Ok, SO. It’s what–almost 11pm EST? and hey check me out, cuz I’m BLOGGIN’. I’ve spent much of the evening trying to wrap up ye olde latest recap of The Bachelor, so it took me a little extra time to get up a normal post today. Sorry, hope you don’t mind. Thanks for being so patient, regardless.
Ok here we go. Something is about to really get underway in my little world, and then kinda sorta potentially blow it the eff up and out. And I’ve been sitting on it, almost denying its existence, for what feels like forever. Which is stupid, but I’ll explain why I think that is, shortly.
Yeah so that sounded horrible. This thing that’s getting underway is a good thing, it’s not a bad thing. ANYWAY WHATEVER.
I’ve been preparing myself for a while now to begin sharing more of my life with youz guyz. I really enjoy keeping it real with all y’all; with my new readers just as much as with my loyal readers, which is just as much as with my lurkers :). I thrill to talk about real stuff just as much as I love sharing killer wedding ideas and inspiration, and it’s why blogging has been so rewarding for me, personally. I dig that I get to do this, and interacting with and hearing feedback from you guys is honestly my favorite part of the whole thing. It drives me to blog. I cherish the relationship we have – it’s weird but I feel like I know all of you – and I’m looking forward to all that is to come. All the juicy, tearful, intense, bodily-function-related, joyous, sexy and generally emotional topics we have yet to discuss in depth. Especially the sexy and the emotional. The bodily-function-related come in dead last. Dead. last.
Now, this getting more personal thing? I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t tell you that it’s frightening new territory for me. And so I hope it’s not a bother or something you’re not interested in hearing more regularly. Do just let me know. It’s just that on the occasions that I’ve gotten pretty personal in the past, I’ve noticed that it’s something you guys seemed to react to quite positively, and waaay more of you consistently seemed to identify with the experiences I was blogging about than I’d ever expected. The thing is, you may be surprised to hear this but it’s kind of really hard for me to get super personal about *me* and the ins and outs of my personal life. Laying all of that out… like, just putting it out there and being raw like that… it’s a scary notion. I’m a very private person, believe it or not. It’s taken me months even to get to this point, of readiness, just to start talking about doing this.
No I’m not pregnant. I think it was starting to sound like a pregnancy announcement. Sorries! Not. Pregs. Ok as I was saying.
Ok. Here’s what I feel you need to know about me:
I’m not good at being the center of attention. That’s wrong; the truth is I’m actually pretty horrible at it. Because I’ve never felt that it’s something that I necessarily deserve, even on my birthday. I am blessed to have kind parents; I truly couldn’t have lucked out more in that department, and so that’s why I’m absolutely certain that a person’s psyche and personality is as much if not more the result of nature, as it is the result of nurture. Because I’ve been more of a wallflower than anything else, all my life.
Most of the people I know are very into celebrating their birthdays and other special occasions in the most exciting and explosive ways they possibly can; many celebrate over a series of days! I actually admire people like that. People who can grab hold of the beauty of their existence, and then celebrate the f**k out of it, like everyone deserves to do. To celebrate life. Parties are a beautiful celebration of life, love and togetherness, and they are something I find paramount to a pleasurable existence. Celebration. Still, for me to celebrate MY existence, on a scale any larger than at home with some family and a couple of friends? It’s something I just could never, ever wrap my head around doing, without feeling like a fool.
I’m actually tearing up now, writing this. I didn’t expect to get all emo on your asses today. Though it’s kind of reaffirming the fact that I should be blogging topics like this one.
I think I come off as a really outgoing, confident, in control kind of person on this blog. And while the outgoing part is accurate at this point in my life, the ‘confident’ part? Still working on that. Getting better, but not even close to where I hope to be in the future. And the ‘in control’ part? I am convinced, as I rightly should be, that any semblance of control I may dream of having in life is destined to elude me for the duration of my existence on this Earth. I believe that, by virtue of the crazy, free-spiritedness that is my birthright, I simply don’t get to have the *organized, with a great memory* birthright that is intrinsic to the nature of so many of the people I admire and who exist in my personal world.
That’s of course where Honey and I come together (SHUT IT, NOT LIKE THAT). We complement one another in some of the best ways I could have dreamed for my life, in a partner and in a relationship, and so it’s something I cherish and thank my lucky stars for quite regularly.
So anyway. I wanted to share all of that with you, not only so that you’d start to get to know a little bit more about me and how I am and how I function, but also so that I could offer you a bit more understanding as to why it has taken me many months to become comfortable with this next huge step I’m taking, which is coming in the form of the-biggest-announcement-of-my-life, this week.
Just writing that gives me goosebumps. Or it could be Bambino licking my foot right now. It’s either Bambino or the sharefest I just threw up all over your faces.
Speaking of Bambino. My bro shared this video with me today and if you haven’t already seen it, omigod I hope you love even half as much as I do. It made my WORLD.
I hope you’re digging the sharing, you guys. Cuz I sort of preemptively just did a crapload of sharing, you know, up there where I wrote a post. I’m hoping the heads-up about our upcoming giveaway with the amazeballs Tessa Kim makes up for the blah blah blabbering! I’mma stop talking now.
xoxo - Alison