Hey lovers. Happy Monday afternoon. I hope you all had lovely/relatively enjoyable/tolerable weekends over the holiday, puppy and kitty parents included! Anybody get married this weekend? I brought Bambino to visit his grandma (and by association, grandpa) in the country, and I don’t know which one of them enjoyed it more:
They’re sweet together. It’s actually cuter than even those pictures show, if that’s even possible. They’re like old college friends; they just *get* one another and can spend hours reliving the good times. And you know what? I live to carry Bambino wike uh whittle newborn behbehkins, the way he lets my Mom. But, instead of loving it like in my dreams for him, he reacts by rigor-mortising his entire body as if to say, “please believe that I am several hours dead and just leave me alone right side up, I beg of you, smothering woman.” It’s a HUGE bummer. But I digress… especially since we’ve got SSBs to discuss. Oh, are you familiar with SSBs? Well, whether or not you are, I’m extremely excited to let you know that Cassie’s come back to TKB today to share yet another highly embarrassing story about life as a couple once you’ve moved in together. And once you’ve enjoyed laughing at hers, I encourage you to share your own Secret Single Behaviors in the comments… because you all KNOW you have at least ONE. Don’t act all coy like you’re a real live Betty Draper except without all that jealousy that comes out in her therapy sessions. (NOTE: I am up to Episode 2 in Season 2 of Mad Men, so I’m still on the blonde wife Draper. PLEASE, no spoilers beyond the spoiler I gave myself when I turned on a recent episode by accident to find he has a new wife! Thanks in advance.)
But yeah, I wanna hear your secret behaviors, not only because it’s amazing how cleansing it is to tell the world, but also because I like juicy details. And I delight in taking a break from spilling the weirdo beans in my life and reading about some of yours. :) ’Course, if you’re shy, you can always just dish on your friend’s secret habits. This is the internet – she’ll never find out. ;)
Take it away, Cassie!
When Moving In Together Makes You Realize You Are Weird
Now that I’m living with the love of my life, I’m beginning to realize that I’m a little…weird.
You see, I have this thing I do… I’m just going to say it.
I have a secret single behavior. I have SSB… You’ve probably already heard this term used before, from Sex and the City…but we need to discuss. (Also, my inner dialogue sounds strikingly similar to Carrie Bradshaw…so naturally when I write about living with someone, the episode that she moves in with Aiden is FRONT and CENTER).
Okay… I’m not just talking about the kind of SSB that resembles not shaving your legs because it’s winter…or only shaving the bottom half of your legs when you’re in a rush and just need to look cute in the dress. And I’m not just talking about popping zits in a mirror, and spending hours looking at your pores in the mirror. And it’s not just about eating teddy grahams and frosting as a midnight snack.
What I’m talking about TRANSCENDS the usual, and gets to the real nitty gritty. The kind of nitty gritty that just feels SO GOOD when you do it, and you never really realized it was a problem before until you moved in with a man.
I pick at my nail polish. Nail polish was NOT invented for me because my nails are neither long nor strong, because they do not like to hold polish well, because the second they get any longer than my finger they simply MUST be cut, and because I get too bored with a color or the polish just ends up chipping and fading anyway. Ugh. I have since switched to getting shellac manicures, in the hopes that this no-chip polish will fight off the urge to pick…but it just makes it THAT much stronger. Because they told me it would be impossible to chip off. So I have to try. You see my problem here…
There’s nothing I can do to hide the fact that I pick at my nail polish. I’ll be sitting on the couch with Timmy, or we’ll be lying in bed, and I HAVE to do it…because it’s something I’ve ALWAYS done. I will pick my polish off until there is a pile of it on my coffee table…at which point I’ll dust into my hand and throw away. And Timmy completely and utterly…HATES it. He always scolds me for picking, he always asks me to stop, and if that doesn’t work he’ll just de-snuggle from me in the hopes that will make me stop.
Want to know something embarrassing? We were snuggling in bed one time, and I picked my nail polish off and it landed right in his EYE!!! In his EYE!!! How awful is that???! I can’t even stop for five seconds mid-snuggle to keep my nails in check…and heaven forbid I actually use nail polish remover before this ever becomes a problem!
In. His. Eye.
Back to the point…so…what do you DO when moving in with a man greatly throws you off your game, and you can no longer CONTINUE with your secret behavior? What do you do when they find out?
Your single self has been put in the closet, after years of stripping down to your bra in your living room because no one was there to say you couldn’t…after years of leaving clothes in the dryer as a mini dresser because you knew at least where your whites were…after many many many trips to the grocery store with a solo basket and talking to yourself about your pantry inventory while you peruse the shelf…after many cereal suppers because you just didn’t feel the need to cook… Your little mini-rituals that you perform throughout the day have now been taken out of their safeguard and are considered crazy…
Now, take a look at your secret single behavior (because I know you have at least ONE), and write it down. It’s actually not that WEIRD when you look at it…and it’s not even that weird when you say it out loud. They’re not necessarily a FREAKY thing (well…maybe some of you), but that’s not the reason why they’re secret. It is only when the addition of another person into your extremely personal bubble is invaded that your secret single behavior is compromised.
Sometimes don’t you just miss all that FREEDOM to eat, dress (or undress), bathe and sleep how you wanted without having to answer to another soul about what in the heck you were doing?
What are your secret single behaviors? And for those who are already married, do you proudly display your SSB if you have one? Or have you managed to still keep it, well…secret?