DEAR TKB: “I Think I Need More Sex Than My Partner… What Do I Do?” PLUS: Royal Baby News (UPDATED) & Would You Wear This Sheer Wedding Dress? | NSFW

Clearly I have a lot to talk about.

2013-royal-baby-watch-and-sex-and-libido

Today’s letter for our Dear TKB advice column is the first I’ve received of its kind, but the issue the reader is facing is turning out to be a lot more common than I think we as a culture realize.  Friends of ours have gone through it.  I’ve been through it myself in the past.  Lots of taboo around it but there shouldn’t be!

Obvs. the goal with these posts is to have some real conversation about stuff that’s otherwise difficult to talk about, for some.  I’m looking forward to reading your thoughts and advice, if you have any you’re willing to offer!

Ok now, since some of my favorite activities include researching things on the internet, royal baby watching, and being afraid of pregnancy/delivering a baby/raising children, I have something quickly to report on, before we move on to our question from a reader.

 

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Kate Middleton emerged for pictures the day after having a baby, and she did it!  She successfully pulled off not looking like she just had a baby.  Check out video of it happening irl, thanks to starcrush:

You know, sometimes, when it feels like I’ve got the weight of the world on my shoulders, I like to relax and think about how almost all of the incredibly wealthy families of the world have managed to maintain not only their immense wealths, but also the adoration and unwavering support of the very people they DGAF about.  It’s kind of amazing.  What do you do with all that money?

ap royal pregnancy image - i wonder what they talk about

I wonder what they talk about.  (image via buzzfeed)

I’m being told his name is Prince Princington Wellingsworth Tambling-Goggindoggy the III, no, that’s wrong.  Ok I’m being told the name hasn’t been announced yet, so we wait.  Update!  Dude’s name is “George Alexander Louis”.  So, there you go.  

Also going to be announced are “further details about the birth process,” which seems hardly invasive.  (You guys I hope she fesses up about the size and degree of her tear and doesn’t leave anything out.  Also would like to know how many times she pooped, and whether she was permitted to smoke marijuana in the hospital, or if she had to do one HUGE pull beforehand like the rest of the moms who do that, or if she ACTUALLY just ABSORBED all of the pain into her psyche, never to speak of it publicly.  I’m thinking 3.)

E! Online reported that the infant King is showing signs of looking just like Mom.  Thoughts? lmao

John Stillwell, AP - kate with bb

-John Stillwell, AP - kate with bb

John Stillwell, AP

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Chris Jackson, Getty Images

Ok, you guys.  I have to talk about women and giving birth for a minute, I’m sorry.

It’s overwhelming how little respect is given the female postpartum body.  I consider myself generally pretty informed about stuff a woman is supposed to be informed about, but no one talks about that period of time between having the baby and becoming a mother – you kinda have to search it out yourself.  Which I feel is kinda lame, you know?  SO MUCH HAPPENS TO THE BODY, MY GOD.  It’s like WHOA, if you’re not aware of it going in.  The whole thing just makes you feel sad for anyone who has to go through it privately.  Like it’s some kind of shameful thing.  Ok, rant over.  Moving on.

Actually last thing about this, before we move on (lord I’m sorry I’m talking so much) — If you’re a bit curious about what it might be like for the Duchess right now, here’s a quick list from just the facts baby:

1. Postnatal bleeding can last for weeks.

2. You may leave the hospital looking almost as pregnant as you did when you arrived (and your belly won’t fully go down for some time).

3. No matter how productive you were in your past life, things change when you have a newborn.

4. Nursing is not necessarily easy, nor can every woman produce breast milk, so you shouldn’t feel bad if you’re having trouble.

5. Sex may be painful for as long as a year after giving birth.

I get a little carried away, I know, every time something baby-related pops onto my radar.  It just bothers me that girls see a certain standard perpetuated in the media and then feel they have to live up to that standard (<==NSFW).  But w-evs, I guess.

 

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Today’s question from a reader is about her sexual relationship with her partner, like I mentioned ages ago before I talked forever about nonsense.

Can you guys give her any advice?

Dear TKB:

My fiance and I have been engaged for 3 years, together 5 total.  (I’m taking forever to set aside the time to plan a wedding, if anyone thinks it’s weird we’ve been engaged that long.)

Really quickly- 

There’s something I know to be true about myself, and that’s that I need to be having more sex.  But I don’t know what to do or how to broach it.

I can remember from the very beginning this being a slight issue.  We have sex between once and twice a week, with the occasional draught of 2-ish weeks but it hasn’t gone beyond that (yet).  It’s extremely enjoyable those one or two times; he knows how to please me, and we’re adventurous, and we’ve developed a great sense of one another’s bodies.  But that only makes me want more of it.  Is that terrible of me?  Am I just wanting too much? 

There’s another thing that this all leads into: I’m deathly afraid that once we grow our family (soon) we won’t be doing it AT ALL anymore.  That’s what I hear from my friends – sex came to an almost complete halt for a couple of couples (hehe) we know, who had a baby.  And it never recovered. :(

I get a little upset sometimes thinking about this, it worries me endlessly because I know how important sex is for me.  Any advice from the knotty community?  I know I can’t be the only one.

I’m very delicate about it with him, because I know how emasculating it can be to hear your girl wants more sex.  But on those occasions when I’ve mentioned how much I love his body and how much I want to bang it with frequency, his response is to say, “this is how I’ve always been honey..I’m sorry..this is me.”  So do I need to accept that, and be happy with what I do have?

Thanks,

S.

While you ponder the above, I have some pretty dresses to show you.  Or you can just have a look at the pretty dresses and enjoy them, and not comment.  I will still love you regardless.  High five!

If you’re interested in that peekaboo wedding dress at the top (for which you’d OF COURSE address the nipple situation, via some sort of corset or tank, or you can do a Lady Gaga in that scene from the Telephone video), here’s that priceless beauty and a bunch of it’s less revealing friends, all from the Rivini show.

ON NUDITY: If I’m honest- I love the look of these dresses-that-reveal-the-nipple but I’ve always wondered why.  Not *why I like them* (that’s probably because I failed to experiment in college) – but *why they keep popping up in bridal market runway shows* — Here’s what I think it is: I think it’s just because bras are ugly under lace, and lace is uniquely beautiful exclusively when laid directly upon skin.  OR it’s because t&a run the world and we’re just living in it.  ANYWHO, heads up that I shielded your eyes from woman-nipple in the first photo below, but after that I guess just brace yourself?  I imagine most of you are cool with the female anatomy, so I’m not really worried, you just never know how someone’s going to react.  And really, the partially nakes dress is too full of romance and enchantment to deliver unto you sans what is some exquisitely delicate over-nipple lace decoration.  Plus who am I to shame womenfolk for visible nip?  Guys do it everyday.  Not shame womenfolk, show their nipples.  Ok I just need to shut up at this point.

_---RIVINI-SS-2014-MARTINIQUE

RIVINI-MARTINIQUE-lace-bust-wedding-dress

My favorite comment on the Instagram pic I posted of this dress was from Christina of Sweet Lavender Bake Shoppe, who said:

“Grandmas not going to like that one.”  (I think you may be right, Christina.)

get this one fitted right, and it’ll be a dream, on:

this one looks like it does a Spanxy thing in the bodice area, quality stuff if you’re after some slimming:

for the princess in you:

 purty dresses courtesy of Rivini

Label(s): "DEAR TKB..." Advice Column, White, {Fashion}

Love all of this...

10 comments

  1. Jessica on July 24, 2013

    I don’t know if this qualifies as personal experience but I once dated a guy who was completely turned off by me if I hadn’t recently showered. Really great for the ego. Suffice it to say I’m no longer with him, I shower when I shower get over yourself LOL

    Reply
  2. Katie on July 24, 2013

    Girl, I feel you. I’ve been together with my man half as long as you, and I’m already in the once-or-twice per week groove. And perhaps the most revealing? When we do have sex, it’s usually pretty lukewarm at best. Buuut. I absolutely adore my guy, as I’m sure you adore yours. I guess some of us ladies are wired to want it more frequently. The main to thing to consider: are you mostly happy otherwise? Like, have all the other pieces of your life with him fallen into place the way you’ve wanted them too, and is your fellow is 99.9% perfect, even if he’s only willing to strip down once a week? If so, I say ride it out. (I also say that you’re totally allowed to engage in some solo action whenever the feeling strikes.) If that’s the way he’s “always been,” there’s no changing him now. Like weird earlobes or back hair, a less-than-revved up libido might just be a character attribute you’ll have to accept. Make sure you reassure him that you love it when you have it, though! Good luck.

    Reply
  3. MaryLou Sw on July 25, 2013

    I agree adding a ‘set aside’ date/sex night might be worth a try.

    Reply
  4. Katelyn on July 29, 2013

    I’m in the process of planning my wedding which has me a little stressed out. What I’m really looking forward to is shopping for my wedding dress. I like the mermaid style wedding dresses but when I saw the see through lace dress I was shocked. I understand that some women like to be fashion forward on their wedding day but to me that’s too much. I want to find a wedding dress that is elegant and even my future children will want to wear.

    Reply
  5. Powerbrides on August 2, 2013

    While not too much on the advice front, Rivini runway was killin’ it.

    Think we should embrace the nip but until then, pasties?

    Reply
  6. Rebecca L on August 9, 2013

    I don’t know if I’m more traditional or what. But I don’t feel it’s appropriate for my step mother, sister, brother ect to see my nips. Not to mention my parents and rest of my family.

    To be honest I have this problem as well. When we have sex it’s amazing but when I try for more often he just says not right now or other things. I know with him it might be his medication but sometimes I feel like it’s just me.

    Reply
  7. SMA on August 9, 2013

    Oh “S”, how I sympathize. This is a rarely discussed issue, that is far more common than you realize. MY question is why does our society keep it under wraps? Why isn’t it discussed more openly? Instead of more BS articled by Cosmo, Vogue, Elle, and Marie Claire about “How to Spice Up your Sex Life” and “Bedroom Tips to Drive Him Wild” why don’t we just get down to brass tacks and say what it’s really about? —- That a lot of us gals just want more sex than our guys are giving us! The simple truth is that there is often a myriad of reasons why our libidos don’t always match up. Stress, fatigue, depression, low self esteem (yes guys deal with this too!) are just a few of the common reason’s why our guys don’t always rise to the occasions, if you catch my drift ;) Another deeper issue which is also quite common, is feeling an emotional disconnect. Believe it or not, those sensitive guys that we adore NEED to feel emotionally connected to their partners in order to make a physical connection happen. Simply taking the time to make him feel loved by greeting him with an enthusiastic hug and kiss and/or cooking his favorite meal, followed up with some cuddling on the couch or holding hands and taking a long stroll while discussing each others’ day/week/funny whatever, is often all it takes for them to get that emotional connection back. Trust me on this! Make him feel like the center of your world and he will make you feel like the sexiest woman in the world ;)

    Reply
  8. Jennifer on August 18, 2013

    so many awesome dresses, thanks for sharing

    Reply
  9. Beautiful Wedding Dresses on September 8, 2013

    OMG I love these dresses! Sheer is so elegant I can’t help but wish they were more widely accepted. In regard to the question, while it is good to be mindful of potential issues it is important not to dwell on them. Once we bring our focus to something (good or bad) we humans have an amazing ability to make them happen. So my advise would be to focus on the good of your sex life and watch as it multiplies!

    Reply
  10. kkshoes on September 21, 2013

    The dresses so beautiful!

    Reply

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