‘THE BACHELOR’ RECAP | Season 18, Episode 2 | Naked Photo Shoot For a Good Cause, Drunk Victoria & The Hymen Maneuver.

It’s Saturday.  Here, finally, is your Episode 2 recap.

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The show starts with previews of the show.  EVERYTHING is going to happen.  Yet nothing at all.  I’m ashamed at how excited I am for such manufactured nothingness to unravel.

Flash to Dog Lover’s dog, Molly, who is swimming in the pool.  Molly couldn’t swim before The Bachelor but this pool is filled with the salt of 27 women’s tears so she’s practically floating.  It’s really good to see that at least one of the girls is growing from this experience.   {Continue reading…}

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OPEN LETTER TO DES HARTSOCK | 10 Tips As You Embark On Life With A Man For Whom You Seem To Be Settling..

“There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.”

― Judith McNaught


I finally found an exception to that rule.

The Bachelorette Finale – Part II: All You Don’t Need Is Love?

It’s such a shame to me when a girl {Continue reading…}

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GIVEAWAY + BACHELORETTE RECAP | Enter To Win Gold Foil Notecards + Desiree & Her Bachelors [NSFW-ish]

Here we go.  {Continue reading…}

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EVENT INSPIRATION | Recap #1: The Cream New York… Plus, Update on the Tatadra (Dream House) Hunt.

There are myriad ways to begin your week.

One is to start it all off with the use of myriad, making you a winner at writing.  (Srsly tho, I need to start reading more thesauruses.  ..Thesaurus’?  Wait maybe it’s thesauri?  Crap, does anyone know a synonym for “thesaurus?”)  Another, is to be negotiating the purchase of your Tatadra** only to discover there’s probably mold in all of the walls.  Still another (3) is to sit down, sip a mug of your favorite morning beverage and, eyes peeled and naked with anticipation, begin scrolling through image after image of srsly inspiring eye candy.  (Doesn’t it make more sense for that phrase to mean balls of candied eyes? wow ANYWHOOO.)

Yeah so guess which one Honey and I got?   {Continue reading…}

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50 SHADES OF GREY: A RECAP | “Not that I am against descriptive explicit sex in a book… but for God’s sake.”

To find that base pic I did a Google image search for the word vagina.  Which by the way I recommend you do not do if you’re at work.  I cannot stress this enough – it is NSFW (not safe for work).  I am dead serious don’t do it.  Don’t you do it noooooo YOU’RE DOING IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT


Aright ANYWAY people, let’s see here.  Where’s a good spot to start this story.  Oh right of course, the beginning’s probably a good place.

So you remember when I tweeted that I’ma take a pass on reading E.L. James’ 50 Shades of Grey?  (And if you don’t use twitter, well remember just now when you found out I won’t be reading 50 Shades of Grey?)

Well I remember.  Because my Twitter blew up with more like-minded responses than that time I tweeted I won’t be eating my placenta as a milkshake.   {Continue reading…}

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BACHELOR RECAP | EP 4: KILL ME NOW. The Episode That Confirms Ashley Made the Right Decision Last Season.

I hated this episode.  I hated it sooo much.  So, so much.  There were so many markedly more enjoyable things I could have been doing with my time, such as but not limited to: cuddzing with Honey; cuddzing with Bambino; cuddzing with Bambino and Honey and therefore HAVING A BALL; douching; talking to my uncle on the phone about his conquests early on in life; loitering in a dark alley without clothes; watching “Beaches;” touching myself (that one belongs at the front of the pack, methinks); and going to bed early.  But I didn’t do any of those things.  I watched this stupid show.  And I regret it wholeheartedly.

Anyway, where were we.

Last week, we learned that Ashley made the right decision.  We also learned that Ben is probably regretting not having tried harder to transform into JP, before Ashley made her decision.

{Continue reading…}

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BACHELOR RECAP EPISODE TWO | Of Men and Not-A-Girls: A Tale of Behbehs, Boobehs and Dirt is Your Makeup?

me again.

… hello and welcome to your second episode recap, friends and neighbors.  Before we begin, I do just wanna make a quick shout out to WordPress, for making it juuuuust short of impossible to have this post go live in any sort of timely manner.  You were really killin’ me with the slow image uptaking all day yesterday, WordPress.  What was that?  You were killing me softly with your song.

Ok, SO!  We begin and in this, episode two of this season of The Bachelor, another man with a horrible last name he couldn’t sell in the real world returns to our screens {Continue reading…}

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GLAM WEDDING STYLING + SILHOUETTE CAKE LOVE | Aaaand your Bachelor Pad Recap returns. Some water would be nice. Plus Bam stars in, “Fouffy Face.”

Happy Tuesday afternoo- errr late evening, bubelahs!  How you doin’, you doin’ well?  You feelin’ good?  Weather nice, near you?  I love your shoes today.  How’s the guy, he good?  Yeah, he’s doing well?  Good, good.  ALRIGHT SMALL TALK OVER.

I took my {Continue reading…}

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SHORT DRESS LOVE + THE BACHELORETTE | When it comes to the wedding day, is a short dress… acceptable?


Good afternoon, darlings!  I hope I’m posting this one late enough; it’s 6:00 PM EST, and I uhhh, well, I think you know what that means…

.. Before I tell you what it means, let me just mention real quick that this post is actually about wearing a short dress on your wedding day, so I’m excited to hear what your opinions are on that…

Ok, now, here’s what it means: {Continue reading…}

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BECOME A KNOTTY BLOGGISTA! | + Ice creamy wedding inspiration, & a tiny little pacifying Bachelorette recap. Also, cupcake shop fights are happening. Thanks, The Sun!

Happy late afternoon, lovers!  The bloggista announcement is a couple of paragraphs down in this post, if you wanna rush to it.

First… a mini recap of ABC’s The Bachelorette, stay with me, because I know a lot of people were upset with me for following through on a promise I made to myself not to blog about that stupid s**t anymore.  Enjoy!

You guys.  I’m still shedding preppy, emotionally-stunted, highly intellectual tears for Ames, the latest manboy safely to escape The Bachelorette’s tiny dancer.

Ames was my fave, if you didn’t know already.  I loved how he’d always offer a witty remark, mention useless trivia, and just in general not act out his true sexual preferences in life.  He was a special guy who I was sad to see go.  Still; his departure was equal parts heart-string-pulling and totally-necessary…

Ashley made the right decision; no one wants to date a man who makes you feel like you need to take up membership at a yacht club and read the Washington Post before he wakes up in the morning just so you can have a conversation.  Remember how I mentioned I dated a guy just like Ames?  The pressure to be smart all the time was suffocating.  My jokes always fell flat, and all you really have is jokes when you’re me and you’re the only non-ivy-league brain in a group of people who start nonprofit organizations for fun, and talk about things that make you extremely conscious of the fact that you weren’t listening your entire way through high school.

Final note, the blooper reel when Ashley acted as a waitress and served that old man some pizza?  Totally fell in love with her over that blooper reel.  She’s funny and charming.  WHAT?!!!

Unfortunately, this week’s show had to end with Ashley calling her sister a total bitch to her FACE, so I’ll be tuning in next week.

We’ve been heading towards this step for a while now, and hinting about it for months on end ( I know, sorry) so this morning’s a tad exciting because we officially announced the damned thing on Le Twit.  High kicks all around!  Ok, here we go: much to the delight of family and friends who miss us and want to hear our voices more often and see our faces and how they’ve changed – and, we hope, much to the delight of all of you (!!!) – we’ve decided to add some Knotty Bloggers to the mix here on TKB.  WOOO!

So, if you’d like to be considered for bloggistaship [← COINED! i think], let us know of your interest either in the comments or via our Contact page.  FYI: we’re accepting real planning brides and bloggers/writers who are just aching to write about and feature totally awesome weddings, or just have great stories and advice to share with our lovely soon-to-be-wed readers (we’re open to ideas if you have your own).  So, if you have an affectionate, playful relationship with writing, and/or just have some seriously interesting stories to share, get the eff in touch.  Also, not required, but if you have Photoshop and/or write a blog, totally let us know that, too.  Sweet, thanks.

Oh, and one last thing about this – we blog about weddings and all things related here on TKB, obvs., but you’re gonna wanna be cool with contributing to a blog whose managing editor relates stories such as:

Take last night… Honey texts me a pic of the remaining bits and bone of a gorgeous steak he was working on during a business meeting.  He gets home, I’m in the shower can’t see him or what he’s holding.  He says, “I have a present for you babe!”  Still thinking about the half-eaten hunk of steak, I yell, “ohhh, is it your bone?”  These are true stories people.

So… if you’re down with that then by all means get in touch.

Alrighty new topic here we go.

Things are heating up quite a bit this summer, to the point where people are starting fights in cupcake shops in my neighborhood.  TRUE STORY.  (Spoiler Alert: cupcake shop fights are hilarious.)  Here’s how it all started.  We were heading to the market, when I noticed a Crumbs shop across the street.  I said, “oh hey Honey, look there’s a Crumbs shop across the str-” I turned to look at him during the word “street” and I realized I was standing in a swirl of – and figuratively eating – his dust.  He was already half-way across the avenue mid-sentence-about-cupcakes.  So next thing we know, we’re in the cupcake shop and some guy who was the physical embodiment of what you would imagine your *wits-end* looking like, actually starts to pick a fight with the cupcakarista (is what I’m calling it) inside of this cupcake shop – this happy, sugary, wonderful uplifting place – and of course it was unbearably hilarious.  ‘Cause I mean what are you doing starting a fight in a cupcake shop.  It’s the happiest place on Earth.  Anyway here’s how it went down: the cupper asked the guy “how can I help you, sir?” and the guy went – and I quote – “I don’t know just tell me what you want me to do already I don’t care anymore IT’S HOT.”

LOL.  Oh, and OBVIOUSLY I said something.  You know me by now.  My exact words – because I can’t help but jump in on rare, fleeting moments of pure human hilarity – were “let’s simma downnah” a la that SNL skit (I’m totally dating myself with this reference) when they were turning the words “Simmer down” into (or from?) “Summer, Donna” … anyone remember that skit?  Anyone?  Bueller?

Anyways, clearly Summertime is INTENSE, and cupcakes are evidently not the relief we once thought them to be.  So today’s feature should serve to cool everyone’s jets a bit… at least I hope!  It cooled mine, specifically this part of it:

Ahhhhhh yes.  And here’s the write-up from Andi Mans, the woman behind this delightfulness…

This fuchsia woodsy wedding inspiration was something I got an idea to bring the feeling of camping but also keeping it feminine at the same time. Owls are so trendy these days, they seem to be everywhere and add a bit of a retro and unique flare to the “woodsy” feel. Brides who are looking to mix their love for pink but also want a rustic and vintage feel to their wedding can get that feeling of ambiance in this shoot we can offer. Cake topper found at a thrift store, Mason Jars, floral patterns and gold accents add rich texture and color to help keep the Woodsy feel with a chic and fancy flare.

Enjoy, darlings!

And now, for an enlightening, albeit brief, Day in the Life of Bambo McPup:

If you’ve ever wondered what it looks like when a frenchie poots, well, I’m, uhhhh, I’m here to bring that to you.

↑ As you can see from the squinting in left photo, and the UTTER SHOCK & AWE on the right, these are the EXACT MOMENTS OF RELEASE.

Split-second puppy flailing is responsible for the toy rearrangement, sticklers.

OK SO!  Let’s talk about anything I’ve discussed here today.  BWAAAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHH!!!!

xoxo!  – Alison

Style and Staging Design: Andi Mans Photography and Design / Photography: Andi Mans Photography and Design

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