So I turned on the television yesterday, and that Survivor host guy Jeff Probst’s new talk show came on, because talk shows are the new book deal and book deals are the new fake tan (everybody’s got one). They were coming up on a segment about “open marriage.”
I like to call this segment, SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH.
Jeff referenced a story in the Times about a couple who got married and currently have an open marriage. I’m paraphrasing here but what I want to get across is the gist of how Jeff set this up. He referenced his index card and said: the woman had had sex before marriage, and when she got married she told her guy she wanted an open relationship, and he agreed.
Now… look at Jeff’s card, since he showed it to us when a panel member was like, “r u srs Jeff Probst.”
Sorry it’s blurry; it’s a shot of a tv screen with an iphone. Interesting side note: Bambino had a weird bad reaction to Probst, unlike any I’ve seen him have before. In fact he never barks at anyone/thing. I had it paused on Jeff’s face to get a shot of the card, and when he noticed Jeff’s face he jumped out of sheer fright. Then he started puppy growling at him, to let him know of his displeasure with his face. Here, I did my best to capture it:
^ Him barking adorably ^
Anyway, the woman Jeff was talking about, who asked for the open marriage? She wrote the article in the Times about how things are totally hunky-dory in her marriage and not weird in the least. Secondly, the dude abides – as it says plainly on the card - out of fear that he would lose her.
This is the foundation upon which a happy relationship is built?
It reminds me of a lesson I learned on Real Housewives of Miami (shut up just go with it) when one of the ladies talks about life after a failed marriage. Unlike the rest of the housewives shows, I like to watch the Miami one for the T and A factor, not the drama. NYC and Bev Hills are good for drama, Miami is good for BUTT ANYWAYS…
This lady on the Miami show, she’s going through a divorce with a really unsympathetic partner. He’s kind of a Douche McBaggins. And she’s having a doubly hard time because she has to let go not only of her marriage, and the emotional support system she’s relied upon for more than a decade, but also of the partnered business she’s shared all these years with her now ex-husband. The ex-husband who left her for a younger woman who “doesn’t yell as much,” something he unabashedly says out loud while she is in the room with him. Terrible. But anyway I don’t want to get carried away with HOW MUCH I HATE HIS SNARKY TREATMENT OF THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN, so I’ll just get to the quote from her, which she tells the camera through eyes that have cried:
“… [even though we're not together anymore] I know that at the end of the day, I will always be able to count on him. And he knows that he will always be able to count on me.”
That’s all anyone’s ever wanted out of a relationship; the knowledge that they have at least one person that they can count on, as life ebbs and flows and we grow older and more aware of just how on our own we really are.
And, to tie it back to the Jeff Probst stuff I talked about earlier; the single behavior that we as a society have pinpointed as the most basic tenet of trustworthiness in a marriage, is sexual monogamy. So knowing those simple truths about humanity, it begs the question:
Are “open marriages” really the future? Or are they a complete and total farce, masking deeper interpersonal issues left unaddressed in relationships?
That was heavy. I think it’s time for a french bulldog cooldown, form of:
My little brother, the dude I’ve lived really close to pretty much all my life, moved to Nashville this year. He’s coming back for the first time this Thanksgiving and I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited to hug him in my whole life. Didn’t realize how much I’d miss him.
In the spirit of all that, I thought I’d share a little from the going away party we all had for him earlier this year. From Bambo’s perspective. Starting from the car ride to the party, all the way through to the end of the party. Hope you aren’t bored? >>
When those conditions are not readily available, he is the embodiment of an overprivileged human child upon leaving Toys R Us without a toy. I don’t see this kind of behavior elsewhere in our lives; just car. And only when he *knows* we can see him. Because of course.
Bambo makes his hatred of car rides very known. Anyway so we got to the going away party and Bambino met some family members he hadn’t really hung out with yet in his almost two years of life on Earth. Here is Bambino meeting one of his cousins:
Here he is, hanging with another cousin:
Here’s Bambino milling around the party from Person-with-food to Next-person-with-food:
The End. The rest of it is just everybody enjoying a few cocktails and being inappropriate. Sort of like the end of most weddings. Which is why you don’t really need your photographer there the whoooole time. ;)
Onwards– to the wedding!
I’m in love with this wedding, you guys. It was submitted by The Gemmers, and I fell in love the moment I saw the boutonnières. The bride, Bonnie, spent years collecting the perfect vintage bits and pieces for their bid day. She had a Man of Honor. CONFETTI EXPLOSION. Oregon State University’s official mascot made an appearance. Oh, and one of the groomsmen? He is well-versed in the musical sport of hip hopping, and wrote a rap for the couple… a complete surprise the day of. Yep this is a quality wedding experience.
Here’s the stellar rundown from the lovely Bonnie:
I wasn’t one of those girls who grew up imagining the “perfect day” or the “perfect dress”; it just seemed to me that when I met the right person, those things would fall into place. That being said, once Matt proposed to me ALL of those things snowballed as I started to get more and more excited about our day: the details, the dress, the cake, everything. It’s easy to get carried away! One thing I held onto to keep myself centered was that Matt and I wanted our wedding day to be a celebration with our friends and loved ones. It’d be a day where we would get to combine all different circles of people we love and who love us so sincerely, gather them together, and have an absolute blast celebrating our love. We wanted the day to extend beyond ourselves and to celebrate the people in our lives that build us up, support us, and make our lives better for having them in it. It’s that very philosophy that made our wedding day an amazing celebration.
I’m absolutely in love with everything vintage and French garden-like, so I wanted the decor to be rustic, vintage, soft and pretty. I wasn’t focused on making things match; in fact, I asked the girls at Punch Portland (flowers and decor, they are absolutely wonderful) to avoid everything pink, satin, and matchy-matchy. They loved it. I started perusing antique stores and collected old bottles, antique books, even found some vintage valentines that were adorable. I got some girlfriends together and decorated wine bottles with the dinner menu for part of the centerpieces, and my amalgam of crafty creations, antique finds, and the beautiful flowers from Punch made for some really dreamy decor.
People say your wedding day will fly by and to make sure you remember it. It did seem to fly by, but I remembered everything. My favorite moments were when my Man of Honor (my best friend Josh) and Matt’s Best Man walked down the aisle together, arm in arm, when Matt and I surprised everybody by running down the aisle after our kiss (the pictures of that, and his excited face, are priceless!) the private moments Matt and I got to spend together, and the time during the reception when Mario, one of the groomsmen, surprised us with a rap he had written about us. He got the entire dance floor hopping and repeating the chorus, it was amazing!
One piece of advice I’d have for brides to be is to be sure and take some time with your photographers for a private photo session with your new husband. It’s so easy to get wrapped up with photos of family, especially when Great Aunt Maude or someone wants to have this photo and that one. Some of my favorite photos are of Matt and me, after the ceremony and before the reception, when we disappeared on our own and had some time to ourselves. Those moments are captured forever, and they’re perfect.
One last thing: never forget why you’re there – to marry the love of your life. When it comes down to it, whether it’s raining or the centerpieces aren’t just perfect, none of that matters! Enjoy the day with your new husband! :)
Ok! So I’d love to hear your personal opinion on this friendlies..
1) What do you think about the concept of an open marriage? Cool idea or lame idea? And do you think people who say it works for them are hiding something/being completely honest about it?
And, if you’re up to delving even deeper into the psychological aspect of this… What, do you think, drives someone to agree to an ‘open marriage’ concept, as the partner who is being asked to reevaluate his/her concept of an ideal sexual relationship?
2) How lovely is this wedding?
xx! - Alison
Photography: The Gemmers / Hair Stylist: Vanity Junkie / Caterer: The Wooden Nickel Catering Co / Floral Designer: punch / Heirlooms and extras: The Gemmers / Event Venue: Vineyardview Bed & Breakfast / Submitted via: Two Bright Lights
Random song recommendation: Back Against the Wall, Euphoria, on: Precious Time