Shark Week means emotional posts. Please just deal with it ok.
It’s the latter half of Tuesday, on this super balmy day in nyc, Memorial Day weekend is over (I know, sorry), and I have a HULK SMASH of a Dear TKB to share with you.
It’s a HULK SMASH because I feel it’s one of those rare moments when a reader question meets a uniquely apropos photographer submission and the photographer’s photos HULK SMASH the question with their furious relevance. It’s a very serendipitous occurrence despite the violent name I’ve given it.
EB of Two Bird Studio submitted the shoot that makes this post what it is, so I’m loving EB right now FO SHO. And FYI, Bambino lolz are at the bottom of this post but don’t scroll down yet! … ok, I’m assuming you scrolled down. But that you’ve come back to meet me here and check out the post. Fantastic! Sensational.
Today’s question you’re about to read regards a woman’s insurmountable guilt over wanting to reject her mama’s wishes, but also not wanting to. Now, as always, I do ask you to let her know your thoughts if you’re willing to offer any, especially seeing as my answer is not the result of any personal experience with this situation so, as you can see, I’M SUPER QUALIFIED. Ok, here we go!
I’m getting married next year :) We started planning in May and it’s been great except for ONE thing that I’m allowing to cause me A LOT OF ANXIETY. (I feel selfish even writing it out…) My mom wants me to wear her wedding dress down the aisle, and I don’t want to.
It’s not something she constantly pressures me about, I just know based on how she brings it up that she would really like me to wear it. I have Major guilt about hurting her feelings so I haven’t told her yet how I feel. Which I know is bad. But I feel like a brat for not being thankful for everything she offers me, since none of us are rolling in it.
She tells me that whatever decision I make, she just wants me to be happy BUT like I said she bring it up every once in a while, and how it fits me “just right.” Which is frustrating because in my head that shouldn’t automatically mean it’s the obvious choice, but what do I know. I would just really love to be able to wear something I picked out, or at least have more of a say in it. And I’m completely willing to buy it myself–I really am not a little brat!
I’m trying to wait it out and see if I might change my mind or maybe figure out a way to make us both happy, but in a scenario that doesn’t involve me wearing her dress on my wedding day.
Is there a way to meet in the middle?
The idea of hurting her feelings has been getting me pretty depressed lately, and I just want to be feeling happy with her while we plan.
Any and all advice is welcome. I appreciate you taking the time to read my question.
-Sleepless in Seattle
Dear Sleepless in Seattle (<— awesome, by the way. awesome.)
We all have moments in life, where we’ll be taking a walk or sitting down on a bench outside, just zoning out, maybe reading the paper. Seemingly out of nowhere, a memory from a day long past will sail into view and take over for a bit in our minds. For no good reason other than the inherent goodness of the memory and the feelings it brings. Whenever this happens to me, I smile. I get all filled up with warmth and feel less alone in the world. I get happy that the memory is there; that I have it for calling upon, as needed. And these memories usually have a way of visiting when we’re in need of them. They stockpile themselves in what I’ll call, our “Love Tank.” (Not to be confused with Real Housewife of Orange County Vicki’s Love Tank. But speaking of Vicki’s Love Tank, I wonder if a therapist has ever revealed to her that her Love Tank will never be full because it is in reality a coping mechanism, directly linked to her deep-seated feelings of abandonment and lack of worth? I wonder. You know I bet not, based on what I’ve seen of her behavior. Which is that of a baby’s behavior. (YES I WATCH RHOOC AND HAVE FOR THE DURATION; IT’S A GUILTY PLEASURE SUE ME.)
Anyway, these kinds of ‘happy’ memories are usually the result of decisions we or others had to make – easy or hard – to do certain things for ourselves or for the people we love. Even the tiniest gestures, when hatched, can become lifelong memories.
Now. Like any self-respecting person, you want your wedding to be your wedding. But you also want others to feel that their desires are important to you. And out of love and respect, you want these other people to feel heard and feel important. But what starts out as a beautiful sentiment, often translates into a supremely difficult task when attempting to implement… because trying to please too many people at one time usually doesn’t please anyone, or pleases everyone BUT you.
Ok, so what do we do? Well, here are two things I think might be good options, and don’t worry neither of them include swallowing your feelings and wearing your mother’s dress on your wedding day:
1. You can be real and let your mother know how you feel. If she’s an understanding person, she’ll understand. Maybe she just needs to hear you say it. Sometimes our worst fears are just that… our worst fears. Not the reality.
2. You can honor your mother’s wishes in a slightly alternative way, and wear your mom’s frock in a separate shoot to feature the dress itself. Or you can even have a mini shoot on your wedding day before things get underway (IF YOU HAVE THE TIME; GOTTA MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE TIME OTHERWISE YOU’LL GET OVERWHELMED).
K, let’s get to the oh-so-relevant pictures now, shall we? Here’s a quick explanation of why this shoot came to be, from EB, the incredible photographer who worked with Megan and Kellen to bring these shots to our eyes:
“Megan and Kellen wanted a way to honor their families, so we did a shoot in Megan’s mom’s wedding dress. Megan’s fiancee Kellen wore the watch his dad got married in.”
Now… HOW. PERFECT. IS. THIS.
On a typical day, Bambino enjoys many things. These things include but are not limited to: running, dancing, running out of breath, hugging children’s faces, hugging Great Danes’ faces, hugging peoples’ upper thighs with his tiny arms and even tinier paws, galavanting, being a freaking WEIRDO:
Finding himself terribly handsome:
Speaking to invisible traveling companions:
And passing out cold:
Bambino is the best thing that ever happened to us, by the way. I don’t know if I’ve said that yet.
Okie dokie… so here’s what I’d love to know:
1) Do you have any thoughts regarding Sleepless in Seattle’s dress situation?
2) OMG THIS SHOOT. Do you LOVE??! I LOVE.
Side personal note: If my Mom had actually worn a wedding dress the day she got married, I would seriously consider taking a page from this bride’s book on life for my upcoming wedding. Because it is beyond words how much of a sustained impact those images stand to have on a bride and her mother.
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts. And hope you had a pleasant weekend!
xoxo - Alison
Photography: Two Bird Studio
Label(s): "DEAR TKB..." Advice Column