DEAR TKB: “I feel like my bridesmaid is trying to upstage my day… and I can’t understand why she would do this.”

Happy Tuesday afternoon, folks!  Alison here, blogging from the lovely Las Vegas at WPPI, and kind of wishing I didn’t have to go back to NY after THIS AMAZING WEATHER OUT HERE.  I mean… people LIVE like this, in nice weather most of the year?  I am officially addicted to the sunshine.

Ok, moving right along, today’s question from a reader is a doozie, not to mention, a not-so-unusual problem brides can have.  I’d love to hear your thoughts for Miss E., and if you have any advice for her!  As always, I’m just one li’l ol’ person in a sea of advice-having people, and I think Miss E will appreciate whatever you may have to say.  Alrighty, here we go…..

Dear TKB:

One of my bridesmaids got engaged 3 months after I did. I am so happy for her as she is a good friend and they are a great couple. What makes me sad is that now when we are with our group of friends she dominates the conversation with her wedding. My wedding is first but she has now moved her wedding date to be within two weeks of mine, purchased a nearly identical dress after she saw which one I was getting and is getting married in Europe so all of our friends can’t stop talking about the vacation/trip to Europe/her wedding. Plus, some of the concepts I shared with her before her engagement are now going to be in her wedding, too. I was saving them as surprises but all of our friends now think that she had the idea so it looks like I took it from her and used it first. I feel like she is trying to upstage my day. It is too late to change the concept, colors and theme. I just want to cry and can’t understand why she would do this. We were close. Any advice? I really want her out of the wedding but I know that would just make all of this look worse.

Thanks!

E.

Dear E:

First, let me reassure you that all the family members at your wedding will be surprised.  So will everybody else there, who doesn’t know or talk to this copycat bridesmaid.  The only people who will not be surprised are the few with whom you shared your plans.  That adds up to a large number of surprised people.

However, a wedding should primarily be about you and the one you love, starting out on a lifetime of married bliss together.  It’s nice to have some touches that show your creativity and maybe even cause some guests to be amazed. But that should all be secondary.

If you and your husband are looking at each other with heartfelt joy all the day and night of your wedding day, that’s what your guests will be talking about when they drive home, and even after a time, when they remember your special day.  It won’t be the fireworks or the clowns or the Air Force Jets flyover.  Well… maybe the flyover will be remembered and talked about.

But, if you start thinking about “that bridesmaid” and the others she shared her/your wedding ideas with on “your day,” you will miss the best day of your life. Before your wedding day think about how bad a candid picture of you glaring at her will look.  When you realize how your preoccupation with her could mess with your mood, your posture and your smile on your day, don’t think of her at all.  But, if you do, take the high road and remember that: “Imitation is the highest form of flattery.”

Have the confidence to know that your friends by now know which one of you is more creative.  That is why I’m reluctant to tell you to confront her or to tell your other friends that she is stealing your ideas.  There are too many unpredictable outcomes to going those routes, and most of them are bad.  Also why risk losing out on a fun trip to Europe with your new hubby.  I’m not assuming you’d do this, but if the urge comes to you, resist telling everyone when you’re at her wedding: “See that, it was my idea. See that. It was my idea too.”

And if you still can’t shake the anger, remember that living a good life is the best revenge. :)

Hope this is helpful!

Okie dokie you guys, I’d love to hear YOUR thoughts/advice for Miss E!

xoxo!  - Alison

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26 comments

  1. Jenna on February 21, 2012

    So entering into the idea that we all get married once (ideally) and get one shot at our perfect wedding, it’s hard to not use something a friend did or is doing if you love it. It is frustrating if it’s your idea and someone else is using it too and so close to yours, but take it as a complement. If she loves it and wants it to be part of her wedding, she should use it. It’s her wedding and on your wedding you should do what you want. It is hard though and I totally get where you’re coming from in the frustration.
    Spend some time with friends and family who are not mutual so it can be all about you (as it should be). But you have to remember that people can and do take from wherever they want for wedding ideas. They won’t get another chance to use the idea, so you’ve got to let it go.

    Also is there a chance she moved up the wedding day due to venue costs, family convenience, or weather?

    Reply
  2. Ariana on February 21, 2012

    Try and remember that while your day is about you, her day is about her. She wouldn’t spend time and money just trying to upstage you. Especially when it comes to having a wedding in Europe. She’s planning her own perfect wedding and not even thinking about your wedding. And that should be her priority as it should be yours.

    I think you should just relax about the whole thing and focus on your own wedding instead of worrying about someone else’s. And next time your friend is blabbering on about her decorations you can say something like, “At the end of the day decorations are just trash. What I’m most excited about is marrying the man I love.” Boom.

    Reply
  3. Kelly on February 21, 2012

    While I wholeheartedly agree with the answer and the above comments I do think some recognition should be given to how the (original) bride feels. This behavior could be coming from many places; jealousy, insecurity, admiration, or even seflishness. But in the end if it’s as blatant as stated one thing is for sure, the bridesmaid-come-bride is doing something that hurts her friend. And that’s not ok. I think it’s best to wait until both events are over but I ALSO think she is well within her rights to confront this ‘friend’. As respectfully as possible of course. But there is nothing wrong with saying “I’m glad we both had wonderful weddings but some things you did/said hurt my feelings or made me feel used/foolish”. The friendship may or maynot survive a confrontation but it certainly will not survive one person silently resenting the other forever.

    Reply
  4. bethany on February 21, 2012

    I can imagine this situation is…well…stressful. We all like to plan a wedding that is the most original, most creative that any of our guests have ever attended. I felt much the same!

    But think about it: How many of our ideas are actually our own? At least half of mine were seen at a friend’s wedding, on Pinterest or in a magazine. It would have been totally inconvenient had a friend borrowed some of my ideas, but at the end of the day…I borrowed them from someone else, too!

    Whether this friend is using the ideas because she truly loves them, or because she’s trying to upstage you, don’t risk losing a friendship or changing your day just to look original. What makes your wedding original is YOU. Not that DIY photobooth or those handmade favors. It’s hard to remember that in a sea of picture-perfect wedding Pinterest boards, but to your parents, your siblings, your soon-to-be-spouse….it is all you.

    You bring the sparkle. And your day will be one of the most beautiful they’ve ever seen.

    Reply
  5. Lily on February 21, 2012

    I see where she is coming from, if it were up to me I would exclude her from the wedding. You don’t have to be nice all the time especially since it’s your day and someone its rudely taking your spotlight ( everyone is selfish every now and then) Yes, its all about the groom and the bride, and no idea is original since all of them have been used and yes, the bridesmaid-bride has a right to do the wedding her way but the first bride came first and she should shush on her ideas until her friend’s wedding is over. It’s your day and you don’t need someone upstaging you, at least in that one day where you have a right to be selfish since its your day not hers.

    At least that’s my opinion.

    Reply
  6. JuliaEnchanted on February 22, 2012

    I definitely come down on the side of Miss E being rightfully angry. If it were me, I would feel like that bridesmaid was breaking her commitment to support me. I mean, if she has a wedding across the ocean two weeks after Miss E’s, how is she going to have time to be there for Miss E? I agree that Miss E shouldn’t let her frustration overshadow her special day, but I think it’s important to acknowledge and deal with it.

    I second the suggestion of spending more time with non-mutual friends, and I would definitely find one to vent to. I would keep any new ideas or changes on that side of the line too, because I think it’s ok to indulge the jealous, need-to-be-unique side for your day. If you have a mutual friend who is more sympathetic to you, I would assign them ‘cleanup duty’ on the day of so that if That Bridesmaid starts in on That Crap they can distract her and lead her away from you and you won’t have to deal with it.

    The passive-agressive b**** who lives in my head wants you to consider some conversational redirects such as ‘oh yeah, I’m so glad you were there when I picked out those decorations. It’s like we’re wedding-twinsies!’ … I do recommend taking her advice with a grain of salt, though. On account of her being a b**** and all.

    I definitely agree that the best revenge, but if you need a little more wicked solace remember that a lot of your mutual friends will remember your wedding and not hers because you didn’t ask them to pay for a trans-atlantic flight to share your special day.

    Reply
  7. JuliaEnchanted on February 22, 2012

    Correction: … the best revenge *is living a good life*, …

    Reply
  8. Lucy on February 22, 2012

    The best thing you can do is add some extra touches and don’t tell a soul. Maybe change a few bits here and there too. It will make you smile inside. Some people lack imagination and think of yourself as a leader not a follower! :)
    She probably doesn’t realise how much she’s affecting you as people do get wrapped up in it all when planning their wedding, but it is your day and you deserve to enjoy every minute.
    Hopefully it will all work itself out for you soon and congratulations!

    Reply
  9. Laura on February 22, 2012

    She’s not alone! I had a bridesmaid get engaged 4 months after I did, but she was already dominating the conversation to be about her wedding before that. A few weeks after we ordered our bridesmaids dresses, she sent an email to all her bridesmaids (and I was one of them), with a link to the dress I had chosen. She at least chose a different color, but that didn’t stop me from being angry that she couldn’t have an original idea. It was frustrating, but I had another bridesmaid or two who were able to keep me from dwelling on it. Plus, I found out later that my sister had threatened her if she talked about her wedding on my day.

    My advice would be to have a friend who can shield you from her on your day, so it doesn’t have to be your problem. Also, remember that her wedding is after yours, so all the common guests will think she copied you! A year later, I can assure you that it just doesn’t matter–you’ll be happily married, so just enjoy YOUR day!

    Reply
  10. Kristen on February 22, 2012

    I’m an older bride so I may have a different perspective – but I’ve also had a lot of sh*tty friends, so maybe that colors my answer as well:

    Unless you are truly able to let go of this frustration/anger/upset and enjoy the rest of your wedding planning which will, it sounds like, also include a lot of her wedding planning, you need to talk to her. In my world, adults discuss with each other when they’ve been hurt or offended. Not because it is the other person’s “fault” but because that’s what adults do, if they are unable to let go of bad feelings.

    I don’t see why you can’t sit her down and simply say, “I’m feeling upset because your wedding is now not only so close to mine, but the plans you’re making are so similar to mine. I realize that you aren’t purposefully trying to hurt me, and maybe I’m being a little sensitive, but its upsetting me nonetheless and I wanted to discuss it with you. Do you think we can come up with a plan to allow both of us to enjoy this time as brides-to-be without stepping on each others toes?” Or something of that nature. Swallowing bad feelings or pushing them away if you are not truly able to just let them go (and be honest with yourself – how easily do you normally let this sort of hurt go?) then how can you NOT say something? How can you expect yourself to just go along and not feel these things over and over? When people are honest with themselves about how they feel and act, it gives them power to stop bad feelings.

    Just to pontificate a little more, I am struggling with my bridesmaids right now because I am not a typical bride and the things they care about, aren’t things I care about. Instead of getting wicked upset that planning my wedding is not fun, I talk to my fiance about certain things, I tell my bridesmaids honestly, exactly what I need from them and I do my best to ignore that which upsets me. When I can’t ignore it or brush past it, I speak up. Otherwise how can I expect anyone to treat me as I wish. No one is a mind reader.

    Reply
  11. Amelia on February 22, 2012

    I felt the same way when my older sister got engaged a year after me … Then wanted to have her wedding before mine. I didn’t want to protest, but I made me feel angry. Then I realized she just wanted to be married when in her mind was the best time. Who am I to say she shouldn’t? Yes, I’m paying for my whole wedding and don’t have to money to be the maid of honor in hers at the moment…. If she does decide to get married soon? Well, I will just have to remember it has nothing to do with me! It is her day, and I will be amazingly happy for her . No matter what!

    Reply
  12. Lena on February 22, 2012

    How lucky we are to have Alison in our lives–she gives much better advice than I would. I would say, “Cut her face!” or “Shove her down a flight of stairs!” or at least, “Stop telling her your clever ideas!”, but Alison is generous and kind. And she’s right–it won’t matter, or at least it shouldn’t on your wedding day.

    Between pinterest, blogs and FB, it’s easy for someone to jack your wedding, your personal style, your haircut–without you ever being the wiser. Obviously she admires your style, or she wouldn’t be quite so anxious to emulate it. It’s not easy to smile while she does it, but it’s just not worth the fall-out, is it?

    Stay strong, Miss E.

    Reply
  13. Holly on February 22, 2012

    For fun, or girl time, sit down and watch Bride Wars together. It could open up conversation “phew I’m glad none of that is happening with us!” Or “OMG! That’s totally us, did you notice! We gotta do something, hahaha.” Approach it casually and as if its comical but must be rectified. This way it saves you being angry for possibly no reason, and gives opportunity to keep it blameless and not cause problems in the friendship. Chances are she’s been so involved in your wedding she’s probably been thinking all along about her own wedding (cuz honestly do we really look through bridal mags and not get ideas?) And maybe you have similar tastes, or she admires you, or she just liked those same ideas, after all you’ve already made them look good and desirable. If she is doing any of it on purpose with malace it will be obvious on her face and body language, it will be uncomfortable for her to watch.

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  14. Dina on February 22, 2012

    Besides the fact that I will never find another sweetheart like my honey to-be, I never EVER want to plan a wedding again, solely because it is the most stressful thing I’ve ever done. In my life. Which has lasted 26 1/2 years.

    It’s been fun too, don’t get me wrong.

    What makes it stressful? When ppl are insensitive and act like beaches. Meaning those of the female persuasion. Guys are easy peasy. Hearing what your bridesmaid did makes my stomach turn over. I will say this, my dear, that it is highly unlikely that she knows what she is doing to you, and she will not know until it happens to her. It’s the rule of thumb about compassion; in order to have it for someone else, most of the time you must have experienced the same pain the other us having. Confronting her before she gets that could be extremely fruitless. I recently asked someone to step down from being in my wedding, but the circumstances were much more extreme and touchy. It was darn near unavoidable. And it still feels shivvy. But I – we – feel it was the right thing to do in order to be true to ourselves.

    Love you, and I’m sorry she hurt you. Stay strong. Be the bigger person. Remember what it’s about, but be true to yourself.

    Reply
  15. L on February 23, 2012

    Holy hell, lady! I am dealing with sort of the same thing. The differences are that she’s a close friend of my fiance’s and… Maybe that’s the only one timeline and all. She even got sorta wine drunk, called me, and apologized for stealing all my ideas! Eeps! Anywhoo, I’ve decided that I don’t give a flying f*ck at a rolling doughnut abou her staeling my ideas because I’m/we’re the ones that those things actually reflect, and they mean more to us and those around us. I think that says just as much as someine who copies because they can’t figure themselves out. Your friends and family will know that your wedding comes from your heart. If she wants to be a weak facsimile then let her be that and carry on your merry badass way, hotpants.

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  16. Ruby Woo Loves You on February 23, 2012

    If you guys are truly friends, it could be she doesn’t even realize what she’s doing. I’m a huge advocate of just telling the truth–sometimes we make things out to be worse in our minds than they actually are.

    A foolproof way (that I’ve used many times) to confront people about situations is to indirectly address it.

    Example: I would take her out to coffee and say that you’ve been kind of stressed lately. When she asks why, tell her that lots of people have been comparing your wedding to hers, and you feel like they’re trying to make you competitive. Ask her if anyone has been doing it to her too, and then share how it’s all making you feel. “We’re such good friends, and you know how excited I am for you, but everyone is comparing our weddings, and it’s making it hard for me to enjoy it. Has anyone said that to you? How do you think I should respond?” By forcing her to give the advice to you, it can help her see the situation from another perspective.

    If she responds like “Oh, those people are crazy–our weddings are totally different!” You can be like, “I know…but they’re citing THIS and THIS and THIS…”

    If she is genuinely your friend, she doesn’t want you to be stressed or upset. It could be that she doesn’t even realize she’s using your ideas–I had a friend get married before me and take all my color scheme ideas. I don’t think she realized she did it…I just think she thought it was a good idea.

    I agree with Alison’s advice too–the ideas you had will still be new and fresh to a lot of people. And really, EVERYTHING has been done before. Even the Bible says that there is, “Nothing new under the sun.”

    I think being honest with your friends is always the best bet. Also, be careful to not talk to mutual friends about your feelings or how you are upset–the last thing you want is for that to get back to her, and you guys have a wedge driven between you.

    Hope that helps, and hope your day is great!

    Reply
  17. bridal girl on February 23, 2012

    This is a bit difficult to discuss because your friendship may be in the line here. It is so difficult if a friend starts becoming so conceited they tend to forget those people around them. You should probably ignore her. But do tell your friends that most of what she is saying are your ideas and make sure that you let them understand that.

    Reply
  18. Sabina on February 27, 2012

    You are in such a difficult situation. What I would do is talk to my bridesmaid. If you two are close and good friends you should know how to talk to her to explain how her behavior make you uncomfortable. She doesn’t have to stop be happy about her engagement, but she should know to moderate her enthusiasm. Try talking to her.

    Reply
  19. Emily on February 27, 2012

    I agree that this is a very difficult situation and just about every bride in your shoes would feel hurt and frustrated as well. First I think it’s important to remember that while your wedding is all about you and your husband-to-be, your friends wedding is also all about her and her husband-to-be. It’s slight self-centered to think that just because you got engaged first that all of your wedding ideas were yours first. How do you know she didn’t have many of these details thought out before you? Or that she feels the exact same way you do about this? You two are obviously very close friends (you’re in each others weddings) so, like many close friends, you may have very similar style and taste (hence similar dress) I think it’s a great idea to talk with her as many other posters mentioned. But I would steer clear of accusing her of stealing your ideas. I really think your friendship could rest on the outcome of the situation.

    On the other hand, your friend should be respectful and let you have your moment. She should not talk about her wedding all the time and allow you to enjoy such an exciting time in your life. I definitely think you are justified in bringing this to her attention.

    Finally, just like Allison said, ultimately your wedding is about the love you and your fiancé have for each other. It’s not about your friend or the color of your bridesmaids dresses. Whenever you feel yourself getting caught up in the “wedding” take a moment to remind yourself what it’s really all about. The rest of those details wont seem so big.

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  20. Christina on February 27, 2012

    Dear E.,

    I am Head of Event Planning & Design at Baldassarre Events Italy and I think the best advice I can give you is the following:

    Your heart will tell you what to do. Sounds cheesy?

    If you are so frustrated to even write it online, I can tell from experience that this is something you can hardly forgive. Especially, if your friends think that you copied which puts you in a completely awkward situation. I think the moment will come where you just have to say something and then this is the right thing to do.

    Your wedding should be perfect and if you feel like the situation is taking that away from you, talk to her about it. I don’t like the word “confront” because it has a little bit of a negative touch to it but you should address your feelings. If it doesn’t work out, you at least tried it. Even if she gets upset, I think she will ultimately come around and give you credit for your wonderful preparation and celebration.

    There is what I call “wedding magic” that just makes everyone as cute as a puppy. It’s in nobody’s interest to ruin your day and you should be able to enjoy it without any worries!

    And a little design tip: you can copy the whole thing but it will still look different and feel different. Even if the dress would be exactly the same, it always depends on who is in it!

    Good luck and best wishes from Italy!

    Christina
    Head of Event Planning & Design
    Baldassarre Events

    Reply
  21. Ella on February 28, 2012

    I think everyone on here has given wonderful advice and I don’t disagree with any of it. It definitely depends on the individual situation. I thought I’d give you my input only because I have already gone through a semi similar situation, only I was the second bride and my friend was convince I was trying to upstage her. I say this not to make you feel bad, or to imply that you are overly sensitive, I believe you have every right to be upset. But I do believe that situations like this are all about maybe seeing other possible sides/reasons, which might make it easier to approach your friend with compassion or even so that you can just take the higher road and think the best of people.

    My fiance picked out my ring about a year before my friend got engaged (no joke) and just as he was planning to ask me, she got engaged. He decided to wait a month before asking me and when he did, I was so excited to be planning my wedding next to my friend who I had been close to since middle school. We were both in each others weddings, in fact I was her maid of honor ( I have sisters). My wedding was six months after hers and I thought that that would negate any of the possible wedding comparisons or fears of upstaging. As we started to plan though, she started to get really upset both when anyone (we had a couple other friends get engaged and married before both of us) either stole an idea from her or didn’t go with what she thought was the most wedding appropriate option. At first her complaints seemed valid and were pretty small. But then I went to book my venu and photographer. I visited the venu she was having her wedding at and told her that I really liked it and was thinking about having my wedding there. She told me that I needed to LOVE the venu I was using (I am not an overly gushy person, just my personality) and that if I was having my wedding before her, there was no way she would ever tell me it was ok to have my wedding there, but since it was after, she didn’t mind, although she wouldn’t want to have a wedding in the same place after hers. I was a little annoyed, because while I do understand how she would feel if I took a wedding spot of hers and had my wedding before her, I couldn’t help but think that she didn’t technically own the venue. Out of courtesy, I wouldn’t do that to a friend (and it was a moot point anyway since my wedding was after hers), but I felt our weddings would be two separate events that could both stand on their own perfectly well and I only wanted the best for her wedding.

    She then went on to freak out when I met with two photographers, one of which was hers and one of which was more expensive than hers, and I picked the more expensive one. Now, I didn’t do this because I thought her photographer was awful or because mine cost more and was therefore fancier. I choose the photographer because I fell in love with his style and the photographer’s personality meshed well with my fiance and I. Also, my friend had budgeted less for her photographer because she had a videographer and rented table clothes, lounge furniture, and beaded crystal columns. My friend immediately made some really snark comments that hurt, instead of calmly trying to talk it out with me, and in the end, things like that led to the end of our friendship.

    After the photographer, the venue, and several other comments, I simply stopped talking to her about my wedding. I felt like no matter what I did, she was going to compare our weddings and decide I was trying to upstage hers (I should mention that she is a wedding planner and we live in a relatively small community, so she knew what a lot of vendors cost etc. Also, my fiance and I had decided that we wanted to focus on picking vendors that we could get along with well who would not cause us stress, even if that meant going up a little in price, because we felt that was important to us if we were going to be spending a pretty large amount on them already).

    I can tell you the feelings of resentment I held on to didn’t go away, and neither did hers. I can tell you I wish she had just calmly talked to me, because I am pretty sure she didn’t understand where I was coming from. And I can tell you that on the day of my wedding, I didn’t give two craps what she thought or did. I put her and some of my other bridal party at a different table during dinner and she hardly danced with me or talked to me, partially because she was upset and partially because I had so many other people there to share my time with. I was so busy enjoying myself, I didn’t have time to deal with her. Which is not to say she didn’t cause me a bit of a headache (she did several things, including ordering a dress size too small for her bridesmaid dress and then freaking out when it didn’t really fit well the day of and insulting my photographer’s personality while he was standing right behind her) and our friendship was incredibly strained at the end of it all. Also, she looks upset or irritated in the background of all the candid photos taken, which makes me a little sad.

    I don’t think this is the exact same as your case at all, but I think the things I would take away from my experience were I you are that she might have a different reason for doing what she’s doing. She might have set her wedding two weeks from yours because it was the best time for her to get married (weather, family situations, pregnancy…who knows!) and you could always ask in order to help you understand. She might be taking your ideas because she loves them and doesn’t understand how it hurts you, because maybe to her, it wouldn’t upset her if you took her ideas. I think the thing that would upset me is that she doesn’t give you some credit for them. And she might not realize how much she ends up talking about her wedding because she is excited about it (although, if I were you, I’d look at it as your friends are going to be sick of hearing about her wedding by the time it comes around, because I know that’s how many of my friends felt).

    As far as having a lot of the same things as yours, I know it’s a huge worry and concern for brides and you want so bad to be original. I’m not sure any wedding is particularly original now a days. But, I also believe at the same time, that every wedding is original. Not because of the things you do and the idea you have, but because of the unique people that will be there. You will be surrounded by the people who make up your and your fiance’s lives, the people who mean the world to you both will be under one roof for this one night in your life, and that will make it pretty damn special. Also, your guests won’t be as critical of wedding things as you will be because they aren’t planning a wedding themselves usually, they will just want to come to your wedding and have fun.

    I think you can try to talk to her with the intention of getting her perspective to help yourself feel better. Or you can just ignore her, because on your wedding day, you won’t be worried about her. If she is a really good person and friend, she is probably not trying to hurt you. And if she is trying to hurt you or upstage you, then she probably isn’t a good person or friend, and not worth the effort to worry about or let ruin your day.

    Reply
  22. Ella on February 28, 2012

    Sorry for the long winded comment…didn’t really mean to get that wordy and didn’t realize how rambling it was until all was said and done. =)

    Reply
  23. Estefy on February 29, 2012

    So everyone has given great advice as above stated.

    A. I see where you are coming from and I’d probably feel the exact same way.

    B. If it makes you feel better about it all to change a few things and it’s within budget, I say do it. It will relax you and just don’t share any of it with her. Then it will be a surprise.

    C. I don’t know your cultural background, but in mine people DO notice and DO say things. Now whether or not that’s something that affects you or not is based on how attached you are to your cultural background. I think people forget that even if it’s about you and you hubs cultural background can always be a stressor.

    D. I’d wait a bit to talk to her, if you want to talk to her at all about it. I don’t see why someone would even want to get married in the same place as someone else, unless of course it’s a church, that they’re close with regardless of it being 14 days to a year, but that’s just me.

    I hope you feel better about it and can have a beautiful wonderful wedding day! <3

    Reply
  24. Alicia on March 1, 2012

    I know it’s impossible in the midst of wedding planning to listen to any such advice that tells you the details don’t matter and it’s all about the love between you and your husband. But I will tell you one thing, after my wedding not one person commented on the flowers, how well the chairs matched the other decor, or the DIY elements I spent months slaving over, all I heard over and over again is “You were beautiful” and “We had a great time!”

    Don’t let the decor or the fact that she is stealing it steal your happiness. Everyone at your wedding will only be thinking about you and your husband not their upcoming trip to Europe. It will be gorgeous and in the end you will be married and that’s the best part. If it weren’t for photos I wouldn’t have remembered half of the decor. The day is a whirlwind, don’t waste time worrying about her.

    My sister had to step in when one of my bridesmaids was being a bit ridiculous/selfish. It cleared the air without causing a fight between her and I. Perhaps one of your other bridesmaids will be willing to take one for the team and point out what she is doing without you having to be the one to deal with the drama.

    Lots of luck!

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  25. Sarah Sloboda on March 10, 2012

    I just wanted to say, I ADORE the dress depicted here! :) I searched high and low for a wedding dress with sleeves, and ended up with a vintage one from the 1960s. This one is gorgeous, too. Thanks for sharing!

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  26. Cynthia on November 8, 2012

    Hi,
    I would like to share my story. My wedding was two weeks ago. My bridesmaid is my husbands sister. I was happy to have her as my bridesmaid at the beginning but later I began to notice that she’s competing with me. I told that I don’t want her to wear a white dress. So she bought a very expansive dress. Thr dress was beautiful. I was ok about it. One week before my wedding she rented a white wedding gown. When she walked in the church all my friends though that she was the bride. They said that, the only difference is that I was wearing a veil.
    One of my frens son actually filmed her walking down the aile , then when he saw me walking in he was confused. Today I saw one of my wedding photos posted on FB. I almost cried because it seemed that we had two brides at my wedding and my dress was actually beige. My husband who is the bridesmaid brother supports her. I feel so sad.

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