BACHELOR RECAP EP 9: “I cried a little bit today.” Who Integrates into Ben’s Life Best, You Guys? Let’s Find Out.

Me again.  Happy Saturday you guys.  FYI, my announcement comes a little later on today if you’re wondering.

Let me just say, here, that Ben’s kissing technique is murdering my face.  I can hardly stands it.  NO’MOES.

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BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE 7: Oh My Dad. | “If only my boyfriend didn’t have five other girlfriends, this’d be the perfect date.” {Plus, the WPPI Convention in Las Vegas}

Oh My Dad, you guys.  It’s Saturday morning and wuh-BAM, your Bachelor recap is here to greet you.  This episode, they call it “episode 7,” had all the trappings of any typically amazing episode of The Bachelor, amirite or am I very, very wrong?  Here’s what I’m gonna do.  I’m just gonna jump right in, because prefaces are for the thorough and I’m trying to break that habit so that I don’t die before my time.  Which is a little bit more down the road but still in 2012 with all of you at the end of this year, since shows like this one are a sure sign that the apocalypse is arriving on schedule.

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BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE 6 – PART TWO | A scrapbook and a romper walk into a bar.

Hello and welcome to your early Monday morning edition of The Bachelor Recap of Episode 6, Part 2.  Yeah, this is happening.  I know, right?  I can’t believe it either.

Ok.  I want to start off with a couple of important notes/corrections regarding your Episode 6 recap, in order from least to MOST important.

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BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE 6 – PART ONE……………… Ben is a National Treasure.

OMG that took forever right?  I’m such a batch.

Happy super late in the evening on Thursday, friendlies.  Actually that’s wrong– I think the clock just STRUCK MIDNIGHT, so what I meant to say is good morning on Friday!  Oh, quick note about Ben’s hair, I asked him to cut it and here’s how he reacted (such a whittle behbeh)–

Ok, NOW, hello and welcome to your episode six Bachelor recap, lovers.  Part 1.  I know you’ve been waiting a while for this, {Continue reading…}

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THE BACHELOR RECAP | EPISODE 3: SUPER MELLOW + DOWN TO EARTH + DRAMA FREE.

Oh hi- hello, I didn’t see you there.  Welcome to late Wednesday evening.  Your Bachelor Recap is ready.  Sorry it took me exactly the same amount of time that it took me last time to get it up.  That’s what she said.

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BACHELOR RECAP: IOWA RED FLAG PRIMARIES | Crazy is the new black. And one of these girls kills things and eats balls. < I am quoting. You can’t make this s**t up.

Prologue: Happy Tuesday evening aka Bachelor Recap Night.  I trust my Bachelor-watching-readers have had the chance to watch the show?  I know, I feel like a ridiculous following yet another season, too.  It’s the nature of the beast; don’t be ashamed.  

Like many of you, I thought this season started next week, so I was pleasantly dismayed to find the premiere episode in my tv listings last night.  I pressed the record button, and proceeded to do anything other than watch The Bachelor with my time. 

Fast forward several hours to when I watched The Bachelor.  We begin.

“I AM BETTER NOW” MONTAGE

Still unattractive, Ben has returned to find love this season, and it’s clear he lucked out with Ashley rejecting him, because just look at this bevy of smart, low mainten– wait where did these whores come from.

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