13, 2016

    Hello! I, too, have a controlling, off the wall MIL. Told me my ring wasn’t nice enough. Asked me to sign a prenup for a home my husband pays for but does not own (yes, they manipulated him into this when he was young), manipulated his sister into getting married TWO WEEKS before us (and it happened), got smart with my parents the night before our wedding, told my husband on the DAY OF OUR WEDDING that maybe she just wouldn’t come because she didn’t feel involved. I could go on and on. All these things sound so unbelievably petty, but this woman is no good. I could write a book, but no one would believe me with the things that have come out of this woman’s mouth. My FIL actually apologized for doing ‘horrible, bad things’ to my husband and me. You can’t make this stuff up! We now have five month old son. In the hospital, she told me that she was afraid that something was going to be wrong with him because I smoked in the beginning of my pregnancy. Hence, start of post partum depression.

  91. Morgan on February 17, 2016

    At last I am not alone!! My MIL is one of a kind!! My Fiencé and I have been together 8 years. She lived with us for what was the longest year of our lives. Everything I did was wrong, even though when she lived with me she didn’t work or pay for anything. Did I mention that when she moves in with me she brought 3 dogs and her 9 year old daughter that me and my Fiencé who just bought a house had to figure out how to financially pay for! She would cry and get upset if me and my Fiencé did anything with out her. After a long long year I finally couldn’t take it and I told her to please leave! Best decision of my life!! She would look through my bank statements stole checks from me. And even though we paid for everything in her life because she didn’t work and she was only late 40′s she still had money to shop almost every day! Fast forward a year and the big engagement happened. We called her and all we got was an ok. After we called her and hung up we quickly got a text message asking us to come down that she had something she wanted to tell everyone. So all of her kids came down to her house. Sat down no one gave us a hug or said congratulations. Nothing!! She sat down to tell us.. Hold on to your sits she THINKS she has cancer.. My godmother at this time of this sit down recently just passed from a long fight with cancer. So my heart goes out to anyone that has had that moment. I quickly started asking questions. And quickly figured out why the word SHE THINKS was in there..because!!! And this makes me skin crawl she had no doctor proof no doctor visit no doctor anything other then she was a hard time catching her breath (she has smoked since she was 12 and she is a heavy smoker). So I tried to be supportive as she went from doctor to doctor. My family planned a huge engagement party. I told her the date and was quickly told she will not be attending because she has made other plans. But forbids me from having the party! So guess who canceled her engagement party.. I have asked her several time what you think about this or that. And get nothing back. Fast forward to today. 10 months after the big question. We still have not got a congratulations, she knows nothing about the wedding and everything is paid for. The only thing she wants to know is how much money I am spending on my wedding! Which she has openly told me she will not be giving money to. But yet tells everyone how I am leaving her out of the planning. My MIL needs to be the center of everything at any cost! I still have trouble with her and sometimes feel lost! And this is just my wedding information I could write a book on how she has manipulated our lives over the past 8 years.

  92. Chels on March 1, 2016

    Finally I’ve found a site that understands !

    I’m not married but yes we wana get there one day but ever since me and partner was together she said harsh things everyday to a point my partner walked into the room and said he had to break up with me , we both cried that day and let’s be honest we both knew it was going to happen with a personality like his mother!

    After three weeks he stayed in his room and didn’t talk to his mom , just locked himself completely .. I didn’t talk to him cos I’ve been left with a kid to look after on my own before ! An breakup was nothing even tho he was the one for me anyways he had finally stood up to his mother and she said he can go get me back but yeah long story short .. We got back together .

    She kept forcing me to go to church when she knew that wasn’t my belief , then me, my partner and baby got into a crash and she blamed the whole thing on me even tho I wasn’t the driver ! This other time we had to get our car engineered it was towed on a trailer in her car . Before going to our destination that day I knew something was going to happen so I left baby with a friend , & yup trailer snapped off the tow bar and it hit my side with two cars being damaged..

    His family is Catholic and I’m Buddhist , a week later she says that it’s a sin for him to be living with me & that he’s raising my child . Forgot to mention everyday she would go over to my bf and say mean things about me , I could only hear her yelling as they speak a different language and my bf comes back & couldn’t talk about it , I became depressed to a point I couldn’t even do food shopping anymore , I was tired , I hated everything .

    Anyway she ended up kicking us out (only due to when we was getting together on my side of the family plus closest friends and the house I was renting at .. All hated me cos I got with him for no reason at all) she gave us a week to move out so of course we did everything and got out and rented of a real estate and blocked her out completely .. It was the best relationship we had , we focused on us and smiled .. Most importantly I became myself again in like two weeks , the depression was finally gone .

    Yuuuup ! After knowing I got pregnant like a year and 6 months later it was only fair both our parents deserved to know the truth .. So he rang her up and all she could babble on about is the ring he gave me saying he can’t marry me and things like that .. He bursted she’s pregnant so then she went on that the baby had to be baptised and there isn’t an option ..

    After knowing that I got sick and just wanted to abort this baby .. He stopped picking up calls from her till two weeks later , she asked him if he wanted to rent his dad’s property (has an huge shed) I know he wanted that place so badly since we talked about buying a home together ! So old tenant left it at a disgusting state and not to mention I’m pregnant ! They left his son to clean their tenants mess , this is rubbish they left behind and cleaning duties was disgusting ! Concrete was disgusting , trees had to maintence , so of course I got down with my partner and helped him as he works night shift ..

    His mother could careless I was pregnant and scrubbing their house ! Cleaning out their garden ! Straight after a whole week of cleaning she comes over and puts Jesus stuff all over our house ?! I let her and when she had left I went back and removed everything and left one just for her .. But put it in the laundry .. She comes over and checks the house and said how dare you put it in the laundry , well story goes next day my dog got into the snail poison and nearly had a near death situation! Yous proberly think that crash had nothing to do with the mother ? But it’s going clear to me that she had cursed us and giving my partner the crosses or Jesus sign to be around us , it all happens then !

    There was no thank you for cleaning up their house or no money to be paid for it , but she says “now where’s my rent and where’s the bond ?” Even tho we have made an agreement with his dad now that we was going to buy the house of him..

    We have made an desisons to cut her out of our lives and baby’s life now , my partner didn’t want to believe the cursed thing but now he has and chose to stop going to church & that last Jesus pic she left at our home is hidden in the outside closest where no one can be hurt !

    I don’t know if I have explained all the things she’s done in description but she’s made our life a living hell ! She was controling , she rang everyday with nothing nice to say , she never accepted me and her son together that when she’s in our lives we always fight or have an bad relationship .. Any advice as I don’t feel mature that I’m Gona keep my newborn away from their grandmother but it’s the only way my relationship will be happy and I know my kid is safe from her ?

  93. CAS on March 8, 2016

    I’m not alone, so glad i found this site! My story…my dh and I had been friends for years, dated for 1.5 (lived together for part of that time) and then got married.

    I had never met the in-laws until we dated and honestly, once I met them I thought I was soo lucky. Until we married and bought a house a few miles away! It started literally on my wedding day(7.5 yrs ago).

    We planned a quick intimate wedding with 30ppl at our home so no one had a chance for “input” on the wedding (although she added a few of her touches, i just ignored them) Thats ok, she really got her chance on “input” by telling my best friends that she wished he would have married someone else.

    Oh, and my baby shower a few years later…she turned it into a wake for my sil miscarriage. These are just a few of the clubs shes beat me emotionally with. At least weekly i was getting smacked with a verbal stick. Now we only visit for 1hr every 3-4 weeks!

    Honeslty, she was sooo freaking sweet to me in front of DH but behind his back she was a is a master MMIL. (Manipulative mil). Recently she has begun to let th dh see her true feelings…like telling him about the girl from his grade schoo (hes 40 now) just got divorced and lives down tbe street with a little girl and how lonely she is…and then she suggest he go visit her!

    Shes sent home a T & A magazine with my hubby in our sons diaper bag (my dh had no idea it was there!!) When I called and gave her a piece of my mind; she proceeded to tell me dh took it and and was lying to me. Thats ok…i told her if she ever did it again; I would hire a stripper for fil’s next birthday! I’d never but she doesnt know that!

    About 60% of the time, i can handle her (with kindness laced with confidence and smartass), buts its starting to weigh on me. I DONT want to deal with her any longer.

    Luckily for me, my estranged mother is a master manipilator…so i have experience with solving this problem…relocate!!! I had to run from the last manipulator in my life and it worked! I’m ready to run again from this one! Fortunately, my dh is ready to go too. The mil has no idea we are planning on moving at the end of the year! And I can deal knowing peace is not far off!

    I’m trully sorry for everyone on here! Why couldnt they just play nice?!?!

  94. future bride on April 9, 2016

    Ladies and gentlemen I give to you who I feel is the worst MIL there is. A MIL of all MILs thats makes you feel better about the issues you have with your very own….
    I wont disclose all because I’ll be here all day.. All week even but ill try and give you a picture….
    my partner and I are childhood sweethearts, met aged 10, dated went to prom age 16, got engaged aged 21.
    So you would say id know this women very well so why on eath would I marry this man who has a horried Mother???
    needless to say I was warned of this women by friends, mother of our friends who live in the same village and my partners brother ex girlfriend (who pritty much told me to RUN)
    I ignored all the warnings..she was nice enough to my the time, the only alarm bells now looking back was she told my mum at my 18th (which we did so the family could get to know each other) that if she took one picture of her she would shove the camera up mum arss, she used to tell my partner he wasnt planned and again looking back she would never cook him dinners, ask how his day was… You know motherly things and she used to make comments that if her future grandkids where girls she would have NOTHING to to with them…at this time I thought she was joking… Anyways we got engaged (long in short of it she controlled it all = naf non partner like at all- but in the end we was engaged and in love).
    she then told my mum (I come from the most loving caring family who support each other) you better not throw a party for this engagement my son dosent like parties~ well excuses me but we love parties and dont threaten my mum… Anyways we decided to have a party..because we have a big family..we knew that we wouldn’t be getting married for a few ears and our grandfather’s where poorly at the time so Thought will make them part of the whole wedding celebrations … Plus its what we wanted!! Anyways she was horried she didnt want to be any part of it, turner up late and re-arranged the tables so they could sit alone in the corner, refussed to talk to anyone, told guests that I was only having this party for presents and my parters next doors kids made us a lovely cake… She befor we saw it handed it back to them telling them we didnt want it!
    (poor kids)! (non of her family eather my partners fathers family or his mothers family turned up later they told us Its because she was there)

    Anyways I put on a.smiley face and took her with a pinch of salt… We begun wedding planning and desided coz we didnt know much of his side of the family we would start putting the olive branch to them… All replied asking questions about MIL and only one of My partners aunties wanted to meet up (even My.MILs own.mother and father didnt want to) when we all.met bearing in mind I never met this lady and her family, my MIL said as I dished out the food.. Look how fat she is (me) look shes got no boobs (me again)…infront of everyone!!!!
    …but again I smiled and was polite…
    my partners grandfather passed away and we was very close to them (MIL wasnt to know as when she found out we visisted them she.would.scream and shout at us) we went to his Cremation and was told by MIL to not see his nan again… After a few weeks I thought this was silly and we went round there..only to find an.upset nan.. Who states why didnt we go to the speading of the ashes?…we was never told nan had told the MIL to invite us but she never partner was so hurt by this.
    So I desided to have nice words for her…only yelled at so.we carried on smiling.
    many other things happend also which I wont go into.but she pretends to have a allergy (im a profession and iv never seen.a reaction she also told people and i cant even type it because the fact that she told People she had this illness is down right discussting and makes me so so upset and she didnt have it!!! Shes told lies to wind up her husband about my Mum pushing her and when challanged about this she stated to my mum and I that the lies out there nothing you about it….through out all of this iv tried with her, tried talking to her, days out with her ect ect we habe even.talked to.his dad separately…and he agreed with us but stated there was no changing her!
    but the final blow was my partners graduation he got the tickets invited them all and she went and booked the whole family bar my partner and I a holiday..Over his graduation date… So we was left to look after there home so I moved in for while they was away (she knew i.was going To I asked permission) we made a day of his graduation day I decorated the house for him and we went with his nan And My Mum had a lovely day… I cleaned there house while they where away and did 3 loads of there washing and ironed and then the following day they was home but they had lied saying they was comming.home 2 days.later.. Anyways we got back from work suprised to see them and she went off the wall!! She had pulled down and lobbed all the.banners and balloons chucked his presents in His room. And screamed at us (stating she hates banner – she puts them Up for everyone but my partner and that her house was a mess-no word of a lie that house was the cleanest its ever been) it was frightening and from.that day i Decided to never go back there! I tried my family tried and my partner tired to fix things and cant.
    We brought a house together and are planning.our and have very little/nothing to do with her… My partners brother is her focus, Shes insulted everything we have and what we have achieved and its best for our relationship.and sanity that we keep our distance, we are very close to my partners fathers side of the Family and they are so so.lovely and.normal!!! The only issue we have is her comming to our wedding and we are trying To sort that…. Bu. My partner and I are amazingly happy.and his NOTHING like her!! i Just feel for my partner, shes not a mother at al. and if he said tomorrow lets fix things with mum I would coz I love him but he dosnt anymore and since we have distanced Ourselves his grown so much as a person!!

    sorry for the long Message, writting this has helped me And.i hope it helps others know there not alone with the MILS but if anyone Has Any ideas what i.should do about her at the wedding please help thanks :) x

  95. Monster in law on April 18, 2016

    I’m not sure when my future husband’s mother became the cold, emotionless shell that she is now. Yes, in her defense, she lost a husband and nearly lost a son (my partner) in a horrific car crash yet while others would wrap their arms tighter around their children and find comfort in them, my future mother in law became blindsided by greed. She became a manipulative-evil woman the minute money became involved. Up until five years ago my partner had no clue about a settlement or trust funds. We had our suspicion and it is common knowledge that in the event of a child sustaining such serious injuries at the fault of the driver plus losing a father at the fault of the other driver would likely be rewarded some type of monetary compensation. We often hinted or asked questions if any such settlement might exist but these were always brushed off or my partner was told in polite words to mind his own business. Funny thing, his own business is the very business she herself has felt entitled to. This woman has controlled him since he was a child, until me he had never questioned his mother or the papers she had him sign or the visits to the advisor which she insisted on attending with him even once he was past 25. Whether it was our dog or our house being signed over to her because she felt it was in his best interest or our children she has manipulated and controlled every aspect of his life and subsequently mine. Finally (finally!) my partner told his mother that we now wish, since it is us who was paying th mortgage wished to assume the mortgage and have the house in our name she erupted and has been a terror to deal with. We are now taking legal action as there does not seem to be any other choice. From breach of trust, opening up unauthorized accounts in his name, forgery, theft, manipulation, this monster in law has done it all! But, in the end, as angry as I am with her I am equally sad for my partner because I know that regardless of what she’s done to him in the past and still is to our family, she is still his mother and he loves her. It’s a shame that it had to come to this. I don’t know what the future holds and if what’s been done can be undone, in the legal sense also but I still feel she needs to be held accountable and exposed for what she’s been doing to him all these years. Anyway, sorry for the late-night rant and if anyone has any advice legal or other please let me know!

  96. VCS on April 19, 2016


    I am also facing a similar problem. My MIL is very manipulative but unlike your case where your husband knows how his mother is , my MIL pretends to be very nice with her over buttery talks in front of everybody and my husband believes that she is a pious lady but when he is not around she indirectly says hurtful things to me and also tries to create difference between my husband and my parents as she feels insecure about their initial strong bonding.

    I tried to share this with him very politely few times but he doesn’t want to hear anything and gets very -2 angry.

    He loves me a lot but his mother is making me to think of the option to leave him as I can’t hear mean things about my parents.

    What should I do. If anyone of you faced similar situation please suggest me how did you deal with it.

  97. Plamb on April 22, 2016

    I hate googling things on how to deal with in laws and it mostly spews out how you need to be more considerate and think about them etc etc. I have tried this. Even talking about how my mother in law is is difficult because it is something you have to experience. She has not been dianosed but my sisters in laws and their therapists think my mother in law has borderline personality disorder.
    My Husband told me when we very first started dating that he hated his mom and that i would too. I took this as a sign that if I did hate her he would be okay with it. WRONG. He gets so upset at me for seeing what he told me i would see. He tries to understand and he is not at 100% fault but it is so hard to have been told I was going to hate her and now that I do I am the bitchy one that does not see what a good woman my mother in law is. “She means well”.
    Thats what they all say but she only means well for herself. Whatever she does is truly out of selfishness. When my sister in law was diagnosed with a mental illness my MIL took a 2 week vacation and spent all their money so she could cope with the tough thing handed too her. She did nothing for the sister in law expect now when this daughter disagrees with her she threatens to send her to the mental hospital, she has before. This daughter has a child of her own and my MIL will not let my SIL parent her own child, she takes control of everything, and does not even like it when other family tries to spend time with this child.

    This child was exhibiting signs of molestation, and said that an uncle from the other side of the family (her dads) had told her some weird things. My MIL was told this by the child and she instead of telling the Mom, told her other kids and said decided we should not report it to child services. We told the mother of the child, and she and we demanded the police get told. My MIL said she prayed and thought that Jesus would not report anything. My husband and I got very upset and so did the daughter. When told the police would be informed she freaked and told everyone they had to listen to her answers to the prayer and that we were undermining her answer from God as matriarch of the family. She actually demanded my husband apologize. He never did.

    So many things like this have happened. It is endless, its small things most the time, but it is so hard to explain how she is to others.

    She will give into some rules and things that are set up to mimic a more normal relationship between a mom and son, and my husband wants this, but truly she only gives in a little and that little bit is always thrown in our faces as to how wonderful and thoughtful she is to try and “listen” she only does anything to show how wonderful she is.

    My husband gets frustrated with her but a couple days after MIL yells at the family and pisses them off its like they forget she is a monster. She loves them after all. And whenever I complain about things she has said about me or things she does I am called out for being not understanding of what a loving person she is. I dislike this woman and I do not know how to even come close to liking someone who hurts so many people I care about under a selfish guise of love.

  98. Patti on May 25, 2016

    My sisters in laws are the ones that cause more problems for us than my husband’s mother… but my husband’s mother justifies it somehow. In the latest twist, they are throwing a 90th birthday celebration for their mother and they sent my husband an invitation – to his own mother’s surprise birthday party – it was addresses solely to him. It didn’t even read “Mr. & Mrs.” It was sent by one sister and to be R.S.V.P.’d to the other sister. My husband said it was odd that he got an invite to his own mother’s birthday (we only live 50 miles from them), and to address it only to him. He said he would simply ASK if he could bring me and I told him not to ask them anything… that he could go by himself, since I wasn’t invited, and that his sister could hang all over him and introduce him to whomever it was she’s wanting him to meet. This comes on the tail end of my husband having a meeting with his mom to tell her all the things that has been going on that was causing problems for me and for us. His mother tried to justify some of her daughter’s actions but my husband told her that it was untrue, that I hadn’t said or done anything wrong. We found out that the daughter of one of his sisters had been running back to his ex-wife with personal information on us – for 5 years now and it didn’t take me long to figure that one out, and they’ve recently been hanging out with her. I knew something was up when I was followed home ore than once, by my husband’s ex-wife (who is just crazy, by the way), and she knew so many intimate details about conversations we’d had while at his mother’s house. We now visit her as rarely as humanly possible, but after his sister was so hateful to us during Thanksgiving, we didn’t return there until Mother’s Day, for a brief visit. It’s plain they have ‘forgiven’ their ex-sister-in-law and are now catering to her… and she wouldn’t have anything at all to do with them if she wasn’t getting information or trying to cause problems for us. We have been married for a little over 3 years and it’s only gotten worse and worse. One sister in law is hateful and the other one is hateful and goes behind our backs. I think she’s jealous of the relationship her brother has with me – but I can’t figure out why, unless it’s because I’m somewhat younger than he is. The only thing I know to do is just ignore them an never grace their doorstep again, but I feel this is what they want, and as long as my husband will attend all their functions without me, they have no problem with me never showing up again. He sees some of what’s happening but until I compiled it all into an outline and proved these things to him, he didn’t think it was a big deal. I hate the way they treat him, too… like he’s an outsider.

    Anyway – I’ve tried absolutely everything, but I don’t feel like I should continue to take their abuse. They will never, ever accept me.


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