What Barely-Clothed Version of a Celebrity Will You Be Dressing As This Halloween? Plus: OMG,You Guys. There Are Halloween-Inspired Shoots That Don’t Suck!

Good evening, friends!  Happy almost Halloween!  Though not so happy for me.  *cue the violins*

You know this already, but {Continue reading…}

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8 Secrets for a Honeymoon That’ll Leave You Both *Satisfied* (… ifyouknowwhatimean) | Honeymoon Pixie

Hello, lovers.  Today’s first post coming atcha faces.

Andrew Marino is dropping by today with some tips to ensure a super awesome sexy cuddly exciting honeymoon for you and your honeybunny with maximum sexual readiness and limited frustrations.  Well… he didn’t say any of that stuff specifically, but that’s what these tips will get you if you follow them correctly.  (Trust me.)

And who doesn’t want to have super awesome sexy cuddly exciting times on their honeymoon?  No seriously I’m asking.  I’m willing to make house visits to figure out what the hell is wrong with you if that is not your precise honeymoon objective.  For me, a honeymoon is about three things; relaxation, fun, and banging.  And not in that order.  So if you and I are on the same page… let me take you, now, to the tips…   {Continue reading…}

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BRIDAL FASHION WEEK | Top Choice in: *Trends* | The One Trend I Wanted in Dresses, Happened!!! Plus Bambino.

So friends… it came, and it went.  And it was spectacular.  Bridal designers converged on NYC earlier this month for Bridal Fashion Week, and on the whole they brought forth perhaps the most satisfying alternative ever, to the full pelvic lower back tattoo of a mason jar holding a lavender bouquet shaped like a giant mustache sipping on a striped paper straw that I was going to get in order to make my wedding photos that super extra special bit of unique.  “Blog-worthy,” as they say.

Mom, you can start speaking to me again!  Not getting the back tattoo you said you’d kill yourself over before you lived another day to see me with a back tattoo!

Just kidding about the tattoo.  I’m not an idiot.  My tattoo will be {Continue reading…}

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ON KIDS AT WEDDINGS: I Went to a Wedding That Got Ruined by a Baby. Plus: DIY Monogram Secret Message Puzzle by Renee!

Happy Monday, lovers.  Today I have a story I’ve been meaning to share with you.   {Continue reading…}

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OF DRESSES AND FACIALS | Bridal Fashion Week: World’s Most Shocking Frock + Would You Wear a Mullet Dress?

Happiest of evenings to you, peeps.

Bambino pic right off the bat, because I listen to my readers.  And apparently most of you prefer my frenchie to me.  So, yay.   {Continue reading…}

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GIRL TALK | The #1 Pair of Underwear for Girls’ Butts Is… & Coolest Photo Shoot Prop of the Month, by Anna Pociask

me again.  happy Friday afternoon and hope you’re ready for a .gif parade…

Below is what Bambino was doing at the foot of our bed last night.  The baby tiger on the left is our expression while this was going on for seven straight hours.

{Continue reading…}

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SUCCULENT DIY + MR ROGERS | Modern Golden Succulent Vases by Renee + My Shameful Sunday Night.

You guys, I watched the Real Housewives of New Jersey finale Sunday night and OMG, I cannot.  OMFG what was that.  Did you watch it (admit it so we can talk!)?  I didn’t know if I was supposed to be judging a pageant or jerking off to some new type of highly satisfying porn.  Is Women Annoyingly Yelling a genre of pornography?  If it isn’t then I have NFI what I ate my dinner to between 10 and 11pm.  I really think it was pornography because I was super into it while I was watching it but now that it’s over I feel ashamed/like I want to take it all back.  I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry.

Let’s shift gears and leave that back there, never to speak of it again as long as we live.  The following video went viral recently and if my heart were a caterpillar, this video reached inside of my chest tore out my still-beating heart and allowed it to blossom into a highly emotional butterfly, killing me.  So now my heart is a butterfly with PMS, WATCH OUT.   {Continue reading…}

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DEAR TKB: “So, I’m a little scared of marriage right now…” + A BRIDE & HER CAKE | Kristi Wright Photography

These question and answer posts are steadily becoming my favorite types of posts.  You guys submit some really intense (AND CHALLENGING FOR ME) questions.  Crossing my fingers every time I answer one of these things, since you just really never know.    {Continue reading…}

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The Knotty Bride is Hiring, Bitchez! Also: My Top 10 Favorite Baby Animal Boops, Because Why Not.

>> This position has been filled; thank you to all those who applied! <<

I’m not literally *hiring bitches*, I’m… whatevs, you understand.  ANYWHO, SO…

I’m trying to cut back on my use of exclamation points (current use level: through the roof).  Let’s see how far I can make it.

Happy afternoon/evening, friendlies! DAMNIT.  Anyway you may have noticed that I’ve not been your typical Alison lately.  Meaning, I haven’t been tweeting sunrise to sunset and my blogging pace has gone from a deliberate gallop, to that thing at track meets where you walk really fast and then somehow medal, despite having just walked in a race.  What is that called- ‘fastwalking?’  Racewalking?*  Who cares- the good news is I finally get to explain to you what is really going on.

{*please, no racewalking letters.}

See that lower left image up there, with the beams – {Continue reading…}

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GIRL TALK + WINNERS | Appy Couple Custom Designs + Princess Kate’s Royal TenenBoobs and Me: My (Embarrassing) Personal Story.

Happy late evening, bubbuhbears!  I just called you guys what we call Bambino, AWWWWWW.  I think that means I love you.

{Continue reading…}

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Not Gonna Talk About Kate Middleton’s Boobies. PLUS: TKB News, a Pink + Red + White Wedding by Nessa K, The Best Advice I Ever Got… and life these days.

I know I wrote a lot of words today.  I just feel like I have to say it all.

The way that I’m gonna start this off is by first telling you the way that I am not gonna start it off.  Which is: talking about Kate Middleton’s boobies.  You really think I’m gonna throw that kinda thing in your face on a MONDAY AFTERNOON?  Please- I am not that crass.  I do not hurl nakedness at you on just any day of the week.  I hurl sex stuff at you only on Tuesday through Friday and sometimes Saturday.  Which means I’m waiting until tomorrow to talk about Kate Middleton’s chest being photographed/published/seen by the world entirely without her permission.

{Continue reading…}

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DIY + PERSONAL | Metallic Tassel Party Envelopes By Renee, My Life In Instagram Pics, My New Favorite Jacket, + a Note On Bleeding Every Month.

Addendum: 

We have a gas leak in the area.  Con Ed has been jackhammering day and night, literally 24 hours a day.  The smell is so strong we’ve had to keep our windows shut since last night, and there is visible gas all over the street.  The paramedic who parks his ambulance under our window every day is currently enjoying a cigarette a few yards from the drill site.  

So if you don’t hear from me, you’ll know what happened. UPDATE: We iz alive! :)

Resume regularly scheduled talking:

Happy Friday, faces!

The other day I told Honey it was time for me to write a really straightforward, grossly honest post here on the blog, listing out every single mother effing thing that makes Shark Week (<–menstruation, if you’re new here) kind of a drag.

He said, “Ok, cool.  Just let me know the publish date so that I can be sure to AVOID IT LIKE THE PLAGUE.”

It isn’t today, Honey.  Full post is scheduled for next week.  Everyone else…. girrrrd yourrrr loiiinnnnnns.  Oo and if you have any of your own that you’d like me to include in the list, feel free to share them below.  And indicate if you want it to be anonymous, be offering it anonymously. :) {Continue reading…}

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WIN: One Stellar Wedding Photography Package, from Ivan Apfel Photography {Contests, Giveaways & LOL Cats}

I’m gearing up to publish some pretty personal posts here on the blog.  Because why not, right?  Omg, that’s probably the worst reason to do it.

Anyway the awkward thing about personal posts is that they can get a little emotiontacular, whether or not it’s my intention (usually my intention).  Mostly because everybody’s a lot more similar than we are different, and so ya’always run the chance of deeply identifying with me and all of my s**t that I go through.  And that s**t can be heavy.  I’m gonna stop calling it my s**t.

So I’ve been trying to think of what would be the best way to pregame those posts for you.  And I came up with this: telling you about the super amazing contest/giveaway Ivan Apfel is holding!  Because DUH.  Of course that’s a good idea.  I keep trying to tell you; this wedding blogging thing?  It ain’t rocket science.  And I don’t care what you might have believed, skin-grafting and cadaver dissections make up only a small part of what goes on here, in the wedding blogging world.  50 hours max, of dissecting human cadavers.  It almost NEVER happens!!  Where was I.  Oh right…

When I think about Ivan Apfel‘s work, I get excited.  I just love a photographer who has what you gotta believe is the winning combination in this field: amazing at/in love with what he does for a living, AND just generally a cool dude.  Like, if you’re the one who wins his contest, and you guys are meeting for the first time and you go to shake his hand, it will resemble a scene like this:

So gentle.  Even if you generally act like this:

Though I definitely don’t condone/think you should be acting like that.  I’m just saying he is a classy guy.  And that kind of thing really makes a difference when it comes to the way you experience your wedding day.  So that’s why, when he let me know he was running a new contest, I started throwing up rainbows again.

AH, I know.  I really need to get this checked, but the leading specialist in gastrorainbowology here in nyc is booked through December.  I’ll let you know how it goes.  Just- expect more rainbow outta my face, until then.

So anyway… wanna win a contest?  If so, then today’s a good day for you, cuz this one’s happening.  For more details and to enter, go visit the contest page of Ivan’s site!  And best of luck, lovelies!  I just know you’ll be so happy if you win. :)

xoxo  - Alison

P.S. – sorry for the WEIRDEST POST EVER WRITTEN.  I think I need to do yoga or something.

Ivan Apfel Photography is a member of Vendor Love.  Explore more of his work here, in TKB’s vendor guide.

credits: images in envelope at top: Ivan Apfel Photography / cat lolz: icanhascheezburger.com

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PERSONAL + DEAR TKB: “My first marriage was a sham… I feel guilty.” PLUS: My Issue with HGTV’s House Hunters.

This past week has been a toughie.

I could really go for some Dawson’s Creek repeats right now.  I think Katie and Suri would agree with me.  Actually- serious question: wtf is the hold up on the Dawson’s Creek repeats.  Why can I not yet realize my loftiest dream of watching back-to-back episodes of DC whilst Bambino and I inhale veggie chips on top of my covers alone in the dark?

{Continue reading…}

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YUMMIES + MO’ STYLIN | The Cream Recap, Part 2: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Cream.

Happy afternooeeeveningish, friendly faces, and welcome.  To the yummy in your tummy Part 2.

After you’ve scrolled through the whole enchilada below, I’d sure love to hear what you liked!

Now, it doesn’t have to be one thing you liked… it can be, for example, two things.  Even three things – though NOT four things – I’ll allow five things, you’ve got to be f**king kidding me if it’s six things, but I think seven things would make sense.  Eight things.  Nine things and I will take offense.  I could be talked into ten things, however eleven things???  GTFO of my face with that offer.  OMG 12 things would be so hilarious, DO IT I BEG YOU.  If you come at me with 13 things I will hack into your Facebook and set your relationship status to “It’s Complicated.”  14 things?  REALLY?   Don’t you dare say 14 things.  15 things is alright.

Okie dokie, I hope my hostile threats haven’t changed things between us!  I just… I have my things.  Get a little controlling sometimes… anywho!  Let’s get started, shall we?  

ENGAGE PART TWO {Continue reading…}

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EVENT INSPIRATION | Recap #1: The Cream New York… Plus, Update on the Tatadra (Dream House) Hunt.

There are myriad ways to begin your week.

One is to start it all off with the use of myriad, making you a winner at writing.  (Srsly tho, I need to start reading more thesauruses.  ..Thesaurus’?  Wait maybe it’s thesauri?  Crap, does anyone know a synonym for “thesaurus?”)  Another, is to be negotiating the purchase of your Tatadra** only to discover there’s probably mold in all of the walls.  Still another (3) is to sit down, sip a mug of your favorite morning beverage and, eyes peeled and naked with anticipation, begin scrolling through image after image of srsly inspiring eye candy.  (Doesn’t it make more sense for that phrase to mean balls of candied eyes? wow ANYWHOOO.)

Yeah so guess which one Honey and I got?   {Continue reading…}

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VINTAGE WOODLAND WEDDING | Vera Wang Dress, J.Crew Jewels, Generally Amazing. | Duchess and the Rabbit

Second post of the day WHOOO!

You guys.  YOU GUYS.  I am in love with this wedding.  Lisa and Brian’s wedding was a true family affair, and I can’t wait for you to see it/read about it below.  In fact I’d say it’s kind of the dream DIY wedding, if you’re someone who likes working closely with family members for extreme lengths of time in increasingly stressful situations, I mean.  But something tells me this family has no qualms about quality time.  I’m so big on the QT- it’s so f’ing key in our lives.  But so yeah- wanna know what came of all that QT?  Everyone happily chipped in their part in the couple’s  big day, and with stunning results.

For example: her sister handmade their cake AND all the goodies you’ll see on their dessert table.   {Continue reading…}

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PEEKS, LOLS & COOKIE CUPS | Suggested Blogs + Have You Noticed This Odd Trend in Weddings?

It’s Friday.

And a lot of people are going to be asking you if you’re planning on “getting down.”   {Continue reading…}

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GOLDEN THREESOME | The Cream Recap Peek, DIY Gold Leaf Lettering + a Golden Surprise for Readers! + Alison Mocks the Ryan Gosling Coloring Book, Because of Course

(Sorry for the absence midweek, much needed brain-detox needed to happen.  Turns out event preparation and home buying are F**KING EXHAUSTING.)

Aright so that’s right, Friday party people.  I just led off with a threesome reference.  And I’m not f**kin around. …aside from the fact that the post has little to do with three people having sex.  Actually, interesting fact: reading this blog post is going to be waaaaay more rewarding and much less physically demanding, as compared to mushing three bodies together and hoping to be the person with the smallest workload.  So what I’m saying is the overall experience of this blog post is much more likely than a threesome to live up to the hype you’ve dreamed up in your head about it.

We should start over.  Let’s start over.    {Continue reading…}

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The Knotty Bride @ The Cream Tonight | 2 Ways to Recognize Me…

If you’re wondering what I’ve been up to…   {Continue reading…}

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The Cream Event New York + BIG ANNOUNCEMENT…

The Cream is happening right here in my neck of the woods, right where there are no woods, or, New York City.  So that idiom doesn’t apply.  But WHATEVER you are coming to this event, right?

Here’s their site to perrrruuuuuse.  As if this requires convincing.  Oh and surprise = I’mma have a table.  So I wanna meet ya FACES, and you, mine.  Warning: I’m just as effusive and weird as you think I am.  However, I’m shy at the outset.  So I seriously welcome butt slaps to ease me into a conversation.  Please though, just not too hard, the butt slaps.  Here- think “congratulations, female teammate!” butt slap intensity, and NOT “what was our safe word again!?!?!” level butt slap intensity.  If I scream and then karate chop you in the shoulder, you’ll know you’ve gone too far.

Aright, so buy your tickets here, to meet the cream of the crop in weddings… but HURRY UP, I’m not trying to push you I’m literally telling you that they’re almost sold out.  And FYI: if you miss this event, you will live to regret it.  I won’t hunt you down or anything, you’ll just one day realize that you didn’t get to party with everyone you respect in weddings (not including me, I curse and wear Bar Mitzvah t-shirts to work every day; I am not to be respected).

Come party with us!  It’s too cheap to miss!

Did I mention The Knotty Bride will have a table?  Oh, I did?  Oh right.  Anyway at least come say hello to me.  And be sure to let me know if you’re going, so I can look out for you.  yayYUH!

xoxo, Alison

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REAL BOUDOIR + TIPS + M’PUPPY | Would you shoot a boudoir session in the middle of THIS PLACE? | Chelsea Maras Photography

Hey guys!  Happy Thursday afternoon to your entire collective face.  Ok so in this post we’ve got three things:

  • a boudoir shoot
  • tips for rocking it right
  • my puppy, Bambino Wigglestein McPuppypants, III, Esquire

I included my puppy because you guys like me to include pictures of my puppy, but also because: {Continue reading…}

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