DEAR TKB: “So, I’m a little scared of marriage right now…” + A BRIDE & HER CAKE | Kristi Wright Photography

These question and answer posts are steadily becoming my favorite types of posts.  You guys submit some really intense (AND CHALLENGING FOR ME) questions.  Crossing my fingers every time I answer one of these things, since you just really never know.   

Forgot to say happy afternoon – happy afternoon!  Good to see ya.  One to two sentence house update: the radon test came back at 2.5 (anything over 4 is cause for action according to the gov’t) sooo, we’re a little punched up.  Radon is apparently linked to uranium and what’s in play here is the likelihood of acquiring cancer in the home you’ve just tested for radon but whatever it’s nothing.  Right?  I’m sure it’s nothing.  O_o

The bridal shoot we’re featuring in the pictures part of today’s post offers hefty, satisfying doses of tabletop inspiration, treat love, and bridal style for miles.  So we’re so pleased that Kristi, of Kristi Wright Photography, thought to submit the bright n cheery loveliness of it all.  Today’s shoot is what I think of when I think of a super chill, super tasteful bridal shoot, and I wanna do one RIGHT NOW.  Bambino, get my makeup bag!  Mommeh’s gonna put some effort in tonight, she feels inspired!  Ok the feeling’s passed.

Now.  Before I move into part one (which is today’s question from our reader) I haz a quick question for Kristi.  Kristi- did you guys eat the cakes in the shoot?  There are a whole lotta cakes in the shoot, and they leave a whole lotta unanswered questions about the specific ways everyone chose to break down those damn lovely cakes.  Inquiring minds want to know!  (So far it is just me who wants to know but I’m sure there’s more…Bambino, for example – he LOVES hearing about cake!

See?  Yeah so did you have a cake fight, or what?  Did you guys throw cake directly at each other’s mouths, simultaneously fighting with, AND eating, the slices of cake… serendipitously ‘having your cake and eating it, too?’

OH speaking of cake, Marie Antoinette, who happens to be a source of inspiration for this shoot, said something once about cake  <== TRANSITION WIN

MOVING ON TO MORE ADULT MATTERS: today’s question from a reader happens right now.  You might wanna put on your serious pants for this one…

Dear TKB:

This will probably sound weird but I’m hoping you and your readers could give me some informed reassurance.

I’m marrying my partner of almost 7 years next Spring.  I’m excited, he’s excited.  I’m not so much writing to get reassurance about our relationship, I do feel that I know (as well as anyone could possible know this kind of thing I mean) that he’s right for me, and I know that he feels that way about me.  It’s not about that.

It’s about the fact that my parents are divorced (when my sister and I were teenagers; I’m almost 30 now).  And now we’re watching as his parents go through that process.  It’s a painful, disillusioning thing to watch, especially when it’s a couple you believed would make it. 

So I’m a little scared of marriage right now.  I can’t see that we would ever find ourselves wanting to separate, but I also don’t have the pleasure of being naive about these things, having gone through now two divorces between two couples I believed in.  His parents seemed meant for one another, as did my parents.  (My parents never let on about their unhappiness when we were growing up, but to this day they don’t even speak).

I just want to feel upbeat again about getting married.  I’d love to hear some stories of people who’ve experienced/witnessed longlasting love, since I’m lacking right now on examples.  I’m in love with the wonderful man I get to marry next year, but I can’t kick this nagging fear of the seeming inevitability of it all, ever since his parents told us.  I also don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to about this.  I don’t want to make my parents feel bad about splitting and I know they will if I bring this thing up.

Really anything you and your readers could offer up, I would truly appreciate hearing.  Thanks for taking the time to read.

~ Feeling Jaded

Dear Miss Jaded,

Our friends Will and Kate (which is what we’ll call them for this blog post) live next door to a middle-aged couple we’ve met only a few times.  Will and Kate live in suburbia, and whenever we leave the city to visit them not only can we breathe with unrivaled ease, but we sometimes chill with them and their neighbors, Prince Harry and Random-Girl-From-Nightclub.  Ok that’s not going to work.  Harry and Sally, we’ll call them.

Harry and Sally are lovely; they’re both super likable, down to earth people.  There’s a lot of love and friendliness there, and they’ve always given me the feeling of being a proper match.  You know when you meet a couple and you walk away thinking they are one another’s adjoining puzzle piece?  Don’t always see that in couples so it’s nice when you do.  You remember it.  And I don’t remember much of anything so great couples are clearly one of life’s pleasures for me.

Well about three months ago, Kate told me her neighbors had separated.  One of the pair moved into an apartment in a nearby town while the other stayed put. It was pretty sad to hear that news.  Mostly because it is, plainly, pretty sad news, but also because every time I get to know a couple that seems so uniquely *right* for one another, I take a mental snapshot of it and file it under evidence that “it” can work.  So you’re not weird for wanting we strangers to share with you some real examples of lasting love from our own personal circles.  For me, real life examples of love being effectively maintained between two people – especially when it’s up against overwhelming odds – these stories of love are the only things that keep me believing in it.  I always thought that, if you deeply love one another, and you are cognizant of the fact that relationships take work, then in most cases, you’re going to make it for the long haul.  I wasn’t looking forward to trashing their file.

Anyway.  Kate told me a funny story last week– early one morning she was woken up by what sounded like an animal stuck in the wall, whaling to be freed.  The moaning seemed to be getting increasingly more desperate, so she called Will up to the bedroom to help her locate it.  They never discovered the precise whereabouts of the animal, however they did notice that there was some howling coming from the neighbors’ bedroom.  She looked to the driveway, and that’s when she noticed both Harry and Sally’s cars.  They were parked side by side.  And since then, Sally’s car has been in the driveway more nights than it hasn’t.  Things are starting to look up.

Or they’re just having sex.  THE POINT IS:

People who have that right mix of belonging with one another have a great shot at making it work, and often find their way back.  But nothing is for certain, and I wouldn’t think of offering you guarantees, though I’m sure that’s not something you’re expecting out of this.  You seem to be after a renewed feeling that we have some semblance of control over our futures and our relationships.  I wish we did too.  We don’t.  We just have to take it as it comes, and in the meantime work as hard as we can at showing the one we love how gahdamn f**king much we f**king love that sunnuvabeach.

Update on Harry and Sally: The sexual healing going on in that bedroom has awoken Kate (and Will) three more times, which brings Kate (and myself) a renewed sense of joy every time we know they’re back together working on things.  However she reports that the novelty of overhearing your neighbors reuniting at the genitals wears off after around the first time you hear it.  “It was so shocking and funny to catch them that first time but now it’s just like, ‘I would really like to get some sleep, please.  Can you bang in the living room?’”  

I’d like to turn it over to you guys now, as we move into the picture part of today’s post.  Given Miss Jaded’s letter, this is great time to share some of those love stories you’ve got, so don’t hesitate if you’ve got it in you! 

Alrighty!  I’ve got some rather tasty eye candy for your faces today, mostly because it is like so totally fancy and I am just super in the mood for fancy stuff not that I’m unique or anything.  I think it’ll brighten up this otherwise sorta serious little hump day post, right?  Couldn’t hurt.

Here’s how Kristi described the mission of the shoot, style-wise:

We wanted to create an atmosphere inspired by European cafes, Grace Kelly (our bride, Cameron, definitely has a resemblance), and a bit of Marie Antoinette. Vintage French china, Italian demitasse glasses, and Belgian embroidered napkins helped us complete our intercontinental, European-inspired look. It was fun to imagine a bride indulging in perfume, make-up, desserts, and drink right before her wedding.

I am fuhh-REAKING out over the light in these images.

So let’s talk:

What are you thinking when it comes to Miss Jaded’s question for Dear TKB?

And when it comes to cake, DO YOO LUVVIT?  Also, OMG THIS SHOOT.  On a scale of 1 to 10 I cartwheeled five consecutive times before fainting.  So a 9.5?  Yeah a 9.5 sounds right.

xoxo  - Alison  

P.S. – this, and this.

P.P.S. – who’s watching the debate tonight?

Photography: Kristi Wright Photography / Venue: Chateau Bellevue (Austin, TX) / Styling and Paper Goods: Bird Dog Wedding / Cake: Jenny Baer Baking (site under construction) / Makeup: Ellie Vixie / Hair: Erin Jantzen at Mint Salon / Flowers: Verbena Floral Design / Shoes: Jimmy Choo, Dallas TX (shoe design is ‘Logan’) / Dress: Amy Kuschel from Unbridaled, Austin TX (the design is ‘Pearl’) / Veil: vintage

Label(s): "DEAR TKB..." Advice Column, {Inspiration Shoot}

Love all of this...

16 comments

  1. Estefy on October 3, 2012

    Well, on my dad’s side 2 of the marriages have ended, but on my mom’s side all 5 marriages are going strong. They had really bad downs, all of them, but they’ve worked through them and are still together. I suppose you have to be one of those couples that just works hard to keep it going even when times are tough, but sometimes they just get too tough, too unbearable and then it’s right to let go. But, my parents for ie. they’ve been married for about 30ish years now…I’m 26. I truly believe that people who are meant to be together keep coming back to each other without thinking about it. That’s why some couples even remarry! It’s just meant to be. I hope your partnership is meant to be too. Happy wedding planning!

    Also LOVE the pics, my friend in AUS had a dress like that for her wedding this past April. Lovers it. I think my friend in Florida is heading in the same route as well.

    Reply
  2. Autumn in Colorado on October 3, 2012

    For Jaded, you just have to know what you are willing to put into your relationship. Other loving couples are there for advice and support. They can be used as examples of both good and bad relationship practices. Use the good stuff and try like hell to stay away from the bad.

    Yes watching the dabate. It has shut down almost all of Denver already…”working from home” this afternoon.

    Reply
  3. JuliaEnchanted on October 3, 2012

    Miss Jaded:

    I want to point out that you having been together for seven years before marriage gives you extra points in the ‘solid relationship’ column in my head. You aren’t just swept away by the romance of it all; you’re really in love and you’ve had time to learn about each other and grow as adults together. You’re not the same people you were when you started dating, and you’re still in love. I bet you’ll be one of “those couples” for the people in your life, that people will file away as proof that it works.

    My parents are still together, and so are my Sweetie’s, but it’s his grandparents I want to tell you about. I’m not sure how old they are, or how long they have been married, but I know they’ve been together long enough for two generations to grow up. And they are still very much in love. Like, she sits in his lap, and they hold hands, and are generally adorable.

    Have you talked to your sister or MOH about this? when I need to talk sometimes it helps me if the person listening knows the situation and the people involved, and my sister is who I would go to. It would also be a great topic for you and your honey to take to your pre-marital counselor.

    I wish you all the joy and love in the world. Good luck and congratulations!

    Reply
  4. Annalisa on October 4, 2012

    that cake is awesome :X the first one

    Reply
  5. Caleigh on October 4, 2012

    For Jaded. I’ve asked my parents who have been married for 38 years and been together for 41, what the key to a successful relationship was. They answer, always, with the same words. Trust, communication, and fun. They have gone through some awesome ups (travel, parties, good times and general happiness) and some terrible downs (money/business problems, loss of children, bad health, etc) but they stayed together because of the vows they said to each other and the love they share for each other. I think you have to be the kind of person who will not back down and walk away with the going gets tough.They also say that it’s a matter of counting your blessings, and the good will outweigh the bad. They trust each other completely, they talk talk talk when there is a problem to get to a solution, and they dance together in the kitchen when a good song is on the radio.

    Reply
  6. Mecca on October 4, 2012

    Well, I hear you. My fiance and I have also been together 7 years and plan on getting married this December, though at this point it might be in the spring :)
    I feel some of that trepidation sometimes. We have made it together for so long, I am afraid actually tying the knot will jinx it – silly I know, but it’s still there in the back of my mind! But when I start to feel that way, I tell myself that we have to jump right in with the belief that we have come this far together and obviously can be wonderful together. Then have absolute faith we will be together forever. No one can predict the future and you have to live it one day at a time but we will be starting a new chapter for ourselves and our children. (Yes, we have those too!)

    Reply
  7. Wedding Invitations UK on October 4, 2012

    Love the cake at the top, the swirls are amazing, make the cake look so cute.

    Reply
  8. Lena on October 4, 2012

    A gorgeous shoot + wonderful, amazing, relationship-affirming advice? It’s a good day to be a Knotty reader!

    John and I were discussing this the other day, and funny enough, he told me something I always say to him (in a different context)–worrying about an end to our relationship that may or may not be inevitable is an enormous waste of time. Because it’ll happen or it won’t, and while there’s a lot that you as a couple can do to avoid breaking up, worrying about it isn’t actually on the list.

    Reply
  9. drollgirl on October 4, 2012

    first and foremost (LOL), that cake is THE CUTEST THING EVER!!!!!!

    such a tough and legitimate question. ugh!!!

    i have never been married. i think i would be scared to take the plunge. marriage is such a big deal, and that isn’t what scares me the most (at least that is what i am saying right now). i wouldn’t mind being married, but i NEVER want to go through a divorce. or maybe i am making excuses? i am such a ninny sometimes!

    Reply
  10. Claudie on October 4, 2012

    I really appreciate this post. You’ve made my day! Thank you!

    Reply
  11. Rose on October 5, 2012

    These are wonderful and awesome…..

    Reply
  12. MsSassyLaRue on October 5, 2012

    I don’t know this couple personally, but I was watching tv this mornin’ and saw a VERY inspiring story. (We’ll call them The Honeychiles….cause honeychile I don’t know if I could make it through what I’m abouts ta tell ya!)

    A couple had been married (I forget how long) and the wife became unhappy, so she began an affair….that lasted for SEVEN YEARS. They stayed together “for the sake of the kids”, and when Mrs. Honeychile came to her senses…wait for it…MR. Honeychile had an affair on HER! *cue gasp track*

    WELLLLL, Mrs. Honeychile decided that she wasn’t going to leave and began to work with her pastor and a counselor ALL BY HERSELF. Mr. Honeychile

    They are now STILL married AND happy!

    Best of bluck (blessing + luck) to you and your partner!

    Reply
  13. Anna on October 12, 2012

    Wow, I would love to find a dress similar to that at Loehmann’s Grab the Gown event next Thursday in NYC. Keeping my fingers crossed! That dress is amazing!

    Reply
  14. Steph on October 15, 2012

    Thank you, Jaded, for that question…I’ve felt like a bad fiancee when that question comes to mind. My grandparents divorced when I was 5, my parents when I was 10, and my fiance’s parents have been divorced since he was 1…we are SURROUNDED by it. I like the advice from above that you should take lessons from the good and bad you see in all the relationships around you…and worrying about it is not going to change what is in the future for you.

    Thanks for all the comments everyone, they helped me too :)

    Reply
  15. Simon Says I Do on October 29, 2012

    Jaded – You have done the right thing in waiting for so long until marrying. I believe that more people are opting for this these days as a direct reaction to what our parents generation have done to us. They were all expected to be married at such a young age that they often did not find the right person and had to settle for someone closer to home. So now, once they are older, wiser, more scared of mortality they are not afraid of saying what they really want.

    Marriage won’t change who you and your partner are magically overnight. You are still the same people and by waiting this long, you have a solid foundation and a good understanding of who eachother is. I am getting married next year and to me it makes no difference to my life. I have been with my partner for eight and a half years so why would it change anything?

    On a sunny note, my parents have been married for almost forty years and still going strong. They are each other’s best friend and still have a sense of humour about life. They are a great inspiration to me.

    Reply
  16. Jeff on May 11, 2013

    The most common source of problems in marriages is that the couple misinterpreted their mutual feelings of attraction as love. This normally results in the couple trying to keep up appearances after about 5 years, and wondering where the love went.

    It is important to know that attraction is an emotional feeling that may fade, while love is a promise that has little to do with attraction. If you are thinking of getting married, then please read “Attraction is a feeling. Love is a promise.” by Grenville Phillips, president of Walbrent College.

    Reply

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