The Knotty Bride is Hiring, Bitchez! Also: My Top 10 Favorite Baby Animal Boops, Because Why Not.

>> This position has been filled; thank you to all those who applied! <<

I’m not literally *hiring bitches*, I’m… whatevs, you understand.  ANYWHO, SO…

I’m trying to cut back on my use of exclamation points (current use level: through the roof).  Let’s see how far I can make it.

Happy afternoon/evening, friendlies! DAMNIT.  Anyway you may have noticed that I’ve not been your typical Alison lately.  Meaning, I haven’t been tweeting sunrise to sunset and my blogging pace has gone from a deliberate gallop, to that thing at track meets where you walk really fast and then somehow medal, despite having just walked in a race.  What is that called- ‘fastwalking?’  Racewalking?*  Who cares- the good news is I finally get to explain to you what is really going on.

{*please, no racewalking letters.}

See that lower left image up there, with the beams – it is a kitchen.  More specifically it is our kitchen.  The kitchen in our house.  The house that we picked.  <== overly dramatic win, except that I’m not using exclamation points so instead I seem rather unexcited.  Precisely why we need to start reeling in the exclamation points.  Anyway, now that Honey and I know where our little family will be located pretty permanently, I finally get to announce this freaking job listing I’ve been hinting at.  HIGH KICKS!

This has been a long time coming, and my braintrust – comprised of Honey, immediate family, a few of my dearest friends and colleagues, my increasingly elusive sanity and of course Bambino – have all been clamoring for a new knotty employee to join the ranks, but HEY… we all have to arrive at these things when we’re ready.

So, OMGIAMSOFUCKINGREADYNOW.

Why: I tried to figure out the best way to write this without sounding like Miss Humble Brag Ultimate Supreme 2012 but f**k it, I don’t know how else to say all of this so I’m just going to say it all, and then not give two shits about whether or not someone finds it boastful.  Here goes!

I have a “situation.”  My “situation” is that TKB gets approximately a whole lot of advertising inquiries.  They come in every day, and there are handfuls of them, and I am grateful to whatever powers that be for all of it, trust me.  However it has come to a point where I CANNOT KEEP UP for the life of me and it makes me go crazy.  Which then makes me feel like a failure because I’m physically incapable of answering every ad inquiry, every reader email, and every question I’m asked on Twitter, and still being able to blog with the frequency and personal fulfillment I crave.  Juggling the blogging side and the increasing workload of the business side has slowly eaten away at my once childlike creative spirit, turning me into more of an angst-riddled worrywart.  I almost don’t recognize myself.

So clearly what I’m saying is, TKB needs more hands on deck.  Preferably two hands, however three- and one-handed individuals will not be discriminated against – REPEAT – TKB is an equal opportunity employer, no matter the hand-to-body ratio you bring to the table.  Two is merely a ballpark number of hands.

Although preferably, I would like you to be able to start a slow clap with Bambino every time I walk through the door.

What: Online Ad Sales Position.  Applicant will work from home a majority of the time, with fairly regular meetups in person.  Therefore, ideal candidate is based in the New York metropolitan area.

Endgame: to make it possible for me to refocus my energy on bringing you whatever it is I bring you here at TKB, without personally having to go batshit crazy in the process.  Because hooray!  TKB is that big now.  But sadface!  I can no longer keep up with the pace of my own business.  (Admitting you need help is the first step, right?)

Requirements:

In addition to being a responsible, organized, driven human being with a strong work ethic and desire to succeed, the ideal candidate will bring the following to the table:

  • Access to computer, phone (because doy)
  • Great personality if you do say so yourself
  • Online ad sales experience of at least one year (this is a must)
  • Total ease conducting business over the phone and via email; quick to respond
  • Strong familiarity with the online/blog world (ideally wedding blogs and other online wedding content), and ad networks
  • Ease communicating with all types of companies, big or small (our advertisers range from small online shops to major retailers)
  • Comfortable creating personalized ad packages to suit needs of advertisers buying multiple forms of advertising
  • Driven to research and pursue new advertisers, as well as determine the smartest collaboration opportunities for TKB (this involves weeding through emails)
  • Willingness to get a tattoo of Bambino McPuppypants, to scale (optional; preferred; just kidding)

To apply, include the following in your email:

  1. Resume
  2. Tell me about yourself / how your experience makes you the right candidate for this position
  3. Be sure to brag about relevant contacts/connections
  4. Bonus but not required: One idea you have for our business (will not be required to implement; just a chance to show your business-minded creativity)

Send email with attached resume to theknottybride {at} gmail.com (subject: AD SALES POSITION).  Position is commission based.

Can’t wait to hear from you!

xoxo  - Alison

P.S. – I had fun with fake bokeh effects using the Lumiè app on my iphone to create the images in this post.  You can download it from the App Store.  I know it’s amateurish but it is seriously so much fun to play around with I can’t stop.  (FYI, I edited some of the images in Instagram first!)

P.P.S. – Of a board comprised of me, Honey and our frenchie Bambino, we voted 2-1 that we would NOT give priority to applicants with frienchies.  Would NOT.

P.P.P.S. - On a final serious note: this position requires you to be extremely organized and self-motivated, as you will be working from home for the most part.  I cannot stress the naturally-organized-human-being thing enough.

P.P.P.P.S. – You should definitely make a point of checking out these Boops, below.  I was having a REALLY bad day earlier this week and Honey used them to cheer me up.  It worked in seconds.  Click here to go to Buzzfeed for allada Boops.

^ oh my goodness! ^

Label(s): Hiring

Love all of this...

9 comments

  1. chandra ~ Oh Lovely Day on September 27, 2012

    If I weren’t already ready to break down and hire an intern or other help myself, I would SO apply because frankly I think you would be the funnest, prettiest, FUNNEST (if you repeat it, it is a word) boss ever.

    but seriously, glad you’re finally getting some help Alison.

    but seriously, those boops. BOOP!
    xx

    Reply
  2. Mindy on September 27, 2012

    Ooooh, if I lived in NYC I would totally apply! Good luck with the searching and the hiring and the home stuffs. (And Chandra, I want to work for you, too!)

    Reply
  3. P.P.P.P.S. – I love your writing…I can’t believe I laughed so much over a job posting. And the Boops were the icing on the cake!

    Reply
  4. Allen J. on September 27, 2012

    Yes, these are super cute. I have a puppy that I was SUPPOSED to sell but darn it is hard to let go of a good one like her.

    Reply
  5. Steph on September 27, 2012

    If only I lived in New York… and had a degree/career in any way related to ad sales… I could whip up a saweet resume/cover letter complete with pics of Ryan Gosling cuddling multiple fuzzy baby animals, some baby humans, and simultaneously playing the banjo (oh, they exist. But you have to hire me to see them…)
    I am sure you will find someone perfectly fitted to the utter beauteous-ness that is TKB.

    Let me know if you ever need an Architect…in Washington, DC :)

    In the meantime, I will continue to stalk the eff out of you and TKB, because that’s how this works, right?

    Reply
  6. Lena on September 27, 2012

    HOLY HOUSE! HOLY EMPLOYEE! HOLY HORRAAAAY!!!

    Reply
  7. ms_e on September 27, 2012

    I literally cry w/ laughter every time I see that white dog/black cat boop. I’m kind of obsessed with how brilliantly it is.

    p.s. Congrats on becoming The Knotty Boss. ;)

    Reply
  8. Koru Kate {Koru Wedding} on September 28, 2012

    You got a house- congrats!!!!! & best wishes with your employee search, you’ll get someone great. What fun to have great things headed your way!

    Reply
  9. Neale James on October 13, 2012

    I think all applications should come with an entry in to the Boop image gallery. Without a love and appreciation of the boop, any professional relationship would struggle to survive.

    Reply

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