REAL LIFE ISSUES | Hey, sometimes a mother-in-law needs to call her son an average of 14 times a day. That’s her RIGHT. … LOL, just kidding. | By Miss M, Knotty Bloggista

Ok, SO!

Alison here… with the first order of business: it’s Tuesday night, and yep that’s right, YOU’RE BACHELOR RECAP IS IN PROGRESS.  OH ALSO, DID I JUST WRITE *YOU’RE* IN THAT SENTENCE BACK THERE WHERE I TALKED ABOUT YOUR BACHELOR RECAP?  Because I could swear I’m smarter than that.

What in the F Word is happening to me.

I have a mind to think it’s this whole Chrisharrison situation that just happened to my face.  Chrisharrison had to pull me aside earlier to tell me some story that I was totally thinking was about my best friend dying or my dog dying or the apocalypse or that I’m pregnant with the child of Satan or that I have to marry Ben, because of the awkward way he made THE MOST MAGNIFICENT OF DEALS ABOUT IT when he came to grab me.  But it turns out he just had to tell me about some really awesome, awesome guy from my past who really loves to eff up my future, and how I now have to go home for no good reason, and then my face started crying for like, I think it was at least four commercial breaks.  It was rough.  But I’m sure Chrisharrison totally didn’t sum up my abrupt departure to my family and friends by saying “Alison had to go home because she was here for the wrong reasons,” or anything like that, I’m sure of it.  I trust Chrisharrison and his unwavering dedication to truth-telling.

NEW TOPIC, IT START NOW!

SORRY, ME LOW ON WELL-CRAFTED TRANSITIONS AT MOMENT; ALL RESOURCES ARE BELONG TO RECAP

We introduced a fun, upbeat, super-lighthearted new series recently, on the topic of totally awful, horrible in-law situations that completely sucked/were hard.  And given the way our last real life story went over with y’all, I’m psickity-psyched to bring you yet another harrowing tale of what happens when families that are not equally prepared to merge… like totally MERGE anyway.

…. aaaaand, GO!  Oh WAIT wait wait, first, the disclaimer of sorts:

I think we all know that there are lovely, kind, wonderful in-laws out there, as well as go-with-the-flow in-laws, and not-very-involved in-laws…. clearly, since in-laws are people, naturally they come in all shapes, sizes, and personalities.  And many make a bride’s transition from girlfriend to wife easy breezy beautiful – even delightful in many cases! – and for these types of in-laws we are beyond grateful.  They disprove the reigning stigma.  Trust me, great in-laws do exist!  

Unfortunately, they don’t exist in all cases.  Even more, they are hardly the exception to the rule.  

Now, without further adieu, I introduce you to Miss M, and her story.

Why hello there, TKB readers! It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintances, and if I could reach through my monitor, I would definitely give you each a hearty handshake, and then pull you into a hug. Because I am a major personal space invader like that.

I’m here today to talk about in-laws. I’m sure that the mere reading of that wordage right there might have just sent some of you into a full body spasm. And I get it. Oh believe me, I get it. I am married to an amazing man; he’s kind, funny, a great cook, and he’s quite the studmuffin, if I do say so myself. I get a high five for snagging him and making him all mine. And then we have…the family. A group of people who seem to dally back and forth between thinking I’m awesome and being very irked with me for forking the family tree. Pun entirely intended.

Let me first regale you with the sordid tale of what I affectionately refer to as The Great Phone Chain Incident. Shortly after we got engaged I made a casual joke about my Italian family. Something about generally being loud and gatherings vaguely resembling scenes from My Big, Fat, Greek Wedding…only Italian, so there’s trippa in lieu of lamb on a spit. Somehow, a couple of aunts got “mafia” from that. No really…I said, “some of my relatives like to eat fish guts”, and they heard, “tick us off and you might wake up with a horse head in your bed”. And they called a couple other aunts who called grandma and mom. Who called my sweetie and asked if he really knew what he was doing getting involved with something like that. Now, we’re without volume control, we talk with our hands incessantly, and eat like we’ve gathered at a trough, but taking hits on people is not something we do a lot of. Unless you count annoying someone to death. We do a lot of that.

Next, we have The Birdseed Incident. (sidebar: I like using the word “incident”.) After being a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding, I learned the hard way that I was not a big fan of birdseed for exits. It sticks to everything and has a strange tendency to wedge itself in weird places. So when the time came for me to get married, I went an alternate route for our exit, and specifically said that I didn’t want birdseed. According to my MIL, you’re not really married if you don’t have birdseed. So she brought her own. Even though I point blank said I didn’t want any there. And then she distributed it to her friends. We were nearly to our car when I took an overhand throw to the face. My eyes were open, and so was my mouth. Our photographer, hoping to capture a sweet shot of us kissing, waving, etc… instead got a shot of my new husband trying help me get the seeds out of my eyes as I spat more seeds into the floor of the car. Sexy and romantic, no?

So now that we’re married, and throwing stuff at me isn’t a viable option, my MIL now likes to exercise her right to do whatever she pleases by calling her son an average of 14 times a day. More if her spidey sense kicks in and she thinks we’re on a date. It’s usually pretty life altering stuff, such as, “I saw on the news that a blue car was in a wreck, and I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t you”. Never mind that the blue car in a wreck was in another state. And I know that phone calls aren’t particularly invasive, but if he doesn’t answer, she’ll just hang up and call right back, until he finally answers. And if he still doesn’t answer? Well, then she’ll just come on over…because she’s “worried that something must be wrong because [insert name of my studly hubby] didn’t answer his phone”. And then there was the time that she nearly leg swept me to get back to the recovery room after my hubby had surgery before I could see him. Seriously, I have witnesses. There was sprinting and “oh no she di-in”’s involved. And Heaven forbid we leave her presence without her getting her hugs. We’ve pulled over into random parking lots to meet her for hugs more times than I care to count. I knew I’d made it when we had to turn around and go back to a restaurant because I got into the car before making my hug quota. At least I’m getting included.

Listen, I’m not trying to say that my husband has exactly walked into the most benign of situations. For 2 years running, my family has managed to spend a disconcerting amount of time discussing farting, naked people, and the word “nipple’ pretty much every time we’re all together. My 80 year old grandmother offered to jump out of a cake at his bachelor party, and I don’t really think she was kidding. My grandfather is prone to saying things so politically incorrect that I’m honestly embarrassed to type it out. We also consider no holds barred Jeopardy watching, with lots of yelling in the general direction of the TV, a majorly good time. We’re not exactly teeming with normalcy ourselves over here.

Strangely enough, we all really get along most of the time, and my husband and I rarely argue about familial issues. I’m not saying never… I think that comes with good communication sometimes. We can even intermingle the mob bosses with the chronic smotherers and it’s mostly pretty docile. So how in the world do we do that? Honestly, there’s not one great formula. If there was, I would have already written that book and would be relaxing on my private island in the Bahamas. We handle everything on case by case basis, and the solutions range from simply letting things go, to setting new boundaries, to a good friend who can totally relate and responds promptly to the “omg, I’m about to lose my s@!$ text, to things our families like to pretend we don’t do that we actually do all. The. Time. IfyaknowwhatImean.

So, what about you guys? I’m eager to hear what stories you have. Trust me… a good cyber-rant session is some of the best therapy money can’t buy. ;-)

xoxo  - Miss M

Label(s): Real Life Issues, The Bloggistas

Love all of this...

28 comments

  1. Rachel on February 7, 2012

    The first part of this article was very poorly written. Almost as if a 12 year old wrote it. For future reference, post what your title is about, it defers the reader to not read the article.

    Second, in-laws are a part of life. Just like your parents, they will get on your nerves. Some parts think they are know-it-alls. Currently, I am dealing with this. When I moved in with my in-laws, it was awkward culturally along with socially. I was being bossed around because if I didn’t do it their way, then it was wrong. In my background of being a teacher, I know that there is never one right way to do something.

    It’s really up to you how you cope with the circumstance. Being flexible and making compromises is a great way to start. Another suggestion is having open communication that is non-threatening and never intentionally hurting someone.

    Sounds like “mum-in-law” has a bad case of letting go. It is difficult to watch your son or daughter grow into an adult, because you will always be their mom. You will always want to take care of your child and protect them. Let her do her protection, it’s in her nature.

    Reply
  2. Alison on February 7, 2012

    Gee, thanks Rachel!

    Both I and Miss M are 11 year old girls, so we like totally appreciate your compliment about our writing. Nice people are the best.

    Reply
  3. Laura on February 7, 2012

    I’m surprised I’m the first comment on this one ;) Miss M–I feel you! And forgive that I spent the last 10 minutes snickering at your little mini-happenings. I’ve got an interesting MIL too. She has yet to throw bird seed in my face, or try and trip me (which I laughed really loud at, btw!), but she plays the fun mind games…nice to my face and sh*t-talker behind my back. Igetwhatchamean. Good luck with the MIL and your fart-talking family. It seems like you and your hubby are doing well communicating with the whole thing :)

    Reply
  4. Laura on February 7, 2012

    Ok, I’m not the first one..but LOL at that first comment.

    Reply
  5. Em on February 7, 2012

    And your reply to the first comment is why we keep coming back Alison, you’re hillarious even when being schooled on your poor writing skills! xx

    Reply
  6. Marie on February 7, 2012

    I laughed at Rachel’s comment about how to write your post and then in the next paragraph explaining that there is never one right way to do something. Funny!!! Comedy makes life grand.

    I think that it is up to your hubby to draw the line with his mother. Her heart is in a good place as far as just wanting to keep him safe but sometimes kids need to pull away when mom won’t let go. Best of luck! It’s great that it all comes from a place of love.

    Reply
  7. Mindy on February 7, 2012

    “post what your title is about” gah-huh?

    Reply
  8. Jessica on February 7, 2012

    Lol.

    11 year old girls write awesome ’cause they have fun with it.

    Also, Rachel is right. There is no one right way to do something. ;)

    Reply
  9. Rachel on February 7, 2012

    I’m not being dramatic, but only giving my opinion. When I have to search for the actual content, it is difficult to find the topic and comprehend it. Oh an thanks for also validating my idea.

    Reply
  10. Alison on February 7, 2012

    Rachel, I think we need to hang out. And afterwards I will also validate your parking.

    But on the real, for a second here. I think we all can appreciate good, constructive, well-meaning criticism. Yours was not well-meaning. It was unkind, and insulted the person who wrote those words, seeing as I am not 11 years old, but in fact *cough cough* years old, and your comment had an apparent intention to belittle.

    This community will always appreciate good, constructive, well-meaning criticism. But as soon as it gets mean-spirited, that’s when you hear from me in a comment immediately beneath your unkind one. And, as you can see, other people who, too, found it unkind.

    Reply
  11. Laura on February 7, 2012

    Amen!

    Reply
  12. Amanda on February 7, 2012

    You crack me up, Alison. Please be my best friend.

    P.S. Your writing style is PRECISELY why this is my favorite wedding blog. :)

    Reply
  13. coasterkim on February 7, 2012

    Well I was not expecting this when I clicked over to comment! LOL! Alison, you make me laugh every day. Don’t stop writing like a 12-year-old. I love it.

    My future MIL seems like she’ll have a hard time letting go of her baby. He’s never been married so at age 45, he is her number one helper. She will really miss him when he moves 2 hours away after our wedding! I am trying to be kind and understanding but she does sometimes get a bit overbearing. Guess we all have our crosses to bear, huh?

    Reply
  14. chandra ~ Oh Lovely Day on February 7, 2012

    Rachel, if you don’t like her writing, don’t read it. Apparently you aren’t familiar with this blog, b/c it’s what we 12 year old girls call humor. Tongue in cheek. Irony. A case of the funnies. You should write a boring blog with boring titles to show us how it is done.

    Reply
  15. Lauren on February 7, 2012

    Alison, your blog is hilarious and enjoyable, and if spelling and gammer counts, I need to leave right now too…(ps, so excited for Bachelor tomorrow)

    MIL always have that horror attached to them of being over-baring and needy, and you seem to have the model example. Hopefully you and your honey can come to an agreement as to what is ok, and what is over-stepping. It should be his place, as his mother, to tell her what makes you feel uncomfortable and what’s not cool…cause the worst that could happen is to have her come between you two. It might be a sensitive topic for him, but its better to do this now before she totally drives you nuts.

    Hopefully Alison’s community (who love her writing style) can help with this!!

    Reply
  16. Steph on February 7, 2012

    Bahaha. Did not expect to see that in the first comment slot.
    Here I am commenting again- because, first of all, Alison, your writing style is exactly why I read this blog EVERY DAY. (yes, even the Bachelor recaps… Batchcaps?)
    Also, I like to think there’s 12 year old girl inside of us all who joyfully emotes, playfully exclaims, and shares inside jokes.
    bahaha. validate parking…

    Reply
  17. Cat on February 7, 2012

    I totally followed your “11-year old” intro…didn’t have anything to do with the blog post title but God did I laugh through the whole thing. And then to go back and read your tweets. I died. I love you lol…

    Side note which really should be the main point in my comment, I take the cake for craziest MIL, and she calls waaaaaaaaaay too many times that we cancelled our phone line (wahoo!). We’re currently working on “operation cut the cord”..fun.

    Reply
  18. Joy on February 7, 2012

    Is it just mean-spirited of this 55 year old to point out Rachel’s use of the word ‘parts’ instead of ‘parents’? Is it also mean-spirited to suggest that it’s a mistake a 12 year old wouldn’t make? Keep up the good work, Alison. <3 & ;-)

    Reply
  19. Nikki on February 7, 2012

    I am watching the bachelor online as we speak and I came over to see if your recap was up yet. Was it just me or did Chris H really just shove a shoeless Kacie S into the van on her way to the airport! She’s almost being persecuted for loving someone …in the past!

    At least I was able enjoy some gradeschool drama a la Rachel for now.

    My MIL has her ups and downs. She’s very respectful of our relationship, but my Husband takes very good care of her because she is divorced and needs a guy sometimes to do the manly stuff. Sometimes it gets to me, but I don’t feel like I really have a right to let it. Tough spot. You not me…okay me too. Pity party!

    Reply
  20. Nicole on February 7, 2012

    Rachel is clearly not a long-time reader; fun, all-over-the-place tangents are the norm around here. It seems someone was desparate for MIL stories to make herself feel better that there are other people with similar issues. But, if her comment on here is any indication, her problem with her MIL is unique to her. No one likes a DIL with a stick up her butt!

    Reply
  21. Lacey on February 7, 2012

    Rachel, get over yourself.

    Good one Chandra!

    Love the guest post by Miss M!! I love the way you gals write. It’s why I stop by every day! :) My MIL is a piece of work, too. It’s fun to hear others’ stories. Looking forward to the Bach recap. This episode was a GOOD ONE!

    P.S. I swear… I hate that show… just not enough to quit watching! ;)

    Reply
  22. JuliaEnchanted on February 7, 2012

    I love how FirstPoster’s comments make it clear how little she understands about language and blogs, by trying to tell an insanely successful bloggista how to do her job. I took a graduate level class one time in Linguistics, and we learned that what many people think of as ‘correct’ English is actually just the elite version of it. In this context, I find it self-evident that Alison’s colloquial style is more appropriate than the elite dialect, because it allows her readers to identify with her better and keeps us engaged in the content.

    Alison, you’re my hero. I am so sending my wedding pics in to your blog … after the wedding … after I get engaged… =P

    In other news, Boyfriend and I are going to see a therapist this week to discuss how to build an adult relationship with his parents (as opposed to the one where they treat us like we’re …say… 11). I’m excited, and I think it’s the first time I’ve taken my own advice to not be afraid to ask for help before it gets bad. yay!

    Reply
  23. Libby on February 8, 2012

    I’m reading this a day late, but I want to hop on board and say how much I love Alison’s writing style. And I also love that she opens her blog up to others and lets them share their stories, too. I really enjoyed Miss M’s story and thought it was great that she has a sense of humor about something that would really have most people fuming. I think if you can keep laughing at situations like this, you’ll turn out better in the end. That and some serious convos with the Mr. Good luck!

    Reply
  24. Lena on February 8, 2012

    This is cracking me up, because I also love a Mama’s boy. But shit, she ain’t a Mama like your MIL. What’s amazing is that you have a pretty badass sense of humor, and you apply it to such situations. Brava, Miss M.

    Reply
  25. Ben on February 9, 2012

    Wow . . . Rachel seems like a lovely person [sic]. Seriously, who appointed her the MLA format queen of blogging?

    I think its asinine when a commenter comes on to someone’s blog and slams their style. Everyone who reads here frequently knows the intro to this blog is about what readers are looking forward to at this time of the week . . . the bachelor recap.

    You were simply letting us know that the recap is being worked on and in the mean time here is a blog about in-laws.

    Thanks for posting this article and I look forward to the recap!!

    Reply
  26. Nat on February 9, 2012

    I totally an relate to this.
    My future in laws r so “unique” if you know what I mean. They put words in my mouth, look down on me for not being American etc etc
    Unfortunately, that’s the family we can not chose, but your husband is the family you can choose. Maybe having a conversation with him and adding some camomile tea would help us tolerate them a bit more :)
    Good luck!

    Reply
  27. Nicole Thomas on February 12, 2012

    What’s up Rachels butt?? Is she Miss M’s mother in law disguising herself as “Rachel”? Is your MIL a Harvard scholar?? I think the lesson should be, just thank God “Rachel” isn’t your MIL… or is she???

    Reply
  28. Jillian Nicole on February 16, 2012

    Obviously, I’m way late on this, but Chandra’s reply to Rachel just made me actually laugh out loud–so good!:)

    Reply

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