GIRL TALK | If I Wait Another Second, I Won’t Publish This Post On Rape. *clicks Publish* *runs away*

Guys I need to talk about rape for a minute, sorry.  If you don’t want to hear it I honestly won’t mind, I get that many visit here for one part honest talk, four parts pretties and laughter, and I respect that.  It’s just if I don’t cleveland steamer this thing onto the internet’s chest I am going to start jamming a remote up my ass.  Or worse, this.

I couldn’t figure out how to start this post, so I took a shower as they always prove to be a great place for generating ideas.  Probably has something to do with massaging every inch of your body’s pressure points but it’s definitely possible I have no idea what I’m talking about.  Anyway the shower worked like a charm.  I know how to talk to the internet about this rape thing now.  Yaaay.  Can’t wait.

Btw, if I know anything about myself I’m going to try to make you laugh even in this post.  Please no letters.  To people who’d rather not read on, das kewl.  I’m about there myself, I get it – Off the bat I can suggest to you Bambino’s dedicated category if you need a heaping spoonful of puppy cuteness, or this new personal picks category I’ve been curating if you want some good, yummy reads that make little to no mention of rape (no promises).  Conversely, if you like intense topics I can suggest In Real Life.  Ok now let’s get to it.

 

A big part of me thinks people think rapists use condoms.  It’s the only way I can explain away the narrow focus of the public discourse that follows each time something like Steubenville happens.  We focus on the sex, and the motives.  It makes for a fun spectacle worthy of the nation’s attention.  We usually break down into five coed groups, too: the big group yelling she’s a whore/was asking for it and deserved to get fucked; the big group yelling that all men are pigs/can’t be trusted; the big group moving on like it never happened; the small group that have a platform on which to discuss the issue with their audience and do; and the small group (I’m in this last group) that have a platform on which to discuss the issue with their audience and hesitate.  I’ve been in this last group for a while.  In fact I’m still extremely unsure about writing this, as I write this.  ’Rape’ is a bad word right now.  You just *know* that you’re not supposed to talk about it.  Gets people down.  Doesn’t sell product.  Makes people uncomfortable.

Knowing all of that, I simply have to move forward.  It’s enveloping the thoughtful parts of my brain like a thick mist; there’s a reason for this and it almost always means ‘write about that thing.’  Writer’s block is best solved by honesty I’ve found; you don’t run out of things to say when you have no fear in saying things.

A big topic, I will keep my words about it succinct and approachable.  (Or at least I’ll be trying to do that.)

I want one thing right now:

I want the discourse to start including the disease-spreading, impregnation, longterm emotional impact and extreme pain aspects of unwelcomed penetration by another human being.  Huge societal shifts in thinking don’t happen overnight, but they do require a sustained, lively discussion in the public eye.  And right now we have people out there who strongly believe that women should just accept the hand – or more likely dick, they’ve been dealt.  Has she been seen drinking underage?  Deserved it.  Was she wearing a sexy dress?  Deserved it.  Was she seen flirting with a boy earlier in the night?  Asking for it.  Did she get raped?  No big whoop it’s just sex, she’ll get over it.  Bet she even wanted it.

It worries me that there are humans who don’t understand (or perhaps don’t care to acknowledge) that rape isn’t always about “did she clearly say no?” “did she clearly give consent?” “is she unsure what happened, and maybe lying?”  That is definitely a very rampant scenario these days, but it’s one of countless scenarios.  Try being murdered from the inside with a steel bar.  Try being banged every night by a relative and never telling anyone because you’ve been threatened with death, or told “no one will believe you.”  Or try being penetrated in places you’ve never dreamed and by multiple people, as you drift in and out of consciousness.  Try being suffocated to death with an appendage.  Try being impregnated after a sexual experience you didn’t want, tried to fight off, OR more likely just went along with out of fear of the alternative.  And then try reading the latest headline about male AND female lawmakers making it harder for girls and women to seek termination of pregnancy, specifically in cases of rape and incest.

Sometimes being a girl is a trip, you guys.  LOL so you’re saying if I’m raped, and I get pregnant, you’re actively working to make it harder for me to get unbiased medical care and limit my options for handling it.  Oh ok, cool, that’s cool.  Wait wait wait wait wait… so you’re saying all of that, but that also I don’t get any financial help to raise the child I don’t want, not from the government, not even from the rapist?  In-ter-es-ting.  Hmm, that’s a thinker!  I think the best solution to this is stay in my room all day and not risk it.

I truly want to pop a cap inside of an ass every time I read an article about a professional athlete, known rapist or high school quarterback, with an accuser who’s suddenly dropping all charges.  Or the thing when the woman is brave enough to move forward with the charges (despite the impending societal backlash should the case garner media attn), and she bravely sits in a courtroom across from her attacker(s) (something immeasurably difficult and understood only by those who have lived through some sort of physical violation of their right to exist without getting manhandled in the dark on concrete), endures a usually ruthless cross-examination by defense lawyers publicly and without mercy with regard to her private sexual history, and then after all of that, the case reaches a verdict and then this girl must live with the physical and emotional scars of being torn apart by dicks and arms and whatever else got stuck inside of her without her consent.  And after allllll of that, she sees that a network like CNN is painting it as a sad story of two young men with such promising futures, Poppy Harlow.  (Poppy knows what she did.)  It’s the cherry on top of one delicious ice cream sundae.

You guys, more than anything I just want people to start recognizing the act of rape for what it really is, and that’s a fragrant bouquet of the following:

  • bad
  • scary
  • painful
  • disease-spreading
  • pregnancy-causing
  • emotionally ruinous
  • destructive to existing relationships
  • extremely isolating
  • lifelong sense of concern over impending doom that lurks around the corner or outside the window
  • etc. etc. etc.

To wrap up..

I’m worried that half of the people who end up reading this, who don’t know me the way my readers know me, will write this post off as hyper feminist.  That’s fine.  It is feminist.  But I want to make a point of not confusing ‘offering a platform for an honest public talk about rape’ with the made up concept of ‘militant feminism,’ or even just plain old guy bashing.  Seriously, if suddenly people stopped raping people don’t you think girls would gladly shut up about it?  I HATE TALKING ABOUT RAPE, believe it or not.  I don’t know if you know this but it’s terrible dinner party conversation.  Clears the room.

In conclusion… all it is has ever been about, is this:

I love exploring my surroundings on foot, and taking solo strolls at sunset on cool summer days.  I love road trips, and reading a book under the shade of a tree in a barren field.  I love being by myself with my thoughts, because it’s when I’m all by my lonesome that I figure things out, in my life.  Solitude and earthly exploration have always been paramount to personal growth.  It’s something women are probably more painfully aware of than men, though.  Because we can’t have it.  Not the way dudes do.  I may look relaxed as I walk our dog after dark, but what you don’t know is I’m scanning my surroundings at all times, and with the precision of a sniper who’s seen war and come back from it scathed.  Because I can tell you that, as a woman, once that line has been crossed by someone who doesn’t recognize you as deserving of a say.. there’s just no real coming back from that.  Not all the way at least.

 

Ok, so.  My goal with this post was to create a safe place for open discussion and sharing of thoughts, even if the thoughts are just “yup, this.” Or “rape sucks” or whatever.  There are no rules.  I just want ladies to feel like they can share what’s really on their minds.  That’s the only option a lot of people – a lot of women – have, for talking about this.

ps- please go easy on me if you think this was too much.

Thanks for listening, friendlies.

Alison

Btw: since the verdict was announced, the girl’s been getting death threats, naturally.  Also FoxNews accidentally released her name, so.  Delightful and hardly rage-inducing.  Oo and it might pique (not peak, not peek) your interest to learn that one of the boy’s lawyers will be arguing the boy’s brain wasn’t developed enough to understand that rape isn’t something you should do.  Go, society!

So yeah, we’re probably fine I wouldn’t worry.  Rape culture shmape schmulture.

Label(s): Girl Talk

Love all of this...

48 comments

  1. Christina on March 19, 2013

    Thank you for taking the time to write this post. I read it, and then read it again. It is so easy for some of us women, who aren’t personally affected, to read a story, shake our heads, and keep on moving with our lives. There is so much more to be said and done.

    That is all I will say for now since I am at work. But thank you for this thought provoking post!

    Reply
  2. Scott on March 19, 2013

    To be fair, MSNBC and CNN also released the victim’s name.

    Reply
    • Yeah, and? on May 14, 2013

      So if everyone does it, it’s okay?

      Reply
  3. Caroline on March 19, 2013

    Thanks for writing this. Thanks for your direct language. Thanks for your direct honesty. It needed saying, ALL of it. I’m not sorry if anyone is uncomfortable with what you have to say. Rape, in all its hideous guises, is bloody uncomfortable. An uncomfortable physical experience (to say the least!) and uncomfortable to think about. Well we need to talk about it… and talk, and talk, and talk, until society stops finding excuses for the perpetrators. It’s bad, kids, and it makes me so bloody angry.

    Reply
  4. Janna on March 19, 2013

    I think that posting this was great. Rapist (especially young athletes/hometown heroes) are almost getting “celebritized” by being thrown in the spotlight and painted like the victims of jealous girls and it’s so frustrating. Much like school shooters, their photos should not be plastered all over the internet and talked about. That’s what they want, someone to notice them, to do something people will remember, even if it is killing innocent people. I think our social media oriented culture is creating a place where people know more about events that likely would have been local rather than national news and it may not be a good thing. :-( I’m scared about the direction we are heading as a race and a community with the kinds of descriptions of rapists versus victims, the legislators making laws that contribute to further hurt and pain of the victims, and the celebrity that criminals achieve. It’s a sad sad world sometimes.

    Reply
  5. Aime on March 19, 2013

    Props for opening up a place for discussion to take place. People don’t realize that these issues are real and for the rest of your life. I have had people close to be affected by rape and the attitude that motivates it – it isn’t pretty and our society needs to acknowledge that there are people who don’t care about your opinion and that is never ok.

    Reply
  6. Jessica Z on March 19, 2013

    Thank you for your courage to use your voice and talk about this issue. So ften we do decide to just “let someone else write about it,” and I so respect that you took it upon yourself to speak up, even though it’s not a subject that matches your usual blog comment. Good for you – it’s inspiring to me and makes me want to follow suit the next time I have something to say! It drives me nuts when people poopoo feminists because to me, one of the most important causes feminists work on is trying to stop sexual and physical abuse. Rather than “feminist,” let’s coin a new term and all be “equalitists.” It would be nice to get more men in on the fight and “feminist” is such a limiting term. Just something I have thought about a lot. Dang labels. Anyways, I completely agree with you that many people don’t seem to understand the intense impact rape has on a person and how long it can take for them to heal. Thanks again!

    Reply
  7. CP on March 19, 2013

    I think that even though you have a platform on which to speak about everything that is going on, does not mean you SHOULD.

    TKB does talk about serious stuff, but I don’t think that you have the knowledge or foresight to be giving us the schpeal on how rape is viewed in this country.

    Your knowledge is weddings. Fashion. Bambino.

    I think rape has no place on TKB.

    Still a fan. TKB for life.

    Reply
    • Caroline on March 19, 2013

      I’m sorry, I think everyone SHOULD be talking about it.

      Reply
      • CP on March 19, 2013

        But this is not the platform for it. Just because you have a blog or a twitter account does not make you an expert…just a well known person with a following.

        Too many times people mistake word vomit for “honesty.”

        If I wanted an honest opinion about rape, I’d ask someone who works in a sexual health advocacy clinic and care system. Not a wedding blogger.

        Reply
      • Jenna_days on March 20, 2013

        Maybe my friends have just been unlucky, but I believe that most women have a good friend that has been assaulted in some manner. Don’t assume that TKB isn’t qualified to talk about this. You have no idea what her personal history is or her friends’ personal histories are.
        Also the more we talk about it, the less it gets swept under the rug as an unpleasant subject which is one of the things that makes it so hard for victims to seek help and support.

        Reply
    • Maire on March 19, 2013

      How do you know she, or anyone writing about the topic, does not have first hand knowledge of this subject? I’ve never experienced genocide first hand but I can still make a strong argument against it. Same goes for rape. Also, a little first amendment gives her the right to use this platform SHOULD she choose to. Just in case you forgot.

      Reply
      • CP on March 24, 2013

        Since when did it become against MY first amendment to disagree with this?

        Such a shame that a strong outpouring of women are backlashing against me because I believe there is a time and place for everything.

        Reply
    • Nina on March 20, 2013

      CP – TKB gave plenty of notice at the beginning of the post that she was going to talk about a controversial subject and if you weren’t comfortable with that, you should stop there & check out other posts.

      As to your belief that she can’t use her self-made forum/platform to discuss something important and relevant to our society that affects over 50% of us, let me just say that you may be able to separate all facets of your life, but most of us cannot. Especially if you’ve experienced a physical violation of some sort.

      TKB’s blog reaches many young women and it’s important for women to start saying “NO MORE”. If not for themselves, for their daugthers, friends, co-workers and women all over the globe. Only through conversations like this will the pervasive attitude that victims of rape and sexual abuse somehow have “done something” to warrant that behaviour.

      I have a 23 year old daughter – sending her off to college and having to warn her about all the bad things that might happen was a conversation that I had with her – and isn’t that a shame? My19 year old son would never think to treat a woman that way. Why? Because I’ve raised him to respect women and have talked openly about the disgust I have for the football players at Steubenville – just a couple of hours away from our own home in Ohio.

      Have you checked out the statistics on Rape? A survey of high school students found that one in five had experienced forced sex (rape). Half of these girls told no one about the incident – One in Four college women report surviving rape (15 percent) or attempted rape (12 percent) since their fourteenth birthday – •55% of gang rapes on college campuses are committed by fraternities, 40% by sports teams, and 5% by others.

      These are frightening statistics and TKB is just opening up a very needed conversation. I don’t know if you have a daughter or sister, CP, but if you do, you should be welcome the opportunity to make a new path for women in the United States – the country with the highest reported rate of rape (stats from crisisconnectioninc.org, rainn.org & oneinfourusa.org)

      Reply
      • CP on March 24, 2013

        How dare you try and shame me for speaking my mind as well. If i do not have a sister or daughter, does that make me less of a woman? Less able to form sound judgements? Less knowledgeable on public discourse?

        Shame on you.

        Reply
      • Brittany B. on March 24, 2013

        How can you be so smug that “your son would never do anything like this” and “you raised him better than that”?

        I bet the moms of the two football players are saying the exact same thing.

        Such a privileged thing to say.

        Reply
  8. Caroline on March 19, 2013

    (and the louder the better)

    Reply
    • Caroline on March 19, 2013

      I just think everyone has the right to express their honestly held opinion, and I happen to agree with this one. No one is forcing you to agree, which is fine, but I’m cool with a wedding blogger having an opinion on something other than table decor. Or dresses.

      Reply
      • Lena on March 21, 2013

        FUCK YES.

        TKB, thank you for writing this. Never have I been so horrified as the afternoon I spent in a Texas Vera Bradley (that was more than enough) listening to grown women talk about how a college girl who had accused a football player of rape was “Just a slut from UT who’s trying to ruin our bowl game.” And if we can all start talking about the reality of rape, maybe we can all STOP talking about victims like predators and predators like victims.

        Reply
  9. Kelly on March 19, 2013

    Importan. Important. IMPORTANT! That we talk and keep talking. Not in suble, polite inoffensive terms either. Rape is a humiliating and painful act and talking about it should be graphic and hard to take. For those who want to sweep the issue under the rug it falls to the rest of us to be so loud and belligerent that we force people to take notice, see the truth and work for real change. This isn’t a men vs women issue. This is about all people wanting society to value basic human decency and respect. Kudos to you for using the platform you have!

    Reply
  10. Ashley Barnett on March 19, 2013

    Afreakingmen. Thank you. “Because I can tell you that, as a woman, once that line has been crossed by someone who doesn’t recognize you as deserving of a say.. there’s just no real coming back from that. Not all the way at least.” – As someone still, STILL building the courage to share her story, those words could not be more true. You never, EVER come back all the way from the four letter word that is rape.

    Reply
    • Alison on March 20, 2013

      Thank you for sharing this, Ashley. All of the comments have inspired me so. But the very nature of your comment alone proves that we can talk about this, openly, and there’s no shame in our games. I think Martha would say this is a very good thing.

      We’re gonna change this, it’s happening already and it’s inspiring. From one girl to another, I’m loving you. *high five*

      Reply
  11. PBG on March 19, 2013

    Thanks for posting this. You don’t have to be an “expert” to talk about rape. If only rape, incest, domestic violence, and homicide happened in the proper areas, it would make things so much more clean and tidy. Alas, none of us live in a vacuum. Rape happens all around us while we’re trying to decide buffet vs. plated dinner. Chances are incredibly high that a percentage of us who visit this site have been victims. And if today, one of us visited this site, saw this message, and felt like they were supported and not a shameful statistic to be discussed amongst “experts,” then I say it’s a win.

    We hear you. We support you. We believe you.

    Reply
  12. Alex on March 19, 2013

    Thank you for writing this. Four years ago I was roofied while on a date. One minute I was enjoying pleasant conversation and the next thing I woke up with my date inside of me. It was terrifying, violating and life ruining. I now have major intimacy/relationship issues. I’ve only just started to address what happened and move forward. Rape need to be discussed because when you keep it to yourself, you just do more damage.

    Reply
  13. Sarah on March 19, 2013

    Best thing I’ve ever read on your blog. Thank you for having the courage to publish this.

    Reply
  14. Maire on March 19, 2013

    Since getting married last summer, I’ve read less of your blog than I initially did, what with the whole not needing constant wedding inspiration thing. This post brought me back to you, and reminded me why I fell in love with your blog in the first place. This is about more than pretty pictures and heartwarming stories about wedding days. This is about every part of life, even the parts that some people would rather not hear about. Thank you.

    Reply
    • Kerry on March 20, 2013

      I completely agree, and thank you for being about more than just tulle and centrepieces… you are right that rape is difficult to talk about, but if we all keep pushing it away and pretending it’s not an issue nothing will ever change. Thank you for being brave enough to talk about this and for using your platform to spread awareness.

      Reply
  15. Bianca on March 20, 2013

    Great article. It took you a while to get to the main point but it was said. Rape is something you have to deal with everyday for the rest of your life if youre unfortunate enough to be in that situation. Our society has been so desensitized by movies, shows and books that rape is taken so lightly now days, and that’s just disgusting.

    Reply
  16. Tanya on March 20, 2013

    Thank you. Not all parts of life are about pretty dresses, first dances and buttercream or fondant.

    As you were talking about walking your dog at night, scanning like a sniper. Wow did you describe me after dark with my dogs.

    Let us be reminded that rape has nothing to do with sex and has everything to do with power. So, why would a victims’ sex life even be an issue when investigating this type of crime?

    And does nobody else see the hypocrisy in wanting smaller government, especially when it comes to money (and the rich getting richer, might I add), except when it comes to my reproductive system? Then he’ll no! Apparently I’m not smart enough to know what I can and can’t handle. Emotionally, physically or financially since apparently there would be little to no help if some politicians had their way. It seems that those are all the same politicians too. Nice, really nice.

    I for one thank you for writing this. Brings up some ugly memories but it also brings up a topic that shouldn’t be swept under the rug either.

    Bravo!

    Reply
  17. Renee on March 20, 2013

    yes.yes.and yes. so glad this was written. a link worth sharing — you’ve probably already seen this, but for anyone who hasn’t…

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/18/the-onion-cnn-steubenville-rape-trial-coverage_n_2900884.html?ir=Comedy

    Reply
  18. laura on March 20, 2013

    I’m glad you wrote about this.

    Please don’t feel you need to be apologetic about writing about rape. The more places we see this kind of discourse, the better. If we only see it on feminist sites, it gets labeled as “just” a feminist issue. It’s everyone’s issue. Everyone should be talking about this. Thank you.

    Reply
  19. Marty on March 20, 2013

    It’s all over the news – not just Steubenville, but other stories every single day. It’s no wonder that I am having nightmares and anxiety in the middle of the night… I want to talk about it. I have a 12 year old daughter, and I am scared for her. You do not have to have some particular degree or training to state your feelings as a woman in our country. We are pre-qualified to discuss matters of this nature whenever we see fit. Any woman can talk about her experience as a woman. I think if we refuse to stop having this discussion, only good will come of it. We need some good right now.

    Reply
  20. RC on March 20, 2013

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I do not consider myself a feminist, but I do not beive that being anti- rape does not make one “hyper feminist”… makes one pro- human. Women are human beings just as much as men are, and no person regardless of gender, is deserving of the abuse, brutality, suffering and horrors that rape victims experience. As much as I love your wedding posts, relationship posts ans bambino posts as a bride-to-be and bulldog momma myself, good on you for posting about other issues that matter to women!

    Reply
  21. Nora on March 20, 2013

    I view rape as a horrible crime, a nightmare, that needs to be addressed and prevented. I agree that women need to stop being blamed for rape. I am very happy that you chose to take a stand and put out your opinion on this topic.
    The only part I disagree with is your idea that terminating a pregnancy in this case is a good thing. You see, I was conceived by rape. My mother was pressured by her parents to abort, but wouldn’t. I am so thankful that she chose adoption, because I love my life. My adoptive parents, too, are grateful.
    Even if I was conceived through an “unwilling penetration”, my life is beautiful and I am so grateful for it. I am now happily married with two children, who wouldn’t exist either if my birth mother had aborted me.
    To sum it all up, I agree with your position on rape. In no way am I presenting it as a good thing (it is a horrible violation of women) but rather I am begging women impregnated through this act to choose adoption instead. Your child will be so thankful for life.

    Reply
  22. Brittany on March 20, 2013

    I’m so glad you wrote this. TKB is a place you created and you have every right to post whatever you want on it. I know that it’s a wedding blog, but I enjoy reading more serious stuff like this as well, it’s a life blog too, and this is a part of life. (Sadly.)

    I agree with Kelly in that reading about rape should be hard to take–it’s a hard subject and reading about it is raw, but that’s what makes it real. The realer it is to us, the more aware of it we are, the less tolerant we’ll be.

    Reply
  23. shadi guru on March 21, 2013

    Thanks for your meaning full and logical blog it shows the real condition of our social. but here want sat a thing all of people could not be same.and rape is a horrible crime for all peoples it means he could be sports man actor and any celebrity. but you cant say girls should not wear short dresses and you cant clam to any girl for it.

    Reply
  24. Lost_Wanderings on March 21, 2013

    Thank you for this post post. You just made me realize something. Often (it seems) when a sportsperson is convicted of rape there’s some comment on their lost career. Like their the victim of some tragic accident. “Oh no, if he hadn’t accidentally planned to rape that girl and went through with it he would still have a future”? I just can’t get my head around this attitude. Like losing concentration and raping someone could happen to anyone. Ick.

    What the rape victim has to deal with (emotionally and physically) and how it impacts on their future is hardly ever mentioned. Ie having to pull out of study, losing a job, being ostracized, emotional and physical problems with sex, ongoing emotional and trust problems.

    Reply
  25. Ariana on March 21, 2013

    yup, this.

    Reply
  26. Clem on March 23, 2013

    I’ve been in therapy for six months now for PTSD from a series of humiliating trespasses against me that took 20 years to admit were causing drug abuse, depression, self-harm and the belief that I am completely undeserving of safe human love. The therapy is helping, the drugs have stopped the panic attacks, and I don’t wake up crying. I can read something like this now and not feel broken and isolated and tarnished. Thank you for speaking your mind. I only wish I’d had the courage to so long ago.

    Reply
  27. Marjan on March 23, 2013

    Thank you very much for taking the time and writing about this important topic. It’s so sad how women are being abused all over the world and continue to suffer.

    Reply
  28. Jessica on March 24, 2013

    Thanks for writing this. I enjoy all your posts — both wedding and life related. EVERYONE should be talking about this. If there are those that don’t want to listen, well, you gave them enough warning at the beginning of your post.

    Reply
  29. Erin @ Soap Obsessed on March 27, 2013

    I worked for many years a volunteer victim advocate and I saw all kinds of things. In a smallish town like Savannah, GA, you wouldn’t believe the number of women I helped through a rape kit. Combine that with the statistically large number of unreported rapes and the facts make me even more frightened.

    As a beauty queen in the South, I competed with a platform issue of making people aware of these facts and providing more support to victims and education to girls. I was told over and over that there was a “time and place” to talk about rape and that when I was wearing a crown was not it. And I refused to listen to that.

    There is a time and a place…the time is NOW and the place is EVERYWHERE. You don’t have to be a health advocate to understand that having someone force themselves inside you is life changing and scarring, even if you don’t get pregnant or contract an STI. Combine the emotional trauma with the very real possibility of those two things I just mentioned and rape can become a living hell the likes of which one may never recover.

    Feminism means many things to many people. I make breakfast every morning for my future husband, pack his lunch, and cook him dinner. I am by no means a conventional feminist, but I chose that. Every person has the right to choose his or her path. But if we don’t speak up, if we don’t call women like Poppy Harlow out, this will never ever get better.

    And yes, I am a rape survivor…but that is irrelevant to the conversation. I only mention it to lend “credibility” to my argument to those who think one need be an authority to write about this issue.

    I applaud you for writing this, Alison. It isn’t hyper feminist to want to be treated like a human being. Rape should only be a dirty word in that it shouldn’t happen. Not that we should be afraid to discuss it.

    Bravo for your bravery.

    Reply
  30. Meghan on March 27, 2013

    I literally don’t have enough time in the day to write everything I want to say, so I’ll just say this- THANK YOU. I always love and appreciate what you have to say, but this post goes above and beyond. And as someone who has had experience with this awful subject firsthand, I welcome your words and opinions. Honestly, I’m shocked that anyone objects to you speaking out on the subject. Everyone should be talking about it.

    I live in Canada so in terms of government involvement, it’s obviously different, but at the end of the day, in any place in the world, rape is a horrific crime and shouldn’t be seen or treated as anything less. Thank you for opening yourself up to criticism (criticism I don’t understand, mind you) and speaking out on something that doesn’t get nearly enough APPROPRIATE attention.

    Reply
    • Meghan on March 27, 2013

      PS- I wish there was a “like” button on comments- I’m so happy to see how many interesting, intelligent women read your blog and are willing to share their thoughts on such a difficult subject. Thanks for getting the conversation going.

      Reply
  31. Lori on April 11, 2013

    Thank you for writing this.

    I’m really looking forward to a time in my future when I can walk alone again at night.

    Thank you for having the courage to talk about this so publicly.

    Reply
  32. Emily on April 26, 2013

    Bravo TKB.

    Reply
  33. Maggie on May 9, 2013

    THANK YOU for including this! Our society has become so desensitized to the topic and reality of rape–even common vernacular refers to it in a positive light. “I raped that exam.” “I’m going to dominate this burger.” etc.

    It is a subject that needs to be discussed and if we aren’t, then we’re just standing by to watch worse things happen.

    Reply
  34. Tayler on May 20, 2013

    I stumbled onto this blog looking at wedding stuff and ended up reading this. Thank you so much for not being shy. These are a lot of points that I, a sexual trauma survivor myself, have not thought of. This should be published everywhere. Thanks again.

    Reply

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