‘THE BACHELOR’ RECAP | Season 18, Episode 2 | Naked Photo Shoot For a Good Cause, Drunk Victoria & The Hymen Maneuver.

‘THE BACHELOR’ RECAP | Season 18, Episode 2 | Naked Photo Shoot For a Good Cause, Drunk Victoria & The Hymen Maneuver.

It’s Saturday.  Here, finally, is your Episode 2 recap. LET’S BEGIN. The show starts with previews of the show.  EVERYTHING is going to happen.  Yet nothing at all.  I’m ashamed at how excited I am for such manufactured nothingness to unravel. Flash to Dog Lover’s dog, Molly, who is swimming in the pool.  Molly couldn’t [...]

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‘THE BACHELOR’ RECAP | Season 18 + Episode 1: You Guys, I Don’t Juan To Watch This Show Anymore…

‘THE BACHELOR’ RECAP | Season 18 + Episode 1: You Guys, I Don’t Juan To Watch This Show Anymore…

I haven’t showered in almost three days and if I had an office job this would be the point where I decide I’m going to sprinkle baby powder on my scalp tomorrow morning to cover up the grease.  I am a disgusting manifestation of a human being. In comparison, these girls are immaculate.  They look [...]

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OPEN LETTER TO DES HARTSOCK | 10 Tips As You Embark On Life With A Man For Whom You Seem To Be Settling..

OPEN LETTER TO DES HARTSOCK | 10 Tips As You Embark On Life With A Man For Whom You Seem To Be Settling..

“There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and [...]

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GIVEAWAY + BACHELORETTE RECAP | Enter To Win Gold Foil Notecards + Desiree & Her Bachelors [NSFW-ish]

GIVEAWAY + BACHELORETTE RECAP | Enter To Win Gold Foil Notecards + Desiree & Her Bachelors [NSFW-ish]

Here we go. 

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KNOTTY BACHELOR RECAPS | When Will It Be Ryan Gosling’s Season. | “So Many Beautiful Women, Who Also Seem to Be Intelligent, Funny, and Witty…”

KNOTTY BACHELOR RECAPS | When Will It Be Ryan Gosling’s Season. | “So Many Beautiful Women, Who Also Seem to Be Intelligent, Funny, and Witty…”

hey it’s me. I realize the show’s about to start in about an hour.  But I committed myself to this and DAMNIT, WHAT I PROMISE I DELIVER. Sometimes I’m like, do I like this. Or does the pinot like this.  

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50 SHADES OF GREY: A RECAP | “Not that I am against descriptive explicit sex in a book… but for God’s sake.”

50 SHADES OF GREY: A RECAP | “Not that I am against descriptive explicit sex in a book… but for God’s sake.”

To find that base pic I did a Google image search for the word vagina.  Which by the way I recommend you do not do if you’re at work.  I cannot stress this enough – it is NSFW (not safe for work).  I am dead serious don’t do it.  Don’t you do it noooooo YOU’RE DOING IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT [...]

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“Omigod I can’t wait for the next episode!” – says no one ever.

“Omigod I can’t wait for the next episode!” – says no one ever.

Hello and welcome to your Knotty Bachelorette Recap, brought to you by sponsors Coke, coffee and sheer determination.  

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BACHELORETTE EMILY RECAP Ep. 5: “GTFO.” | How are all these life-size Barbie figurines talking right now.

BACHELORETTE EMILY RECAP Ep. 5: “GTFO.” | How are all these life-size Barbie figurines talking right now.

Hello and welcome ladies and gentlemen to your Knotty recap of The Bachelorette Episode 5.  

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BACHELOR RECAP PART 1: The Finale | MYTH: If a man owns a winery, it means that man is a pillar of society.

BACHELOR RECAP PART 1: The Finale | MYTH: If a man owns a winery, it means that man is a pillar of society.

Now is as good a time as any to tell you that I’m having a lot of trouble processing the cloaks factor of Monday night’s episode.  I’m anxious to get to it.  Pray this entire recap isn’t riddled with references to cloaks and types of people who wear capes, because it’s sort of the dominant [...]

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BACHELOR RECAP EP 9: “I cried a little bit today.” Who Integrates into Ben’s Life Best, You Guys? Let’s Find Out.

BACHELOR RECAP EP 9: “I cried a little bit today.” Who Integrates into Ben’s Life Best, You Guys? Let’s Find Out.

Me again.  Happy Saturday you guys.  FYI, my announcement comes a little later on today if you’re wondering. Let me just say, here, that Ben’s kissing technique is murdering my face.  I can hardly stands it.  NO’MOES.

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BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE 7: Oh My Dad. | “If only my boyfriend didn’t have five other girlfriends, this’d be the perfect date.” {Plus, the WPPI Convention in Las Vegas}

BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE  7: Oh My Dad. | “If only my boyfriend didn’t have five other girlfriends, this’d be the perfect date.” {Plus, the WPPI Convention in Las Vegas}

Oh My Dad, you guys.  It’s Saturday morning and wuh-BAM, your Bachelor recap is here to greet you.  This episode, they call it “episode 7,” had all the trappings of any typically amazing episode of The Bachelor, amirite or am I very, very wrong?  Here’s what I’m gonna do.  I’m just gonna jump right in, [...]

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BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE 6 – PART TWO | A scrapbook and a romper walk into a bar.

BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE 6 – PART TWO | A scrapbook and a romper walk into a bar.

Hello and welcome to your early Monday morning edition of The Bachelor Recap of Episode 6, Part 2.  Yeah, this is happening.  I know, right?  I can’t believe it either. Ok.  I want to start off with a couple of important notes/corrections regarding your Episode 6 recap, in order from least to MOST important.

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BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE 6 – PART ONE……………… Ben is a National Treasure.

BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE 6 – PART ONE……………… Ben is a National Treasure.

OMG that took forever right?  I’m such a batch. Happy super late in the evening on Thursday, friendlies.  Actually that’s wrong– I think the clock just STRUCK MIDNIGHT, so what I meant to say is good morning on Friday!  Oh, quick note about Ben’s hair, I asked him to cut it and here’s how he [...]

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BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE 5: “He’s Just Not That Into Love.” | Have You Ever Asked Yourself… WWDGD?

BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE 5: “He’s Just Not That Into Love.” | Have You Ever Asked Yourself… WWDGD?

Someone needs to go and tell these women to start emoting on this show.  I feel like all I see are poker faces.

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BACHELOR RECAP | EP 4: KILL ME NOW. The Episode That Confirms Ashley Made the Right Decision Last Season.

BACHELOR RECAP | EP 4: KILL ME NOW. The Episode That Confirms Ashley Made the Right Decision Last Season.

I hated this episode.  I hated it sooo much.  So, so much.  There were so many markedly more enjoyable things I could have been doing with my time, such as but not limited to: cuddzing with Honey; cuddzing with Bambino; cuddzing with Bambino and Honey and therefore HAVING A BALL; douching; talking to my uncle [...]

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THE BACHELOR RECAP | EPISODE 3: SUPER MELLOW + DOWN TO EARTH + DRAMA FREE.

THE BACHELOR RECAP | EPISODE 3: SUPER MELLOW + DOWN TO EARTH + DRAMA FREE.

Oh hi- hello, I didn’t see you there.  Welcome to late Wednesday evening.  Your Bachelor Recap is ready.  Sorry it took me exactly the same amount of time that it took me last time to get it up.  That’s what she said.

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PRE-BACHELOR RECAP PERSONAL POST | I needed a good cry today. This did it.

PRE-BACHELOR RECAP PERSONAL POST | I needed a good cry today. This did it.

Happy late Tuesday evening, faces.  I truly believe we’ll see eye to eye on this.

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BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE TWO | Of Men and Not-A-Girls: A Tale of Behbehs, Boobehs and Dirt is Your Makeup?

BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE TWO | Of Men and Not-A-Girls: A Tale of Behbehs, Boobehs and Dirt is Your Makeup?

me again. … hello and welcome to your second episode recap, friends and neighbors.  Before we begin, I do just wanna make a quick shout out to WordPress, for making it juuuuust short of impossible to have this post go live in any sort of timely manner.  You were really killin’ me with the slow [...]

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BACHELOR RECAP: IOWA RED FLAG PRIMARIES | Crazy is the new black. And one of these girls kills things and eats balls. < I am quoting. You can’t make this s**t up.

BACHELOR RECAP: IOWA RED FLAG PRIMARIES | Crazy is the new black. And one of these girls kills things and eats balls. < I am quoting. You can’t make this s**t up.

Prologue: Happy Tuesday evening aka Bachelor Recap Night.  I trust my Bachelor-watching-readers have had the chance to watch the show?  I know, I feel like a ridiculous following yet another season, too.  It’s the nature of the beast; don’t be ashamed.   Like many of you, I thought this season started next week, so I [...]

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