The Knotty Bride™ Wedding Blog + Wedding Vendor Guide

Happy late Friday evening, friendlies… :)

I found two Tic Tacs hiding in the upper hood part of my last remaining Tic Tac dispenser a little while ago.  So, I mean I don’t wanna call it yet, but I think I might have avoided that whole Friday the 13th/bad luck thing today.  So I’m feeling good.  I’m really feeling good about that.  So what better than to give advice to someone who’s feeling pretty shi**y right now?  Eh?  Right?  I think it’s the perfect time.

But first, here’s a short bit of YouTube heaven Honey showed me that just might have made my entire life with its incredibleness.   {Continue reading…}

Hellllloooooo, lovelies!  How goes it?  … Good, good that’s good.  Uhhh so HEY, hey…. you…. pssssst…… you…. yeah, you, over there…. hey you wanna see a wedding?

AWESOME.  I mean really?  REALLY?!  Ohhhh man, that’s awesome.  Awesome awesome awesome because I got one.  So this is PERFECT.  Man I’m, I’m just so glad you said so!  This really worked out well.  Also, I think this means we’re besties now…?  Also also, I’ll be turning in my Not Yet 100% Ridiculous membership card later.  Because all of that-ness that just went on earlier in the paragraph was just RIDIC ulous.  I’m worried though that they might not have alumni pins for when you’re out of the NY100%A club, because they probably don’t want to be associated with the people who aren’t in it anymore… seeing as we’re weird in a weird way now, instead of a cute way.  … Yeah.  Dang.

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me again.

… hello and welcome to your second episode recap, friends and neighbors.  Before we begin, I do just wanna make a quick shout out to WordPress, for making it juuuuust short of impossible to have this post go live in any sort of timely manner.  You were really killin’ me with the slow image uptaking all day yesterday, WordPress.  What was that?  You were killing me softly with your song.

Ok, SO!  We begin and in this, episode two of this season of The Bachelor, another man with a horrible last name he couldn’t sell in the real world returns to our screens {Continue reading…}

↑ the “fighting” part of the title… ceremony fan creatively used as weapon – but flowers are no defense!  someone tell him!

Happy Monday evening, peoples!  What is it, like 10:45pm EST?  Whew, YEAH it is.  Today was sort of, umm… today was pretty busy, y’all.

I just wrapped up taping The Bachelor which means I have been AVOIDING TWITTER AT ALL COSTS, so if you happened to {Continue reading…}

Happy Friday eeeeeeeeevuhningk, munchkinos!  Before you start reading i just wanna make sure I note here that things got really out of hand in this post and I apologize.  I think the no heat/no hot water situation forced my body into survival mode and resources that are typically so in abundance, instead became luxuries.  Like for example, a sufficient quantity of blood, getting pumped like clockwork into my brain.  Ok WE BEGIN, armed with that knowledge.

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Happy Thursday afternoon, lovahs!  Alison here.  I’ve been pretty stoked about introducing this new series for a while now, and to see it all coming together is nothing short of a dream come true.  I hear EVERY DAY from brides with in-law questions and issues, and this series was an inevitability.  

Now, I think we all know that there are lovely, kind, wonderful in-laws out there, as well as go-with-the-flow in-laws, and not-very-involved in-laws…. clearly, since in-laws are people, naturally they come in all shapes, sizes, and personalities.  And many make a bride’s transition from girlfriend to wife easy breezy beautiful – even delightful in many cases! – and for these types of in-laws we are beyond grateful.  They disprove the reigning stigma.  Trust me, great in-laws do exist!  

Unfortunately, they don’t exist in all cases.  Even more, they are hardly the exception to the rule.  

Now, without further adieu, I introduce you to Miss S, and her story…

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Hey it’s me.

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Prologue: Happy Tuesday evening aka Bachelor Recap Night.  I trust my Bachelor-watching-readers have had the chance to watch the show?  I know, I feel like a ridiculous following yet another season, too.  It’s the nature of the beast; don’t be ashamed.  

Like many of you, I thought this season started next week, so I was pleasantly dismayed to find the premiere episode in my tv listings last night.  I pressed the record button, and proceeded to do anything other than watch The Bachelor with my time. 

Fast forward several hours to when I watched The Bachelor.  We begin.

“I AM BETTER NOW” MONTAGE

Still unattractive, Ben has returned to find love this season, and it’s clear he lucked out with Ashley rejecting him, because just look at this bevy of smart, low mainten– wait where did these whores come from.

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You guys.  You.  Guysssies.  Yaguysssiesies.

It’s Friday afternoon/eveningish depending on your geographical location, and I freaking love this wedding in the FACE.  Lemme tell ya the biggest reason, real quick – Trish and her now husband Eric set out to plan this wedding in TWO MONTHS.  And guess how long it actually took?  FIVE YEARS.

Hehe no, I’m kidding.  It literally came together in TWO MONTHS, as planned.  Unheard of?  Not anymore, biznitches.

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This is happening.

Happy Thursday evening, friends.  I want to start by saying this is a long, deeply personal post.  For your face.  And while I like the LOLs at the end of it a lot, it’s the story that’s the point.  Ok, here we go.  We’re gonna start out light.  Ease into it.

Ok, SO listen.  I think there are still some people out there who don’t think I have the berries, OR the balls to make the lead image on TKB a puppyface.  Like, solely face, directly inside of the face.  But as you can see I just wrote the word ‘balls’ on a wedding blog so this whole “I bet she doesn’t have the balls” thing should be a non-issue.  Also, I feel like I’ve done this before.  But just in case the remaining few who don’t believe in my utter strength to be this weird on paper are indeed reading today, well there it is.  And for everyone else who sees the giant puppy face and thinks, “business as usual on TKB today,” well see?  I am who you think I am.

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Happy Tuesday evening, darlings.  Did you get what you wanted this weekend?  I got the gift of family, friends and a Radiohead concert next March from Honey.  DREAM GIFT, and I didn’t even know I wanted it that bad.  Downside of Christmas: Honey unwittingly said “creampie” when a new-to-the-family young lady asked “ooohh, what kind of kind of dessert is this?”, pointing to the jello pudding whipped cream pie.  They both immediately looked away and down, were silent for what, three hours?  That’s what it felt like.  It was probably around 2 seconds.  They then parted ways, never to speak again.  Probably forever and ever, amen.

Good times!  GTs.

Ok SO!  Tell me what you got for Christmas if that’s what you celebrate!!!!  I love hearing this stuff, it’s weird.  I just love hearing it.

By the way I wanted to show you what Bambino’s grandparents got him for Christmas:

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Happy Friday afternoon, dahlinks!  This holiday post is all Bam, all the time.  Nothing but Bam.  So just a heads up there, if you hate puppies.  (Some people actually hate puppies.)

So!  Since it’s the holiday season, {Continue reading…}

Happy late Thursday, my friends!  This post is wedding-centric in nature, so I do want to apologize if you were looking for something more “how do i secure my breasts so they stop bouncing”-oriented, as someone who visited the blog searched earlier today.

If you came here by searching “I’m trying not to fart so often,” well then… then I don’t really know what to say.  I’m not sur-I mean, maybe don’t eat things that do that to- actually, I really just……… best of luck.  Best of luck to you.

Ok, now to get to this post.   {Continue reading…}

123four. five. 678nine. ten. ELEVEN. TWELVE. 

^ IT BEEN THREE DAYS.  WANT TUNE LEAVE HEAD PLEASE.  YES?  NEED ROOM IN BRAIN FOR THINK.

Aright, SO!  Happy Wednesday evening to your faces n stuff.  Listen, I will have you know that I am very, very excited for today’s question.  Of course by excited I actually mean totally emotionally distraught and angry that effing people keep effing acting this way towards their own effing children.

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Happy late in the day on Tuesday, lovers.  Thanks for being super troopers (← GREAT movie) and bearing with me as I fight (or lay moaning in submission of) this cold, you guys.  I appreciate the concern everyone’s been showing me, it touches my heart so deeply.  Seriously, so deeply, you have NFI.  It’s actually kind of shocking how sick I am, really.  I’ve been so fortunate not to have had a cold in I think a few years, so this is all new to me.  I’m the kind of sick where you find yourself leaning your head on the bathroom mirror to hold yourself up while you brush your teeth, and sitting down in the tub because you realize that taking a shower is actually pretty hard work.  It’s like, constant movement.  I’m weirdly sicker than I was last week, with new symptoms which leads me to believe that I’ve contracted some sort of cold starfish and it’s just going to keep regenerating arms of cold, and essentially stay with me into eternity.  I’m gonna have a cold in heaven, is what I’m working to accept right now.

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Happy Friday afternoon, bubelahs!  Welcome to post number two today.

Now, I know you’re looking at those mint dresses and the ruffly shoes and everything and you’re probably thinking, “whoa, this wedding is Alison’s baaaag.  She is probably freaking. out. over this wedding.  Crap, I bet this is going to be the longest post in the history of Alison posts!”

And yes normally that is how I would react to a wedding like this, and you are right to think I should have a lot of loving words to say about it.  But the problem is, I find it incredibly hard to write and to orgasm at the same time, so I’m actually going to be keeping it quite brief, as posts go.

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Happy Friday afternoon, sweethearts!  Here we are with post number one of two posts I have comin’ atcha faces today.  Do you remember how I hinted in yesterday’s “hey I’m sick pity me” post that I’d have a wee *treat* for you guys this Friday?  Well here it is!  Issa giveaway, SON!

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Happy Thursday evening, lovers.

I wanna start with sequins, because why the hell not, right?  So… don’t you love how sequins can make anything look amazing and hip?

For example, check out this old battery, wearing sequins:

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Let’s start light, on this lovely Wednesday evening.  With a fact…

Whenever Honey says “You know what’s funny?” I go “YA FACE.”  It’s a knee-jerk reaction but I think I’m gonna stop doing that.

You know why?  Because when I’m sick like right now he goes and he does this:

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Well hello and welcome to your Tuesday evening posticle.  We have much to explorrrrre…

But first:

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Happiest of Monday afternoons to your faces, my friends!  Actually, there are more things to greet…

Hi there, vibrant yellow bouquet in the foreground with ribbons the color of azure waters that I want to touch.  You flutter beautifully like the hair of Beyonce with child while she performs in high heels which is very dangerous!  Oh and hey- how’s the weather, extremely attractive couple caught in a moment of not exactly kissing, not exactly laughing?  Oohh and hello to you, too, billy ball decorated cake of on-trend wonder and astonishment.  Can I see you up close?

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Happy late Thursday peoples!

So, you’re saying *photos* are the orange part of my iphone memory, correct?

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