“There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.”
― Judith McNaught
I finally found an exception to that rule.
The Bachelorette Finale – Part II: All You Don’t Need Is Love?
It’s such a shame to me when a girl settles on a man with whom she has little chemistry, just because she’s afraid she’s not going to find the man she wants. If only we weren’t the ones who had the ovaries.
You guys here’s what I’ve been wondering ever since the show ended Monday night. Can these types of lopsided relationships, where one person is significantly more in love with the other…can they actually work? Like, in the long run? Or should we as a society cling to the belief that every single person on this Earth is not only deserving of a beautiful love story, but that we should actively be seeking it out, and not rest until it is found? (Assuming it is even possible in all cases *to be* found?) Anyway.
Here is where my open letter to Des starts.
This is what we were doing when you said something about being blindsided by your desire for Brooks, the man who rejected you and whom you clearly love, but then were like “but I was blindsided by my love for Brooks so I couldn’t see that the one thing I always needed was right in front of me,” or some shit:
I don’t know if that photobomb pic really conveys what I’m trying to say, but it was so funny and I really wanted to include it. But here’s what I’m trying to say: OH COME ON.
I’m not very convinced that Chris is getting a woman who actually has deep feelings for him after their 6 weeks of casual dating. And I think you know it. And I think Chris is deluding himself a bit, because you’re his dream girl. And I think you know that, too. A relative of mine was once who Chris is, now, and a few years later it ended in a green card and a very painful drawn-out divorce.
You may be suffering, and you may be rebounding. And that’s fine. That’s natural. But is it fair to Chris? Unrequited love hurts everyone in the end. The destruction it causes is not worth a few months of feeling “more loved than you’ve ever felt by a man in your life.” Yes, I want you to feel that love, because you are wonderful and you DESERVE LOVE, but Desiree just consider the fallout… if you can’t keep yourself convinced.
It’s like Gloria Fallon said:
Poor Des. There’s only so long you can fuck with your eyes closed. #Bachelorette
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) August 6, 2013
Of course, it’s not me you have to convince. Nor is it the rest of the viewing public, or your overprotective brother who you don’t appreciate nearly enough, or Brooks. It’s you. So with all of that said, I felt compelled today to give you some pointers on being in a relationship; not that I know much of anything about being in a relationship, but I definitely know more than you, lol. I sincerely hope this helps.
1. Chris feels like your (distant) second choice. Let’s assume I’m right for the sake of discussion – are you planning on going ahead with the wedding? If that’s the case, you’re going to need to curtail the impulse to make him pay for your decision for the rest of his natural born life. He is just loving you. Let him love you! You chose this. Put everything into learning to love a safe, peaceful life without physical chemistry. Millions of women do it every day, all over the world.
2. Cup the balls. Don’t leave the sac alone, Des, it begs to be loved. Ball is one of the most neglected areas on the male body; but be gentle! But don’t be too gentle hehe that tickles.
3. Talking too much about your feelings is a turn-off for guys. Chris especially seems the type to keep conversation to a minimum. Good for you he’s got those poems.
4. Learn to read – this is an important one
5. Learn to emote. Get more comfortable with actually telling other people how you literally feel. Start easy with your brother; his loving reaction will be one laced with inexplicable anger, but he is your North Star.
6. Guys aren’t really into baby voices. Think Trista. And before you say but Trista found love, dancers are one of the exceptions to the baby voice rule; physical flexibility is the paper to the baby voice rock.
My point is when I close my eyes you sound like a 16yo girl, Desiree. I can’t. And Chris won’t, for long.
7. Chris plays golf. Guys who play golf like to keep things in. My fiance told me last week when I asked him about a pair of lace crocheted shorts, “I’m not that into the whole bohemian look.” This is half my closet for the last 7 years, people. Motherfucking dedicated to that look. So learn to go deeper emotionally, as (and this is going to sound hilarious, but) you may be the deeper one, emotionally, in this relationship. And if you’re citing Chris’ poems as a counterpoint, you’re argument is invalid.
Difficult to Write
8. Those bangs were working for you. Why did you get rid of them? Just wonderin.
9. Remember when you mentioned Brooks, your ex, within the same conversation as when Chris was preparing to propose to you? You’re not ready to be engaged.
10. ^Prbly pay more attention to that.
But now Desiree… if you really do love Chris, as you say you do, and you really can imagine a wonderful life full of sex you want to be having with him, then I take back everything I said. Except #2. Girls really underestimate the importance.
P.S. – Here’s some good life advice to remind you of what’s important in life. This one always helps me when I’m feeling lost:
“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ― Maya Angelou
P.P.S. – If you’re still feeling sad over the Brooks thing, don’t; he wore a chevron button-down recently:
P.P.P.P.S. – Here’s the last thing I’m gonna say, and then I’ll shut up and let you live your life. But Desiree I really mean this one.
Please stop saying the right thing, and just be real with yourself. Wtf is the point of life if it’s not that?!
“How hurtful it can be to deny one’s true self and live a life of lies.” ― June Ahern
Label(s): *Bachelor/ette Recaps