Happy holiday-I’m-not-sure-you-celebrate! It’s the crack of Tuesday morning as I publish this, because I wanted to be sure I blogged tonight/this morning before I completely conked out from the exhaustion of traveling over holiday weekends. Plus, there’s this reader question I feel I need to answer LIKE RIGHT NOW, or else somebody’s world could blow up. You’ll understand in a few.
But first, did you have a pleasant weekend? If you celebrate Easter, did you take home any leftovers? One of the shelves in our fridge is fully engulfed by the Easter leftovers my other family members didn’t want to have around in case the urge to snack hit. And if I HAD to muster a complaint about that, I would say that I’m not looking forward to putting all that tupperware in the dishwasher, and then having it fly about and end up turned over and full of gross dishwasher water when the cycle’s done. But on the plus side, free dinner for a week, sooo…
Ohhh, did you see Saturday night live, and that new girl Kate McKinnon? She almost completely made up for those five robot boys who tried to sing a couple of times during the time when SNL usually schedules a band to come on. When those boys came on, the One Direction I wanted them to go was off stage. By the way, usually I wouldn’t just go and say something so opinionated, but if you’re a huge One Direction fan chances are you’re not old enough to get married so I’m not all that concerned about having lost you just now. In fact we probably don’t have a lot in common beyond maybe a shared love of the internet, so you’ve probably saved us both a lot of wasted time. I should be thanking you!
Anyway, like I said, Honey and I have just gotten back into town from suburbia this Monday evening, and I for one am delighted to be able to return to a place where grass is the recessive gene in the city’s landscape. Sweet, sweet pavement, dog poo and mounds of glass shards fallen from broken side-view-mirrors – it is good to be walking upon you, again! This– this is home.
Of course I jest. I do wish my sojourns into lands where trees and grass don’t have to be legally forbidden from being paved, would last a bit longer. Grassy backyards are seriously underrated, people-who-have-backyards. Honey and I will sometimes be watching one of those home shows where a couple is searching for a home not in a big city and we’ll both be like…
at the sight of the backyards. Because seriously, seeing a home with a backyard when you live in NYC is like seeing the mer-child you nannied from infancy decide to whore herself out in exchange for shelter and nice clothing.
We make decisions for the couples on those shows based almost wholly on the quality of the backyards. … What’s that? The master bedroom is the size of a toddler’s closet and the kitchen has linoleum flooring? THE BACKYARD’S AMAZE, THEY’VE GOTTA TAKE IT. Oh, the boiler needs to be replaced and there are literally no closets in the home? BUT LOOK AT THAT BACKYAAARD! HOUSE 2 ALL THE WAY.
We learned a fun lesson, by the way, this Easter weekend. We learned that somewhere along the way, we went from being people who would seriously consider weaving in and out of lanes to get home faster after a holiday weekend, to people who cannot believe the way some people weave in and out of lanes just to get home faster after a holiday weekend. And if you guessed that that makes me feel very old, then you guessed right.
Ok. Enough about me. In other more relevant news, a lovely but very, very frustrated reader wrote in with a question. So naturally, that means it’s time for a…
My fiance and I got engaged, and it was wonderful and magical and everything I had hoped for! My family was extremely excited, everyone was happy…. or so I thought. A few days after our engagement, I hear from a cousin of mine, who we will name J, informed me that another cousin, who we will name Q, was very angry with my engagement and pretty much chewed J a new asshole over the whole thing. Now J, who had no idea we were getting engaged (obviously, because no one knew but my fiance) didn’t know how to react to Q’s craziness. Q went on and on about how he was older, he should have gotten engaged first, blah blah blah. Stupid s**t. Oh, let me mention, Q, is a guy. So J calls me and informs of this and I decide to confront Q about this. He plays all cool and as though he has no idea what the hell I am talking about. “Fine.” I reply and leave it at that. Now Q has a girlfriend who so happened to be out of the province at this time. He then flies down to see her. This is about a week after the engagement now. We then get news that he has also gotten engaged! Yay! So freakin’ fantastic! Q starts texting me asking me to “add” his new fiance to Facebook. Let’s make this clear – I have NEVER met this woman in my life. Even though we live in the same town, she’s kind of a loser. Whatever. So I add her, nothing happes. We don’t speak, nothing. Then about 2 days later, I open my Facebook and what comes up in the news feed?? Well, it’s MY engagement ring! So beautiful, so sparkly, and so… on someone else’s finger! WTF! I look at the picture again and examine it only to realize… that it’s my cousin’s new fiance! With my freakin’ engagement ring on her freakin’ finger! BAHHHHH!!!!! Really, this is happening to me!? Seriously… someone is playing a joke. Nope, no joke. Just reality. So what had happened is I decided to post my ring on my Facebook the day after my fiance and I got engaged. Why? Because I wanted to share it with my family and friends who I would not be seeing. Now, after adding Q’s fiance, she decided it would be a GREAT idea to check out my pictures, I can only assume. She sees the ring, picks the ring, Q buys the ring, she wears the ring. Now Q, being the oh so nice guy he is, decides to let her pick her own ring! And she picks mine! Come on, people! It’s a ring, there are millions of rings, but no, the same one as mine! Same designer, same style, same size diamond, everything! Oh PALEASE! I decide it’s time to confront Q with a text asking why he bought her the exact same right as mine. He then proceeds to tell me it’s not the same, it’s different, blah, blah, blah. I ask if his new love saw my ring on Facebook, he claims she did not. Of course he is going to say that! Q keeps texting with more excuses and explainations and I choose to ignore him. He then calls me, again I ignore it. Q then decides to call MY mother! Really? He calls my mom to ask her what she thinks of the whole. Obviously I called my mom the second I saw the picture! I mean come on, you stole my engagement and now my ring! My mom proceeds to tell him she doesn’t think what he did is right. Q then decides TO TAKE THE RING BACK! Him and his grown up mind decide to go pick a different ring. They remove the picture they posted on Facebook and go return the ring. Okay, I figured they had a pretty conscience if they went and returned. I also thought this was done and we were now moving on…. oh wouldn’t that be nice. No, we’re not moving on, we are only getting started. Q calls his mommy and cried and whines and does whatever else a little boy does to make his mommy feel bad for him. She then proceeds to delete me off Facebook, Q and his new love delete me off Facebook and BLOCK ME! WTF! Okay, whatever. I get a call from another family member informing me they will not be attending my wedding until I fix this. Fix what? What the hell did I do?! They then proceed to tell me that they are disappointed in me and that Q’s mother has called them to tell them she will not be attending my wedding and wants nothing to do with my family anymore. She has now decided she is no longer speaking to me, my mother, my fiance, my father, my god-mother and her family. Hmm.. weird for an adult to act this way. Now I have fully accepted that they are not coming to our wedding, but did I really do something wrong by confronting Q about the ring? Should I have left it alone? Please help me out!
Thanks so much for everything you do! I love your blog! It has really saved mine and my fiance’s relationship, especially when dealing the with mother-in-law. So fun!
Dear Miss A:
I have to begin this reply with two timeworn phrases:
“You cannot pick your relatives.” (– cousin Q). And, “No good deed goes unpunished.” (– adding Q’s fiancée to your Facebook).
If Q and his fiancée loved your ring, as they must have, then a common courtesy would have been to tell you and then ask if you would mind if they got the same one. If they had asked that, you would have been flattered. Your answer is irrelevant now because that didn’t happen, although it should have. What happened is that you felt blind-sided and taken advantage of, by Q and his fiancée.
Some people have great taste and style, and those who may not, but admire the style of others, often copy (for lack of a better word) what those others do. This is completely normal. Every wedding dress designer wants hundreds of brides to order the same dress. Every ring designer wants the same ring style to also be chosen by hundreds of couples.
The unwillingness of Q and his fiancée to admit to wanting the same ring after seeing it on your Facebook page is what set your inter-family relationships on a downward spiral. Sounds so silly for such a trivial thing to cause such a ruckus, but it’s more common than many of us would like to think.
Could you go to every family member who was told a self-serving version of Q’s story and tell each the simple truth, as stated above? I suppose you could do that or just send a mass email to them. But, since they were too quick to find fault with you, rather than talk to you, it may not work. Their loyalties seem to be with Q.
I would be inclined to do the mass email though. They still might not come to the wedding but it will be because of their embarrassment and not their undeserved self-righteous indignation.
If it works, that will be great. If it doesn’t, you will know that you tried, and just remember: The things a bride does not need at her wedding are negativity or judgmental people.
Okie dokie you guys…
1) I would love to hear YOUR thoughts/advice for Miss A. I’m just one person, so I don’t assume my advice is the be all end all. What are your reactions to her situation?
2) With regard to my question in the title, I LURRRRVE the soundtrack to the movie Drive, starring Mr. F**k Yeah himself, Ryan Gosling. ’Tis very sexy. Also, Ryan Gosling is very sexy, in the movie, sooo, there’s that, too. And it is for that reason that I feel kind of weird and guilty about liking it for a romp in the hay. So I just need to know… is that silly? No seriously is it silly. Because I’m *this close* to using it. Be my Ethics Committee on this one, except actually be ethical, unlike how it works in government.
3) Third and final question, since we’re on the topic of bedroom wrestling soundtracks. I was thinking it might be fun to share some of my top favorite tunes to have on your playlist for when you’re boinking… but then I was like: eww, Alison, that’s gross, you’re gross. They don’t wanna hear what’s on “The Hotness.” (The Hotness is my special playlist, for special hugs.) … Anyway, so, am I gross? Or would that be fun to hear about in a blog post?
xoxo! - Alison
lead image: Ivan Apfel Photography