So the concerned half-sister of a virgin bride wrote in recently for advice, and I’ve made her question the focus of today’s post. It prompts the broader question for today: Do you think it’s important to have sex with your partner before marrying that partner?
As usual, I encourage you guys to join in with your own advice if you’re comfortable offering any up today. I’ve tried to advise her best I could as you’ll see, but without personally knowing anyone with anywhere near that kind of sexual willpower including myself (hi Dad!), I can only imagine there are many different viewpoints and considerations and ways to approach this. So, WWYD? Fyi the ‘Y’ stands for You, not “Yeezus”, tho Kanye West is of course welcomed to weigh in despite this, as I do trust his impulses in love and marriage………
Shall we begin?
PART 1 :: QUESTION + ANSWER
My sister is about to marry a man she’s never kissed and, as her Matron of Honor (by default), I feel it is my duty to properly prepare her for what is about to happen.
Allow me to provide some background information so you may properly assess the situation:
- Yes, my sister and her fiance are both religious (New-Age Baptist). But I wouldn’t say they are proselytizing.
- Fiance has kissed a girl before *GASP* and apparently it “led to temptation.” Not kissing was his suggestion and she agreed. Sister has never kissed anyone (anywhere). Ever. She is 25 and this is the first man she has ever dated.
- I say I am MOH “by default” because my sister and I are not very close. We are half-sisters (no blood relation, not that that means anything) and had very different life experiences for various reasons I won’t bore you with. I was chosen as MOH because she “couldn’t choose between two of her friends.”
This is a totally foreign concept to me – up until my wedding last year I had been having all sorts of pre-marital sexcapades. I made my husband practice our wedding kiss. Lingerie and lube was purchased in preparation for our honeymoon. You get the idea.
I am deeply concerned that the first kiss will be TLC’s Virgin Diaries-esque and that it will be so, so, SO baaadddd. (More importantly, that I won’t be able to hold it together since I will have a FRONT ROW SEAT to the action.) When asked “What if you kiss and it’s…bad?” my sister says: “I won’t have anything to compare it to.” What a sad thought.
Of course, sister’s got bigger (insert inappropriate joke here*) issues when they go on their honeymoon. It’s going to be a looong week of awkward poking in Puerto Rico – especially when you’re going from 0 to 60 in just a few days. Heck, -60 to 60.
So my question is: since we’re not that close, what is an appropriate way to prep my sister for what is sure to be the most horrifying, intimate and real experiences of her life?
A tasteful nightgown? Lubrication suggestions? An encouraging note, perhaps? Some people have said that’s overstepping my boundaries. I’d love to hear from you and your readers!
*What if he convinces her his penis is 6″ and throws off her ability to measure distances for the rest of her life!? (Joke contributed by my hubs)
Dear Ms. M,
I have learned some things over the years from others and from my own experiences, and that is: Never give someone advice unless they beg you for it. And even then, decline if you can.
I say this because you have no way of knowing if she will interpret your reason for giving it as a positive one, or how comfortable she’ll be with the advice you give.
So for now just wish her a wonderful and loving married life.
But after the ceremony, maybe during the reception you can offer this to her: If she ever wants to ask or talk to you about anything, she can.
Culture and religion are great influences on one’s behavior and one’s acceptance of another person’s behavior and actions. The bride and groom seem comfortable with their religion’s expectations of them.
Hopefully, they… although up until now having refrained from having sex… have some idea about what they want to give to and receive from their mate. And hopefully now that they have the permission slip of marriage, they will allow themselves to explore, without restraint, the thrills of sexual intimacy.
If she ever comes to you and seeks your counsel, or you feel close enough to her as the wedding date gets closer, so that you feel you can mention something more at the reception, then maybe telling her this corny analogy might help: If sex were singing then she should think of them as a couple of soloists who now want to become a duet. It is possible to be terrific from as early on as the first song they sing together… but if not, then as with most things practice makes perfect.
- Alison, TKB
PART 2 :: DRESSES UPON DRESSES UPON DRESSES
If you’re feeling like eating up pretty things with your eyes today instead of getting too advicey re: the above reader question, then by all means, sit back and enjoy the following pics from Bridal Fashion Week that my good friend Casey Fatchett captured when he joined me to shoot some runway shows. We had such a blast, he’s always a pleasure to work with. :) Today I’m sharing with you the Angel Sanchez runway show – I’d love to hear if you have any faves. I’m kinda having a hard time choosing myself; almost every single one made me squeal like Teresa Guidice during the show (man I do I hate her btw)…
Some questions for today as we go into the weekend…
1. What think you of today’s reader predicament? Should she talk to her half-sister or not?
2. Are you digging dresses with major detailing these days like the ones we’re seeing above? Or do you prefer a different style?
Can’t wait to hear your thoughts!